Regarding I need you guys today

I really want to thank each and everyone of you for all the support, encouragement and kind words. I do feel better. I really needed to vent to people who understand what I’m going through and just allow myself to feel these emotions. So here are my thank yous:)

Nana B (Raquel): Thank You so much for letting me “wake you in the middle of the night” to read my post. You reminded me that infertility affects even those who don’t have cancer so I am not alone. I have been thinking about your friends daughter lately and know that this is a difficult journey but there is a plan for us and all will work out in the end because we have people like you to help us see the bigger picture

Khl8 (Kathy): I want to explain to you why I apologize for expressing my feelings. One time on my personal blog I wrote on my journal that cancer can be a lonely, frightening, and draining experience, and I was very disappoint that the friends and family that promised to “be there” for me during this time never came by , called, or even send an email/ letter/ card to see how I was doing (I was inspired by a post Craig wrote). Instead, many people called my mother to see how I was doing and for lack of a better word it pretty much ticked me off. I wrote that I hope I wasn’t hurting anyone’s feelings but that was how I felt and I just wanted to have the support and love from friends and family that was given to me before my diagnosis but somehow managed to disappear when I got sick. Most people understood my frustration but my older sister was livid, stating that she never called or came by because I didn’t answer phone calls( hello I was sick). She wrote on my page that I was being childish, selfish, and just because I have cancer other people were not going to stop living their lives! She stated that I needed to get over myself and to stop having pity parties. Yeah, my own sister said these things. Now I purposely apologize for everything I write on that blog hoping she knows I don’t want emotions to be confused with a pity party. Anyways, You are so right I’m here alive, able to feel these emotions and that’s pretty awesome. In my situation it is ok to “kick and scream” about ,and I will be ok in the end. Thank You we really are lucky to have the ability to laugh, cry, and overall experience life. Everything does happen for a reason, and without my situation I would never of met such wonderful people like you. HUGS TO YOU TOO

Lori-S: You hit it right on the nose. Flexibility is new to me and I haven’t embraced it as I should. We encounter so many different emotions and feelings going through this that I do indeed need to learn that these emotions are “normal” to feel, and in the big scheme of things what really does go according to plan?:) I do appreciate your prayers and I am blessed to have your concern to guide me towards grace and comfort while creating my tapestry.

Lovekitties(Marie): Thank you for reassuring that although our friends and family have our best interest in heart they don’t really get it. It’s funny to realize that cancer does create emotional baggage. I think I’m at that point where I got the diagnosis, went through the motions of treatment, and can finally reflect on how it has changed me. Now as far as the lottery I play faithfully every week haven’t won yet but when I do I’m sharing with you And trust me I stay true to my word.

KathiM (Kathi): I think if you read the thank you I wrote to Kathy you will understand why I use “pity party” I think the 1 yr anniversary of my surgery has put me in a place to reflect on what I’ve been through. I guess the aftermath of it all. And I can definitely relate to your new piping. I too can no longer enjoy (well at least my insides no longer enjoy) popcorn, corn on the cob, milk, nuts, dried fruit, spicy anything and I’m pretty sure more food yet to be discovered. Also, I really appreciate the info on the cost of a surrogate and what you said about adoption is so true. Thank you for reminding me it’s ok to feel these emotions. BIG hugs to you too

Buzzard (Clift): To be honest adoption never really crossed my mind. Not because I wasn’t interested but I wasn’t sure if an agency would consider me a good parent since I’m a stage 4er. But you gave me inspiration to get more info, so thank you. There are many deserving children out there and if possible I would be honored to have one love me and call me Mommy. Thanks for reminding me that love is a great gift and we are lucky to receive if from others whether blood related or not. Sending Love to You

Sasjourney(Sara): Your response made me smile. I hold on to hope everyday and do believe that all this craziness is happening for a reason. I don’t understand it yet, but time will reveal the answer:) It’s a blessing that I’ve come this far, proving that with my hopes and dreams many things are possible. Many Hugs to You

Whats a Mom2Do(Dee): I am so sorry for your son to be suffering through this. Here I was thinking I was so young but there is your son, what I call a baby, just about to experience life and hit by this horrible disease. You are a strong woman and an angel on earth for helping me through this while battling this with your son. You have such a big heart and will keep you and your son in my thoughts.

AudP: You are so kind. I never thought of this as a grieving process but it truly is. I don’t know what stage am currently experiencing; maybe bargaining , anger, or all of them all at once Thank you for helping me carry my cross, and helping me heal by reassuring me I can only heal by feeling my emotions.

Annecan: Baby steps are so hard when I was so use to running:) The book you suggested sounds amazing and want to read it very soon. And you are right, uncertainty has been the hardest part of this disease, in my opinion it is even harder than chemo. Thank you for understanding and my thoughts are with you too.

Sonja123: When the social worker threw out the what if I thought to myself, OMG she’s right. What would be harder, never having a child or having a child and then having to actively fight this battle while they are to young to understand what’s happening to me. I admire you! Having to be strong for yourself and your children must be tough at times, but here you are cheering me on. You and your sons will be kept in my prayers. Thank you

Christinecarl: I agree with you in regards to the fear of a child watching a parent be sick and fearing that they too can get this horrible disease. Maybe that is why this is happening to me right at this moment in time. Thank you for your concern and reminding me I’m allowed to feel angry or sad about what cancer has changed in my life. {{HUGS}} and Smiles to YOU

462lt(Laura): I’m soooo sorry for your early menopause that robbed you too from experiencing motherhood. It’s crazy how our bodies just work ( or don’t work). I guess acceptance is what I’m struggling with, and it’s not really the menopause that bothers me it’s just feeling like I’m less of a woman; if that makes sense? Thank you for sharing your story with me. I know many women find this topic is to taboo to share with one another. I truly felt so alone with this but you opened my eyes and helped me see it more common than what I thought but I guess less spoken about.

Msccolon(Mary): Thank you for saying I’m a strong woman. Many people have told me that but I never really thought I was because I felt I was just doing what I had to do to try and win this battle. Recently I realized that God truly only gives us what we can handle so He has to see something in me that I’m missing. His work shine through when other people remind me that I will get by because I have so much fight in me and so much to conquer.

Sundanceh(Craig): Oh Craig where do I start? Yes indeed, you are my ROCK. You are an incredible role model and I always look for you for inspiration when I feel I can’t do this any longer. Your words are always so appropriate and comforting. I agree that facing the fact that I have cancer is a lot easier than discovering what the disease is capable of taking away and limiting our choices. On another note, 19 yrs WOW…. As long as we never find ourselves in solitary confinement it’s worth all highs and lows, right? LOL. I’m pulling for you too ( we’re gonna be alright, OK! You got that?? )

Crow71(Roger): You were one of many that welcomed me when I first came to this board, and you are still supporting me today. Thank You! I lost my father when I was 22 and it was tough. He died by a freak accident at work so it was very sudden and unexpected. One of the hardest things I ever experienced. I may not have been as young as your children are, and maybe because I was older I knew in my heart that parents are not suppose to outlast their children. Therefore, in honor of him I finished college that year and was the only daughter of his to graduate. I knew I was making him proud and that’s he would want me to go and chase my dreams. Your kids are always going to know that you love them no matter if we have 5, 10 or heck 100 years together. Hug them a little tighter tonight (for me), they will look back and see the amazing dad you are.

Mommyof2kids(Petrina): Sometimes it’s a little scary to vent, so thank you for reminding me it’s natural. I really like your sending of positive energy and hope to receive more

Pepebcn: Thank you for the vibes! Sometimes I will have a sudden feeling of happiness and content and I’m pretty sure it’s related to the positive vibes. Thank you.

HollyID(Holly): “It's one thing to make the choice, but to have the choice made for you is worse.” That is exactly what devastates me. I did everything that was necessary to try and win this battle and I didn’t realize that when I followed the protocol there were going to be “consequences” that would affect me later in the battle. Thank you for understanding.

Tootsie1(Gail): I love prayer, and think that is why I have made it as far as I have. I mentioned it earlier to Laura that I never knew how many woman face the issue that they may not be able to have children. Thank you for sharing with me. *hugs* to you too

herdizziness(Winter Marie): My Nor Cal sister! You have shared a very intimate part of your life with me and I admire your strength. I couldn’t imagine experiencing the loss of a child. I’m very sorry. And you are right about not living in “what if” hysteria. I couldn’t believe the social worker told me that I should be making my decision based on that kind of thinking. Anyways, now it’s time to focus on what can I do/ what are the options

Dmdwins(Dawn): It takes an incredible amount of strength to witness the hardship many couples face in your line of work. And it is frustrating that the dream of starting my family may never be possible because of my finances/medical issues. Thank you for your compassion, I know that you can relate.

dorookie(Beth):What Buzz said is so true, and he helped me realize that being a mom can be possible even if a child is not brought into my life the conventional way. Thank you for the support:)

tinadasilva: Thank you. I know that things will happen for me the way they should, even if it's not the way I thought it would happen:)

pluckey(Peggy):Reason #6,309,999 Why Cancer Sucks: Because it takes away choices.LOL!! So sad, but sooooo true. I gave myself time to feel the wave of emotions and now boots are on and set to march away. Thank you