Dating after Breast Cancer
Comments
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don't know
Hi Renay,
You're so young and so beautiful too! I'm not five years out like you, only about a year and I so don't have the energy for dating ... but I want you to know to keep looking. Any man that is so shallow that all he sees is your scars, you don't want him. Keep putting yourself out there, be yourself and the right one will come along.
This is off subject a little ... but you look so young ... have you seen the scar project? It is a project by David Jay, and it opened in NYC tonight and it is women 18-35 whom he photographed with their scars just to raise awareness that young women do get the disease. I've found looking at those gorgeous women has really boosted by self-esteem and confidence.
Bless you, my dear sister! A man doesn't make you, he should compliment you.
http://www.facebook.com/pages/The-SCAR-Project/255064983743?v=info0 -
Young Survivors CoalitionDawne.Hope said:don't know
Hi Renay,
You're so young and so beautiful too! I'm not five years out like you, only about a year and I so don't have the energy for dating ... but I want you to know to keep looking. Any man that is so shallow that all he sees is your scars, you don't want him. Keep putting yourself out there, be yourself and the right one will come along.
This is off subject a little ... but you look so young ... have you seen the scar project? It is a project by David Jay, and it opened in NYC tonight and it is women 18-35 whom he photographed with their scars just to raise awareness that young women do get the disease. I've found looking at those gorgeous women has really boosted by self-esteem and confidence.
Bless you, my dear sister! A man doesn't make you, he should compliment you.
http://www.facebook.com/pages/The-SCAR-Project/255064983743?v=info
Dear Renay,
I'm sure you'll find support here:
http://www.youngsurvival.org/
On that page, click on 'ysc community' and there are threads on dating after bc.
bless you,
dh0 -
Sorry - can't help you on
Sorry - can't help you on dating sites - I've been married 34 years.
You are who you are and that is a fantastic person and if anyone can't see that - then they have a problem. You are the sum total of all that you are. IF they can't deal = then they can't deal with life - there are no guarantees.0 -
Thank you so muchDawne.Hope said:don't know
Hi Renay,
You're so young and so beautiful too! I'm not five years out like you, only about a year and I so don't have the energy for dating ... but I want you to know to keep looking. Any man that is so shallow that all he sees is your scars, you don't want him. Keep putting yourself out there, be yourself and the right one will come along.
This is off subject a little ... but you look so young ... have you seen the scar project? It is a project by David Jay, and it opened in NYC tonight and it is women 18-35 whom he photographed with their scars just to raise awareness that young women do get the disease. I've found looking at those gorgeous women has really boosted by self-esteem and confidence.
Bless you, my dear sister! A man doesn't make you, he should compliment you.
http://www.facebook.com/pages/The-SCAR-Project/255064983743?v=info
Your post helps me alot...you are right...as is my therapist
But it's so hard everytime you meet someone new and have to relay your story again...thus far in my two attempts...they have both said they "understand" and are ok with my past illness...but then once things have gotten mroe serious, they balk. I'm trying to retain my confidence...and was so happy to find this site...to talk with other women and men who have dealt with cancer...it's something that definitely makes you stronger and yet, it does take alot to move on sometimes. Reading other's stories makes me realize how lucky I am to have survived and when I read your post...just another nudge to keep moving on and trying...thanks so much too, for the compliment...I'm actually 46 But will definitely check out the Scar Project website...I think that's an amazing idea to help women who have gone through what we have. Thanks again SO MUCH!! Renay 0 -
you do helpRague said:Sorry - can't help you on
Sorry - can't help you on dating sites - I've been married 34 years.
You are who you are and that is a fantastic person and if anyone can't see that - then they have a problem. You are the sum total of all that you are. IF they can't deal = then they can't deal with life - there are no guarantees.
Thanks for the reply and congratulations on the 34 years...so amazing and a great acoomplishment. Hearing of folks like you who have had long and successful marriages does inspire me to hang in there!! Thanks again! Renay0 -
Thank you!Dawne.Hope said:Young Survivors Coalition
Dear Renay,
I'm sure you'll find support here:
http://www.youngsurvival.org/
On that page, click on 'ysc community' and there are threads on dating after bc.
bless you,
dh
Thanks so much!! I'll check this out. I really appreciate your reply. Renay0 -
when you least expect..JustRenay said:you do help
Thanks for the reply and congratulations on the 34 years...so amazing and a great acoomplishment. Hearing of folks like you who have had long and successful marriages does inspire me to hang in there!! Thanks again! Renay
I married my wonderful husband 1.5 months before my dx. I told him he could walk, that he hadn't signed on for cancer, but he declined, thank God. There is always something that complicates finding "Mr. Right". Especially the 2nd or 3rd time around, kids, money, religion, politics, illness, but you just have to relax and have a little faith, even "Mr. Right" can be a pain in the $#^%$. Hope that made sense? hugs...alison0 -
I think your weeding out the jerks.webbwife50 said:when you least expect..
I married my wonderful husband 1.5 months before my dx. I told him he could walk, that he hadn't signed on for cancer, but he declined, thank God. There is always something that complicates finding "Mr. Right". Especially the 2nd or 3rd time around, kids, money, religion, politics, illness, but you just have to relax and have a little faith, even "Mr. Right" can be a pain in the $#^%$. Hope that made sense? hugs...alison
When I was single, I dated many men who backed off when things started to get serious. You may feel that your illness is the problem but some men just have problems with committment. The right man will know that health can change in a physical and that you are a special and loving person. I know it is difficult but try to look at your cancer as a jerk filter. I spent much too much time with the wrong men and I was healthy at the time. Hugs.
Roseann0 -
Perfect Sense...webbwife50 said:when you least expect..
I married my wonderful husband 1.5 months before my dx. I told him he could walk, that he hadn't signed on for cancer, but he declined, thank God. There is always something that complicates finding "Mr. Right". Especially the 2nd or 3rd time around, kids, money, religion, politics, illness, but you just have to relax and have a little faith, even "Mr. Right" can be a pain in the $#^%$. Hope that made sense? hugs...alison
Thanks Alison...that definitely made sense...and definitely helps...I'm so happy for you and am, myself, a hopeless romantic...so I will continue to believe that my "Mr. Right" will come alone eventually!! Thanks. Renay0 -
Food for thoughtroseann4 said:I think your weeding out the jerks.
When I was single, I dated many men who backed off when things started to get serious. You may feel that your illness is the problem but some men just have problems with committment. The right man will know that health can change in a physical and that you are a special and loving person. I know it is difficult but try to look at your cancer as a jerk filter. I spent much too much time with the wrong men and I was healthy at the time. Hugs.
Roseann
Wow Roseann...hadn't thought of it that way...maybe it's sometimes just a good excuse for them to hit the road...and commitment is the real issue...I guess in the long run anyway...it is essential to weed them out...just hard on the go sometimes thanks for sharing your thoughts. I really appreciate it. Renay 0 -
Sounds funny but.....
I was just talking with an old colleague of mine, and he told me he just went through Da Vinci surgery for Prostate Cancer, and I hadn't known he was ill. I was talking with him about this, as he is single too...and he had a great idea...let's hook up all amazing women who have had breast cancer (and find only shallow men), with all of the amazing men who have had prostate cancer (and many women aren't willing to deal with that), and you have one totally amazing couple who has been through tough times and appreciates blessihngs of life and love!!! Great idea!! 0 -
interestingJustRenay said:Sounds funny but.....
I was just talking with an old colleague of mine, and he told me he just went through Da Vinci surgery for Prostate Cancer, and I hadn't known he was ill. I was talking with him about this, as he is single too...and he had a great idea...let's hook up all amazing women who have had breast cancer (and find only shallow men), with all of the amazing men who have had prostate cancer (and many women aren't willing to deal with that), and you have one totally amazing couple who has been through tough times and appreciates blessihngs of life and love!!! Great idea!!
Interesting to hear it from a mans point of view. I am less than a year out ,of treatment and use to be very sensual, and enjoyed sex with my hubby. Now I'm like a cold fish, to be honest I really don't even like being touched. Kinda feel sorry for "Mr. Right" sometimes!0 -
Have you heard about Crazy, Sexy Cancer?webbwife50 said:interesting
Interesting to hear it from a mans point of view. I am less than a year out ,of treatment and use to be very sensual, and enjoyed sex with my hubby. Now I'm like a cold fish, to be honest I really don't even like being touched. Kinda feel sorry for "Mr. Right" sometimes!
Not sure how I feel about the name, but it is a book written by a young woman with cancer for young people with cancer. She also has a website and is on the social networks. I read the book even though I'm way past young and I thought it was really inspiring and interesting. She met the man of her dreams after her diagnosis...it's not curable but is in remission. I can't remember what type of cancer she has but it has spread to her kidneys prior to diagnosis. She is very upbeat and the site may be a great resouce for you. Her website is crazysexycancer.com.
Roseann0 -
The right one will come along. It comes when you not looking for one. My boyfriend and I have been together for over a yr. about nine monthes in i told him guess what. I had bc dx in july of this yr. He did not run . we planning a life together. Im 43.JustRenay said:Sounds funny but.....
I was just talking with an old colleague of mine, and he told me he just went through Da Vinci surgery for Prostate Cancer, and I hadn't known he was ill. I was talking with him about this, as he is single too...and he had a great idea...let's hook up all amazing women who have had breast cancer (and find only shallow men), with all of the amazing men who have had prostate cancer (and many women aren't willing to deal with that), and you have one totally amazing couple who has been through tough times and appreciates blessihngs of life and love!!! Great idea!!0 -
I know what you meanwebbwife50 said:interesting
Interesting to hear it from a mans point of view. I am less than a year out ,of treatment and use to be very sensual, and enjoyed sex with my hubby. Now I'm like a cold fish, to be honest I really don't even like being touched. Kinda feel sorry for "Mr. Right" sometimes!
I went through something similar, and it was hard for my boyfriend at the time, but you know what...I forced myself to just let my guard down, and in some ways, it was so much more intimate, having been to the point when you are first diagnosed, where you wonder if you're going to be really ill enough that you might not make it. He said that while it was hard to get used to, he actually felt like we needed the closeness more, and appreciated it...when you're possibly faced with your own mortality. Hang in there, and it will be ok. Renay0 -
that's great!!canjuncutie said:The right one will come along. It comes when you not looking for one. My boyfriend and I have been together for over a yr. about nine monthes in i told him guess what. I had bc dx in july of this yr. He did not run . we planning a life together. Im 43.
Does he have a brother? I know that everyone is right, I guess I have to quit worrying about it and someone will come my way eventually. There are alot of amazing men in the world, I suppose 0 -
Thanksroseann4 said:Have you heard about Crazy, Sexy Cancer?
Not sure how I feel about the name, but it is a book written by a young woman with cancer for young people with cancer. She also has a website and is on the social networks. I read the book even though I'm way past young and I thought it was really inspiring and interesting. She met the man of her dreams after her diagnosis...it's not curable but is in remission. I can't remember what type of cancer she has but it has spread to her kidneys prior to diagnosis. She is very upbeat and the site may be a great resouce for you. Her website is crazysexycancer.com.
Roseann
I'll definitely check this out. Appreciate the info.0 -
they are out there, Renay,JustRenay said:that's great!!
Does he have a brother? I know that everyone is right, I guess I have to quit worrying about it and someone will come my way eventually. There are alot of amazing men in the world, I suppose
I had been dating my guy for 2 months when I had a suspicious mammogram. Two months later, they confirmed the dx as BC, and he never thought about leaving, tho I told him he ought to. After all, we had just barely met. But we're still together to this day, about 18 months and 3 surgeries later, and engaged. Of course, it helps that he had prostate cancer 10 years ago, so he had some personal empathy, plus we have both lost family members to this damn disease in some form or other. In any event, know that there are fantastic men out there, and they are worth waiting for. Best of luck!0 -
So inspirational...thanksfilimu said:they are out there, Renay,
I had been dating my guy for 2 months when I had a suspicious mammogram. Two months later, they confirmed the dx as BC, and he never thought about leaving, tho I told him he ought to. After all, we had just barely met. But we're still together to this day, about 18 months and 3 surgeries later, and engaged. Of course, it helps that he had prostate cancer 10 years ago, so he had some personal empathy, plus we have both lost family members to this damn disease in some form or other. In any event, know that there are fantastic men out there, and they are worth waiting for. Best of luck!
I love your story, thanks so much for sharing...I don't know if you saw my earlier post about my conversation with a friend who has prostate cancer...you know it's so true...i would love to meet someone who's had cancer, or dealt with it in their family...so that they can see where I've come from and what has made me who I am today. I think we (as survivors) get so much more appreciation out of life afterward. I would love to share my life with someone who's had a similar, life changing experience. Thanks so much for your post. Renay0 -
So inspirational...thanksfilimu said:they are out there, Renay,
I had been dating my guy for 2 months when I had a suspicious mammogram. Two months later, they confirmed the dx as BC, and he never thought about leaving, tho I told him he ought to. After all, we had just barely met. But we're still together to this day, about 18 months and 3 surgeries later, and engaged. Of course, it helps that he had prostate cancer 10 years ago, so he had some personal empathy, plus we have both lost family members to this damn disease in some form or other. In any event, know that there are fantastic men out there, and they are worth waiting for. Best of luck!
I love your story, thanks so much for sharing...I don't know if you saw my earlier post about my conversation with a friend who has prostate cancer...you know it's so true...i would love to meet someone who's had cancer, or dealt with it in their family...so that they can see where I've come from and what has made me who I am today. I think we (as survivors) get so much more appreciation out of life afterward. I would love to share my life with someone who's had a similar, life changing experience. Thanks so much for your post. Renay0
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