Home from Biopsy

kimmygarland
kimmygarland Member Posts: 312
edited March 2014 in Caregivers #1
We are back from the biopsy. He is doing fine. Went as expected - doc sees tumor and what appears to be cancer invaded into the pharyngeal (throat) wall behind the tumor. Biopsy pathology will not officially be back until Wed or Thurs, but he is taking Bob's case to the "Tumor Review Board" for discussion on treatement, as he is confident it will be recurrence. It will likely be surgery - it will be major surgery or major, major surgery - depending on doc's research in next few days and results of Tumor Review Board on Wednesday. Doc said he'd be back to us by end of week for a discussion on what he recommends.

If only "major" surgery - he can go in through his mouth, down his throat, get the tumor & tissue and then somehow address the lymph nodes (I think there are 2 hot lymph nodes). If "major, major" - it will be going through the mouth AND cutting the neck to get the tumor and tissue, but also do some reconstruction work on the throat (some of you may be familiar with the flap they put in to reconstruct, take tissue, etc. from forearm). His voice should not be affected, but he may never swallow again after the surgery (he said 50/50, depending on what they do and then how he responds). They may follow up surgery with chemo/rads, but doc says probably not since he has already been radiated pretty heavily the first time around.

The good news is that it is operable. The bad news is, it's back and he said it appears to be a "mean tumor" and he is worried about it spreading. (SCARY!)

I am a mess, I am scared and I am angry. I know a person should never question WHY, but selfishly, I say, this is a good man, with a good heart and people who love him.
Bob is being his positive self - says he knows it will be ok, and doc DID say they can take it out. We will do what we need to try and irradicate this awful beast from our lives.

I am trying to keep it together and not CRY all the day long. Just the thought of him going through this surgery scares the krap out of me. He is diabetic and already has impaired kidney function, which further complicates the whole damn mess. Then I also need to think about all the practical stuff - he owns his own business - what the heck will we do with that and how will we keep money coming in? How much time will I need to take off work?How big of a blow will it be for him if he has to be on feeding tube for rest of his life - OMG - he loves to eat!? Is my son going to handle all this ok - he is 25, but I still worry about him. My apologies, I am rambling, but know you all understand.

This is horrible, and I wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy. I hate cancer. I am giving myself the rest of today to wallow in my misery and then tomorrow - CHIN UP and get on with it.

Comments

  • Noellesmom
    Noellesmom Member Posts: 1,859 Member
    #2
    Wallowing
    Somehow, I don't see you doing that, Kimmy, although more power to you if you can.

    Jim will have esophageal biopsies next month when the PEG is removed. Just the idea of biopsies makes me anxious.

    I know this is hard - you are in my thoughts.
  • zinniemay
    zinniemay Member Posts: 522
    #3
    Kimmy
    Kimmy, Greg had the same news his was back and in him lungs. I can only guess how you are feeling . I cried enough to fill a tub and still at times I want to cry, but have to be strong and see if I can help my husband.
    Know that many people are feeling the same way. Some are just starting the alful trip down this road.
    ALl these things are thoughts that we all think. I know with diabetes it adds more worries. I just don't have the words to say how I am feeling for you . I just know that you are not alone and as bad as we want our love ones to live the dark clouds of "what if" do come to mind. I can tell you I am scared, I am trying not to cry as I type this.Isn't working! I just wish I could take you by the hand and say we will figure this out! Just know I am here if you need to chat. my email is (my name is Jennie) darn got to many tears!
    woody@i2k.com
  • grandmafay
    grandmafay Member Posts: 1,633 Member
    #4
    Sorry, Kimmy
    I am sorry that the news was not better, but you are right the good news is that there is still treatment available. Of course you are scared, mad, sad, the whole ball of wax. Take time to wallow. You need to do that. Then you will make a plan and move forward. We do what we have to do. Don't be afraid to share your feelings with your husband. Mine always said I had the hardest job as caregiver. Let us know when the surgery is and many of us will pray for you, send you good thoughts, and virtual hugs. My husband and I always felt those thoughts and prayers. Hugs, Fay
  • Pennymac02
    Pennymac02 Member Posts: 332 Member
    #5
    News
    You and your husband have been in my thoughts all day. The bad news days are the worst, as if the news itself isn't bad enough, the "what if's" and "How are we's" are the pits. Its like my brain is on a hamster wheel, going round and around. You, your son, and your husband will get thru this, one step at a time, just by doing the next right thing, just like you have in the past. For me, looking too far ahead into the future is where the FEAR is, so I just try to stay in today and keep focused on the next small step. Today your husband can swallow, today he's not having the surgery, today, the business is okay. When and if the other stuff comes, I believe God will give you what you need to get thru that too...Sending positive thoughts your way...
    Penny
  • kimmygarland
    kimmygarland Member Posts: 312
    #6
    Pennymac02 said:

    News
    You and your husband have been in my thoughts all day. The bad news days are the worst, as if the news itself isn't bad enough, the "what if's" and "How are we's" are the pits. Its like my brain is on a hamster wheel, going round and around. You, your son, and your husband will get thru this, one step at a time, just by doing the next right thing, just like you have in the past. For me, looking too far ahead into the future is where the FEAR is, so I just try to stay in today and keep focused on the next small step. Today your husband can swallow, today he's not having the surgery, today, the business is okay. When and if the other stuff comes, I believe God will give you what you need to get thru that too...Sending positive thoughts your way...
    Penny

    Thank you
    Thank you all for the kind words and support. It is so comforting to hear from people who REALLY UNDERSTAND. My friends, parents, etc. THINK they understand what we are going through, but seriously, they have NO clue.

    Penny - you are right, as long as I look at one day at a time, I can deal with it. I am a planner though and that is SO hard for me. I'm better at it now than before cancer entered our lives, and need to get a bit better as we move forward with this round.

    Today was a decent day. My husband has been trying to cheer ME up, and sent me off to work today with a lecture on not worrying so much and remembering that doc said it's operable, etc.... he always looks at the positive, where I tend to see the negative. Maybe that's why we've had a successful marriage for 27 years! Yin and Yang type thing.

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