Back from trip to his folks

Hey everybody!

Basketcase checking in! I got back from NC this afternoon. I did fine going in until I got to Spartanburg and got off on 221 the last 40 miles into Marion, NC and cried the rest of the way in! When I walked into Charlie's parents' house for the first time without him I just lost it and we all cried! But bittersweet as it was I did have a good time. His mom handled the pictures well but of course she cried and I cried with her! I ended up staying through today instead of coming back Friday like I had planned. His mom kept saying, "I wish you could stay longer!" I finally figured out even though she loves me dearly, I think she now sees me as her last/only connection to Charlie and that's okay, too! She asked on Monday morning if I'd come back for Christmas. As I had been thinking about it, and she mentioned it before I said anything, I told her I would. I'm going back the week before T'giving to help her put out her Christmas decorations. She's not doing what she should be doing to regain her strength and will get out of exercising and doing what she can do if she can. SHe's 81 and had heart attack in Jan. and has been pretty much like this since she was released from rehab. Her short term memory is just shot. She's been like this for several months and now Charlie's death has of course added to it. I did a good bit of the cooking and laundry for her while I was there, which I certainly didn't mind. It's a small price to pay considering what Charlie did for my brother for 12 years. His dad seems to be doing pretty good considering he's 86 and he certainly was very comforting to me. He is of course, heartbroken and has his up and down days, but my brother-in-law feels he's dealing with it pretty good. I think they'd love for me to have moved in with them! But I was glad to back in our house. You know, be it ever so humble, there's no place like home! (Oh, I have to tell y'all when I was in Hilton Head last month I bought a T-shirt that says, From the desk of Toto: Dear Dorothy: Hate Oz, took the shoes; Find your own way home! I just love it!)

I don't think being without him will ever get any easier. He was and always will be the love of my life. Not only did I love him so very very much, but sometimes I feel I need him so badly! Now it's not a depressed feeling, it's this sad, empty, void, half a person feeling.

His aunt got me started on the right track with crocheting the Carolina blue (Charlie was an avid Tarheels fan like I'm an avid Volunteer fan!) throw to take to the onc. office for the people to use in the chemo room as it get so cold in there. I'm going to donate it in his memory/honor. They are such super people there.

And I had quite the welcoming committee when I got home as Rowdy, Blue and Sammy were ecstatic to see me to say the least! Next time I go I'm going to take Sammy(the dachshund) with me. He's just 3 and I hate leaving him for so long. It should be interesting as he is skitish around new people, but he'll be thrilled just to be with me!

Well, that's about it. The first trip in and back without him is behind me, and I did survive it, so guess I'm a survivor to some degree now!

Hope all is well with everyone and have a great week. Thanks as always. God Bless!

Jan Trinks