Cancer is so limited

I used to like that saying....
I thought that was such an inspirational saying when I read it...but that was before my grandma died of breast cancer and ovarian cancer took my aunt. It seems even more maddening to me now that I am in the midst of losing my mother to the same brutal disease. Cancer is not so limited - its tentacles are so vast! It cripples the body of people you have loved since your first breath, it shatters your heart, it corrodes organs and skin and bones, it destroys peace and strains your nerves, it suppresses once jubilant personalities, it hurts you and bankrupts you and terrifies your children.

Last night after being told that my mother's cancer has spread to her bones, cancer certainly didn't feel limited to me then...and today it seems downright limitless.

Cancer has in fact done most of those things mentioned in that saying to my family. What I am clinging onto though, is the truth that my mother's eternal life has not been stolen by this vicious disease. That, and three devastated daughters, is all cancer has left her with.

kellyh33 said:

Hi Ronda,
I can feel your pain from here. My Mother too will not recover from this dreadful disease. I too am so scared for her, for me and for the rest of my family.
Cancer cannot steal away all the time we have had with our Mother, it cannot take away our love, it cannot take away anything of the things we have control over even if the amount of control we have is limited.
I never thought I would learn so much about something in such a short amount of time. I feel like my friends and co-workers must think I am crazy. I talk to everyone I know about early detection and what to look for. I have even written people I will probably never meet to ask them to try to help my Mom.
It is such a hard thing to accept. Truth be told I don't think I really have accepted it yet. We only learned that Mom cannot be helped on Friday. I feel like all I do is cry. I do not want to hear about God. I do not want to hear that instead of the 1yr -18 months my mom has that she may be here for three. People mean well but i don't want my mom for another three years I want her for 20 or more. Mom is only 66, her mom and all her aunts lived to be in their late 80's or early 90's. Why my Mom? Why not someone else's? I feel selfish feeling this way but I can't imagine a day when she won't be here.

Dear Kelly and Ronda
I just returned from NY where I fly once a month to be with my mother, who is suffering from this disease. I totally understand your pain. I don't know why our Mom's are afflicted with this OVCA. I hate losing her. I do know, that over the last year, I have learned more about my mother than I ever imagined. We are mending fences and dealing with things I never could have imagined. I have met amazing women on line and learned about this process. I feel honored that my mother has allowed me to share in this process. It sucks, but there is a bittersweet beauty in it as well. Many people are so alone in their disease. You ladies are able to walk with your mother and be by her side at such a difficult time in their life. That is a gift for them that can never be repaid or forgotten, and something you should feel so good about. Although we may want our mothers for another 20 years, if we can't have her, then dammit, I am going to make the best of the next 20 months. Your mothers are so lucky to have such caring daughters. Also, when they go, you'll be ok I swear. You know why? Because your mother will never really leave you....you'll see them in your daughters and grand-daughters!! They sound so wonderful and must be to have raised such compassionate women!! Thanks for posting. Lisa PS> No doctors can predict the end...get a second opinion if need be...

Barbara53 said:

same orbit
Lisa, we're finally on the same flight schedule. I came home yesterday. Your post made me smile, and I must comment that my mother is really cute sometimes in her determination to be her high-energy old self. She still has her old push and drive, and when I'm there I become her mini-me; this time I cleaned draperies and blinds in her bedroom, and a few weeks ago we went through her shoes and found 20 pairs to give to charity. There is no doubt that these and other projects have brought new intimacy to our relationship. After close to 30 trips I'm getting tired, but every last mile has been worthwhile.

Dear Barbara
I can so relate..I am exhausted today and truly needed to come home, but again, I have an indelible memory that will be with me always. My mother went out for the first time without her wig....she yelled at me for going too slow in a 30mph, when I was going 40 and a cop was behind me...we laughed because I have so many speeding tickets...the mundane has become joyous. Cancer sucks...

Ronda22 said:

Tired
My mom was diagnosed in March 2008 and if I had been on this discussion board back then I probably would have sounded very different than I do now. I am 30 exhausting months down the road. I too, spent so much time traveling back to Oklahoma from California -- every other weekend, a 6-week leave of absence, and every "Get here, she's not going to make it" phone call. Finally, in June 2009, I left my job, my friends, my life, half of my possessions, sold (gave away) my house and moved my 12-year-old daughter here to take care of my mom. I don't regret it for a minute, but it has been very, very difficult. Most of that time, my mom hasn't been very well, and periodically she's been horrifically sick....120 days in the hospital, 45 days in a skilled facility after passing out and breaking her leg and arm. I didn't work for 15 months but once the savings account was depleted I got a job here (a few weeks ago). So now I work all day and head straight to the hospital and try to be sure my daughter doesn't get too sleep deprived or live on fast food. My sister and I are both just barely hanging on many days. All I know is, it must be so painful to lose your mother quickly after a cancer diagnosis but to watch such a slow demise is just almost unbearable too.

Ronda
OMG....yours is a heartbreaking story...omg. I am so sorry. I am exhausted and it has only been 13 months for me. Is there any organization there that can provide some help? I don't know but does the American Cancer society have volunteers? I can relate to the life changes but mine have been nothing like yours. I guess I am lucky. I now only work part time and my boss's father in law has cancer so he's totally supportive and my spouse truly is able to support us financially so I just don't have that burden. Please try to take care of yourself!! That is so important for caregivers...also for your daughter....all my love and support, Lisa