so much for help from my family!?!

had same problem
Hi Hedi, I had the same problem but it was with my sister. I got help from everyone but my sister and that was a hurtful feeling. So one day I talk to her and told my sister she would regret the time she did not spend with me being I am her only sister. Then she would have lived with that regret and it will be too late. I told her I understand she couldn't deal seeing me like that and I told her if she feel like that amagine what I am going through plus feeling rejected by my own family member on top of everything else.

We talk and now our relationship is even closer we spend at least once a month just me and her doing something together. So maybe you need to tell your sister and mom what you need sometime we have ask for what we want in a relationship.

Much love and Hugs remember you have a extended family here.

Barbara

heidijez said:

Thank you to all you lovely ladies!
it's weird, my sister spent my childhood trying to convince me that i was adopted. if i didn't look just like my father (although i was not aware of that as a child), i would believe that i really was adopted, since i am not at all like my siblings!!! but as you know, we cannot choose our family.

i know i will get through this, and you ladies make it possible. i feel your love and support and am very happy you are here!

p.s. I live in Wisconsin, halfway between Chicago and Milwaukee.

So sorry Heidi,
It must be terrible to see your family abondon you during this. But I am so happy to hear your church is stepping in, with this initial lady at first. But I'll bet that there are more ladies very quickly. Accept and be grateful for all their help. If it is anything like my church, the ladies want to help, they just don't know what help is needed. And that is where you need to tell someone. For me they are helping in many different ways -- cleaning the house, driving me, nursing me after the mastectomy surgery, and of course bring food. So accept all their offers.

Sending prayers and hugs your way.

Pat

PS - I got my mastectomy 2 months ago and am doing fine. It was only the first 2-3 days that I needed considerable help -- all drugged up ya know! You'll do well.

That's So Tuff
I think it's pretty common for family to either not be there or bow out along the way. I truly think it's just too painful for them to handle a loved one going through it. I'm sure they love you A LOT, but just can't deal with it.

If you can find a close friend or as in your case, someone from your church, it will probably be for the better. At least until you get through surgery and have recovered.

I'm an only child. My mother is a nurse and went to my first oncology meeting with me, then that was it! Never another word about me having cancer or going through treatments. Not once did my father bring up my situation or even asked how I was doing. It's not that they don't love me, it was just way too painful for them to see their only child go through such a terrible time.

My husband wasn't that supportive either, though AFTER I got through all the surgery and treatments, he was much better. It's just a really weird dynamic with family.

Thankfully, I had some GREAT friends that stuck by me and a great church family that prayed and made meals for us. So, in the end, it all worked out.

I know that still doesn't make the fact that your family isn't able to "be there" for you in your greatest time of need any easier on you:( It's not right, but seems to be really common more than not.

Hang in there. I"ll be praying for you!:)

Blessings,
Sally

I understand
I have no biological family support...God has been sending me supports...It is lonely sometimes, but doable...Everyone cannot handle the Cancer diagnosis...Give them time, and do not expect them to be there for every appointment...It becomes draining to our supports...We must respect their capabilities...Or we will be come resentful...
It is hard for us to digest...We have to be bothered...Put yourself in their shoes...Family or not, they are people first...
Use your supports wisely...

No you don't deserve to do it alone !
Heidi
Where are you located I am sure that there is a friend or a support group from the cancer society that can help you through the process.
My heart cries for you as I had so much support & I know how important it is to have. Contact the American Cancer Society I am sure they can find someone a mentor or social worker to be there for you. I pray your Sister & mom have a change of heart and return to be at your side.
Cheryl

aisling8 said:

The whole thing makes me mad
and if I were a trust-fund baby and had lots of money I'd be on the next flight from California out to you b/c what's happening is just wrong. I'm sure you know you can do it, we can all do it, of course, but we don't want to do it alone. It's not a good feeling to do it alone.

You've had months of chemotherapy and one of your posts about just being sick of it all, that all you did was chemo and work just broke my heart. You deserve so much better.

You seem like the kind of person who will actually be able to feel all of us with you and hopefully that will help.

I send you energy and positive thoughts and prayers and -- well, nothing but good things, Heidi.

xoxoxo
Victoria

Check your private messages, Heidi
...or your facebook messages, or both.

So sorry you're having to
So sorry you're having to deal with family drama on top of everything else! I've certainly been there myself, though thankfully not while I am the patient. When my husband's mom was diagnosed with terminal brain cancer, his sister was often MIA because she just "couldn't deal with it." Hubby and I didn't like it either, but we understood that it wasn't about US, it was about my mother-in-law. Sometimes, family can be so frustrating!

Anyway, I, like everyone else, will be thinking of you on the 15th. I'm going to make a special note to myself so I won't forget. (that will be just a couple of days after my 2nd chemo, so chemo brain is a real issue. LOL) Please know that we are all there with you in spirit. As others have suggested, perhaps you could talk to your mother about how her actions have made you feel. Sometimes people need a little prodding to jar them out of their selfish little bubbles.

As I said, you are not alone in this. We will be here for you as much as we can be.

Blessings and cyber hugs,

Jenn

heiri
the room will be full of frinds you just want to see us. hugs love an prayers going out to you. you can add me as a freend and i am on face book..

ladybug22 said:

heiri
the room will be full of frinds you just want to see us. hugs love an prayers going out to you. you can add me as a freend and i am on face book..

A very wise and wonderful person
A very wise and wonderful person from this board told me once that " everytime the blood pressure cuff hugs you tight that is me being right there with you". I wish I could remember who said it. That feeling is now the most comforting and calming feeling. I look forward to it. So hang in there you always have us in that cuff

roseyposey333 said:

I can relate
I don't get it at all. I have 4 sisters, my mom passed away almost 2 years ago so I thought my sisters would be there for me too. Things have been strange since mom died but I thought knowing of my illness it would bring us closer or at least they could pretend to care.
One of my sisters has been there for me but the others, (2 are also nurses) abandoned me during this time. One of them called me about a week after surgery, leaving a message saying, "I think you had surgery this week, calling to see how it went". Anyway, trying not to dwell on the negatives these days so I concentrate on those who have been there for me, strangers, friends, all of you and even the spiritual guides that help me through this.

I think it would be great if we could all meet each other and find out who lives close to who so we could really support each other when we need a shoulder.

My new saying is, "Family are not the people who you grow up with, family are the people who help you grow".

Let's keep growing, R

Heidi
I am very sorry that for your family has not been helping you at all. You have a tremendous support from this board. I hope somebody from this board who lives close to you in Wisconsin be able to physically help you. I wish I can be there with you. Yes please accept help from your church.
Good luck with your surgery.
New Flower