cancer and positive thinking! HA!
It is CRAP to have cancer and although I have had very profound experiences as a result of cancer and its treatment, it does not minimize the pain, the discomfort, the alienation, the loneliness, the sadness and whatever else has come along with it. Yeah, the flowers do grow in the spaces where the bombs are falling but that doesn't mean we can ignore the bombs. We need to deal with them.
THat is just my two cents worth on the 'Positive Thinking' 'cause I am sick and tired of the whole 'postive thinking' I get from people who have never been through cancer. Sorry I feel a little passionate here. I don't want to be superficial about life.
Her book by the way is called 'Bright-Sided: How positive thinking is undermining America'
Comments
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Not that I don't
Not that I don't disagree with with your philosophy, but I know from my own experience that if i didn't force myself to be positive and yes try to be rosy; I wouldn't get out of bed much less anything else. I concur with you that the insensitive boors that try to tell us to stay positive can just go pee up rope. Being positive is certainly not curing or healing my diseaes, it's the only thing that makes me go back for more abuse to this already worn out and tired body. Trust me I'll be the first person to drag someone to treatment with me when they remind of the benefits of being positive! I say BITE ME!
Oooh sorry, went a little over board with that one. Kinda struck a nerve with me too.
Anyways
Peace and Love,
Edie0 -
and there has NEVER been a study to prove this theorycookie97 said:Not that I don't
Not that I don't disagree with with your philosophy, but I know from my own experience that if i didn't force myself to be positive and yes try to be rosy; I wouldn't get out of bed much less anything else. I concur with you that the insensitive boors that try to tell us to stay positive can just go pee up rope. Being positive is certainly not curing or healing my diseaes, it's the only thing that makes me go back for more abuse to this already worn out and tired body. Trust me I'll be the first person to drag someone to treatment with me when they remind of the benefits of being positive! I say BITE ME!
Oooh sorry, went a little over board with that one. Kinda struck a nerve with me too.
Anyways
Peace and Love,
Edie
I checked into it when I started feeling bummed out...0 -
did positive first time around not much nowMama G said:and there has NEVER been a study to prove this theory
I checked into it when I started feeling bummed out...
I have stage 4 triple negative BC and frankly there is not a whole lot to feel rosy about. I do my best but the last place I want to be is HERE!!! I potentially am losing a very well paying job because I am too fatigued to go to work, I just got married in February cuz I BELIEVED all the positive hype (and a scan last sept which was clear at time) and I do not know what end is up and what is going to happen next week. I can't plan anything since I do not know yet whether the tx is working (I find that out Thursday) and I have no place I feel like I can GO to talk about how PISSED OFF I am since everyone wants me to 'feel positive'. I'm pissed, scared and I have no idea what to do next! Other than that I"m just happy as can be! Thank you for risking the first post cuz I can tell you I'm fed up!!!!!! (ok back to being positive...) MJ0 -
Positive Attitude
And isn't it awful that in the middle of a really good rant which we're all totally entitled to, that little voice pipes up in our heads and says "what if being positive really does help" and ruins a perfectly good rant before we're ready to go back to being positive.0 -
Now I am listening to Alan
Now I am listening to Alan Watts who says that positive attitude is looking at what you do have in life and being grateful for that. That I admit I can do very easily and I agree with Chen, that I do like to laugh and joke about life because for me I don't want to fall into a bottomless pit of self pity (not that, that is the alternative but rather what I think it might be).0 -
I do not believe that a good
I do not believe that a good attitude or positive thoughts alone have gotten me through much of this Beast Battling Bonanza~ however, I am and pretty much always have been a positive person anyway! I like myself better when I am laughing, or telling dumb jokes, or decorating the house, or gossiping with my niece, or dancing at concerts~ whatever I can do as long as I am still up and able to. I am now 61, and my best friend from 8th grade recently told me that I have the exact same personality now as I did when we met back in 1963!
On the selfish side, I have also come to find out that if I am even-keeled, and in a good mood ( all things considered) and happy without being a Pollyanna (which I am NOT) my friends, family, neighbors etc are more apt to treat me with the same goodness. I have an incredibly nurturing family and circle of friends. I think they might indeed avoid me like the plague if I were B.itch...
No one is expecting me to be upbeat and a cheerleader all of the time.I am scared, I am tired, I wonder what is going to happen at my next scan, I worry about this, that and the other. Sometimes I want to be alone, and at other times I can't have too many people around me; it varies depending on what's happening medically with me. BUT...because most everyone knows I am pretty positive and easy to be with; my wishes are respected and I am nurtured even on those days when I am not so "people friendly."
I of course agree that no ones positive attitude will be the cure! If that were so, coupled with my healthy life-style, I never should have gotten cancer in the first place! And I know that is true for many of us here on the boards. Our attitudes didn't give or prevent our cancers, of that I am sure!
But given an America full of positive attitude, dare I say with a Yes We Can attitude,as opposed to an Attitude Of NO all the time~(nothing political intended LOL)~ I chose upbeat any day! I can't stand doing the egg-shell dance, wondering if someone is in a good mood or if I have to make a wide berth around them! But that's just me....
Hugs,
Chen♥0 -
Whoo Hoo Pscheer!mariam_11_09 said:Now I am listening to Alan
Now I am listening to Alan Watts who says that positive attitude is looking at what you do have in life and being grateful for that. That I admit I can do very easily and I agree with Chen, that I do like to laugh and joke about life because for me I don't want to fall into a bottomless pit of self pity (not that, that is the alternative but rather what I think it might be).
My thoughts exactly and I mean that positively! What a hoot.
But I also agree with Chen. None of my friends & family (except my husband of course)has seen me down or shedding tears etc. Being with my friends etc. brings me up and makes me feel good. When I am down I am at home and usually don't have any big boo hoos, a few tears. Only one big boo hoo last summer prior to treatment. When the evil thoughts enter my head (recurrence or bad memories about the journey) I try and not dwell and push them away. If I'm really down, I take a chill pill (Ativan) and focus on real life again. fortunately this doesn't happen very often.
I don't know about positive attitudes, pretty hard when you're sick, but I do belive stress can be harmful to our health, blood pressure being a biggee. Life is stress, we have to learn how to deal with it. But I think that's a whole different thing.
But this board is a great for my mental well-being because as we have all said over and over, here we can discuss that we cannot ever go back to "before bc" like everyone thinks we can...here we can be honest about anger, fears etc.
And again I ran off at the mouth! Sorry!
Hugs, Judy :-)0 -
Safe PlaceSkeezie said:Whoo Hoo Pscheer!
My thoughts exactly and I mean that positively! What a hoot.
But I also agree with Chen. None of my friends & family (except my husband of course)has seen me down or shedding tears etc. Being with my friends etc. brings me up and makes me feel good. When I am down I am at home and usually don't have any big boo hoos, a few tears. Only one big boo hoo last summer prior to treatment. When the evil thoughts enter my head (recurrence or bad memories about the journey) I try and not dwell and push them away. If I'm really down, I take a chill pill (Ativan) and focus on real life again. fortunately this doesn't happen very often.
I don't know about positive attitudes, pretty hard when you're sick, but I do belive stress can be harmful to our health, blood pressure being a biggee. Life is stress, we have to learn how to deal with it. But I think that's a whole different thing.
But this board is a great for my mental well-being because as we have all said over and over, here we can discuss that we cannot ever go back to "before bc" like everyone thinks we can...here we can be honest about anger, fears etc.
And again I ran off at the mouth! Sorry!
Hugs, Judy :-)
I consider this discussion board as a safe place to fall. I think it's just so great we can vent or say what we feel on any given day and not worry that someone will think we're not positive enough or why aren't we like we were before bc. Before I found this fab group of people, I sometimes thought I was going crazy! But on any given day, I can find someone who has given voice to something I have felt or thought or had questions about during this journey. It's great we can be here for each other along the way and share. Thanks to all.
Hugs, Sally0 -
Most of the time I have a positive attitudeMiss Murphy said:Safe Place
I consider this discussion board as a safe place to fall. I think it's just so great we can vent or say what we feel on any given day and not worry that someone will think we're not positive enough or why aren't we like we were before bc. Before I found this fab group of people, I sometimes thought I was going crazy! But on any given day, I can find someone who has given voice to something I have felt or thought or had questions about during this journey. It's great we can be here for each other along the way and share. Thanks to all.
Hugs, Sally
but I absolutely hate that some people think they have the right to tell me how I should feel. Like Chen, I'm a very positive person, my glass is typically half full, not half empty,but when I feel like crap from chemo, or negative thoughts enter my pea brain, I'm far from positive and I reserve the right to feel that way - they're my feelings. I do believe that too much negativity/stress/worry effects our health in general and hence, effects our body's ability to fight this disease, but it just wouldn't be normal not to have them (sometimes).
I have 2 friends who insist on telling me, "you HAD cancer, it's gone now". What the ----- do they know? One of them even commented about my endometrial cancer that she wouldn't bother with follow-ups, afterall, there's "nothing left up there anyway".
I no longer share my fears with either one of them. Being with friends and family really does bring me "up" and brings me joy. So happy to have this place to vent. Just sorry so many of us are here.
Suzanne0 -
Debbie Downer or Perky Peggy?
I do think that saying a positive attitude can cure us is a "blame the victim" mentality because the inverse is that, if you get sick, your attitude must be crummy. There is not good evidence to support that attitude helps or hurts us:
http://www.medicalnewstoday.com/articles/5780.php
However, like Chen, I would rather savor every day that I have left and laugh and have a good time. Of course, I get scared and cry and even have some angry days, but I love to laugh. And a good attitude can help us adopt better lifestyle habits which certainly can't help.
Mostly I think there are Debbie Downers and Perky Peggys in this world. We are probably just born that way--who knows!
I am kind of a Perky Peggy and my hubbie can definitely be a Danny Downer. But maybe we balance each other out because, after 36 yrs, I still think he is the bees knees ;-)and his grumpiness is actually kind of endearing and amusing.0 -
Not a Pretender
I like to keep it real. I cry when I have to, I laugh when I have to and sometimes I don't
talk to anyone for days and work out my fears and sorrow in my time of solitude.
I guess what they are trying to do with all the positive stuff is kind of backfiring. Cancer
patients feel pressured to be "nice" and then cry in silence at night, with no one to console
them. They also like to hear about survivors and people who kicked the cancer habit with
a smile and a tambourine in their hand. No one takes notice of the number of people that
loose after years and years of fierce fighting action.
In general, I think america as a nation looks down on exposing any sad, bad - are I say
"negative" feelings. They save that for the therapist. In turkey when we cry, we wail.. hihi
(loud) and when we laugh, we cry cause we laughed so much. More free flowing emotions...
You know, like the italians.. loud and lotsa hand gestures
The positive attitude is great but it has to be real or sometimes as close to real as you can
get. And that should be ok. So I say, it's ok to be a **** if life calls you names like a cancer patient.
That's why we come here and vent. OH the power of venting...
Ayse0 -
the first time I gotCypressCynthia said:Debbie Downer or Perky Peggy?
I do think that saying a positive attitude can cure us is a "blame the victim" mentality because the inverse is that, if you get sick, your attitude must be crummy. There is not good evidence to support that attitude helps or hurts us:
http://www.medicalnewstoday.com/articles/5780.php
However, like Chen, I would rather savor every day that I have left and laugh and have a good time. Of course, I get scared and cry and even have some angry days, but I love to laugh. And a good attitude can help us adopt better lifestyle habits which certainly can't help.
Mostly I think there are Debbie Downers and Perky Peggys in this world. We are probably just born that way--who knows!
I am kind of a Perky Peggy and my hubbie can definitely be a Danny Downer. But maybe we balance each other out because, after 36 yrs, I still think he is the bees knees ;-)and his grumpiness is actually kind of endearing and amusing.
the first time I got diagnosed I was younger and afraid because I was terrified and convinced I would die. The years ensued and I found a new definition of "positive" attitude. Some people think its believing everything will be fine, and you will be well. Now I tell myself I just dont know, and try to be at peace with each passing day. Sometimes more of a struggle than others. sometimes it seems more than I can bear. What I am trying to do is make choices, I can choose to pull the covers over my head, or take a walk, Eat well, or eat something bad for me because I think it will comfort me. I choose to live my life that is authentic and true to me, how I define it not someone else. I was recently placed on neurontin for peripheral neuropathy, and it did a number on me, the last month has been hell, I finally made the choice to stop it, and when asked about an alternative I just said "No I think I will take a break" it just made me so depressedthat it wasnt worth it. Anyway I am struggling to put this the way I mean it and while I am a "glass is half empty , worrier type" I feel it is best for me to do things this way and what may work for someone else may be different. But to admit you are mad is good, this really does stink no way around it. !!!0 -
One day at a timeCypressCynthia said:Debbie Downer or Perky Peggy?
I do think that saying a positive attitude can cure us is a "blame the victim" mentality because the inverse is that, if you get sick, your attitude must be crummy. There is not good evidence to support that attitude helps or hurts us:
http://www.medicalnewstoday.com/articles/5780.php
However, like Chen, I would rather savor every day that I have left and laugh and have a good time. Of course, I get scared and cry and even have some angry days, but I love to laugh. And a good attitude can help us adopt better lifestyle habits which certainly can't help.
Mostly I think there are Debbie Downers and Perky Peggys in this world. We are probably just born that way--who knows!
I am kind of a Perky Peggy and my hubbie can definitely be a Danny Downer. But maybe we balance each other out because, after 36 yrs, I still think he is the bees knees ;-)and his grumpiness is actually kind of endearing and amusing.
Mostly I choose to have a positive attitude, because it keeps my strength up, to keep going. When I'm down it's exhausting, complete energy zap. When I'm down I certainly don't feel guilty, and if those around me don't understand then forget them. Mostly I am by myself, needing to regroup my thoughts and/or feelings.0 -
i totally understand. i'm
i totally understand. i'm freaking 29 years old! i shouldn't have breast cancer. i have 50 more years to worry about this! though, i vowed on day 1 of being diagnosed, i wouldn't let this get me down! of course i haven't been positive through everything. the 3 surgeries sucked, they hurt, i cried. chemo sucks, i feel terrible (4 more months to go!) i guess, i am a positive person. i realized that through all of this. my way of dealing is with sarcasm, wit and a bit of bitching
i work with people that just complain about everything in their life. i look at them and just want to say, "really? i have cancer and i'm not complaining." i don't say that though. i wish i did, it would feel soooooo good. (these are people that know i have cancer. btw) i hate complainers! i don't want to be one!
i guess i just want to say, positivity may not "cure" or "prevent" cancer. but, to me, it's a better way of dealing with things
*hugs*
carrie 0 -
being positiveaysemari said:Not a Pretender
I like to keep it real. I cry when I have to, I laugh when I have to and sometimes I don't
talk to anyone for days and work out my fears and sorrow in my time of solitude.
I guess what they are trying to do with all the positive stuff is kind of backfiring. Cancer
patients feel pressured to be "nice" and then cry in silence at night, with no one to console
them. They also like to hear about survivors and people who kicked the cancer habit with
a smile and a tambourine in their hand. No one takes notice of the number of people that
loose after years and years of fierce fighting action.
In general, I think america as a nation looks down on exposing any sad, bad - are I say
"negative" feelings. They save that for the therapist. In turkey when we cry, we wail.. hihi
(loud) and when we laugh, we cry cause we laughed so much. More free flowing emotions...
You know, like the italians.. loud and lotsa hand gestures
The positive attitude is great but it has to be real or sometimes as close to real as you can
get. And that should be ok. So I say, it's ok to be a **** if life calls you names like a cancer patient.
That's why we come here and vent. OH the power of venting...
Ayse
I find it hard sometimes to stay positive, but I try to do it for ME. A couple of months ago someone suggested that I go to a Stage IV discussion board. (Not sure if they were trying to be helpful or just wanted to be rid of me) My response to that was that I indeed had visited other sites but because they were pretty depressing I chose to stay here - I want to remain optimistic and as positive as I can, for as long as possible. CALL ME SELFISH! I'm certainly not saying that a positive outlook cures cancer. What I am saying is that carrying a good attitude helps me get out of bed every day and face each new day. Without it, I feel like I should just stay in bed and wait for the inevitable. Best wishes.
Marsha0 -
we choose to be happycarriesoup said:i totally understand. i'm
i totally understand. i'm freaking 29 years old! i shouldn't have breast cancer. i have 50 more years to worry about this! though, i vowed on day 1 of being diagnosed, i wouldn't let this get me down! of course i haven't been positive through everything. the 3 surgeries sucked, they hurt, i cried. chemo sucks, i feel terrible (4 more months to go!) i guess, i am a positive person. i realized that through all of this. my way of dealing is with sarcasm, wit and a bit of bitching
i work with people that just complain about everything in their life. i look at them and just want to say, "really? i have cancer and i'm not complaining." i don't say that though. i wish i did, it would feel soooooo good. (these are people that know i have cancer. btw) i hate complainers! i don't want to be one!
i guess i just want to say, positivity may not "cure" or "prevent" cancer. but, to me, it's a better way of dealing with things
*hugs*
carrie
When I was diagnosed last year (being 27!) I was so afraid of not being strong enough and that this cancer would erase my happiness and the sparkle in my eyes. I knew I was somehow strong, but wasn't sure if that was strong enough. I then though, I can choose to handle this the way that I want, be as miserable or proactive as I want. I am convinced that we choose how we want to live our lives, I believe we all have strong minds and hearts ..
and I agree with Carrie, I also hate complainers, I don't like to complain... I rather try to look the big picture, think in the long term, value unexpected gifts of life. I don't want to be classified as positive or negative or realist.. I just choose to be happy and conciusly invest as much effort as I can to be as happy as I decided.0 -
turquoiseaturquoisea said:we choose to be happy
When I was diagnosed last year (being 27!) I was so afraid of not being strong enough and that this cancer would erase my happiness and the sparkle in my eyes. I knew I was somehow strong, but wasn't sure if that was strong enough. I then though, I can choose to handle this the way that I want, be as miserable or proactive as I want. I am convinced that we choose how we want to live our lives, I believe we all have strong minds and hearts ..
and I agree with Carrie, I also hate complainers, I don't like to complain... I rather try to look the big picture, think in the long term, value unexpected gifts of life. I don't want to be classified as positive or negative or realist.. I just choose to be happy and conciusly invest as much effort as I can to be as happy as I decided.
well put 0 -
I think everyone here doescarriesoup said:turquoisea
well put
I think everyone here does keep a positve attiude but also keeps it real, we cheer for each other talk about everything including gas. We also worry about each other, and help through the tough times. pretty cool for people whom many of us has never met. Some people have stronger persinalities and ways of expressing themselves. Its all good, all add to the discussion. Marsha better not go anywhere, you can visit other places but this is your home!0
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