Well the grief tidal wave arrived...

2»

Comments

  • lilli1020
    lilli1020 Member Posts: 114
    #22
    3Mana said:

    Too bad
    Pat,
    So sorry you had bad luck seeing the counselor. From the sounds of it she shouldn't even be there as a conselor if she's so critical. The one I have is great and it's through the Frodert Cancer Center in Wauwatosa, Wi. and I don't have to pay anything. It does take awhile for the meds to work so don't get discouraged okay?
    It was also 6 months ago that I lost my husband. I miss him so much and lately I feel more sad. Maybe it's cause the weather is changing. It's nippy out tonite and there's no one to snuggle with. Hope I make it through winter.
    Don't give up, things will get better though we'll never forget. "Carole"

    Try this....
    The hospice company that helped my husband the last weeks of his life, included me in a lot of ways and told me up front that they would contact me every now and then for 13 weeks after his death, just to check up on me to see how I was doing. They have counseling, both group and one on one, that I am taking advantage of. This costs nothing....it is included with all of the care they gave him (us) and is taken care of by insurance. Even if you did not have hospice's help with your loved one before they died, call any hospice to see if what they may offer. It's worth a call and you may get lucky. God knows they know exactly what you are going through and my counselor is a big help to me. Good luck, Gayle
  • 3Mana
    3Mana Member Posts: 811
    #23
    lilli1020 said:

    Try this....
    The hospice company that helped my husband the last weeks of his life, included me in a lot of ways and told me up front that they would contact me every now and then for 13 weeks after his death, just to check up on me to see how I was doing. They have counseling, both group and one on one, that I am taking advantage of. This costs nothing....it is included with all of the care they gave him (us) and is taken care of by insurance. Even if you did not have hospice's help with your loved one before they died, call any hospice to see if what they may offer. It's worth a call and you may get lucky. God knows they know exactly what you are going through and my counselor is a big help to me. Good luck, Gayle

    Thanks Gayle
    Just wanted you to know that I have been getting counseling. My counselor is great and I had been seeing her every 2 weeks, but now just go once a month. I'm still on meds too so that does help. Like I said before, I had been doing great and I just think it's the change of the seasons that is making me a little depressed. We always loved going for walks in the fall. We were very close and had been married for 46 years.
    I guess its going to take quite awhile before there are never any tears. I do get jealous when my friends are talking about taking trips cause we used to always go on a spring trip to the Caribbean and in summer would go up north to a cottage. We will all survive and make it through this I know. Thanks again! "Carole"
  • ruthelizabeth
    ruthelizabeth Member Posts: 138
    #24
    3Mana said:

    Thanks Gayle
    Just wanted you to know that I have been getting counseling. My counselor is great and I had been seeing her every 2 weeks, but now just go once a month. I'm still on meds too so that does help. Like I said before, I had been doing great and I just think it's the change of the seasons that is making me a little depressed. We always loved going for walks in the fall. We were very close and had been married for 46 years.
    I guess its going to take quite awhile before there are never any tears. I do get jealous when my friends are talking about taking trips cause we used to always go on a spring trip to the Caribbean and in summer would go up north to a cottage. We will all survive and make it through this I know. Thanks again! "Carole"

    Vinyl siding sales tactics
    I was offered "free" counseling thru my work. Well, it is free until you go off their insurance and onto Medicare.

    Anyway, I was feeling low last week and the rep. was really pushing to get me to schedule a counseling appt. over the phone. I finally set one up, but I felt very uncomfortable about it for several reasons, not least because of the really determined approach the rep had. I got a call last Fri. to confirm the first counseling appt. and told the rep I'd changed my mind. Talk about pushy; this lady could have sold vinyl siding. I told her I was feeling better, that she'd gotten me on a bad day on the last call. She said, Well, you know you're going to have bad days again! Finally said I'd have to talk to the scheduler and SHE was really hard-nosed, too.

    If I do think about counseling, it won't be with them.
  • Noellesmom
    Noellesmom Member Posts: 1,859 Member
    #25
    bingles said:

    less than stellar..
    My appointment with my pcp was less than stellar and had I known what tack she was going to take I would not have gone....there were other routes for me to get the help I needed and thanks to her still need....I wrongly choose her.
    Ok..I did get the script and have started taking meds....but so far as anything else goes nothing was accomplished.
    I am admittedly a lousy patient and notorius for not doing the maintainence health stuff....but truth be told all of that was on my to do list once I got my ducks in order....but she choose to use the appointment as a forum to blast me and actually threaten me..that if I didn't comply with her plan of care she would not prescribe any further meds.
    I just think that she might have held off on the lecture until I was a bit more emotionally stable.
    Oh and she did efer me to a therapist...warning me that this person was rough...harsh....and no nonsense !!! what the point of that was I will never know....thinking long and hard about whether or not to make a appointment...doubting I will have much tolerance for a "dictator"....I have zero tolerance for anybody at the moment....especially one that I am paying for..but we will see.
    So I am in holding pattern...taking the meds and being kind to myself..keeping a very low profile this week-end....sorting out my brain.
    I do feel better today though...some sense of calm and I know its not the meds yet....its me...
    Onward and upward....oh and Mary....love...love....love the bear ; )
    Pat

    hope you are feeling better
    For goodness sakes. If you didn't need counseling before you went to see your MD you probably do now.

    I don't know where some people get off with the tactics they use.

    Pat, you will find the right counselor for you. Don't think you have to stick with the first one you try. It's not that you are shopping for someone who will tell you what you want to hear, it is that you are looking for that empathetic soul who is definitely out there.

    Hugs, Pat. Many, many hugs.
  • closs86
    closs86 Member Posts: 85
    #26
    Noellesmom said:

    hope you are feeling better
    For goodness sakes. If you didn't need counseling before you went to see your MD you probably do now.

    I don't know where some people get off with the tactics they use.

    Pat, you will find the right counselor for you. Don't think you have to stick with the first one you try. It's not that you are shopping for someone who will tell you what you want to hear, it is that you are looking for that empathetic soul who is definitely out there.

    Hugs, Pat. Many, many hugs.

    Hi Pat,
    Hope you are doing O K, I almost lost my young french bulldog this week, went to the vet for annual shots and checkup, everything o k, started to leave he started throwing up lots, then started fainting, it was a good thing i was right outside the office, the vet said he would of died if I was on my way home, he went into anaphylactic shock from the leptospirosis shot, never saw anything like it, they had to do emergency things to him, bag of fluid, steroid shots, and benadryl shot, I sat in the office in shock, couldn't believe it, she says this never happens, it is a very rare reaction. had to sit there with him for 4 hours, they wanted to keep their eye on him then I had to medicate him for the next 2 days, and had to bring him back for her to see him the next day, this was some week, I couldn't wait to bend my therapist's ear today, he seems o k now, but the experience, plus my cold took a toll on me. I am going back to work tomorrow.

    I saw a commercial and it referred to christmas, I had to mute it, I can see what we are in for in the next few months, this is going to be so so hard for us.

    Hugs Karen
  • Beckymarie
    Beckymarie Member Posts: 357
    #27
    closs86 said:

    Hi Pat,
    Hope you are doing O K, I almost lost my young french bulldog this week, went to the vet for annual shots and checkup, everything o k, started to leave he started throwing up lots, then started fainting, it was a good thing i was right outside the office, the vet said he would of died if I was on my way home, he went into anaphylactic shock from the leptospirosis shot, never saw anything like it, they had to do emergency things to him, bag of fluid, steroid shots, and benadryl shot, I sat in the office in shock, couldn't believe it, she says this never happens, it is a very rare reaction. had to sit there with him for 4 hours, they wanted to keep their eye on him then I had to medicate him for the next 2 days, and had to bring him back for her to see him the next day, this was some week, I couldn't wait to bend my therapist's ear today, he seems o k now, but the experience, plus my cold took a toll on me. I am going back to work tomorrow.

    I saw a commercial and it referred to christmas, I had to mute it, I can see what we are in for in the next few months, this is going to be so so hard for us.

    Hugs Karen

    The holidays
    Can't say that I am looking forward to the holidays. Wish I could just fast forward and be done with them. My family thinks this is a very negative approach to the holidays and not at all what my husband would want. But honestly, I wish November and December were over.
  • ruthelizabeth
    ruthelizabeth Member Posts: 138
    #28
    Beckymarie said:

    The holidays
    Can't say that I am looking forward to the holidays. Wish I could just fast forward and be done with them. My family thinks this is a very negative approach to the holidays and not at all what my husband would want. But honestly, I wish November and December were over.

    This Friday
    is my birthday. I had been thinking of going to the diner we both liked; all the staff there is terrific and, in fact, I go there often, partly because if I don't eat much, they all come past and say, "Eat! Eat!"

    This week has been very bad for me at work. I do truly feel I've wasted almost half my life doing this because it isn't appreciated and I can't see much worthwhile about it anymore.

    Don and I didn't go out much. We both worked, he coached pick-up softball on Sundays, what I'm saying is that we didn't have a lot of social friends. I do know people thru work who are happy to see me if I show up at their door, but they're not the kind who call you up and ask how you're doing.

    So for the first time ever a couple called and asked me to dinner on Friday. I definitely don't feel like going, particularly since when I'm sad, I don't eat, but I didn't know how to say no so I'm going. I just hope I can maintain a cheerful facade.

    The holidays, all of them, will be interesting. My work increases then which means the stress will, too. Gonna be a major challenge.

    Hope we can all make it thru this.
  • 3Mana
    3Mana Member Posts: 811
    #29
    Beckymarie said:

    The holidays
    Can't say that I am looking forward to the holidays. Wish I could just fast forward and be done with them. My family thinks this is a very negative approach to the holidays and not at all what my husband would want. But honestly, I wish November and December were over.

    Feel the same way
    Hi Becky,
    I feel the same way as you do about the holidays. Wish we could skip them. My mom died before Christmas in "89 & my dad died right after in "90. And now my husband died right before Easter, so I say "screw the holidays". I know I shouldn't feel that way cause I have 3 kids & 3 grandsons, but without my husband nothing means anything to me anymore. Hey, we could all go on a trip! Everyone says the first year is the worst. Hope that's true.
    Take care. Carole
  • grandmafay
    grandmafay Member Posts: 1,633 Member
    #30
    ruthelizabeth said:

    This Friday
    is my birthday. I had been thinking of going to the diner we both liked; all the staff there is terrific and, in fact, I go there often, partly because if I don't eat much, they all come past and say, "Eat! Eat!"

    This week has been very bad for me at work. I do truly feel I've wasted almost half my life doing this because it isn't appreciated and I can't see much worthwhile about it anymore.

    Don and I didn't go out much. We both worked, he coached pick-up softball on Sundays, what I'm saying is that we didn't have a lot of social friends. I do know people thru work who are happy to see me if I show up at their door, but they're not the kind who call you up and ask how you're doing.

    So for the first time ever a couple called and asked me to dinner on Friday. I definitely don't feel like going, particularly since when I'm sad, I don't eat, but I didn't know how to say no so I'm going. I just hope I can maintain a cheerful facade.

    The holidays, all of them, will be interesting. My work increases then which means the stress will, too. Gonna be a major challenge.

    Hope we can all make it thru this.

    Dinner
    I am sorry to hear you are feeling so down and that work is trying. The holidays were and will be difficult for all of us. I made it through last year and know I will feel down this year as well. Thanksgiving was actually the hardest for me. Probably because it was the first family holiday without Doug. Of course, I did run my car into the side of our garage on Christmas Eve. I didn't cause much damage, but it showed where my head was or wasn't. This year for Christmas I am going to be traveling with our older son and family. I think that will make it a bit easier.

    Now, my thoughts on dinner out. Lunch and an occasional dinner with friends has been a life saver for me. Your friends are trying to be supportive. Try to accept their support. I am sure they know that this first birthday is hard. Don't pretend that it isn't. If you are able to share with them, let them know that you are down and may not eat much. I know my friends were very understanding. Also let them know that you may want to make it an early evening. Even though spending time with friends that are a couple can be hard, it is a good to get out. The first time is the hardest. I have now learned that being a fifth wheel (or in this case a third one) can get better with practice.

    Fay
  • Beckymarie
    Beckymarie Member Posts: 357
    #31
    grandmafay said:

    Dinner
    I am sorry to hear you are feeling so down and that work is trying. The holidays were and will be difficult for all of us. I made it through last year and know I will feel down this year as well. Thanksgiving was actually the hardest for me. Probably because it was the first family holiday without Doug. Of course, I did run my car into the side of our garage on Christmas Eve. I didn't cause much damage, but it showed where my head was or wasn't. This year for Christmas I am going to be traveling with our older son and family. I think that will make it a bit easier.

    Now, my thoughts on dinner out. Lunch and an occasional dinner with friends has been a life saver for me. Your friends are trying to be supportive. Try to accept their support. I am sure they know that this first birthday is hard. Don't pretend that it isn't. If you are able to share with them, let them know that you are down and may not eat much. I know my friends were very understanding. Also let them know that you may want to make it an early evening. Even though spending time with friends that are a couple can be hard, it is a good to get out. The first time is the hardest. I have now learned that being a fifth wheel (or in this case a third one) can get better with practice.

    Fay

    Accepting Invitations
    My father-in-law passed away almost 30 yrs ago. I remember my mother-in-law was invited to a friends for dinner. She told me she accepted as many invitations as possible because if she kept turning people's invites down, they would stop asking. I have been trying to do just that. There have been a couple of times that I knew I was too miserable to be with, but I really try to accept invites from friends and family. Not always easy but I don't want them to stop asking.
  • Beckymarie
    Beckymarie Member Posts: 357
    #32
    3Mana said:

    Feel the same way
    Hi Becky,
    I feel the same way as you do about the holidays. Wish we could skip them. My mom died before Christmas in "89 & my dad died right after in "90. And now my husband died right before Easter, so I say "screw the holidays". I know I shouldn't feel that way cause I have 3 kids & 3 grandsons, but without my husband nothing means anything to me anymore. Hey, we could all go on a trip! Everyone says the first year is the worst. Hope that's true.
    Take care. Carole

    Holidays
    My dad too passed away right before Christmas, Dec. 20, 2006. This will be our first Thanksgiving, Christmas and New Years without my husband. Thanksgiving we will be with his family, Christmas with mine and New Years, I will be alone. Really want to fast forward this entire year.
  • closs86
    closs86 Member Posts: 85
    #33
    Beckymarie said:

    Holidays
    My dad too passed away right before Christmas, Dec. 20, 2006. This will be our first Thanksgiving, Christmas and New Years without my husband. Thanksgiving we will be with his family, Christmas with mine and New Years, I will be alone. Really want to fast forward this entire year.

    holidays
    I just feel like hiding under the covers until the middle of january, the thought of it gives me the shivers. I don't even know if I will be able to be with my kids and grandkids, I don't know if i can handle it. I will have to see how I feel as it gets closer.
    take care
    Karen
  • grandmafay
    grandmafay Member Posts: 1,633 Member
    #34
    closs86 said:

    holidays
    I just feel like hiding under the covers until the middle of january, the thought of it gives me the shivers. I don't even know if I will be able to be with my kids and grandkids, I don't know if i can handle it. I will have to see how I feel as it gets closer.
    take care
    Karen

    Helps?
    I don't know if this will help or not. As you probably know, this will be my second year of holidays. The first year was very difficult at times, but I found the anticipation was actually more difficult than the actual days. We hear so much about the holidays being really hard for those who have lost loved ones, my imagination and anticipation was much worse than the actual days. I am one of those crazy people who usually go Christmas shopping the day after Thanksgiving. I hadn't planned to go last year, but my daughters-in-law wanted me to go with them so I did. Believe it or not that was the day that hit me the hardest. Shopping was fine and we met friends for breakfast which was really good. Then when I got home I fell apart. I had always spread everything out and showed my husband how much money I had saved on Christmas presents when I got home. It really hurt that I couldn't do that. So you see, once again it was a little thing that got to me. Yes, during family celebrations I felt what I have called the empty chair syndrome. I was very lonely at times and I had tearful times. So I am not trying to say that the holidays won't bring extra grief your way. It does. I'm sure I will feel some of that this year, too. I'm just saying that it is easy for us to imagine and dread things and let that make today harder. Like I said, I don't know if any of this helps or even makes any sense. I hope so. Fay
  • lilli1020
    lilli1020 Member Posts: 114
    #35
    Beckymarie said:

    The holidays
    Can't say that I am looking forward to the holidays. Wish I could just fast forward and be done with them. My family thinks this is a very negative approach to the holidays and not at all what my husband would want. But honestly, I wish November and December were over.

    My thoughts exactly!
    I soooooo dread the winter without mentioning the holidays. If I can open the windows and have the outside air come in, I do OK. But once I have to shut the weather out, I start to feel stuck, enclosed and depressed. I wish I could just be put in a coma and wake again in the spring!
  • closs86
    closs86 Member Posts: 85
    #36
    lilli1020 said:

    My thoughts exactly!
    I soooooo dread the winter without mentioning the holidays. If I can open the windows and have the outside air come in, I do OK. But once I have to shut the weather out, I start to feel stuck, enclosed and depressed. I wish I could just be put in a coma and wake again in the spring!

    Hi Pat,
    I hope you are ok Pat, haven't heard from you, how are you doing, did you start the medication?, Hope all is well,
    Hugs Karen
  • ruthelizabeth
    ruthelizabeth Member Posts: 138
    #37
    lilli1020 said:

    My thoughts exactly!
    I soooooo dread the winter without mentioning the holidays. If I can open the windows and have the outside air come in, I do OK. But once I have to shut the weather out, I start to feel stuck, enclosed and depressed. I wish I could just be put in a coma and wake again in the spring!

    Hibernation
    does have its appeal. Can I suggest something that might possibly help? When my brother lived in NH at his first job, he found the long winters in the high mountains very tough. However, the next year he bought one of those indoor garden systems with grow lights and things improved. You might consider getting one. If nothing else, it might cheer you up a bit and give you a whole new hobby. If you're like me, you'll soon be killing plants with the best of them.

Discussion Boards