Vaginal Dialators - I'm Hoping for Hope

cujuja4evr
cujuja4evr Member Posts: 106
edited March 2014 in Anal Cancer #1
I just need some advice and encouraging words to help me to stay positive. I had surgery to remove scar tissue and I have started using vaginal dialators. The onc gyn gave me a med and large size and that only frustrated me because they couldn't fit! I did receive an extra small and a small when I went back for a follow-up. I've been using the small and I can finally get it completely in, but I've been trying to use the medium and it's a lost cause. Am I ever going to stretch beyond the small dialator. I feel like I'll never be the same. I've been starting to get depressed because I'm not seeing much results at all. I have to make it to the large size if I ever want to have sex with hubby again. I can't even deal with the medium size, never mind using the large.

Is there anyone out there who can give me some guidance or hope so that I don't lose what little I have left???

Any advice would be greatly appreciated!

Judy

Comments

  • z
    z Member Posts: 1,414 Member
    #2
    Judy
    Hi Judy,

    Keep using the dialator everyday, and use it for at least 10 minutes at a time. Do not give up, you will eventually stretch. I am able to insert the medium one as thats the one I've used from the beginning. I wonder if your husband can help you a little, as he would be the most natural, if he could penetrate a little everyday, I know thats not fair to him, but at least he could see that you are trying to get back to where you were. Never give up. Lori
  • sephie
    sephie Member Posts: 650 Member
    #3
    dilaltor
    do not give up. i started with the small and worked up. 10 minutes each dday.. lots of KY on myself and the dialtor. i am at 15 months post treatment and can not have sex due to pulling of anal tissue. i still have swelling and damage on left side. it scrapes and tears easily. and the thrusting from my husband is too painful. scared to death of tearing. feel badly for him. makes me lose confidence in myself as a wife. hugs to you sephie.
  • cujuja4evr
    cujuja4evr Member Posts: 106
    #4
    z said:

    Judy
    Hi Judy,

    Keep using the dialator everyday, and use it for at least 10 minutes at a time. Do not give up, you will eventually stretch. I am able to insert the medium one as thats the one I've used from the beginning. I wonder if your husband can help you a little, as he would be the most natural, if he could penetrate a little everyday, I know thats not fair to him, but at least he could see that you are trying to get back to where you were. Never give up. Lori

    I'll keep on keepin' on
    Thanks for the encouraging words. I'll keep on keepin' on to see if things improve. I think I'm putting more pressure on myself than anything. I have to learn how to relax and stop trying to put a time limit on my recovery. I expect way too much as it is! We did try the "natural" method, but I chickened out! I couldn't believe how I really afraid I was. I've only been using the dialators for a little over a week, so I'll give it more time to see how I progress. Thanks Lori!

    Judy
  • cujuja4evr
    cujuja4evr Member Posts: 106
    #5
    sephie said:

    dilaltor
    do not give up. i started with the small and worked up. 10 minutes each dday.. lots of KY on myself and the dialtor. i am at 15 months post treatment and can not have sex due to pulling of anal tissue. i still have swelling and damage on left side. it scrapes and tears easily. and the thrusting from my husband is too painful. scared to death of tearing. feel badly for him. makes me lose confidence in myself as a wife. hugs to you sephie.

    It's not fair!
    I sure hate that this radiation has done so much harm. I think you hit the nail on the head when you said the word, "confidence". I've been feeling like that lately. Even though my husband has been so loving, patient, and supportive, I can't help feeling that I'm depriving him. He has reassured me that if it means that we can never have sex again, then so be it. I'm going to keep on using the dialator and hopefully, over time, things will improve. At least my husband is not pressuring me about anything. He says that he's more concerned about my health than sex. I'm sorry to hear that you're having so much difficulty in your recovery. Hugz right back at ya! Thanks for listening.

    Judy
  • Bear23
    Bear23 Member Posts: 84
    #6
    cujuja4evr said:

    It's not fair!
    I sure hate that this radiation has done so much harm. I think you hit the nail on the head when you said the word, "confidence". I've been feeling like that lately. Even though my husband has been so loving, patient, and supportive, I can't help feeling that I'm depriving him. He has reassured me that if it means that we can never have sex again, then so be it. I'm going to keep on using the dialator and hopefully, over time, things will improve. At least my husband is not pressuring me about anything. He says that he's more concerned about my health than sex. I'm sorry to hear that you're having so much difficulty in your recovery. Hugz right back at ya! Thanks for listening.

    Judy

    what kind?
    I'm visiting from the CRC board. Rectal Cancer IV. chemo/rads, surgery, chemo, chemo, chemo. I am also having issues with penetration and pain. Who knows how long it has been since my husband and I have had sex. So my question is what kind are you using. I had someone tell me about Oasis wands that are vibrating and in various sizes. I have not used one but it sounds like the way to go. Any recommendations?

    Valerie
  • lemonade
    lemonade Member Posts: 63
    #7
    Bear23 said:

    what kind?
    I'm visiting from the CRC board. Rectal Cancer IV. chemo/rads, surgery, chemo, chemo, chemo. I am also having issues with penetration and pain. Who knows how long it has been since my husband and I have had sex. So my question is what kind are you using. I had someone tell me about Oasis wands that are vibrating and in various sizes. I have not used one but it sounds like the way to go. Any recommendations?

    Valerie

    dilator
    I googled and found one on Amazon.com of all places. Dr. Laura Berman has a line of "toys" for your sex life. It has 4 sizes, so you can work up from the smallest to the largest. I think it was about $50. Oh, by the way, it's tax deductible. (I'm working on my taxes right now and I just remembered to put in this receipt.)

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