Have to wait for trials

Hi everyone. I guess I am just feeling put out this week. It has been 2 weeks now since they ended my trial treatment at UCSF. Can't start anything for 2 more weeks. When they called the day after my appt. about starting a new trial, I guess I misunderstood and thought that they actually had a trial for me to start. After talking with a research Doc's nurse on Fri., I find out they might or might not have something for me. I will go there this Fri to meet the Doc and see what is avail. I hate having to hold on to the hope that a phase one trial is all that is avail. to me, but I know I will take what they give me. It just all sounds so far fetched today! I am taking about 8 health supplements given to me by my chiropractor, and am holding out hope that maybe he has some answers for me. I am beginning to sound like the desperate, grasp at straws kind of cancer patient I always felt so sorry for. Yet, I know it will only take the right one to work! My family only wants to hear the positive it seems and I am not feeling so positive these days. You guys are the only ones I can truely be honest with. Thank you for that. I dread the thought of new drugs again, with who knows what side affects, but on the other hand, it scares me to death to be off of treatment with no plan. I have only had a few months total between treatments since dx in 3/08. I guess I think of chemo as a security blanket! Oh, poor me!! I whine when I'm on it and whine when I'm off! Sometimes I am not sure any of it makes sense. Thanks for listening. Jean