Maintaining perspective

faith_trust_and_a_little_bit_of_chemotherapy
faith_trust_and_a_little_bit_of_chemotherapy Member Posts: 319 Member
edited March 2014 in Breast Cancer #1
I have noticed a few boards during my respites here that exceed my level of expertise, and to be frank have made me uncomfortable. Ladies that require a lot more than I am capable of giving emotionally or intellectually. Yet, I'm proud that some of you have the 'brass ovaries' to deal with some touchie topics with an aplomb of which I find myself envious.

This 'cyber space' is an opportunity to share and encourage each other as survivors. I think we all share a common disdain for this disease, but the manner with which we cope might be very different. This is a safe place to share ourselves and be vulnerable. Having said that, vulnerable does not mean we are victims. Vulnerable only means we can share openly about our anxieties and fears.

I have seen things here with which I disagree, that have broken my heart, and that I have found simply offensive. But I grew up in a free society and along the way I learned a couple of lessons...nothing nice to say, say nothing at all...and...it's OK to have an unexpressed thought.

I will continue to bite my tongue and remind myself that civility, patience, tolerance and humor are more important now than ever.

Comments

  • aisling8
    aisling8 Member Posts: 1,627 Member
    #2
    amen
    Ah yes, as my 35 year old likes to remind me every so often, probably when I'm babbling too much, "Mom, it's okay to have an unuttered thought."

    This is just a ocmputer. I can only expect so much from it.

    Peace to all,
    Victoria
  • natly15
    natly15 Member Posts: 1,941
    #3
    Like this!!

    Like this!!
  • cookie97
    cookie97 Member Posts: 200
    #4
    Couldn't have said it better
    Very eloquently put I really, really couldn't have said it better myself. I have had times when it felt like I only opened my mouth to change feet!! As I have gotten older I've come to realize that some things are better off left unsaid.

    Thanks for the great post!
    Edie
  • carkris
    carkris Member Posts: 4,553 Member
    #5
    natly15 said:

    Like this!!

    Like this!!

    me too!

    me too!
  • TraciInLA
    TraciInLA Member Posts: 1,994 Member
    #6
    My tongue has permanent bite marks in it
    I've bitten my tongue so hard here on this board over the past couple of days, I think it may have permanent bite marks in it.

    I try very hard to keep my responses here to 1) practical advice from my own experience that I think will be helpful, 2) support and encouragement, or 3) funny comments or stories that I think might bring a smile or a laugh.

    When I see someone posting in a way that I think misuses this board and/or others' generous hearts, I have to just walk away, lest I say things that would just make the situation worse, and would show you all my inner cynical, intolerant, judgemental, cranky b**ch!

    "Brass ovaries" -- I like that! My girlfriend uses a similar term -- she just told her 16-year-old daughter who was being very passive about something that she needed to find her "egg power."

    Traci
  • Heatherbelle
    Heatherbelle Member Posts: 1,226 Member
    #7
    I also go by the "if you
    I also go by the "if you have nothing to day, don't say anything at all" - when it comes to sites like this. I can argue my point & opinion with the best of them - but this isn't the place for it. I do like to chime in when I think I might have something helpful to say to any of you, and I do try to keep my vents to a minimum. My goal now, and even more so when I'm through with treatment - is to be here to help newly diagnosed women facing breast cancer with the same courage and empowerment that I received through some pretty amazing women, both in my "real life" and on here. It truly makes me feel better about myself and my situation to help out others, because I know that fear and uncertainty, and I can only hope to have some of my more positive ways of thinking and ideas rub off on other people. Some of the posts that just seem a bit "off" to me, though, that I can't handle emotionally or invest myself in drama, I just don't respond to. I can't. I've rid myself of some very toxic friendships recently for just that reason.
    Very well said post!
    *hugs all around!*
    Heather
  • carkris
    carkris Member Posts: 4,553 Member
    #8
    Heatherbelle said:

    I also go by the "if you
    I also go by the "if you have nothing to day, don't say anything at all" - when it comes to sites like this. I can argue my point & opinion with the best of them - but this isn't the place for it. I do like to chime in when I think I might have something helpful to say to any of you, and I do try to keep my vents to a minimum. My goal now, and even more so when I'm through with treatment - is to be here to help newly diagnosed women facing breast cancer with the same courage and empowerment that I received through some pretty amazing women, both in my "real life" and on here. It truly makes me feel better about myself and my situation to help out others, because I know that fear and uncertainty, and I can only hope to have some of my more positive ways of thinking and ideas rub off on other people. Some of the posts that just seem a bit "off" to me, though, that I can't handle emotionally or invest myself in drama, I just don't respond to. I can't. I've rid myself of some very toxic friendships recently for just that reason.
    Very well said post!
    *hugs all around!*
    Heather

    I feel the same way. but I
    I feel the same way. but I cant help worry about someone in such pain. I want to know how they are. but we need also to protect ourselves because as strong as we are, we are still fragile and vulnerable too. Just hugs and love to you all and peace. Egg power like that!!!! althugh I think my eggs are pretty fizzled at this point.LOL
  • sal314
    sal314 Member Posts: 599 Member
    #9
    Totally Agree
    Can't add much to what's already been said. I find that if I start getting upset and irritated, I just take a big breath and decided not to say anything. Though it's quite a challenge sometimes:)

    Sally
  • cahjah75
    cahjah75 Member Posts: 2,631
    #10
    Very well put
    and there have been times when I've read a post and just sighed...... if I can't offer an encouraging word, I don't say anything. Some posts are upsetting. I've suffered from depression in the past and sought help from a therapist. If someone feels "safe" in expressing their thoughts here on this network I hope it's for the right reasons. We are all here to give support whether it be for someone fairly new to the boards like myself or to those who have Stage IV and for all who are going through treatment. We are only human, with human feelings....
    Char
  • sea60
    sea60 Member Posts: 2,613
    #11
    cahjah75 said:

    Very well put
    and there have been times when I've read a post and just sighed...... if I can't offer an encouraging word, I don't say anything. Some posts are upsetting. I've suffered from depression in the past and sought help from a therapist. If someone feels "safe" in expressing their thoughts here on this network I hope it's for the right reasons. We are all here to give support whether it be for someone fairly new to the boards like myself or to those who have Stage IV and for all who are going through treatment. We are only human, with human feelings....
    Char

    You're so right Char
    As upsetting as some of these posts can be, it's just evident how cancer truly is a beast that tries to take over body & mind. Unfortunately, underlying fear of this thing can bring about terrible feelings which sometimes are expressed on this board. Makes me just hate cancer all the more...
  • Marsha Mulvey
    Marsha Mulvey Member Posts: 597 Member
    #12
    sea60 said:

    You're so right Char
    As upsetting as some of these posts can be, it's just evident how cancer truly is a beast that tries to take over body & mind. Unfortunately, underlying fear of this thing can bring about terrible feelings which sometimes are expressed on this board. Makes me just hate cancer all the more...

    HOPE
    Just another time I have to use this word. I certainly HOPE that nothing I've posted has upset anyone. I never intended to do that. I've written here before that if I can be of any help by sharing experiences, I'm glad to do so. If I have encouraging words to offer, I will. If I need help or support, I'll ask. And if I may, I'd like to continue posting on the light-hearted topics.
    If I have offended, I deeply regret it.
    Marsha
  • cahjah75
    cahjah75 Member Posts: 2,631
    #13
    Marsha Mulvey said:

    HOPE
    Just another time I have to use this word. I certainly HOPE that nothing I've posted has upset anyone. I never intended to do that. I've written here before that if I can be of any help by sharing experiences, I'm glad to do so. If I have encouraging words to offer, I will. If I need help or support, I'll ask. And if I may, I'd like to continue posting on the light-hearted topics.
    If I have offended, I deeply regret it.
    Marsha

    Marsha
    I think if you had posted something that offended anyone it would have been reported. I've never seen anything of that sort from you. No need to apologize as we are all just expressing our experiences and suggestions. Stick around, 'cause we newbies learn so much from reading how others have coped. {{hugs}}
    Char
  • Tux
    Tux Member Posts: 544 Member
    #14
    I am truly grateful for all
    I am truly grateful for all I have learned from this board. A year ago I was in treatment & had lots of questions & fears. All were answered for me on this board. I had a few (relatively minor) complications, but this board help me put my worries in their place. If I have helped only one person through this board, it has been worth it. Again, thanks to everyone for their honest answers & for their care & concern.

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