BIRTHDAY FOR WIFE

marines911
marines911 Member Posts: 68
edited March 2014 in Breast Cancer #1
All right, with everything that is going on with the progression and waiting to see if we qualify for the clinical trial at UCLA, my wife and teenage daughter birthdays are coming up in Oct (5th for daughter and 9th for wife). I need to know do I go all out in case this is my wife's last birthday or do I not? I'm not giving up, but I would hate for this to be her last birthday and not do something very special.

Thanks for any and all advice,

Thomas

Comments

  • missrenee
    missrenee Member Posts: 2,136 Member
    #2
    Wow, Thomas--my heart goes out to you all.
    How about making their birthdays extra-special just because you love your wife so much and because of how much she's been through to stay with you all. She deserves the best birthday ever--no matter what God has in store for your family. Celebrate life.

    Hugs, positive energy and prayers to you all,
    Renee
  • marines911
    marines911 Member Posts: 68
    #3
    missrenee said:

    Wow, Thomas--my heart goes out to you all.
    How about making their birthdays extra-special just because you love your wife so much and because of how much she's been through to stay with you all. She deserves the best birthday ever--no matter what God has in store for your family. Celebrate life.

    Hugs, positive energy and prayers to you all,
    Renee

    BIRTHDAY FOR WIFE
    Thanks for that advice and I do love them both, but I did not want to give my wife the impression that I have given up and this will defintely remind her of how much I really love her and that I just want every moment to be special, regardless of our situation.

    Thanks again.
  • Jean 0609
    Jean 0609 Member Posts: 2,462
    #4
    Hi Thomas,
    I agree with Renee. Every birthday should be special. I'm sure a special birthday for her would be to spend it with you and your family. Whether it be a dinner at her favorite restaurant, or a small family dinner at home that you all prepare for her or something that you buy out and bring home. Hugs, Jean
  • marines911
    marines911 Member Posts: 68
    #5
    Jean 0609 said:

    Hi Thomas,
    I agree with Renee. Every birthday should be special. I'm sure a special birthday for her would be to spend it with you and your family. Whether it be a dinner at her favorite restaurant, or a small family dinner at home that you all prepare for her or something that you buy out and bring home. Hugs, Jean

    BIRTHDAY FOR WIFE
    The plan is for a sweet 16 for my daughter at Grandma's ranch, but I did want to do something with her that Sunday and I will, just have to come up with something and surprise her with it and trust me she is so hard to suprise.

    Thanks
  • cindycflynn
    cindycflynn Member Posts: 1,132 Member
    #6
    Thomas
    My heart goes out to you for even having to ask that question. I can only imagine how tough it must be on all of you.

    I would suggest asking her what she would like to do for her birthday. Unless she's previously expressed a specific wish for something like a surprise party or a trip somewhere specific, I'd let her take the lead. She may just prefer to spend time alone with you, or she may want a big blow-out.

    I'll be thinking of your daughter and your wife on their special days.

    ((HUGS))
    Cindy
  • RE
    RE Member Posts: 4,591 Member
    #7
    Nice gesture
    Thomas, it is so nice that you want to go the extra mile for your wife. I agree do not do it as a possible last birthday but rather as a "I love you so much and you we have been through so much as a family we deserve an extra special birthday celebration this year" type thing. I was stage 4 in 98 and my husband took me to Florida because I always wanted to go there and he said we all needed a cancer break. We all four went on a plane (my teenagers first time) and we had a blast. It was super special and since I am still here it is a very sweet memory. I am still praying for you an your family, enjoy every day Thomas, make them all special and who knows she may pull out of this.

    Hugs to you and yours,

    (¯`v´¯)
    .`*.¸.*RE´
  • sea60
    sea60 Member Posts: 2,613
    #8
    You are so sweet!
    I say YES!!! Given everything she's gone through (and the family) Party BIG!!!


    Have fun!


    Sylvia
  • shy violet
    shy violet Member Posts: 167
    #9
    I salute you
    Dear Thomas...I am so touched that you came to this website...I am new to the website, and would it be ok if I ask where she is in her journey now? I see that you both went to new oncologist...I used to live in CA and went through UCSF...hope UCLA trial happens...CA has amazing opportunities...I know this is off topic but every day brings a new hope, new drug, new procedure. I was written off as inoperable in 2007 but in 2008 a thorasic onc surgeon came back to UCSF from studying in France. He teamed up with my onc surgeon and operated. I was able to go 18 months before recurrance in 2009...still here even after second surgery and chemo with rad...So God bless you for being by her side, for believing in prayer...and just follow your hearts and together there is hope...much love, shy
  • TraciInLA
    TraciInLA Member Posts: 1,994 Member
    #10
    cindycflynn said:

    Thomas
    My heart goes out to you for even having to ask that question. I can only imagine how tough it must be on all of you.

    I would suggest asking her what she would like to do for her birthday. Unless she's previously expressed a specific wish for something like a surprise party or a trip somewhere specific, I'd let her take the lead. She may just prefer to spend time alone with you, or she may want a big blow-out.

    I'll be thinking of your daughter and your wife on their special days.

    ((HUGS))
    Cindy

    Agree with Cindy
    Thomas, I agree with Cindy -- I think you should tell your wife how much you'd like to do something very special for her birthday, as big or as small as she wants, then just ask her how she feels about it, what she's thinking she'd like.

    She may be so sick of treatment that she wants a big, fun day to take her mind off of everything, or that may feel overwhelming and she may just want a quiet day with her family close around her.

    If it's in the back of your mind that this could be her last birthday, then it's pretty certain she's thinking it, too, and she may have her own ideas about that -- let her tell you.

    Regardless Thomas, you're a very special husband and dad to be putting so much love and care into planning your ladies' special days.

    Traci
  • carkris
    carkris Member Posts: 4,553 Member
    #11
    shy violet said:

    I salute you
    Dear Thomas...I am so touched that you came to this website...I am new to the website, and would it be ok if I ask where she is in her journey now? I see that you both went to new oncologist...I used to live in CA and went through UCSF...hope UCLA trial happens...CA has amazing opportunities...I know this is off topic but every day brings a new hope, new drug, new procedure. I was written off as inoperable in 2007 but in 2008 a thorasic onc surgeon came back to UCSF from studying in France. He teamed up with my onc surgeon and operated. I was able to go 18 months before recurrance in 2009...still here even after second surgery and chemo with rad...So God bless you for being by her side, for believing in prayer...and just follow your hearts and together there is hope...much love, shy

    I cant add anything more
    I cant add anything more than these wise ladies have done just wanted to say you are awesome and send love.
  • ladyg
    ladyg Member Posts: 1,577
    #12
    I just wanted to say
    that I think it is wonderful of you to want to do what will make your wife feel good. I know that just knowing my husband cares that much(which he does) would make me feel wonderful.

    Hugs
    Georgia
  • New Flower
    New Flower Member Posts: 4,294 Member
    #13
    ladyg said:

    I just wanted to say
    that I think it is wonderful of you to want to do what will make your wife feel good. I know that just knowing my husband cares that much(which he does) would make me feel wonderful.

    Hugs
    Georgia

    I like an idea
    of the trip or place she always wants to go but never had a chance for various reasons. Te most important is to do what she loves or dreams to do or to have. I do not know her energy level, but nice sight seeing... We have so many beautiful places here in CA, in LA, Santa Barbara San Diego, San Francisco. Just make her smile and have a wonderful day!
  • VickiSam
    VickiSam Member Posts: 9,079 Member
    #14
    New Flower said:

    I like an idea
    of the trip or place she always wants to go but never had a chance for various reasons. Te most important is to do what she loves or dreams to do or to have. I do not know her energy level, but nice sight seeing... We have so many beautiful places here in CA, in LA, Santa Barbara San Diego, San Francisco. Just make her smile and have a wonderful day!

    Thomas .. you are a true Marine and Husband
    Thinking ahead and planning --! I agree with the other gals, ask your wife first and if she just smiles - somewhere with a beach, as I notice the picture you posted of you and your wife -- sand and ocean .. I would go that route, picnic or lunch/dinner on a patio over looking the sea .. however long health and energy levels permitting. Carlsbad or San Marcos comes to mind -- or Santa Barbara ... depending on energy level.

    I don't want to butt in .. but have you contacted the 'City of Hope' .. ???? UCLA is wonderful - My treatment cocktail, plan and research affllated with UCLA - awesome center .. just throwing City of Hope out there ..

    Please let us know, how it all turns out ...

    Prayers, Strength and Courage:

    Vicki Sam
  • marines911
    marines911 Member Posts: 68
    #15
    shy violet said:

    I salute you
    Dear Thomas...I am so touched that you came to this website...I am new to the website, and would it be ok if I ask where she is in her journey now? I see that you both went to new oncologist...I used to live in CA and went through UCSF...hope UCLA trial happens...CA has amazing opportunities...I know this is off topic but every day brings a new hope, new drug, new procedure. I was written off as inoperable in 2007 but in 2008 a thorasic onc surgeon came back to UCSF from studying in France. He teamed up with my onc surgeon and operated. I was able to go 18 months before recurrance in 2009...still here even after second surgery and chemo with rad...So God bless you for being by her side, for believing in prayer...and just follow your hearts and together there is hope...much love, shy

    I salute you
    Thank you so much for the kinds words. My wife is stage 4 with mestastic Triple Negative Breast Cancer (TNBC), negative on BRAC1/2 and has had the bilateral lumpectomy. The treatments that she has had are: TAC, Abraxane, Zolota, Avastin, Gemzar and Carbol, PARP inhibitor, Zyometa, and recently more Carbol and Ixempra, she went through 2 radiation treatments (5 weeks every day except the weekend) each time and has CYBERKNIFE for her T-9 and now that has returned along with the clavical, Rib, and shooulder bone; they found lesions on the liver and spleen and now there is fluid in the abdomen. The good news is that the progression is small no more than 2cm in the past 6 months and if you were to see my wife, she does not match what is on the scan. My wife is fighting for our children and that has made all the difference. We are praying to be accepted into the clinical trial at UCLA, but if that does not happen we have 2 different phase 1 trials and something called NAVELBEAN that we still have not tried, YET.

    Thanks again for the prayers and support.

    Thomas
  • marines911
    marines911 Member Posts: 68
    #16
    VickiSam said:

    Thomas .. you are a true Marine and Husband
    Thinking ahead and planning --! I agree with the other gals, ask your wife first and if she just smiles - somewhere with a beach, as I notice the picture you posted of you and your wife -- sand and ocean .. I would go that route, picnic or lunch/dinner on a patio over looking the sea .. however long health and energy levels permitting. Carlsbad or San Marcos comes to mind -- or Santa Barbara ... depending on energy level.

    I don't want to butt in .. but have you contacted the 'City of Hope' .. ???? UCLA is wonderful - My treatment cocktail, plan and research affllated with UCLA - awesome center .. just throwing City of Hope out there ..

    Please let us know, how it all turns out ...

    Prayers, Strength and Courage:

    Vicki Sam

    Thomas .. you are a true Marine and Husband
    Thank you for the kind words and the advice. It just so happens that the ONC sent us a fax with a phase 1 clinical trial from the city of hope website. There seems to be one that is just up her ally, but have to wait and see if she qualified for the other first.

    My plan is to have her old teacher friends get together for lunch like they did for Valetines day. I know that she really enjoyed that or maybe just go to Santa Monica Beach where we had our first date.

    Thomas
  • fauxma
    fauxma Member Posts: 3,577 Member
    #17
    marines911 said:

    Thomas .. you are a true Marine and Husband
    Thank you for the kind words and the advice. It just so happens that the ONC sent us a fax with a phase 1 clinical trial from the city of hope website. There seems to be one that is just up her ally, but have to wait and see if she qualified for the other first.

    My plan is to have her old teacher friends get together for lunch like they did for Valetines day. I know that she really enjoyed that or maybe just go to Santa Monica Beach where we had our first date.

    Thomas

    I was thinking and this is
    I was thinking and this is just a suggestion but what about a lovely piece of jewelry. It would be something she can wear and (in the far off someday) something that your daughter would have to remember the love that her mom and dad shared. I have an Irish ring that my husband and I bought in 2000 when I had my first cancer. It is hands holding an opal heart. The opal is my daughter's birthstone and for me the ring is a symbol of the three of us as family. It is just an inexpensive silver ring but it quickly became my favorite jewelry and now I wear it as my wedding ring. It has so much meaning for me and I know that one day my daughter will have it and wear it and remember me and her dad and the love we shared.
    You are so wonderful to want to make this a special birthday for her. We all should treat each birthday celebration as though it is the last for truth be told we don't know if it will be or not regardless of our health issues. We would all gain much from savoring each birthday and each day that follows.
    Whatever you plan and whatever you do, the biggest blessing she has is you.
    Stef

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