“The Cure vs Extensions of Life” - Just Sundance Pondering...

It’s been awhile since I wound up and had something to say about much since surgery and now with the treatments beginning – sort of sapped my inspiration. But my mind has been busy writing this post a thousand times.

Having my 3rd recurrence this time around has gotten me to thinking a lot about my own mortality. Prior to this recurrence, I was always of the mindset that I was going to make it all the way – I might have to do these things, but I will do them and I will eventually walk away from this.

Like all of you, I have seen so many people on this site pass away this year – I’ve lost count there have been so many. It reminds of me a discussion I had with my first onco, a little over a year ago. I had told him about the board and how we were doing great things. He looked at me and said, “But some of those people are not going to make it.” I looked at him blankly – not my friends, I thought.

But, he was right there, his 35-years of experience was telling me what I then did not know. He’s seen Life and Death with many of his patients and he knew the realities of cancer. I was just too naïve to believe that anyone I cared about, would pass away.

As with any subset of test examples, there are going to be some on each side of the equation. We’ve seen folks who have lost their battle and we’ve seen a few folks, who have made it and gone on. We know it can happen – we hope it happens for us and we try very hard to attain that goal. The difference between the two groups is the numbers of people in each group.

As a realist, I’ve come to realize that “curarative” is still my doctor’s and my goal and that’s what my doctors are saying, and still in the cards – but then, on the other hand, just reviewing my own journey, has gotten me to think more and more about the role of medicines and “Extensions of Life.”

I want so much to believe still, but am a little more uncertain, than I’ve been in years past. The raw reality of the Board and watching my friends fade away has opened my eyes and showed me an alternate reality that I could not force myself to believe in the early days – but how I can argue with it after what I’ve seen?

Having said that, I’m still committed to winning, but I know I’m at a critical juncture for myself. If I can hold on for all that radiation again and all the chemo treatments, we will probably have knocked the cancer back down in the dirt for a spell. But how long?

As a Stage IV now, I’ve got but two choices: Fight or Die

Ultimately, I might still fight my hardest and still pass away. I guess what I’m trying to say is I wish there were some sort of mathematical equation with a “guaranteed return.” Something like, you will take XYZ for a period of 1-2-3 and it will equal ABC – and you can walk away and be free of the Cancer.

It’s a nice thought, isn’t it? Isn’t that what we all want? Well, of course it is. I’ve tried to adopt ol’ Phil’s methodology of “Living With Cancer” as a terminal disease. I’ve really got little choice but to look at it that way. I would just like to think of a life where Surgery-Treatments-Watch and Wait – and then “rinse and repeat” were a thing of the past for me and so many of us.

I know “The Cure” is the ultimate goal and I hope that mankind does see this dream to fruition one day in somebody’s lifetime. Until then, it does look to me as if the real progresses in medicine are coming in the “Extensions of Life.” What I mean by this, is that the medicines have advanced to such a degree that we are extending our lives much further than we would have otherwise – and with varying degrees of quality, over a longer timeframe. That’s where the real miracle of medicine is being won right now, IMO.

That’s certainly been the case in my 6.3 year journey so far – the lights certainly would have been turned out on me out long ago, if not for the treatments and surgeries available to all of us today.

I’ve always talked about RECURRENCE being where the real battle of Cancer is fought – and ultimately won or lost.

I still believe that. We can all do just about anything once in our lives and then with it behind us, it becomes out of sight and out of mind. Having to consistently repeat the performance over time and realizing that you must, is where we find our inner Courage and Strength.

For afterall, we have some semblance of what we are facing and to willingly step back into the arena of battle, does require much from the individual themselves. It’s as much a mental battle as it is physical. The body will go where the mind wills it to, a lot of the time.

I mentioned a couple of posts ago, that I may “Waver” or that I might “Bend” but that I will never break. But remember, that Sundance does not intend to quit and I will give it all that I have for this battle, because I feel it is a very important stop in my journey – the difference literally between Life and Death. Not much stronger motivation than that, I reckon.

I still strive to be somebody – and to be one of those folks on the board that people can point to – and say “I can do it too.” I fight as much for YOU as I do me, and you can believe that.

So very good to see everyone today – and as always, thanks for being there and sharing a part of my life – "for if we each live on in each other’s hearts, we truly never perish."

Take care and let’s all get well:)

-Craig