Lung cancer

Ella02
Ella02 Member Posts: 9
edited March 2014 in Caregivers #1
Hi, I am new to the site. I found this website very interesting. I thought I was the only one (well you know what I mean) going through the hard times as a caregiver. I am taking care of my Mom. She has had a 2nd lung cancer removed this Spring. The one before was in 2007. She is not very strong and has zero energy. We met the Dr. last week for a f/u visit & he requested another ct-scan because her voice is getting more hoarse, she is coughing more & more and loosing some weight. Her appetite is not very good. Going to see the E.N.T. this week to check for polyps. The Dr. said that if there are polyps this will most likely indicate cancer. Meaning that it would be in the lymph nodes. OMG I am worried! She also had open heart surgery 4 years ago (this is when the 1st cancer was found), so many major surgeries in 4 yrs... I feel so bad for her. She does not want to excercise, only wants to sit & read books. I feel frustrated sometimes, because I just want to help her feel better. She is getting more impatient with me & my Dad. WE just want to try to make her day a little bit brighter. We understand it's not easy, but she does not want to talk about it & refuses to do anything to help herself. The Dr.'s told me to not bother with trying to make her eat, nor excercise, as she won't do it anyways & will just get more frustrated with us. So we try & support her as much as possible. I find it hard to understand... She is 80yrs old and I feel she is giving up on life. Don't know how to react anymore...

Comments

  • kimmygarland
    kimmygarland Member Posts: 312
    #2
    So hard....
    It's so hard to know what to do. As for me, I try and abide by my husband wishes, but always express my opinion. But ultimately, the decision how to handle this is his. It's so scary and so tough.

    Hang in there.
  • Ella02
    Ella02 Member Posts: 9
    #3
    kimmygarland said:

    So hard....
    It's so hard to know what to do. As for me, I try and abide by my husband wishes, but always express my opinion. But ultimately, the decision how to handle this is his. It's so scary and so tough.

    Hang in there.

    thank you
    Dear Kimmy,

    Thank you for your support. I read your other posts & you seem to have your hands full also. My thoughts & prayers are with you.
  • grandmafay
    grandmafay Member Posts: 1,633 Member
    #4
    Hard
    It is so hard to watch our loved ones and not be able to fix them. Your mother is probably scared, too, and trying to come to terms with her illness. She does have to make her own decisions. Those decisions may not be the ones you would choose, but it is her life. Your job is to make sure that she has all the information she needs to make those decisions. Part of that information may be how you feel, what effect her decisions may have on you and your dad. Then you need to support her in any way you can whatever she decides, and she needs to know that as well. It is hard for us to let go, but sometimes we need to do just that. My thoughts will be with you and your family. Come here often if you need some support or just need to vent. Fay
  • Ella02
    Ella02 Member Posts: 9
    #5
    grandmafay said:

    Hard
    It is so hard to watch our loved ones and not be able to fix them. Your mother is probably scared, too, and trying to come to terms with her illness. She does have to make her own decisions. Those decisions may not be the ones you would choose, but it is her life. Your job is to make sure that she has all the information she needs to make those decisions. Part of that information may be how you feel, what effect her decisions may have on you and your dad. Then you need to support her in any way you can whatever she decides, and she needs to know that as well. It is hard for us to let go, but sometimes we need to do just that. My thoughts will be with you and your family. Come here often if you need some support or just need to vent. Fay

    Thank you
    Dear Grandmafay,

    I thank you for your support.
  • Ella02
    Ella02 Member Posts: 9
    #6
    Ella02 said:

    Thank you
    Dear Grandmafay,

    I thank you for your support.

    today was a good day!
    Well today was a good day! She is more up and feeling a bit better. As you all mentioned, it's her decision on what happens with her life & I totally agree with you all.
    Somedays are better than others.
    Last week was a bad week for Mom & I just could not seem to do anything right. I felt a little down because I could not seem to do anything to help. So I gave it a day or so & talked it over with Mom. She opened up a bit more about her feelings. I know some people don't like to talk but it can't be good to keep everything all bottled up inside, especially something so serious.
    Now I am getting sick with a bad cold & trying to figure out how to be around Mom next week. I will wear a mask & maybe gloves to make sure she does not get sick. I do the cooking, cleaning, take her to Dr. appointments, etc... I would feel horrible if she got sick! God knows what it would do to her. I know that she can pick up germs in Dr.'s offices & hospital & she always says "i'll never get a cold" but still...

    I really appreciate all your replies, as this helps me with this journey. I really feel grateful to be able to take care of Mom. Everyone tells me that she's lucky to have me around... BUT I tell everyone that "I'm the lucky one" to still have my parents around.

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