Oh For The Love Of Lady Gaga...

dorion
dorion Member Posts: 183
edited March 2014 in Ovarian Cancer #1
Okay, I know we're suppossed to be possitive, And I really really hate bringing my personal situations but, Honestly, I have absolutely NO ONE to turn to but you lovely ladies... So here is goes. I gave Hawaii A chance and came in with a really possitive attitude, but every night my dad picks a fight or makes me feel so small... Like today, we were joking around in the store than I accidentally step on his shoe "Meghan! Will you stop?" then he's joking around with me again and then all the sudden he says "Can't you just act normal in a store?" I'm really sensitive at this month because the passing of my mom hit me about a week ago. And all he seems to do is pick on me. I know he's stressed too. I've made an effort to even try talking to him about my feelings. I even asked him to start talking to me too and I'll open up to him. But all he ever talks to is his stupid clueless girlfriend! I asked him for counseling...What do I get? Those fake freaks at school. It's like nothing is good enough for him. I stay as serious as possible for him. I've been writing stories and working on books, I do my homework, make my bed every morning, he has no trouble getting me up for school and I do everyting he asks. I can barely ever talk to Marisa Or My best friend about anything because their getting ready for bed when I'm waking up. What does he exspect? He's always picks on me because I cry at almost every mean thing he says about me even if it's a joke. He doesn't get that I'm just really sensitive right now and to just shut up or be nice. He doesn't know how it feels...He claims he understands but he doesn't. I tried talking to him about his girlfriend. I don't like it when she touches them, when they kiss, when they hug, when they cuddle, I don't even like it when he puts his arm around her shoulder. It's too soon. You know what? He didn't even make an effort to HIDE HIS CONDOMS. Men are absolutely clueless. I swear they are... I wish my mom was here to help me out. I have alot of mother figures but nothing beats My Mom, Linda Dorion. No one. He doesn't get that either... It's tireing... All he ever talks about is his girlfriend. I can't even pretend anything fpor at least two seconds. He's on the phone with her 24/7 if he's not on the phone their chatting online. Whatever. I even talked to him about this. He said that there was nothing that he could do about it and that they were in love and crap like that. I don't know...I'm confused. And this sucks. Why me? Why did it have to be US? WE never did anything...But then. Everything happens for a reason, But what reason?

Comments

  • Unknown
    Unknown
    #2
    This comment has been removed by the Moderator
  • lindaprocopio
    lindaprocopio Member Posts: 1,980 Member
    #3
    (((Meghan))). This is SUCH a hard and sad time for you. :(
    If all things happen for a reason, most times it must be a very OBSCURE and MYSTERIOUS reason, because I can find no reason for the bad things that happen to good people. Maybe someone wiser than me posting here can tackle that one. I do know that each bad thing that happened to me in my life changed me, and made me who I am today,... more resilient and more forgiving and with a greater understanding of how fleeting joy can be and a greater capacity to live fully in each moment of happiness.

    At 12, even without the tragedy you have experienced, I remember being extremely sensitive and unhappy. You are justifiably miserable and in grief, and I doubt there is anything your dad could say or do right now that would be 'right'; because your whole world right now seems so WRONG without Linda Dorian in it. (((Meghan))). If you can just think of your dad like any of your other friends that screw up and say and do the wrong things, and give him that same kind of 'slack', I think you 2 will eventually find your way.

    Your father's health insurance should cover some type of professional family counseling, or maybe just counseling for you alone if you prefer. You have suffered a terrible loss at a very sensitive age, and I think some level of therapy is justified. You are so mature and sensible for your age and you appear to be handling all of this so bravely that your dad may not agree. I took my own step-daughter for professional therapy when she was your age (against her father's will) to help her get over the horrible ugly divorce of her parents 8 YEARS BEFORE I came into their lives, because she still had so many unresolved issues and hurts,.... And she says today, at 25 years old, that I saved her life. (& she's a therapist herself today, so obviously that was a pivitol time in her life!)

    Let me say this one more time. If you can just think of your dad like any of your other friends that screw up and say and do the wrong things, and give him that same kind of 'slack', I think you 2 will eventually find your way. ((((Meghan)))
  • leesag
    leesag Member Posts: 621 Member
    #4
    Dearest Meghan,I've been
    Dearest Meghan,

    I've been seeing a counselor lately because, let's face it, (and you can relate to this) my entire life is pretty much a train wreck. She said something to me at our last visit that may or may not help, but at least it puts things into perspective, regarding your dad's anger. My entire family is VERY angry, except me. I can't stand it when people yell, criticize or get that strident angry sound in their voices. When I talked about this with my counselor she said this...

    "Most of the time, people are angry because they're in pain and they don't know what to do with. Anger is pain turned outward."

    Without going into too much detail about my own childhood/teen years, I can tell you this:

    Your mom gave you a solid foundation and a strong and positive sense of SELF. No one can take that away from you and you will survive this. I promise.

    Since you are seeing the school counselors, perhaps you should mention to them that you would feel more comfortable meeting with a professional therapist who specializes specifically in grief counseling. You might find that they will put forth that suggestion to your dad.

    One more thing...Don't you EVER apologize for your feelings! It's ok to not be positive all of the time. It's normal to feel like you're losing your "ever-lovin'" mind, and feel the pain of loss like a physical ache.

    It's also normal to go on with your life. This is important so pay attention, no matter how mad or disappointed you are with your dad, remember that your mom would want you to make good choices with your life, so make her proud!

    You are loved Meghan!

    Hugs,

    Leesa
  • nancy591
    nancy591 Member Posts: 1,027 Member
    #5
    Meghan
    Hi Meghan,

    I too have no great words of wisdom to offer you. I do think about you often and wonder how you are doing. I have two young boys ages 5 and 7. I cannot imagine my life without them so it is hard for me to imagine their lives without me. As a Mom my heart aches for you. I cannot pretend to know the loss you are going through but I feel your pain and I fear my kids might one day be in a similar situation.

    As difficult as it may seem right now, try to remain open to your Dad. I am sure he has your best intrest at heart although it may seem he is insensitive to your needs and feelings. Please continue to come here and share your feelings. Do you have extend family in Hawaii? A Grandmother? Aunts? I know you mentioned you do have other mother figures. Nothing does beat mom though, does it? Continue to be strong, Meghan. Maybe you can 'talk' to your Mom and ask for some guidance. Although she cannot answer you verbally you can bet, if there is any way possible, she is sending you positive thoughts.

    How are things going in your new school? Are you meeting new friends? I'm sure the weather must be lovely.
  • kayandok
    kayandok Member Posts: 1,202 Member
    #6
    Meghan,
    thanks for sharing, and doing a great job. (I have two 12-year-olds and your insight and ability to experess yourself is very amazing.) I don't have anything profound to say, but I do agree with what Linda and Leesa have already witten.

    As I was reading your entry, I thought to myself, "If Linda were to to get this message, how would she respond?" First of all, I know she would have some witty comment about your dad's behavior, and...... well the rest would be a question you could ask yourself, maybe. (She was one articulate and funny gal, and you seem to have the same gift!) But, I do know this, she would tell you how much she loved you!!!

    You are an amazing kid and I know you are going to get through this.

    Hugs and praying for you today,
    kathleen

    PS I am so jealous that you live in HI. Walking on the beach there is so healing for me.
  • saundra
    saundra Member Posts: 1,370 Member
    #7
    Dear Meghan
    Every twelve year old has emotional ups and downs. That is a fact. I seem to remember that your father is of Japanese decent. If this is so, then you should know that Japanese men are probably some of the least caring about other's feelings of any on earth! Not in their nature. Regardless, he does have the right to have a girlfriend and though it may be in your face and make you feel uncomfortable, the shoe may be on the other foot in a couple of years. No father likes their daughters boyfriends EVER!!!! So your time will come.
    In the meantime, I will suggest that you start a journal and write you feeling down there instead of trying to talk to him about them all of the time. There are church counselors that are free of charge that you might check into or Church Youth groups with leaders that might be helpful. You are at an age that crying at every little thing is normal. It's the hormones, dear. My daughter once cried for two hours because she lost a 29cent purse comb when she was 13. Your parents' relationship ended long ago and he is not grieving like you are and No, he does not get you yet and he may never, at least as much as your mother did...different sex and time spent building a relationship. Just try to do the best you can do one day at a time. You have our love. Saundra
  • nancy591
    nancy591 Member Posts: 1,027 Member
    #8
    saundra said:

    Dear Meghan
    Every twelve year old has emotional ups and downs. That is a fact. I seem to remember that your father is of Japanese decent. If this is so, then you should know that Japanese men are probably some of the least caring about other's feelings of any on earth! Not in their nature. Regardless, he does have the right to have a girlfriend and though it may be in your face and make you feel uncomfortable, the shoe may be on the other foot in a couple of years. No father likes their daughters boyfriends EVER!!!! So your time will come.
    In the meantime, I will suggest that you start a journal and write you feeling down there instead of trying to talk to him about them all of the time. There are church counselors that are free of charge that you might check into or Church Youth groups with leaders that might be helpful. You are at an age that crying at every little thing is normal. It's the hormones, dear. My daughter once cried for two hours because she lost a 29cent purse comb when she was 13. Your parents' relationship ended long ago and he is not grieving like you are and No, he does not get you yet and he may never, at least as much as your mother did...different sex and time spent building a relationship. Just try to do the best you can do one day at a time. You have our love. Saundra

    Saundra
    You give great advice. :-)

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