Table for one...

Hatshepsut
Hatshepsut Member Posts: 336 Member
edited March 2014 in Grief and Bereavement #1
Cooking has always been an avocation for me. When my husband was healthy, we savored our meals. When my husband became ill (both with colon cancer and heart disease), I dramatically re-vamped our diet and it became a low-fat, heart (and, I hoped, cancer-healthy) one. It just one more among many challenges that faced us, but we ate well, discovered a lot of new dishes, and enjoyed our meals together.

When I attended my first bereavement group sessions, the social worker (and other group members) talked a lot about their lack of interest in cooking or eating. According to the counselor, people who grieve don't cook; they skip meals or consume fast food.

I continue to cook. It gives me something to do and it just feels natural to me. I have to confess, though, that the moments when I sit down to eat alone are among the loneliest in my day. Sometimes I watch TV. Mostly, I read.

Does anyone else care to discuss how you handle meals by yourself.

Hatshepsut

Comments

  • Caregiver1963
    Caregiver1963 Member Posts: 46
    #2
    I commend you
    You should be proud that you are continuing to cook. I too enjoyed cooking very much when my husband was alive. I would usually try a new dish every week on the weekend. Cooking was the one thing I could do for him during his illness with brain cancer. He enjoyed eating and I enjoyed cooking for him. I have cooked very little these past 2 1/2 months. I eat but not always the best choices. It is hard I think to eat alone. I have at least started to think about cooking which is a good sign I think! For me I will need to make a concious effort to cook and maybe start by inviting a friend or family member to dinner on a consistent basis so I will have something to look forward to
    Mary
  • grandmafay
    grandmafay Member Posts: 1,633 Member
    #3
    Trouble Cooking
    I do have trouble cooking and eating by myself at home. We often went out for lunch and I have continued to do that either by myself or with friends. I have made lunch my main meal. I, too, used to enjoy cooking and hope I will again. Right now I just don't have that interest. I also find that when I do cook, I end up wasting much of what I cook. I did do some barbecuing this summer and for some reason that was easier for me. I also don't mind eating out alone and usually bring something to read. Whatever works. Fay
  • ktlcs
    ktlcs Member Posts: 358
    #4
    grandmafay said:

    Trouble Cooking
    I do have trouble cooking and eating by myself at home. We often went out for lunch and I have continued to do that either by myself or with friends. I have made lunch my main meal. I, too, used to enjoy cooking and hope I will again. Right now I just don't have that interest. I also find that when I do cook, I end up wasting much of what I cook. I did do some barbecuing this summer and for some reason that was easier for me. I also don't mind eating out alone and usually bring something to read. Whatever works. Fay

    I do
    Exactly what the counselor said, I don't cook, hardly eat, and when I do I eat out. As a matter of fact I rarely even go to the grocery store. Now that the weather is getting colder Sunday's remind me that I would cook the two of us a big dinner, (always let him choose) and we would sit and enjoy it together. Just writing about it now brings me to tears.

    Kathy
  • 3Mana
    3Mana Member Posts: 811
    #5
    ktlcs said:

    I do
    Exactly what the counselor said, I don't cook, hardly eat, and when I do I eat out. As a matter of fact I rarely even go to the grocery store. Now that the weather is getting colder Sunday's remind me that I would cook the two of us a big dinner, (always let him choose) and we would sit and enjoy it together. Just writing about it now brings me to tears.

    Kathy

    I feel the same way
    Kathy,
    I felt like crying when I read your post. We must all go through the same thing. I didn't eat much for quite a few months after my husband died. I go to the hot bar at one of our stores and buy food sometime. Have a small tv on the kitchen table that is my company. Am starting to be sad since it's gotten colder to, cause I'd make alot of soups, especially chili & we'd watch the Packer games. Hate to think of winter and being alone. Too bad we all don't live close to one another, we could take turns cooking and eat together, huh?

    Carole
  • Beckymarie
    Beckymarie Member Posts: 357
    #6
    3Mana said:

    I feel the same way
    Kathy,
    I felt like crying when I read your post. We must all go through the same thing. I didn't eat much for quite a few months after my husband died. I go to the hot bar at one of our stores and buy food sometime. Have a small tv on the kitchen table that is my company. Am starting to be sad since it's gotten colder to, cause I'd make alot of soups, especially chili & we'd watch the Packer games. Hate to think of winter and being alone. Too bad we all don't live close to one another, we could take turns cooking and eat together, huh?

    Carole

    Mealtimes are definitely not
    Mealtimes are definitely not the same. I was a stickler about not eating in front of the TV and now I eat all three meals in front of the TV, or eat while reading the newspaper. Whatever it takes to get me through mealtimes. Wouldn't that be nice if we did live close enough so we could get together. Well, hang in there. They tell me things eventually get better.
    Becky
  • faithlee
    faithlee Member Posts: 9
    #7
    lonely meals
    It's been four months for me but I remember the first time my kids and I sat down at the table for a meal together after my husband passed away. I guess I was so busy cooking and getting the table ready, that it never hit me until we all sat down and started passing the food. I started getting very emotional and my three kids are looking at me wondering what is going on, asking me if I was okay. Since then we haven't had that many family dinners. My two girls are back off to college and my son and I usually eat at the counter instead of the table. I still have the "family" meal time, but I think its painful for both of us to sit at the table.
  • Beckymarie
    Beckymarie Member Posts: 357
    #8
    faithlee said:

    lonely meals
    It's been four months for me but I remember the first time my kids and I sat down at the table for a meal together after my husband passed away. I guess I was so busy cooking and getting the table ready, that it never hit me until we all sat down and started passing the food. I started getting very emotional and my three kids are looking at me wondering what is going on, asking me if I was okay. Since then we haven't had that many family dinners. My two girls are back off to college and my son and I usually eat at the counter instead of the table. I still have the "family" meal time, but I think its painful for both of us to sit at the table.

    Mealtimes
    Family dinners are hard to schedule, especially when the kids are older and not at home. All three of my children have their own places. We have been trying to plan a once-a-week dinner when we can all be together. It has been diffcult as I am currently working 2 nights a week, one of the kids has graduate school one night a week, there are occasional work issues that require overtime for them. We have decided to just have dinner when we can make it work. They all live within 20-30 minutes of my house so I see them often which is a big help. Not the same, but helps. All the little things we enjoyed with our spouses that we thought we would have for many years to come. Oh brother...this cancer crap really stinks!!!
  • Tina Blondek
    Tina Blondek Member Posts: 1,500 Member
    #9
    3Mana said:

    I feel the same way
    Kathy,
    I felt like crying when I read your post. We must all go through the same thing. I didn't eat much for quite a few months after my husband died. I go to the hot bar at one of our stores and buy food sometime. Have a small tv on the kitchen table that is my company. Am starting to be sad since it's gotten colder to, cause I'd make alot of soups, especially chili & we'd watch the Packer games. Hate to think of winter and being alone. Too bad we all don't live close to one another, we could take turns cooking and eat together, huh?

    Carole

    Your House or Mine? :)
    Hello Carole
    Where do you live? I agree, I think this would be a wonderful idea! We are in central Virginia. I have thought of this before for my mom's sake. She has two other women in her neighborhood that are widows. I should go put a bug in their ears as well! Thanks for the idea!
    Tina
  • ktlcs
    ktlcs Member Posts: 358
    #10
    3Mana said:

    I feel the same way
    Kathy,
    I felt like crying when I read your post. We must all go through the same thing. I didn't eat much for quite a few months after my husband died. I go to the hot bar at one of our stores and buy food sometime. Have a small tv on the kitchen table that is my company. Am starting to be sad since it's gotten colder to, cause I'd make alot of soups, especially chili & we'd watch the Packer games. Hate to think of winter and being alone. Too bad we all don't live close to one another, we could take turns cooking and eat together, huh?

    Carole

    It would be
    It would be very nice actually. My friends are great and they try had but no one understands what it is like to go home alone until you've been there.

    Kathy
  • 3Mana
    3Mana Member Posts: 811
    #11
    Tina Blondek said:

    Your House or Mine? :)
    Hello Carole
    Where do you live? I agree, I think this would be a wonderful idea! We are in central Virginia. I have thought of this before for my mom's sake. She has two other women in her neighborhood that are widows. I should go put a bug in their ears as well! Thanks for the idea!
    Tina

    It is a good idea!
    Tina,
    I live in Wisconsin near Milwaukee. You should get together with your mom and the other women in her neighborhood for dinner sometime. Me & 3 of my neighbors go out for pizza & beer once a month. It's good to get out and for a couple hours you have someone to talk to.
    Keep in touch!! "Carole"
  • closs86
    closs86 Member Posts: 85
    #12
    Beckymarie said:

    Mealtimes
    Family dinners are hard to schedule, especially when the kids are older and not at home. All three of my children have their own places. We have been trying to plan a once-a-week dinner when we can all be together. It has been diffcult as I am currently working 2 nights a week, one of the kids has graduate school one night a week, there are occasional work issues that require overtime for them. We have decided to just have dinner when we can make it work. They all live within 20-30 minutes of my house so I see them often which is a big help. Not the same, but helps. All the little things we enjoyed with our spouses that we thought we would have for many years to come. Oh brother...this cancer crap really stinks!!!

    Meals
    I love this idea, it is to bad that we are all so far from each other, as we all understand each other, I have friends that I go to dinner with, but they are all married and like you say it is different when I come home to an empty house, they do try to understand, but it is different.
    I used to be very particular about eating healthy, a lot of good it did my husband, ever since he passed april 6, I don't think I have eaten one healthy thing, I eat crazy, won't cook for myself, so I eat whatever. It is horrible this new life.
    Karen

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