WHAT TO DO, WHAT TO SAY

Nana b
Nana b Member Posts: 3,030 Member
edited March 2014 in Colorectal Cancer #1
My husband saw me very depressed when Donna passed away and then when he heard about David, he said to me, you know maybe you need to take a break for the forum, it can't be good for you to be depressed. I told him that I wasn't depressed, I was mad! Mad that this dang cancer takes people away when they are not ready to go. I told him I sit here NED but everything little thing, every little twinge gets me to thinking, is it my turn now! Has the cancer spread? Is it in my liver, my lungs, my brain! What it that twinge in my bottom right side, my ovaries!

Yes, it is VERY sad to lose our friends here, and it does bring reality closure but it also brings forth the hurt that our family's are going to feel! How do people do it! Not knowing what is around the corner! I accept death, I do, it's going to happen to all of us, but when you know you have a window, of maybe 5 years, you wonder if it will be shorter.. and I am sure it continues after 5 years, the wonder of...when! It's crazy!

Don't know where I am going with this....but I want to live normal! I don't want to look at my friends here and say who is next......that is so awful!!!

I DEFINITELY WILL NOT LEAVE THIS FORUM, I REMEMBER WHEN DONNA AND I CAME ON AND HOW MUCH I NEEDED EVERYONE HERE. NOT KNOWING WHAT QUESTIONS TO ASK UNTIL OTHER PEOPLE TALKED ABOUT WHAT WAS ON THEIR/YOUR MIND. A LOT OF THOSE PEOPLE ARE STILL HERE. I DON'T THINK WE HAVE LOST ANY OF THE PEOPLE ON THIS BOARD THAT WERE ON IT WHEN I CAME ON....NOT SURE!

Love ya! (blowing out hot air)

NED, BUT NOT AT PEACE!

Comments

  • Sonia32
    Sonia32 Member Posts: 1,071 Member
    #2
    You do what feels right!
    Raquel everything your feeling is normal as you know. Since we were all so close to Donna it's hit home for us even more how evil this disease is. I can understand your husband being concerned, even if you decide to take a break, you still find yourself lurking, so you can't escape from your online family. I don't know what to say as we all have or felt at one point the same. Every twinge or headache, you think is that it? Can you even plan for the future? So far I'm taking each day as it comes, I think that's the best way to deal with it. I know some of us are better at coping (but even then you stil have small doubts and fears), but you can only do what's right for you in the end. So if you can take each day as it comes, and those of us who knew Donna know what she would say. She would be happy that you were Ned and she would want you to go out and enjoy yourself. :-)

    Hugs hope my reply made some sort of sense. :-)
    Sonia
  • coloCan
    coloCan Member Posts: 1,944 Member
    #3
    Sonia32 said:

    You do what feels right!
    Raquel everything your feeling is normal as you know. Since we were all so close to Donna it's hit home for us even more how evil this disease is. I can understand your husband being concerned, even if you decide to take a break, you still find yourself lurking, so you can't escape from your online family. I don't know what to say as we all have or felt at one point the same. Every twinge or headache, you think is that it? Can you even plan for the future? So far I'm taking each day as it comes, I think that's the best way to deal with it. I know some of us are better at coping (but even then you stil have small doubts and fears), but you can only do what's right for you in the end. So if you can take each day as it comes, and those of us who knew Donna know what she would say. She would be happy that you were Ned and she would want you to go out and enjoy yourself. :-)

    Hugs hope my reply made some sort of sense. :-)
    Sonia

    My attitude is to live each day without the thought that it may
    be my last.From my own experience and thoughts, thru what I've read and from what you all have gone thru I know NED is but a fleeting status as this disease has so many different ways to come back at you, more virulent than the original tumor from which it arises (the mets, that is). When working, I used to say that some things in life are gonna happen no matter what you do; some things are never going to happen, whatever you do --but most of life is in between-meaning you should try to influence your today for tommorrow.
    My goal now is to regain strength mentally and physically so that if anything does arise , I'm as ready as can be. Meanwhile, without exerting any extra pressure or stress on myself,I try to make the most of each day without worrying too much about tomorrow. A terrorist strike could doom all of us--do you stop living in anticipation of that or do you keep living? Why some of us succomb while others thrive I don't know and probably never will-maybe we all were supposed to be dead already from this dreadful disease but its modern science,technology and doctors plus our will to live, keeping us going.
    . Yet here we are, in one condition or another, reading posts here and contributing to hopefully assist others. Its too hot to stay indoors so I'm going out to get something to eat and walk around. Who knows what will happen while I'm outdoors. Who knows what will happen..........Have fun, steve
  • pepebcn
    pepebcn Member Posts: 6,331 Member
    #4
    coloCan said:

    My attitude is to live each day without the thought that it may
    be my last.From my own experience and thoughts, thru what I've read and from what you all have gone thru I know NED is but a fleeting status as this disease has so many different ways to come back at you, more virulent than the original tumor from which it arises (the mets, that is). When working, I used to say that some things in life are gonna happen no matter what you do; some things are never going to happen, whatever you do --but most of life is in between-meaning you should try to influence your today for tommorrow.
    My goal now is to regain strength mentally and physically so that if anything does arise , I'm as ready as can be. Meanwhile, without exerting any extra pressure or stress on myself,I try to make the most of each day without worrying too much about tomorrow. A terrorist strike could doom all of us--do you stop living in anticipation of that or do you keep living? Why some of us succomb while others thrive I don't know and probably never will-maybe we all were supposed to be dead already from this dreadful disease but its modern science,technology and doctors plus our will to live, keeping us going.
    . Yet here we are, in one condition or another, reading posts here and contributing to hopefully assist others. Its too hot to stay indoors so I'm going out to get something to eat and walk around. Who knows what will happen while I'm outdoors. Who knows what will happen..........Have fun, steve

    Raquel
    l was 8 months NED until my reccurence, and now l regret my behavior these days, l realize l had no enjoyed those, not only damaging my self but my wife and family too, feeling in excellent conditions, but just thinking in illness , ! how many things l have lost in 8 months! how many opportunities how many plans , and how many friends due to my negative behavior. But the worst, missing the opportunity of make my wife happy after 7 month of fighting with me!.
    l promise that next time NED l will enjoy my wife my friends and my family as l never done before!.
    Cheer up Raquel, you are NED! For most of us is our goal!
    Best and have a big hug!
    Pepe,
    And again sorry for my English actually, l doubt some body can understand this post! hahahaha.
  • pepebcn
    pepebcn Member Posts: 6,331 Member
    #5
    coloCan said:

    My attitude is to live each day without the thought that it may
    be my last.From my own experience and thoughts, thru what I've read and from what you all have gone thru I know NED is but a fleeting status as this disease has so many different ways to come back at you, more virulent than the original tumor from which it arises (the mets, that is). When working, I used to say that some things in life are gonna happen no matter what you do; some things are never going to happen, whatever you do --but most of life is in between-meaning you should try to influence your today for tommorrow.
    My goal now is to regain strength mentally and physically so that if anything does arise , I'm as ready as can be. Meanwhile, without exerting any extra pressure or stress on myself,I try to make the most of each day without worrying too much about tomorrow. A terrorist strike could doom all of us--do you stop living in anticipation of that or do you keep living? Why some of us succomb while others thrive I don't know and probably never will-maybe we all were supposed to be dead already from this dreadful disease but its modern science,technology and doctors plus our will to live, keeping us going.
    . Yet here we are, in one condition or another, reading posts here and contributing to hopefully assist others. Its too hot to stay indoors so I'm going out to get something to eat and walk around. Who knows what will happen while I'm outdoors. Who knows what will happen..........Have fun, steve

    double post
    sorry
  • Buzzard
    Buzzard Member Posts: 3,043 Member
    #6
    pepebcn said:

    double post
    sorry

    Raquel.....
    Why not take some time off and spend it with the grandkids......They need you too. We will always be here. Maybe take some time and clear your thoughts and just take a break...You need that break. It sounds as if your husband needs you as well, and he seems to be a very caring individual. Make him happy as well as yourself and just take a little siesta from here...We surely understand and we will be right here waiting on ya...We'll take up the slack while your "off duty"...everyone needs to get this out of their vocabulary for a while just to clear the bugs out of the closet...Do it for you and your loved ones...and when you get back things will most likely be a lot better in here.....Love to you and yours, Clift
  • AnneCan
    AnneCan Member Posts: 3,673 Member
    #7
    pepebcn said:

    Raquel
    l was 8 months NED until my reccurence, and now l regret my behavior these days, l realize l had no enjoyed those, not only damaging my self but my wife and family too, feeling in excellent conditions, but just thinking in illness , ! how many things l have lost in 8 months! how many opportunities how many plans , and how many friends due to my negative behavior. But the worst, missing the opportunity of make my wife happy after 7 month of fighting with me!.
    l promise that next time NED l will enjoy my wife my friends and my family as l never done before!.
    Cheer up Raquel, you are NED! For most of us is our goal!
    Best and have a big hug!
    Pepe,
    And again sorry for my English actually, l doubt some body can understand this post! hahahaha.

    Pepe
    I definitely can understand your post + I think it is great you recognized what you want to change about your behaviour. I think, NED or not, we need to do as much with each day we are given as we can. None of us knows what is in our future -NED, cure, living with cancer indefinitely etc. Sometimes if I am feeling crummy, I say to myself,"What if this is the best day you have for the rest of your life? I don't want to look back + say I should have done xyz differentlly". That being said, we all have our down days + somwtimes we just have to achknowledge those feelings + take it easy.
  • Lovekitties
    Lovekitties Member Posts: 3,364 Member
    #8
    AnneCan said:

    Pepe
    I definitely can understand your post + I think it is great you recognized what you want to change about your behaviour. I think, NED or not, we need to do as much with each day we are given as we can. None of us knows what is in our future -NED, cure, living with cancer indefinitely etc. Sometimes if I am feeling crummy, I say to myself,"What if this is the best day you have for the rest of your life? I don't want to look back + say I should have done xyz differentlly". That being said, we all have our down days + somwtimes we just have to achknowledge those feelings + take it easy.

    Making the most of today
    Tim McGraw has a song out titled "Live Like You Were Dying". About a man in his 40's who gets not good news from his docs and he explains to this other person how he reacted to the news.

    An' he said: "I went sky diving, I went rocky mountain climbing,
    "I went two point seven seconds on a bull named Fu Man Chu.
    "And I loved deeper and I spoke sweeter,
    "And I gave forgiveness I'd been denying."
    An' he said: "Some day, I hope you get the chance,
    "To live like you were dyin'."

    He said "I was finally the husband,
    "That most the time I wasn’t.
    "An' I became a friend a friend would like to have.
    "And all of a sudden goin' fishin’,
    "Wasn’t such an imposition,
    "And I went three times that year I lost my Dad.
    "Well, I finally read the Good Book,
    "And I took a good long hard look,
    "At what I'd do if I could do it all again,


    While these are not all the lyrics, the bottom line is that whether we are in A1 health or have a potentially fatal disease, we and those around us will benifit the most by living every day to its fullest.


    Marie who loves kitties
  • AnneCan
    AnneCan Member Posts: 3,673 Member
    #9
    Lovekitties said:

    Making the most of today
    Tim McGraw has a song out titled "Live Like You Were Dying". About a man in his 40's who gets not good news from his docs and he explains to this other person how he reacted to the news.

    An' he said: "I went sky diving, I went rocky mountain climbing,
    "I went two point seven seconds on a bull named Fu Man Chu.
    "And I loved deeper and I spoke sweeter,
    "And I gave forgiveness I'd been denying."
    An' he said: "Some day, I hope you get the chance,
    "To live like you were dyin'."

    He said "I was finally the husband,
    "That most the time I wasn’t.
    "An' I became a friend a friend would like to have.
    "And all of a sudden goin' fishin’,
    "Wasn’t such an imposition,
    "And I went three times that year I lost my Dad.
    "Well, I finally read the Good Book,
    "And I took a good long hard look,
    "At what I'd do if I could do it all again,


    While these are not all the lyrics, the bottom line is that whether we are in A1 health or have a potentially fatal disease, we and those around us will benifit the most by living every day to its fullest.


    Marie who loves kitties

    This song
    makes a lot of sense!
  • Nana b
    Nana b Member Posts: 3,030 Member
    #10
    Buzzard said:

    Raquel.....
    Why not take some time off and spend it with the grandkids......They need you too. We will always be here. Maybe take some time and clear your thoughts and just take a break...You need that break. It sounds as if your husband needs you as well, and he seems to be a very caring individual. Make him happy as well as yourself and just take a little siesta from here...We surely understand and we will be right here waiting on ya...We'll take up the slack while your "off duty"...everyone needs to get this out of their vocabulary for a while just to clear the bugs out of the closet...Do it for you and your loved ones...and when you get back things will most likely be a lot better in here.....Love to you and yours, Clift

    Thank you! I actually do
    Thank you! I actually do live a day at a time. I just spend a lot of time here, now that I am not working, and getting to know everyone better. It's just sad. I will try and stay away for a week and see how it goes! I still have not heard back on the job but I have not been told no! We shall see. The one thing I look forward to is a trip to Italy and Rome!!! One day!! Ha=! HA!!

    Take Care!
  • Sundanceh
    Sundanceh Member Posts: 4,392 Member
    #11
    Nana b said:

    Thank you! I actually do
    Thank you! I actually do live a day at a time. I just spend a lot of time here, now that I am not working, and getting to know everyone better. It's just sad. I will try and stay away for a week and see how it goes! I still have not heard back on the job but I have not been told no! We shall see. The one thing I look forward to is a trip to Italy and Rome!!! One day!! Ha=! HA!!

    Take Care!

    I've Seen the Change in You:)
    Raquel

    I can see a difference in your postings recently...it's good that are getting to know the folks here better...to me, there is no difference in how I feel when we lose someone here than someone else we know. We only lose more people here with more frequency. You get attached as you get to know folks.

    But, that's the beauty in it it - and also the heartbreak as well. But still, the meter is running so it's good to have folks in it any way we can get 'em:) LOL!

    -Craig
  • tootsie1
    tootsie1 Member Posts: 5,044 Member
    #12
    I understand
    I would say that cancer probably makes me cry at least once a day. Not for myself so much (but sometimes), but mostly for others. Especially children. Cancer's just on my radar, and I think people also know it's "my cause," so they pass on the info to me about people diagnosed.

    Having said that, I do live my life. I'm so busy sometimes it's ridiculous! And I spend as much time as possible with my family.

    I hope you don't leave the board, because I love reading your posts, but make sure you spend some time every day doing something that brings you great pleasure.

    *hugs*
    Gail

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