Not cancer related but just sad and angry this week....

HollyID
HollyID Member Posts: 946 Member
edited March 2014 in Colorectal Cancer #1
This week has been a hard one. Four families have lost their loved ones close to our family. Two by suicide and two that died in a rollover.

The two by suicide were my kids age. One was a mother who left her 7 year old daughter to find her hanging. The other was a dad who shot himself in his garage.

The two that died in a rollover were cousins. We know both sets of parents well. Their mothers are sisters. They were both ejected on a not so well traveled road and both were dead by the time someone found them. I can't imagine what their parents are feeling. We're not supposed to bury our children. We're supposed to outlive them, of course. This one angers me the most. Both are rodeo girls who went to state and did well. They are athletic and their parents are the salt of the earth. They don't have a lot of money, but their love for their kids out measures most parents. It's just way most ranch people raise their kids. They raised their kids to be good students, hard workers and as polite and gracious as anyone. I'm proud to know them.

Aren't suicides the darndest things? Life is so bad that they think that's their only way out. There are no solutions except to take pills, hang or by gunfire.

Comments

  • AnneCan
    AnneCan Member Posts: 3,673 Member
    #2
    Holly
    I don't blame you for being sad + angry; I would be too. All of these losses are sad. I can't imagine what it is like to lose your child that way. As for suicides, I think it is hard for those of trying to survive to imagine someone taking their own life, but one must be in pretty bad shape to do that (especially leaving the 7 year old to find you - poor thing!) I am guessing that your community will band together to help the families of these unfortunate people. Take good care of yourself.
  • Buzzard
    Buzzard Member Posts: 3,043 Member
    #3
    AnneCan said:

    Holly
    I don't blame you for being sad + angry; I would be too. All of these losses are sad. I can't imagine what it is like to lose your child that way. As for suicides, I think it is hard for those of trying to survive to imagine someone taking their own life, but one must be in pretty bad shape to do that (especially leaving the 7 year old to find you - poor thing!) I am guessing that your community will band together to help the families of these unfortunate people. Take good care of yourself.

    I don't know what to say ....
    other than I am very sorry...I don't understand a lot of things and this is certainly one of them...I wish some sort of peace for the families and for you as well...Love to you and yours, Clift
  • PhillieG
    PhillieG Member Posts: 4,866 Member
    #4
    Tragic
    That's a lot for any amount of time. I went out to dinner last week and was talking to the chef at this 4 star restaurant not too far away. The main reason we went there was that my oldest son is serious about being a chef. I wanted him to have a gourmet meal and also possibly meet the chef/owner. Anyway, I had met this guy 25 years ago through a mutual friend. He didn't remember me but our mutual friend was one of the nicest people you could ever meet. She died 6 years ago, most likely by her own hand. The whole thing was murky since her soon to be ex roughed her up and made threats. We also talked about another friend. He also killed himself. It wasn't all talk about tragedies but the people we knew made very big impacts on both of our lives. Especially Carla. I still visit where she is interred.

    I feel very sorry for those people, taking one's life is hard for me to understand but I think everyone is capable of it under the "right" circumstances. The kids who died in the car rollover I find especially tragic because the kids who were ejected possibly could have been saved by just wearing their seat belts.

    it's real hard to figure out why someone does what they do...
  • chicoturner
    chicoturner Member Posts: 282
    #5
    Holly, I won't say I know
    Holly, I won't say I know how you feel, but have experienced a little of what you are seeing. Suicide brings such a mix of emotion to us, so just keep expressing it. The deaths of the young girls is just so, so sad. My prayer is for some peace for the families. I am glad you could share here, it is part of your healing too. I will pray for your peace as well. Jean
  • tootsie1
    tootsie1 Member Posts: 5,044 Member
    #6
    Terrible
    I'm so sorry, Holly. That's a lot to deal with at one time.

    *hugs*
    Gail
  • KathiM
    KathiM Member Posts: 8,028 Member
    #7
    Depression can be so uncontrollable....
    We have a friend who is battling health troubles. He has been ill for a very long time, including needing a kidney transplant from his wife. Just as all of that has stabilized for the time being, he tore his achilles tendon and now needs a cane. He is so down, it's awful.

    Being depressed about one thing is sort of managable. About two things, the world starts slipping. More than that, it's hard to see the sunshine...That's what he told me. I'm grateful he is talking about, that is the best sign that he is trying to solve it.

    I'm sorry things are so rough for you now. Try best to not take it too much into yourself, to avoid having it be a problem for you. I adopted my fav saying "It is what it is" when my plate was so full...cancer, my ex taken by a heart attack, my daughter taken by negligence, my beau with heart disease....All within a month...

    Sending big hugs to you, and the families of the ones who have gone on...

    Hugs, Kathi
  • Nana b
    Nana b Member Posts: 3,030 Member
    #8
    KathiM said:

    Depression can be so uncontrollable....
    We have a friend who is battling health troubles. He has been ill for a very long time, including needing a kidney transplant from his wife. Just as all of that has stabilized for the time being, he tore his achilles tendon and now needs a cane. He is so down, it's awful.

    Being depressed about one thing is sort of managable. About two things, the world starts slipping. More than that, it's hard to see the sunshine...That's what he told me. I'm grateful he is talking about, that is the best sign that he is trying to solve it.

    I'm sorry things are so rough for you now. Try best to not take it too much into yourself, to avoid having it be a problem for you. I adopted my fav saying "It is what it is" when my plate was so full...cancer, my ex taken by a heart attack, my daughter taken by negligence, my beau with heart disease....All within a month...

    Sending big hugs to you, and the families of the ones who have gone on...

    Hugs, Kathi

    Hug, Hugs, and more Huigs!
    Teenagers they think if they are not with their friends then it's the end of the world. It's a touchy subject, people/parents want to put them in their place but it's scary! They only know what they have experienced, so it's often not much!

    A teenage loss is terrible!! I am so sensitive, I am the type of person that will go out of her way to make sure a child is okay, I will make sure the adult does not need my assistance, and I will hold a baby and rock them to sleep when they have stressed their mom. out That is just who I am!

    Not to get away from your post, but hang in there, depressing as it may be, we need to keep walking forward! Hugs!!
  • HollyID
    HollyID Member Posts: 946 Member
    #9
    Nana b said:

    Hug, Hugs, and more Huigs!
    Teenagers they think if they are not with their friends then it's the end of the world. It's a touchy subject, people/parents want to put them in their place but it's scary! They only know what they have experienced, so it's often not much!

    A teenage loss is terrible!! I am so sensitive, I am the type of person that will go out of her way to make sure a child is okay, I will make sure the adult does not need my assistance, and I will hold a baby and rock them to sleep when they have stressed their mom. out That is just who I am!

    Not to get away from your post, but hang in there, depressing as it may be, we need to keep walking forward! Hugs!!

    I'm doing OK. Really, I am!!

    I feel bad for my daughter because she knew the ones that committed suicide. My daughter asked me the same thing: "What's so bad in life that you feel taking yourself out is the only answer?" I don't have an answer. I can only guess their anguish was so enormous, their thought process wasn't straight and this was the only way they could think of ending their torment. Both of these young people were parents. Each had families that would have given anything to help them. It's just tragic.

    I feel so darned bad for the parents of the two girls. Dang! We don't understand why some of us die old and some die young. It's just the way it is and we have to deal with it. I picture myself in their shoes and empathize with their feelings. We are really close to the one set of parents. We go out and have date nights together. I hate moments (like I'm sure we all do) like this when I have nothing to say, except I'm so sorry for their loss. It's better than nothing. I'm just in shock that this happened. I'm one of those sensitive types of women that can cry at a Hallmark commercial. I'm not sure if that's good or bad. LOL

    I'm not depressed. I promise. Just pondering life this week with all that's gone on. :)

    Raquel, I'm like you. When it comes to kids, I'm there. I LOVE kids. I love rocking babies when their mom's have had enough. Not only is it my job, but I get paid to love those precious babies and I love hugging and kissing them till they need to see their parents again. (I have the best job in the world!!)
  • SueRelays
    SueRelays Member Posts: 485
    #10
    Nana b said:

    Hug, Hugs, and more Huigs!
    Teenagers they think if they are not with their friends then it's the end of the world. It's a touchy subject, people/parents want to put them in their place but it's scary! They only know what they have experienced, so it's often not much!

    A teenage loss is terrible!! I am so sensitive, I am the type of person that will go out of her way to make sure a child is okay, I will make sure the adult does not need my assistance, and I will hold a baby and rock them to sleep when they have stressed their mom. out That is just who I am!

    Not to get away from your post, but hang in there, depressing as it may be, we need to keep walking forward! Hugs!!

    My daughters ex-boyfriend
    My daughters ex-boyfriend hung himself ( over a girl) in high school. My daughter had R.I.P. J.B tattoed on her foot. She took it EXTREMELY hard. A friend of mine in high school's girlfriend shot herself in his bedroom when he broke up with her.......sooooo tragic....I could just never imagine. Having a daughter that has had her share of ups and downs, and not a good relationship with her dad, and sisters....I have always worried about her making a decision like that. I just don't know how you deal with it and go on.
    My heart breaks for the families you know Holly. So sorry to hear it.
  • ktlcs
    ktlcs Member Posts: 358
    #11
    SueRelays said:

    My daughters ex-boyfriend
    My daughters ex-boyfriend hung himself ( over a girl) in high school. My daughter had R.I.P. J.B tattoed on her foot. She took it EXTREMELY hard. A friend of mine in high school's girlfriend shot herself in his bedroom when he broke up with her.......sooooo tragic....I could just never imagine. Having a daughter that has had her share of ups and downs, and not a good relationship with her dad, and sisters....I have always worried about her making a decision like that. I just don't know how you deal with it and go on.
    My heart breaks for the families you know Holly. So sorry to hear it.

    I still remember
    A good friend of mine's brother shot himself at 17 when we were in high school. I will never forget the look of pain and anguish on his parents faces and wondering what, at 17, could be so bad that this was the only solution? Then, many years later, I had the unfortunate experience to be in the wrong place at the wrong time and witnessed a stranger kill himself by jumping in front of a train. All I felt was anger. I guess I should consider myslef lucky that no matter how bad things might have been, I have never turned doen that path.

    The two girls were a real tragedy, how awful.

    May they all RIP

    Kathy
  • Aud
    Aud Member Posts: 479 Member
    #12
    HollyID said:

    I'm doing OK. Really, I am!!

    I feel bad for my daughter because she knew the ones that committed suicide. My daughter asked me the same thing: "What's so bad in life that you feel taking yourself out is the only answer?" I don't have an answer. I can only guess their anguish was so enormous, their thought process wasn't straight and this was the only way they could think of ending their torment. Both of these young people were parents. Each had families that would have given anything to help them. It's just tragic.

    I feel so darned bad for the parents of the two girls. Dang! We don't understand why some of us die old and some die young. It's just the way it is and we have to deal with it. I picture myself in their shoes and empathize with their feelings. We are really close to the one set of parents. We go out and have date nights together. I hate moments (like I'm sure we all do) like this when I have nothing to say, except I'm so sorry for their loss. It's better than nothing. I'm just in shock that this happened. I'm one of those sensitive types of women that can cry at a Hallmark commercial. I'm not sure if that's good or bad. LOL

    I'm not depressed. I promise. Just pondering life this week with all that's gone on. :)

    Raquel, I'm like you. When it comes to kids, I'm there. I LOVE kids. I love rocking babies when their mom's have had enough. Not only is it my job, but I get paid to love those precious babies and I love hugging and kissing them till they need to see their parents again. (I have the best job in the world!!)

    Holly
    suicide...so tragic, so terribly sad.
    Prayers for those families and for the families of the two young cousins who died too, too young.

    Holly, it's a lot of pain to absorb and process.
    Holding those parents in the Light for comfort. Holding the families of those who committed suicide in the Light for comfort and peace. And holding you in the Light for strength.
    ~Audrey

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