Oh .. my I have the 'Oh .. Hums' ... Whine .. Whine .. or venting ?
Oh
I have breast cancer - endured chemo for 6 months - poor me, I feel so sorry for myself . . whine, whine, whine
Humm
At least I didn't have to go thru radiation --
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Oh
Fatigued, tired and lethargic
Humm
Still have 14 more visits with the PT for chronic fatigue therapy --
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Oh
OMG .. my 8th surgery in 13 months is scheduled next Wednesday, 9/29 - to fix my right droopy dropped breast
Humm
At least I have medical insurance until the 30th - the day after.. Let's all join hands and pray that there are no complications or infections - Seriously --
=====
Oh
No job to go back to, Company closed their doors last year.
Humm
Doctors as well as my disability office states that I'm unfit and healthy to go back to work right now - -- when? is anybody's guess .. WHAT, no body wants to pay me? I've work 17 years in the same profession ... never taking more than 1 1/2 year off to stay home with my infant daughter .. Where's all my disability and unemployment money gone to? I know that the State of California has taken funds weekly from my check for a rainy day -- where's my rainy day fund?
======
Oh
It's too late to sign up for college classes
Humm
Well now I have the opportunity to explore life .. What to do ???? Attention span not what it use to be .. can't go out and get my pilot's license ... Chemo Brain -- afraid to drive more than 5 miles from home - occasional lose my sense of being and direction -- can't wait for this side effort to dissipate, or maybe it's been here all along and I'm was running in fast pace motion and never noticed ??
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Oh
Walked 1 mile 2 days ago .. blew out my left ankle, now Ortho states I may need to have surgery and pin's installed to hold my bone in place --
Humm
I'll just sit and not move .. as I have NO HEALTH insurance as of 9/30/10 - and Ortho office can not scheduled surgery today, tomorrow or Monday .. Medical insurance and coverage is everything ...
=======
Oh
Holidays are coming up .. I guess I'll have to start working on my Thanksgiving and Christmas dinners - as no family member step up to the plate last year while I was having weekly chemo therapy .. Need to clean - china, silver wear, crystal ware .. overwhelmed just thinking about it.
Humm
I'm alive .. I can now worry, clean and organize both dinners - full courses, sit down and all. Plus I'm not having chemo, or working full time -- A celebration in deed.
=========
Oh and Humm
I have breast cancer ... but, ... Breast Cancer does NOT have me. Plus, I have all you wonderful, spirited WARRIORS in my corner .. who could ask for more?
Love, Strength, Courage and Hugs,
Vicki Sam
Comments
-
Lord Love a Duck...Miss
Lord Love a Duck...Miss Vikki...first thing girlfriend is let's bring Nikki back...then you start flinging those F bombs around...slap a bucket of KFC and some paper plates on the table and vow this is their Christmas FUTURE IF THEY DON't get off their overly pampered butts and help you out...now...rat now...not tomorrow...I mean rattt nooowwww...and say it like you mean it!!!!!!love, shy0 -
Aside from all the other
"stuff" you're dealing with, you should NOT have to clean silver and china and worry about preparing holiday meals. Call someone and ask them what time they expect you at THEIR house for each of these meals. Boy if there's one thing cancer should be good for it's not having to clean, cook, entertain, then clean again.
I'm so sorry you're dealing with all this and then to top it off, the insurance issue on top of it. Again, those of us dealing with cancer should not have to deal with that crap. Look into medicaid. Some of my co-workers have mentioned that that should pay for something for you.
Please come back and keep venting til you're here celebrating. It's what we're here for.
Love and hugs,
marge0 -
So sorry you are having to
So sorry you are having to deal with all of this crap Vicki, it's just not fair. You have handled it all with such dignity and grace, I'm afraid I would be having a pity party every day if I were in your shoes. Know that we are here for you to give you strength, courage and resolve to conquer it all. Prayers are coming your way!!!!
Hugs,
Laura0 -
Help .. It's time for me to WAKE UP from thishoop77 said:So sorry you are having to
So sorry you are having to deal with all of this crap Vicki, it's just not fair. You have handled it all with such dignity and grace, I'm afraid I would be having a pity party every day if I were in your shoes. Know that we are here for you to give you strength, courage and resolve to conquer it all. Prayers are coming your way!!!!
Hugs,
Laura
nightmare ... !!!! I'm normally so positive and free spirited .... I've got the UGLIES !!!
Where the hellll is my evil twin, NIKKI !!!0 -
You are entitled to have theVickiSam said:Help .. It's time for me to WAKE UP from this
nightmare ... !!!! I'm normally so positive and free spirited .... I've got the UGLIES !!!
Where the hellll is my evil twin, NIKKI !!!
You are entitled to have the "uglies" every once in a while! Don't worry, this too shall pass.0 -
I did that on Monday
I did exactly what you're doing on Monday, however I did let the F bomb out quite a few times and darn proud of it. Then I spent the entire evening crying uncotrollably! Didn't really feel any better after that but oh well or as you said humm!! Oh by the way did I mention that I hate cancer!!! And if I hear one more person say when life gives you lemons.... or when one door opens....I think I'll scream!!
Wish I could be there with you so we could share this party of ours. Since I can't I will not add insult to injury with any euphemisms or platitudes which would really send me round the bend. Just go in to the nearest closet, like they tell you when there's a tornado or hurricane bury your head in a big fluffy robe or warm fuzzy winter coat and scream as loud as you can CANCER SUCKS!!!!!!!!!
Love and Peace,
Edie0 -
Love, Strength, Courage and
Love, Strength, Courage and Hugs right back to you!
With all that to think about and dealing with Chemo brain, you are still able to look at each issue individually and positively. That is something else to celebrate.
I read yesterday that the Americans with Disablities Act considers cancer a disability. Could/would your docs help you claim this as a permanent disability so you can get something back for those 17 years? I have Kaiser who has an oncology social worker to help people through issues like this. Is there anyone like that you can add to your team of supporters?
California also has started taking applications for people who can't get insured elsewhere, let me dig a little and I'll see if I can find more info on that.
As for the holidays, you have a month or so to change the expectations of your guests. Start letting them know now that it needs to be different this year, then decide together what "different" looks like. You might end up starting some new traditions that will be cherished for years to come.
Hugs and blessings,
Linda0 -
VentingGabe N Abby Mom said:Love, Strength, Courage and
Love, Strength, Courage and Hugs right back to you!
With all that to think about and dealing with Chemo brain, you are still able to look at each issue individually and positively. That is something else to celebrate.
I read yesterday that the Americans with Disablities Act considers cancer a disability. Could/would your docs help you claim this as a permanent disability so you can get something back for those 17 years? I have Kaiser who has an oncology social worker to help people through issues like this. Is there anyone like that you can add to your team of supporters?
California also has started taking applications for people who can't get insured elsewhere, let me dig a little and I'll see if I can find more info on that.
As for the holidays, you have a month or so to change the expectations of your guests. Start letting them know now that it needs to be different this year, then decide together what "different" looks like. You might end up starting some new traditions that will be cherished for years to come.
Hugs and blessings,
Linda
Dear VickiSam.......we are here, so just let it out. I know you are frustrated, angry, and general upside down right now, but believe me, it will get better. Let those around you know exactly what is going on in your head, even if it stings a little bit to tell your loved ones that you are at wits end. I am sure they know this, but if you are as caring as you are on this Board with your family, they may not realize exactly what you are going through. That is what family is for, and they need to know you are in a crisis situation right now. As far as holiday meals.....paper plates and KFC sound good to me. And let someone else buy these. You are such a strong member of this Board, and we are all here for you. I will keep you in my prayers, and it will work out. Stand your ground, and let others do for you as you have done for us. Hugs, and lots of support here. Judy0 -
Dear Sweet Vicki... you will
Dear Sweet Vicki... you will always have us in your corner, Amen to that Sister! Hugs and kisses to you.
BL0 -
Wow Vicki...get Nikki in
Wow Vicki...get Nikki in there for awhile she'll tell them how it is for ya!
Everyone is entitled to get the uglies during these times...Lord knows ive had a few thru this hole process...its never easy or fun...id rather be layin on a tropical beach somewhere takin in the sun and sippin on strawberry daquiries....yummmy!0 -
Ok, did a littleGabe N Abby Mom said:Love, Strength, Courage and
Love, Strength, Courage and Hugs right back to you!
With all that to think about and dealing with Chemo brain, you are still able to look at each issue individually and positively. That is something else to celebrate.
I read yesterday that the Americans with Disablities Act considers cancer a disability. Could/would your docs help you claim this as a permanent disability so you can get something back for those 17 years? I have Kaiser who has an oncology social worker to help people through issues like this. Is there anyone like that you can add to your team of supporters?
California also has started taking applications for people who can't get insured elsewhere, let me dig a little and I'll see if I can find more info on that.
As for the holidays, you have a month or so to change the expectations of your guests. Start letting them know now that it needs to be different this year, then decide together what "different" looks like. You might end up starting some new traditions that will be cherished for years to come.
Hugs and blessings,
Linda
Ok, did a little research...if you google "California High Risk Health Pool" you will get tons of information. This is a pool of money from the federal govt to help states until the medical reforms fully take place in 2014. There are some reforms that start today.
A lot of what's there are news stories and reports. This link http://www.mrmib.ca.gov/mrmib/mrmipbro.pdf is to the 2010 application and handbook for the California Major Medical Risk Insurance Program. I read a little bit, and it looks to be easy to understand, and I saw phone numbers and addresses.
I hope this helps.
Linda0 -
Rant away!!jo jo said:Wow Vicki...get Nikki in
Wow Vicki...get Nikki in there for awhile she'll tell them how it is for ya!
Everyone is entitled to get the uglies during these times...Lord knows ive had a few thru this hole process...its never easy or fun...id rather be layin on a tropical beach somewhere takin in the sun and sippin on strawberry daquiries....yummmy!
I think you've earned that right. And like someone said, let "others" do the holidays this year. Your little body is trying to tell you something. I was whining to my friend that I can't do things like I want to.....it's taking me twice as long to do shelves, cabinets, etc. ---1/2 room at a time. And, I didn't have half the stuff happen to me as it has to you!!!It is what it is....in my case, it's Femara, and age!! It will all get done....and if someone says something to you, hand them a rag and point them in the direction they need to go.....be it dusty shelves, or dirty silver.
As for the "whine"----I think a glass of wine is in order....along side Jo JO on her tropical beach! Move over, sweetie---I'm joinin' ya!
Jennifer0 -
Vicki
you know this is the place for venting because many times you're expressing what we're all feeling! BC sisters stick together! I'm sorry about your insurance issues but hopefully what Linda posted will help you out. I'm so glad my hubby has good insurance. I don't need something else to worry about other than getting my health back. As for holiday meals - ask someone else to host this year, that you need a break!
{{hugs}} Char0 -
Thanks ... Warriors sister in PINK .. Funny thing Linda ..cahjah75 said:Vicki
you know this is the place for venting because many times you're expressing what we're all feeling! BC sisters stick together! I'm sorry about your insurance issues but hopefully what Linda posted will help you out. I'm so glad my hubby has good insurance. I don't need something else to worry about other than getting my health back. As for holiday meals - ask someone else to host this year, that you need a break!
{{hugs}} Char
I have collected about 28 links to health care reform, insurance and help ... all resulting in 'No Help' .. but I am optimistic .. City of Hope in Duarte, California and UCLA will assist me in future - Breast Cancer related health care and/or surgeries .. all at a reduced rate of cost -- payment of cash.
It could be worst, we could of lost our home, 1 of my children or parent or my husband .. so I guess I am lucky only to have lost both breasts ... ! haha
Damn Health care ...
Vicki Sam0 -
Hi VickiVickiSam said:Thanks ... Warriors sister in PINK .. Funny thing Linda ..
I have collected about 28 links to health care reform, insurance and help ... all resulting in 'No Help' .. but I am optimistic .. City of Hope in Duarte, California and UCLA will assist me in future - Breast Cancer related health care and/or surgeries .. all at a reduced rate of cost -- payment of cash.
It could be worst, we could of lost our home, 1 of my children or parent or my husband .. so I guess I am lucky only to have lost both breasts ... ! haha
Damn Health care ...
Vicki Sam
are you on-line right now? Do you want to talk? Call me or I can call you.
I you know I have had all of those issues which you have mention: insurance, disability, employment. Let's talk about them. I have 2+ years of experience.
Hugs0
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