If I knew then what I know now...

Betsy13 said:

Well...I'm still here.
I have checked, double checked, and triple checked, and there are NO SUPPORT GROUPS within a 40 mile radius or further from where I live. I contacted the ACS and their Reach for Recovery program back in March, they had someone call who was Stage 2. She couldn't answer my questions and was as frustrated as I was.

Thank you so much for lifting me up through this. I am going to do something very drastic...I am writing an editorial for my local paper. I KNOW there are other women out there who feel as I do. But WHERE ARE THEY? I figured it can't hurt. Oh, I know, there will be kooks, so we can meet in a public place.

We are going up north (I live in Michigan) on Thursday for 5 days and my husband wants to take our bikes. I have been trying really hard not to overdo it and put myself back on bedrest (which I did for 2 weeks because I overdid it) and I am scared that this will make me sick.

I haven't felt well for the past 2-3 days because, again, I over did it. I'm a teacher and I have been sitting for 2-3 hours then take a 2-3 hour break and sit for another 2-3 hours writing lesson plans for the beginning of school. I did that for 1 day and the next day I wrote (copy and pasted) math openers for the first few weeks of school. That only took me 2-3 hours. How is this overdoing it? I mean, that's ALL I did.

I don't know what an AI is so I guess that means I don't have one.

I will be kinder to myself. I will remember that it's only been 2.5 months since I finished radiation. I will continue looking for a support group, but in the meantime, I will be here.

Thank you for our support, I can feel it!
Betsy

AI's are-----
AI's are Aromatase Inhibitors. They are a family of estrogen blockers that are used for hormone positive tumors. They could be Femara (the one I take), Arimidex, or Aromasin. The really mess with your emotions until you adjust. Cause joint pain and myriad of other problems, must controllable, some others just can't handle. I was lucky and hand no big problems that advil couldn't cure.

Are you on an antidepressant? Maybe that needs to be adjusted?

Wonderful that you want to start a group!!!That would be most healing I think. There is one in my area, but for all cancers. They meet once a month.

Hope this helps.

Survives

I know your pain
But don't kid yourself I had a mastectomy but not the double that I thought I needed to get on with my life. I was stage 3 and it was advised by surgeon and my mother a palliative nurse that I have one at a time. I took their advice reluctantly and quite frankly that decision alone is probably why I am still here 14 years later. A year later the other breast removed after more lumps and 7 years of hell I went through while it seems my time is not done yet with more lumps and the medical systems in place. I went on to live a life that surprised me since suffering for so long and couldn't work ending up loosing a very successful Quality Manufacturing Inspection job. Couldn't work shift work anymore and decided actually what I had been doing for past 30 years was likely going to kill me with the stress and chemical toxic air.
Life does go on and it is very dependendant on what we expect of ourselves and not what we expect of others. If there is one thing I have learned there is only one of us and it is our own expectations that is often the hurdle in our lives. I am so glad I learned to live life for today than plans that would have only been broken.
Don't get me wrong I struggle daily with try to accept things as they are though enyone who professes to know me thinks otherwise and isn't afraid to tell me. I still don't see what others see and that is half of the problem. If I could feel all they do I would have probably fullfilled my every dream by now and having to always fight to be heard in medical community surely doesn't help. No one was listening 14 years ago and I fought for my life then as I do now. I feel like you somedays and feel very alone but I am not putting in all that I did to keep people close learning to live with myself something I have never had to do.

I am here to say we can't miss the miracles along the way and finding cancers early is truly just that. Living 13 years after my battle has proven life isn't easy but then who said it was suppose to be?

There is always a light at the end of the tunnel if we only allow ourselves to see.
Tara

Yep friends disappear over time
I am 10 months into this and I have one friend left. Bless her heart she calls me every week, sends me funny emails, shows up unannounced to clean my house or brings a casserole over. She lives 30 miles away! jumps me when I say I feel fine, because she knows better and truly wants to know how i really feel. Her husband went thru a year of chemo for colon cancer so she has a good handle on what i am going thru. If I didn't have her to talk to i don't think i would have made it.

Family had this bizarre idea that my husband would take care of me? I have been on my own and if it wasn't for my friend my house would be a pigsty.

Betsy13 said:

pigsty
Yep, my house is a pigsty. I have a 17 and 19 year old and husband. Yep, it's a pigsty. I don't foresee it getting clean anywhere in the near future. My parents are gone, my siblings couldn't have mom's illness and they disappeared, cousin lives 10 min. from me...my in-laws live 10 min. from me, my sister-in-law 15 min.

My bbtripledub (bestest buddie in the whole wide world) live 3 hours away. We talk or text daily. She had stage 2 16 years ago. She has been my life line.

I can no longer care. There is nothing I can do about it at this point in time. When I start cleaning, I go overboard and set myself back due to the stress it puts on my body and makes me fatigued again. I'm a teacher so I have to get ready to go back to school. I spent 2 days writing lesson plans and then I was in bed 3 days. I guess I'll go to work and come home and nap, just like when I was having the radiation treatments.

My rad. onc. tells me this can last up to a year. Yuck The other night, at 11:00, I realized I hadn't eaten dinner. By that time, I was overly exhausted and never ate.

Oh well, it is what it is and it will NOT last forever.

Feeling better?
Hey Betsy, I was wondering if you were feeling any better? I sure hope you are. I have been keeping you in my prayers. I just wanted you to know that I was still thinking about you. If you need to talk let us know.

Betsy13 said:

Hi,
I can honestly say that I am finally feeling better. I upped my anti-depressant and that seems to be helping. My husband and I have been diligently working at a way to communicate so I don't feel either that he's hovering or totally abandoning me. Lots of crazy mixed up feelings are coming to the surface. He and I have had long discussions about my job and he basically tells me to f*%( them. I start talking and they interrupt. They disrespect me. I feel like they don't think I have any think worthwhile to say. That's not true. So many parents come to me asking for answers becauswe their kids teacher's don't answer them. I have kids that go from E's to C's and up to B's. They learn how to behave in a classroom, what is appropriate and what isn't. My colleagues called me an "overachiever"...I think I make them look back and they either don't like it or are jealous. Either one, I don't care. I am there for my students, to teach. Not to make someone else look bad or be jealous about what I do.

A lot of things have been going through my mind and a lot of them have been answered. I had a professional Development today and had a conversation about how the day went with my husband when I got home. Basically, I was ignored. Oh well. When I had something to say, I said it, I didn't let their ignoring me bother me. I just put my two cents worth in and then the woman running it would say my answers. Wow, you should have seen the looks I got. I thought "well, and here you thought I was so stupid...guess I fooled you".. I'm learning to not let the little stuff bug me, learning what matters and what doesn't and if it doesn't, getting rid of it quickly and permanently.

God gave me one life to live. For too long, I have been living it to please others. No more. I need to put my wants and needs first...find a solid balance. This is what I am trying to do right now. So, if you have any ideas, I'd love to hear them!

Thanks for letting me vent and rant and rave...I needed that!
Bets

Betsy so glad
you're feeling better. Remember to take it one day at a time. {{hugs}}
Char