I just don't want to talk about it any more...
To know me, you have to know the whole story...
My husband was diagnosed on my birthday in 2007 with Chronic Myeloid Leukimia. After a series of tests and failures, he received a stem cell transplant at UCLA in March of this year. He is doing extremely well and is back to work on a part time basis...
Well, lo and behold, July 15th comes around and I am diagnosed with stage IIA breast cancer. The good news is that I am doing extremely well and expect to fully recover and life goes on for us.
All this being said, after all I have been thru with my husband, I have chose to keep my cancer a personal matter and don't really feel the need or the desire to have any lengthy conversations with friends and family about it. My husband, on the other hand, feels that i have some type of social responsiblility and seems to feel the need to tell everybody weather I want them to know or not....
The problem that I have is that it seems like every time somebody finds out, I get wrapped up in an hour long conversation about the state of my health and what a terrible hand of cards I have been dealt. What really bugs me is that I have a great outlook on this and don't understand why other people feel the need to dwell on it or insist on praying for me when I feel fine and know that I can move forward...
All I can say is ughhhh!!!
Comments
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I agree with you
The people in my life who I want to open up with about my cancer have been told. A far as I am concerned nobody else needs to know. The other day I was at the store with a friend, I had to get some vitamin D. Well the clerk comes over and asks if we need any help and my friend just started yakking about my whole cancer crap. I was so mad because #1 it is not the clerk's business and #2 my friend had no right to bring it up.
The only responsibility I have is to beat the beast, keep a positive attitude, and hopefully be there to help someone who is going through something similar.
I personally believe in the power of prayer and I am praying for you but I will not push my beliefs on you. I'm glad you are feeling fine (I am too) and it's great that we can all move forward.
I do get tired of those hour long conversations. It is like I can't be me anymore, I have to be cancer and that is a real shallow definition of all of us.0 -
Vent away mrs gadget!!!
IT
Vent away mrs gadget!!!
IT seems, people with me anyway, were afraid to talk about it to me and avoided me like the plague! I tell people im very open about it and if they have any questions to just ask and if i feel they crossed a line i would tell them...but i understand how you feel about not wanting everyone to know cuz i thought that at first when i was dx but i had no choice like you of everyone finding out so i gave up on that and just tried to educate people on it.
You have a great outlook on it and thats really awesome...it makes getting thru it a little easier!0 -
I know
I am the same way about having Q&A about my cancer...here's a blog I wrote just the other day...
Just one of days were I feel alone..I just want to scream,kick, and cry. I want to stop lying and telling everyone I'm okay with a big smile. I want to breathe and then scream to everyone... I'm not okay and I won't be okay for awhile so stop asking me. No I really don't feel like being here at work but my reality is I have no choice. Nope I'm not okay with having to get a mastectomy and seriously considering a hysterectomy..Yes it hard being a single mother dealing with this cancer thing. And really I don't want to hear how you would feel if it were you and not me... I'm not a doctor so can you please not direct all your cancer questions,theories, and concerns my way. And I don't have to watch everything cancer movie or sitcom (Big C) cause I should be able to relate...ha I feel better already! Now if I could only say that to those none cancer having people who mean well but seriously depresses me0 -
I think this is universal.Evoling_butterfly said:I know
I am the same way about having Q&A about my cancer...here's a blog I wrote just the other day...
Just one of days were I feel alone..I just want to scream,kick, and cry. I want to stop lying and telling everyone I'm okay with a big smile. I want to breathe and then scream to everyone... I'm not okay and I won't be okay for awhile so stop asking me. No I really don't feel like being here at work but my reality is I have no choice. Nope I'm not okay with having to get a mastectomy and seriously considering a hysterectomy..Yes it hard being a single mother dealing with this cancer thing. And really I don't want to hear how you would feel if it were you and not me... I'm not a doctor so can you please not direct all your cancer questions,theories, and concerns my way. And I don't have to watch everything cancer movie or sitcom (Big C) cause I should be able to relate...ha I feel better already! Now if I could only say that to those none cancer having people who mean well but seriously depresses me
I think this is universal. As with breast cancer one size doesnt fit all. some people are really open, some are reserved and some are in between. for me it depends. The point is we didnt get to choose this, so we want to have some control over who knows and what they know. having said this "our" story is our loved ones story as well, and I try to give latitude to my loved ones because, I realize this doesnt just affect me. Perhaps your husband needs to tell his story and the crappy year you guys have had. Although you seem to be a very positive person. Having said this I wouuldnt like it either. Its important to have your wishes respected.
EB -vent here and tell us how you feel, we know it stinks!0 -
I had some family like that
I had some family like that and I finally spoke up and said enough is enough. I told them I was trying my best to be positive and fight this disease. Believe it or not, they then became my biggest cheerleaders--maybe a little too upbeat...lol. But hey, I like that much better than their boohooing around me!0 -
yay to no boo hoohing, andCypressCynthia said:I had some family like that
I had some family like that and I finally spoke up and said enough is enough. I told them I was trying my best to be positive and fight this disease. Believe it or not, they then became my biggest cheerleaders--maybe a little too upbeat...lol. But hey, I like that much better than their boohooing around me!
yay to no boo hoohing, and that pity thing yuck, thats what I dread the most, I do anything to avoid that!!!! I need understanding and acceptance, and for the most part I get that!! Most days I feel blessed.0 -
I totally agree Cypress andcarkris said:yay to no boo hoohing, and
yay to no boo hoohing, and that pity thing yuck, thats what I dread the most, I do anything to avoid that!!!! I need understanding and acceptance, and for the most part I get that!! Most days I feel blessed.
I totally agree Cypress and Carkris....no boo hoo, pity party stuff...thats very irritating and brings me down...so if i act happy and have a good attitude then it rubs off. But im not shy about talking about it and i think it makes a difference at least to the people close to me...cuz they can listen and TRY to be more understanding than boo hooing...which makes it so easier.0 -
I've been battling cancer
I've been battling cancer for the past 7 years and have had 6 surgeries in the past year. My mom was just diagnoses with breast cancer and as selfish as it sounds I'm glad mt family has someone else to focus on. ,ow how sas is that? I'm just tired of being the patient. I totAlly get it.0 -
I am pretty open too exceptmom62 said:I've been battling cancer
I've been battling cancer for the past 7 years and have had 6 surgeries in the past year. My mom was just diagnoses with breast cancer and as selfish as it sounds I'm glad mt family has someone else to focus on. ,ow how sas is that? I'm just tired of being the patient. I totAlly get it.
I am pretty open too except I dont give pathology details, people dont understand it, heck I dont always understand it, some people think if you have a mastectomy that is really bad, they dont understand. I also like to pick who knows my info, dont discuss my fissure either, hard to bring up in conversation LOL. The important thing is its my info and my business and i choose what to do with it. When I was first diagnosed I told my boss not to share the info with anyone. I was devastated and work in an intense atmosphere. She told people anyway and that made it unbearable for me at work. I didnt know who had the info and it made it difficult not knowing who would ambush me with it. I did get ambushed a couple of times then the tears would roll, NOT GOOD! Now i am going back to work, just really slow, and I have told her again, there lots of new people I dont want to be the nurse with cancer, just want to be me. Unfortunately its also going to hard to just slip in as I simply do not look like my old self. I am very small, my hair is dark, short and curly. people do not recognize me. I have to introduce myself to people who have known me at work for years. This time I THINK she will honor my wish as I told her how not good that was.0 -
I know what you mean.. I
I know what you mean.. I don't like it either when some one else starts talking about my cancer with some one especially if they are a stranger!!! I have told everyone if I wanted them to know I would have told them. I know they mean well and I guess it is how they cope with it. But jeez come on do we have to talk about it all the time. I would like to forget about it for a few seconds here and there if I can. Just have a normal moment. Now I feel better Thank you Kay0 -
I'm a pretty open person, but when it comes to MY breastsmalldoggroomer said:I know what you mean.. I
I know what you mean.. I don't like it either when some one else starts talking about my cancer with some one especially if they are a stranger!!! I have told everyone if I wanted them to know I would have told them. I know they mean well and I guess it is how they cope with it. But jeez come on do we have to talk about it all the time. I would like to forget about it for a few seconds here and there if I can. Just have a normal moment. Now I feel better Thank you Kay
cancer and my fight .. it's MY STORY. I hate those that feel they know all, side efforts - chemo/rad, journey, surgeries etc just from seeing me, or talking to me several times during my 14 month battle. I have been extremely private about fight and journey - just recently told one of my neighbor's - who was horrified. MY business. Now that I am stronger - and have about 3 inches of hair - I can avoid all the discomfort of cancer conversation, if I choose. If I am I caught up in a conversation - and there are many, now that it's Pink Ribbon support month .. I change the subject, walk away - pretending to sneeze or cough .. if I'm on the phone - I say my cell is ringing and I am awaiting an important call.
We all need a 'safe' place to ... cry, scream, and cry somemore! Our life has been turned upside down with verbiage that we do not reconize or understand, doctor visits that go on for days - chemo crapppp dripping into our veins, and/or radiation sessions that make our bodies 'glo in the dark'.
Stand Tall, and Proud .. Warrior Sisters, and choose which conversations you want to take part of.
Strength, Courage and Sass:
Vicki Sam0 -
I went to a family gathering
I went to a family gathering yesterday afternoon~as many of you know I had done a 10K for the Lance Armstrong Foundation in 100 degree weather the day before. For yesterdays gathering (1st birthday for Reggie's granddaughter) I did 6 racks of ribs, german potato salad, rice, and Siobhan made BEAUTIFUL cupcakes and an individual cake for the baby to dig into all to herself. This too was outdoors, and again, over 100 degrees. I wasn't looking for kudos, but with all I had managed to do in 2 days time, it seemed to me that I didn't appear ill. And yet....
Some of the people at the party gave me "the look"~ they kind of turn their heads to the side and nervously ask how I am. The pitch of their voices change, they sound almost sing-songy. As if they are amazed I am still standing or something! LOL Ok~ some days I am amazed I am still standing! LOL But I just carry on! When I get "the look" and "the question" from family and friends I don't really know all that well~ I just laugh and say, "Hey! I am still above ground today, so I guess I'm doing ok"!
I was tired, I am tired! No doubt I will continue to BE tired! Part and parcel of growing old ( which I am soooo happy to have the opportunity to do!) coupled with fighting the Beast, coupled with life in general. I have learned how to deflect people and situations I don't want to be in...
Last night, exhausted as I was, Reggie had bought himself, Siobhan and me tickets to see Bryan Adams in concert!!! It meant getting ready to do one more thing, and driving for 45 minutes , but OMG~ what a way to end the weekend!
So, sweet sister, I would say you are in good company! Continue to surround yourself as much as possible with people who are like you, and who you like! You can set the boundaries for how much you want to tell or not tell. Have an un-official " Today I'm Not Talking About Cancer Day "...and when someone wants to bring up the subject tell them you'd love to talk about it another day, but you just can't today! Or something equally foolish! Tell them it's part of your personal treatment regimine NOT to talk about Cancer on whatever day they are choosing to talk to you about it! You be the Boss of YOU! They'll get the message! Especially if you do this all with a smile!
Being that it is obvious you do have a great attitude, I absolutely think you will with grace, and humor have the upper hand here!
Isn't this a great place to vent, btw??? Gotta love it! :-)
Hugs,
Chen♥0 -
People love to tell you how to do your treatmentchenheart said:I went to a family gathering
I went to a family gathering yesterday afternoon~as many of you know I had done a 10K for the Lance Armstrong Foundation in 100 degree weather the day before. For yesterdays gathering (1st birthday for Reggie's granddaughter) I did 6 racks of ribs, german potato salad, rice, and Siobhan made BEAUTIFUL cupcakes and an individual cake for the baby to dig into all to herself. This too was outdoors, and again, over 100 degrees. I wasn't looking for kudos, but with all I had managed to do in 2 days time, it seemed to me that I didn't appear ill. And yet....
Some of the people at the party gave me "the look"~ they kind of turn their heads to the side and nervously ask how I am. The pitch of their voices change, they sound almost sing-songy. As if they are amazed I am still standing or something! LOL Ok~ some days I am amazed I am still standing! LOL But I just carry on! When I get "the look" and "the question" from family and friends I don't really know all that well~ I just laugh and say, "Hey! I am still above ground today, so I guess I'm doing ok"!
I was tired, I am tired! No doubt I will continue to BE tired! Part and parcel of growing old ( which I am soooo happy to have the opportunity to do!) coupled with fighting the Beast, coupled with life in general. I have learned how to deflect people and situations I don't want to be in...
Last night, exhausted as I was, Reggie had bought himself, Siobhan and me tickets to see Bryan Adams in concert!!! It meant getting ready to do one more thing, and driving for 45 minutes , but OMG~ what a way to end the weekend!
So, sweet sister, I would say you are in good company! Continue to surround yourself as much as possible with people who are like you, and who you like! You can set the boundaries for how much you want to tell or not tell. Have an un-official " Today I'm Not Talking About Cancer Day "...and when someone wants to bring up the subject tell them you'd love to talk about it another day, but you just can't today! Or something equally foolish! Tell them it's part of your personal treatment regimine NOT to talk about Cancer on whatever day they are choosing to talk to you about it! You be the Boss of YOU! They'll get the message! Especially if you do this all with a smile!
Being that it is obvious you do have a great attitude, I absolutely think you will with grace, and humor have the upper hand here!
Isn't this a great place to vent, btw??? Gotta love it! :-)
Hugs,
Chen♥
It`s my body not thiers. people love to tell you what you should do which i hate. and this comes from dealing with social workers that think they know what is the best for you thery dont. I have learned to do what i think is best for me .0 -
First, Chenhart, you are my hero!canjuncutie said:People love to tell you how to do your treatment
It`s my body not thiers. people love to tell you what you should do which i hate. and this comes from dealing with social workers that think they know what is the best for you thery dont. I have learned to do what i think is best for me .
When we had those many days of 90+ degrees here in Michiagan last summer I prayed for fall and stayed in the air conditioning. I don't know how you did it! You go girl!
I don't work and so do not have to put with insensitive co-workers. And some are, I remember some of the unbelieveable things some (just a few) can say. I used to ignore those types, literally tell them I don't care to discuss it and walk away, didn't care what they thought...I felt if they didn't care about my feelings why should I get upset. Besides, there are some people you just really can't insult!
I will discuss my cancer with anyone who wants to discuss it, leaving out intimate details. If even just one person will get a mammogram or insist on a biopsy or discuss further the "wait and see" approach and perhaps be more proactive I feel I've done my job. No one ever saw me cry except my husband...but not because I was "brave", I just always felt energized when I was out with my friends and was able tofeel up and very loved and didn't feel down at those times. Therefore I never got "the looks". What they said behind my back I'll nver know and don't care.
This is very personal and we are all so different and I feel our wishes should be honored, todiscuss or not discuss. the fact that a boss would break a confidence and discuss personal busiess with co-workers is horrible and I would never trust that person again with any information. Abslutely no details of any kind. I'm back to work and I'm find, end of story. How awful. Perhaps taking the bull by the horns and telling your co-workers, when you return, that yes, I was in treatment for breast cancer, I'm fine now, working on a full recovery (yada, yada, yada) but really want to put it behind me and not discuss it etc. Maybe that will end it... and the rude ones, be very blunt.
One "size" does not fit all. Ourfriends should respect this and the others....who gives a rats butt?
Hugs, Judy :-)0
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