Feeling guilty....

Little_C said:

Feeling guilty is normal
What you are feeling is perfectly normal. As a caregiver you need space sometimes to take a few deep breaths, to relax and find some measure of peace to continue caregiving. It's important to find that time even if it's only for an hour. A friend or family member could be with your husband for a short while. Speak with your husband about it. Let him know you need a little break from time to time, that in order to take care of him the best you can, you have to take care of you as well. No good both of you being sick, right? Then take that walk by the beach or go to the mall, sit outside at a coffee shop and take those deep breaths :-)
I'll be thinking about you.
Take care.

Understand
We were just starting to get our lives back to some sort of normal when Bob's recurrence reared its ugly head. Now he will be having surgery (likely, waiting to hear from doc) and it has all kind of nasty affects and no guarantees of course. I was telling a good friend (crying actually) that I am so tired of worrying, so tired of being tired, so tired of all of it and I want my life back. After that, I felt so guilty and got all crying over feeling guilty!! What a mess I was that day.

I've come to realize that this will be my new normal. I know I will need breaks and I had one during his treatment and while he was feeling better we got away from town a couple of times.

There is also guilt for me, strangely enough, that our kids are so affected by this. Mainly our son who is 25 and just graduated from college and his life is kind of put on hold for the moment as I may need him to help in the next few months, depending on how things go. I feel guilty for affecting his life.... but I know it can't be helped, I will selfishly admit to needing him.

Sometimes my emotions just take over my rational thinking. I think just this moment while typing this I have come to that realization - some days, my rational brain is in control and some days my emotions are in control. Those are usually the bad days!