Mom was just diagnosed with rectal cancer

mkchp
mkchp Member Posts: 2
edited March 2014 in Colorectal Cancer #1
New poster here and thankful to find this outlet.

My 69 year old mother, my lifeline, was diagnosed with rectal cancer three days ago. Our family has been thrown for a loop. Mom, always the strong, hard-headed, stubborn woman that she is, finally submitted to the waxing and waning signs she's been experiencing for some time now. Lot's of questions about what she's been trying to brush off and hide from herself and from us, are now answered.

What was going to be a joyous and exciting Fall with the arrival of my first child, a grandson for mom, now holds some trepidation. We two have become so close during my pregnancy and with the planning and preparation. Mom was so looking forward to helping with the baby and it seems that we both will be having our hands quite full.

Everyone depends on her-the matriarch of this family who now is feeling so scared and vulnerable. I worry about her state of mind also as we navigate through this. My elderly father, unfortunately, is not going to be a solid caregiver for her at this time, so many changes to our family dynamics are going to have to change. Being the woman she is, her mind is dead set about having a colostomy bag placed and would rather die with the cancer. The 8 x 8 cm mass surrounds her rectum and has invaded the vaginal/uterine wall making surgery look to our local docs quite extensive. Current files are being sent to Seattle for review and suggestions of where to go from here. So, as we wait, we've visited the cancer center and she's been measured for radiation treatments to start out.

I wonder if anyone has had experience with a similar presentation of rectal cancer at all and if you might share your thoughts. Any "miracle" docs out there experienced with preserving anal function in spite of the odds? Mom says she may only go with the medical treatments and leave everything else be. Being in the medical field, myself, I know that would be a death sentence and any surgeon would not reccomend that route, but anyone have experiences otherwise? Thank you in advance for your comments.

Comments

  • okthen
    okthen Member Posts: 232
    #2
    Just wanted to say I am so
    Just wanted to say I am so sorry about your mother. I am pretty new here myself and came with questions regarding my husbands Dx with rectal cancer in May. It is very overwhelming, too much to process at times. My DH's resection surgery is this next Monday and just an hour ago he finally said he realizes he needs to do this, up until then he only voiced resistance. I tried very hard to listen throughout these months, let him say he wasn't going to do anything, and have faith that he will make the right decision (which in my mind was do whatever is necessary to live for me and our children). I hope you find this with your mom, that once she is able to process this, get more information/opinions and realize how much you and your new son will need her she will get the fight in her. I will pray for your family, no one should have to go through this horrible situation. You will find this board very helpful, there are so many understanding and caring people here.
    C.
  • Annabelle41415
    Annabelle41415 Member Posts: 6,742 Member
    #3
    Sorry
    So very sorry to hear of your mother's diagnosis. First off, you need to get some great doctors and it's good that the files are being sent to Seattle for review. Your mother is going to feel apprehensive about all that she will have to go through but if she doesn't want to, the consequences could not be very good. Having rectal cancer myself, my opinion was listen to the more knowledgeable doctors and let them decide what was best for me. Having my rectum completely removed, my surgeon made a new rectum out of my remaining colon, but had a temporary ileostomy (bag). Preserving bowel movements can be had, but you need to find a colorectal surgeon. My best to you, your family and your mom.

    Kim
  • Ginx525
    Ginx525 Member Posts: 16
    #4
    Mom was just diagnosed..
    Hey I am in the same boat and am learning lots from the posts here and on the caregiver board. My Mom is 75 in October and she was also just diagnosed. She, because of numerous heart and health problems, has been told that she is not a candidate for surgery and she is also has her mind set against having a colostomy. My father is 76 and is not capable of taking care of her himself so when she came home from the hospital in July I brought her home to live her with me. (I live beside my parents so my Dad is her with us on and off throughout the day but he is still living in their home.) This whole past month has been a walk into another world and we have felt lost and confused. One thing I can say is just take each day as it comes and don't rush into anything without gathering as much information as possible. One thing that has helped me as I have become her caregiver is "the notebook" as we call it now. I have all her info in this note book. Make you a list of all prior medical information (you will be asked a million times for these things), a list of all medicines and what they do and what she is taking them for (sometimes they want to know which Dr prescribed what). I have learned to take notes at each Dr's appointments and I keep a day to day journal of what things are going on. Include a calendar for appointments. I asked for business cards from each Dr she has visited and I have taped them into the front of the notebook for easy access. I have her DNR, her living will, and her heathcare POA paperwork in there too. It is easy for me to find any information that anyone asks for in just a few seconds. I hope some of this helps. I guess we are in the same boat but I am a month further into it than you. I hope some of this helps.
  • Lovekitties
    Lovekitties Member Posts: 3,364 Member
    #5
    Tell Mom
    I am 63 yr old female who was diagnosed with rectal cancer turmor right before Christmas last year (confirmed mid-January 2010). My tumor had already breached the vaginal wall. I did not have any mets in any other organ.

    Like your mom I was determined to do what I could to avoid the colostomy. My surgeon was great about explaining things to me as I looked for lesser invasive options. He also sent me to talk with the Ostomy Nurse at the local hospital. She loaned me a book about living with an ostomy, which put it all in a better perspective than just having a bag hang off your belly.

    My final choice was to have the colostomy, rectum and anus removed, as well as a total hysterectomy (no pre-op chemo or rads). I was only expecting to stay in hospital a week but had complication of a twisted intestine which sometimes happens. Surgeon went in thru previous wound and straightened everything out. Was in for 16 days. Two weeks later was back in hopsital for infection for 3 days.

    Since the surgeries and the last hospital stay I have been getting my life back to normal. The first 4 weeks at home I needed lots of help and found sleeping in recliner better than the bed.

    Now it is 5 months post surgery and I am doing great. The colostomy was just something to get used to, and I have not found it to be limiting at all. I chose not to do any post chemo or rads, my personal choice.

    Please pass all this on to your mom. If she wants to have more info or if I can help in any way, send me an email on the CSN email. Of course you can always ask more questions here, and get more info than from just me.

    Life isn't over just because you have to poop in a bag.

    Marie who loves kitties
  • Aud
    Aud Member Posts: 479 Member
    #6
    Welcome
    sorry you have to be here but a good place to be. sorry to hear about your mom having to go through this along with you and your family. I have no advice to offer, just support and prayers that all will be well with your mom and your family.
    ~Audrey
  • ketziah35
    ketziah35 Member Posts: 1,145
    #7
    Ginx525 said:

    Mom was just diagnosed..
    Hey I am in the same boat and am learning lots from the posts here and on the caregiver board. My Mom is 75 in October and she was also just diagnosed. She, because of numerous heart and health problems, has been told that she is not a candidate for surgery and she is also has her mind set against having a colostomy. My father is 76 and is not capable of taking care of her himself so when she came home from the hospital in July I brought her home to live her with me. (I live beside my parents so my Dad is her with us on and off throughout the day but he is still living in their home.) This whole past month has been a walk into another world and we have felt lost and confused. One thing I can say is just take each day as it comes and don't rush into anything without gathering as much information as possible. One thing that has helped me as I have become her caregiver is "the notebook" as we call it now. I have all her info in this note book. Make you a list of all prior medical information (you will be asked a million times for these things), a list of all medicines and what they do and what she is taking them for (sometimes they want to know which Dr prescribed what). I have learned to take notes at each Dr's appointments and I keep a day to day journal of what things are going on. Include a calendar for appointments. I asked for business cards from each Dr she has visited and I have taped them into the front of the notebook for easy access. I have her DNR, her living will, and her heathcare POA paperwork in there too. It is easy for me to find any information that anyone asks for in just a few seconds. I hope some of this helps. I guess we are in the same boat but I am a month further into it than you. I hope some of this helps.

    i agree with Gina
    My mom was dxnd in May. We keep a daily notebook of medical nteswhen we gp to docs visits and record her weight, temp, bp and sugar levels each day as well as how she is feeling. Any isssues that arise we refer to our notes in the docs oFfice. After surgery we were taking her vitals 3 xs a day and caught her in time to deal with an infection. Somewhere in the caregivers discussion board is a long post for timesaving measures for caregivers. This gave alopt of information and tips that may assist you in yOur journey.

    Sorry about the typos. I am on my blackberry.
  • khl8
    khl8 Member Posts: 807
    #8
    Aud said:

    Welcome
    sorry you have to be here but a good place to be. sorry to hear about your mom having to go through this along with you and your family. I have no advice to offer, just support and prayers that all will be well with your mom and your family.
    ~Audrey

    welcomw
    First let me say welcome. This place is a fantastic site to be for support. Any question you have is all right and no subject is off limits.
    So, I understand what you Mom is feeling, I am 45 ( I was 43 when I was diagnosed with rectal cancer) I had a resection, hysterectomy, temporay ileostomy. I finished my last chemo treatment last August and am appraching the year mark for the ileostomy reversal.
    Make sure you ding a colorectal surgeon not a general surgeon, Your Mom needs a doctor that specilizes in this.
    I too was beside myself about having the bag. I have to admit I hated every minute of it. However, I found that I needed some help, in the form of an anti depressent to help me deal with all this. Please talk to her doctor if she needs something. When i first had the bag after my resection it took alot ot time for me to get used to it. Honestly, I finally got used to it when it was time for the reversal. I had the same thoughts in my had tha I would rather die than have a bag. But when faced with that possibility, and with the help of the anti depressents I was able to see that bag or no bag, i wanted to be here for my family, to see my son get married, to see grandchildren in my future, to travel and see things I have never seen before.
    Cancer changes everything......and there is nothing you can do to stop it, you can just figure out how to deal with it. If she wants to talk, I would be willing to speak with her on the phone as would a number of others here.

    We are here for you and for her!!!
    Kathy

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