has anyone had their husband desert them after cancer

whiteangel0106 said:

has anyone had their husband leave...
yep, mine did...
I had my surgery in May 2008, ended up with vocal cord paralysis and very low calcium. 3 days after surgery I had to be rushed back to the ER because I was so sick...he wouldn't take me. I had to get a friend to drive me to the ER. I had vocal cord surgery on Oct 1st, he left Oct 4th. I survived him leaving, and I'm the better person for it. I recently met a wonderful man. Good luck, my thoughts and good intentions are with you...

Husband Leaving
You know, I have had all sorts of medical problems and they can be a real pain in the ****, but my husband knew I had problems when he dated me, then chose me for marriage, sometimes it gets tough and I worry about the whole cheating thing, but then I realize I married a good man, I chose wisely, I pick a guy that may be a tad narcisictic at times but is easy to remind that its about the "We" and not just about the "Me". I didnt tell him about my ultra sound or biopsy for my diaginosis of Thy Can, he was pissed when he found out and he asked me why I didnt share something so important to our family with him, I was in tears and blurted out "Because I dont want to get a divorce!!" we had just gone through hell last April with complications from a 2fer operation having my bladder pined and uterus ablated, and actually found out about my tyroid nodule when I had a CAT done of my neck that mysteriously seized up for 10 days after surgery. The thing that keeps us together, the things that gets him back when it seems like he had enough of me and my problems is putting all my focus into him. When I have a smile on my face, happy to see him when he gets home, spray on some perfume even tho Im wearing sweats, and let him grab my **** and giggle like a school girl about it, Im telling you it changes everything, it has saved my marriage by simply acting more like his goofy, sex crazed girlfriend than acting like a mature wife with problems. I have scars, im fat from unsucessfully dieting for the last 2 years and not knowing why Im not loosing weight, and I am also 8 years older than my husband. Being his girlfriend, having fun, acting like Im confident about my yucky body, and acting like Im more concerned about how he is doing than how Im doing when Im the sick one has really turned my marriage around. Saved it even!!! Guys are easy, give them sex, approval, and treat them like your boyfriend not your insulate child and they will do anything for you. A lot of times they feel abandoned and lonely while your sick, the foucus is all on you, by faking it, but putting myself out there and having a good attitude, by trying to take care of him in any way I can shows him he matters and there isnt anything my husband wouldnt do for me. If I walk in the bedroom from falling asleep on the couch and find he fell asleep on himself again while watching a porno tape, I laugh my **** off and get in bed and cuddle and flirt a little if I cant have sex, I rather he use porn here or there than go outside the marriage, and even when you feel like crap and cant have sex, if you make sure that you sleep touching him at night, on sit touching him on the couch when you watch TV, grab his butt when he walks by, stand in the bathroom and make cat calls while hes in the shower, all those things help tremendously. It might be too late for the two of you, as Im sure theres too much water under the bridge and pain you can come back from, but I wanted to put this out here for any other women that may be feeling like their cancer is hurting their marriage. If you picked a generally good guy to begin with this will all work guarranteed, if you picked a bad guy this wont help and your marriage would have been doomed anyway. The fundimentals to remember, Smile, Act like your feel confident about yourself, be flirty like a girlfriend, touch him any chance you get, and give him tons of praise for every little thing he does,(like gosh you work so hard to take care of us now, thank you, or OMG! Thanks so much for unloading the dishwasher! Kisses!!!) If there are any guys out there reading this, comment and tell me am I wrong!! LOL