not depressed....BUT

cavediver
cavediver Member Posts: 607
edited March 2014 in Breast Cancer #1
Today, I just fell like screaming to the rafters "Cancer Sucks"!!!!!!! There, it is said. As all of us, I read the good news and the sad news.....what we all probably thought was going to be just a bump in the road of life for us, has turned out to be a much longer and harder journey than we imagined. I was/have been lucky so far, I have not suffered from depression. Those of you that have, please get help...it is not a weakness, you need to seak medical help for this. I was overwhelmed and devastated upon dx, but then I decided it 'is what it is' and I have to deal with it. I did/have been doing this rather privately...only immediate family of 4 are aware of this other than all you sisters....have not shared with friends (most expect me to be on the boat for the summer and out of touch anyway).......this way I have not been disappointed in reacations or help given or not. My life will not return to what was normal...but I will find a new normal for me as we all must do. Working 20 years on boats or leading divers deep into caves in Mexico....make up was never part of my life....wow, no choice now! Hats, scarves, wigs...whatever it takes to be right for you...changes...... acceptance of a new lifestyle... yes, it SUCKS but we can all do it and get over the bumps in the road, out of the tunnel, and over those mountain peaks. We are alive and fighting like hell. We can adjust, adapt, and live for the moment! Thanks for letting me vent today...........Hugs to all of you

Comments

  • missrenee
    missrenee Member Posts: 2,136 Member
    #2
    You're so right, Cavediver
    CANCER DOES SUCK!!! I find myself mourning the life I had--and the fact that I will probably never be as carefree again. I'm hoping the passing of time changes that vulnerable feeling I seem to always have. You're right--this is our "new normal" and we must now build our lives back up on that.

    You sound like a strong, positive person (as I try to be), so let's get on with it together with our sisters here!

    Hugs and blessings, Renee
  • natly15
    natly15 Member Posts: 1,941
    #3
    Hugs to you Cavediver and
    Hugs to you Cavediver and AMEN to all you said.
  • carkris
    carkris Member Posts: 4,553 Member
    #4
    missrenee said:

    You're so right, Cavediver
    CANCER DOES SUCK!!! I find myself mourning the life I had--and the fact that I will probably never be as carefree again. I'm hoping the passing of time changes that vulnerable feeling I seem to always have. You're right--this is our "new normal" and we must now build our lives back up on that.

    You sound like a strong, positive person (as I try to be), so let's get on with it together with our sisters here!

    Hugs and blessings, Renee

    I had that day yesterday,
    I had that day yesterday, cried in PT because I was sick of my feet hurting, and frustrated because there is nothing that can change it. I am mad to have to go on another med. Anyway after I had my break with life which doesnt happen as much as it could. today I am ready to move on, I think we all have days like that. because cancer does suck, and there's no point in glossiing that over. But our lives dont have to suck because of it. I REFUSE to let it. and looks like you guys arent either!
  • Marsha Mulvey
    Marsha Mulvey Member Posts: 597 Member
    #5
    natly15 said:

    Hugs to you Cavediver and
    Hugs to you Cavediver and AMEN to all you said.

    venting?
    Didn't sound like venting to me! Just a little history and a lot of good advise for others.
    Have a good day!
    Marsha
  • Skeezie
    Skeezie Member Posts: 586 Member
    #6
    Good post....
    And belated Happy Birthday... I have kind of been away for the past week or two. I find sometimes I just need a break. Now that I'm going thru my "this time last year" part of of this journey I fluctuate between joy and being down in the dumps. Sept 11, tomorrow, is my 1st anniversary of my mastectomy... I look back and can't believe how brave I was, and what a "trooper" (as my friends called it) I was. But like you said, you have no choice and you just do wht you have to. It's like being in a trans-like mode, I think that is God giving us the strength we pray for, to get thru it.

    I had a red-letter day yesterday...I had my third hair coloring and my FIRST haircut! It was just a trim to even out the growth, but it was still a "cut". AND had my eyebrows waxed! Even tho they are still thin I just couldn't keep plucking.

    But I am very saddened at some of the latest news on the board and that brings me back down to earth and makes me a little ashamed of my joys, I know I shouldn't feel ashamed, I earned my joys...I just want all of us to feel the same way. There is life after treatment and it's good but we must keep vigilant over our health and never stop praying for our dear sisters who are still engaging in the fight with the beast.

    This is a great place to vent and get great feedback to our thoughts, fears, questions, ou name it. Cavediver I hope you are soon snorkling!

    Despite it all, I feel good today..

    Hugs, Judy :-)
  • smalldoggroomer
    smalldoggroomer Member Posts: 1,184
    #7
    Cavediver, Nobody could have
    Cavediver, Nobody could have said that better. I some times think of how it use to be and I do miss my old life . But I am happy to be alive and I will make the best if it. We will get past this, life can be very good again. I believe that in my heart. I have a very happy life and a great Husband and sister. I do wish everyone had great families. That does break my heart. I am proud to know all of the Ladies here. And I am honored to be on this site at C.S.N and one of you. This site ROCKS!!! Kay
  • cookie97
    cookie97 Member Posts: 200
    #8
    I'm with you...
    I am so with you on this topic. I kind of like not having any hair, I don't have to shave my legs or underarms, my eyebrows started turning really blonde again a few years ago so couldn't really see them anyway, I wear a wig now that takes me 2 minutes max to throw on and out the door!!!
    Cancer does suck!!!!! However I have always held on to the good and thrown away the bad in my life. Not that I can say there's anything good about cancer, but if nothing else I have met some very caring and loving people through this journey.
    I am also uncormfortable with people, I consider stangers knowing anything about my life and that was before cancer. My job is very public, so I have people comment all the time about my NEW hair cut. I just smile and say thank you. I think to myself that it has been cut underneath. And life goes on.
    My youngest daughter who is 13 said shortly after I was diagnosed "Mom I don't want to tell anybody else; they all want to say how sorry they are and all I want to say is SHE'S NOT DEAD YET!!!" Keeping that in perspective has helped me enormously. I AM NOT DEAD YET!
    I will continue to sing and dance and act like the fool at every chance I can because I am alive.

    Peace and Love to all, Edie
  • greyhoundluvr
    greyhoundluvr Member Posts: 402
    #9
    Cavediver
    You have said what we all think from time to time. Initially, I didn't want anyone to know either - I just didn't want to deal with the questions and looks. I especially didn't want anything to affect my job. Slowly I let people in and now I just don't pay a lot of attention to it. I have the ball cap that says "Cancer Sucks"....that's something we all know to be true....
  • Christmas Girl
    Christmas Girl Member Posts: 3,682 Member
    #10
    Yep - cancer DOES suck!
    Who amongst us would disagree? Not one!

    Here, we share the good news - and the bad. We're all here to support & encourage each other. For me - 7 years since diagnosis, 6 years since completion of all "invasive" treatment (still taking Arimidex, ugh)... Yes, my body has been changed forever. Along with my mind & my heart. I know I will never be who & what I was prior to BC. Do I like it? No, of course not. Have I learned to accept it & evolve accordingly? Yes. Even now, I often feel like I'm still trying to find my way. I admit - still, all this time later, have a "bad day" here & there. Sometimes a "very bad day" - like yesterday.

    On those not-so-good days - I remember what my own med onc has gently repeated to me so very many times I couldn't tell ya: "It's better than the alternative." A reminder to be grateful for life itself, no matter what it is. Because not everyone wins their battle, unfortunately.

    Kind regards, Susan
  • Jean 0609
    Jean 0609 Member Posts: 2,462
    #11
    IT IS WHAT IT IS.....
    cavediver, that has actually been my slogan since this whole bc crap started. I do agree that Cancer Sucks! I know it's hard not being able to do what we used to, but hey, we are still here and will be here for a very long time. You are a very strong lady. Feel free to scream here anytime. We are here to listen. Hope you have a good weekend. Hugs, Jean
  • ms.sunshine
    ms.sunshine Member Posts: 707 Member
    #12
    Jean 0609 said:

    IT IS WHAT IT IS.....
    cavediver, that has actually been my slogan since this whole bc crap started. I do agree that Cancer Sucks! I know it's hard not being able to do what we used to, but hey, we are still here and will be here for a very long time. You are a very strong lady. Feel free to scream here anytime. We are here to listen. Hope you have a good weekend. Hugs, Jean

    I hear ya Cave
    I went to my dr. Wed he ask how I was doing? I told him I will be fine when all the drs. leave me the hell alone. He laughed and said, "you will be just fine."
    I actually got excited yesterday because I washed all the dishes, cleaned kitchen, and cooked without having to sit down, and I wasn't out of breath. That was a big accomplishment for me.
    Take care
  • Grateful321
    Grateful321 Member Posts: 1
    #13
    A cancer virgin
    Well today is day 2 after my first chemo. Still in shock with my new reality...but life goes on. Felt good yesterday. Not so much today. Nausea kept at bay with meds and ginger ale so far. Drinking lots of water...but feel the constipation on its way. Nothing sounds good to eat...but understand I got to eat. Is protein the best thing to eat vs. crackers or something starchy? Had neulasta (sp) yesterday...bones ache...it's bearable, just wondering what is next. As many of you said, sleep is pretty spotty. Didn't get up until 4 am. Yesterday was 1 am....so we'll see how tonight goes. Sounds like this is a good place to hear stories and find support through this crazy time... thanks and hugs to all
  • webbwife50
    webbwife50 Member Posts: 394
    #14
    natly15 said:

    Hugs to you Cavediver and
    Hugs to you Cavediver and AMEN to all you said.

    cancer sucking
    I am not in treatment anymore, my hair has grown in, my nail have grown back, and people don't know these aren't my real boobs. Sometimes I cry, I am not the woman I use to be. I miss my old life. God, now I'm crying.
  • cahjah75
    cahjah75 Member Posts: 2,631
    #15
    Grateful321 said:

    A cancer virgin
    Well today is day 2 after my first chemo. Still in shock with my new reality...but life goes on. Felt good yesterday. Not so much today. Nausea kept at bay with meds and ginger ale so far. Drinking lots of water...but feel the constipation on its way. Nothing sounds good to eat...but understand I got to eat. Is protein the best thing to eat vs. crackers or something starchy? Had neulasta (sp) yesterday...bones ache...it's bearable, just wondering what is next. As many of you said, sleep is pretty spotty. Didn't get up until 4 am. Yesterday was 1 am....so we'll see how tonight goes. Sounds like this is a good place to hear stories and find support through this crazy time... thanks and hugs to all

    Grateful now that
    you've had your first chemo you'll know what to expect. I had my second chemo last Tuesday and Neulasta on Wednesday. I've been fortunate not to have any nausea or constipation. However, I do have mild diarrhea and the sleep issues are bad for a couple of days until I crash on the 3rd day after Neulasta shot. I slept last weekend away. Now I feel fine again until the next round. My hair fell out day 15 after 1st chemo. What bothers me the most is my bloated abdomen and my face & head have acne! All from the steroids! Protein is important. But for nausea try some protein and crackers, gingerale, etc. Make sure you drink lots of water to flush everything through. It also helps with the constipation.
    {{hugs}} Char
  • cahjah75
    cahjah75 Member Posts: 2,631
    #16
    Cavediver
    I just wrote a post and my computer went bonkers! I could scream! I understand every word you wrote! My life changed before bc. After 2 broken shoulders, disc fusion, bone infection and 11 surgeries later I had to quit a job I'd had for 18 years. I couldn't drive a car for 18 months. Totally dependent on others even to get dressed. Life sucked! Now I have bc and life sucks all over again. I will persevere and get a new normal once again. I never thought I would be boobless, bald and have acne at age 61 but I do. I stopped taking antidepressants 4 months ago but believe me if I thought I needed them again I wouldn't hesitate to call my therapist.

    I did tell my huge family and friends. They are my other support system as are all you who post here.
    {{hugs}} Char
  • Pinkpower
    Pinkpower Member Posts: 437
    #17
    AMEN SISTER! Boy those words
    AMEN SISTER! Boy those words sure ring true. Last week was rough for me, between waiting on my own results and my mom going into surgery for a tumor in her stomach (so far it looks like it is benign) I thought I was going to go crazy. Today, so much more brighter!

    Love you all

    Lupe

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