My mind has peace

I was just reading through posts and forgot that i shared the messed up situation on my mom with you guys. First, thanks once again for the support and prayers. I went in the hospital Thursday and had until today to recover and be alone in there and think back on everything. I finally realized that i will never be worth anything to her in her eyes. And i realize that i can no longer make it my problem. I can be civil, but i cant changer who she is. That is why i say i can finally see the light for me. I am finally going to start making my goals to get me and my kids away from this destructivness. I cant believe that i let her hurt me when she told me i wasnt a good mother. She knows that they are my world because i tell them that all the time. She told me to purposely get to me. I cant keep letting her get me down. I wont let her get me down anymore. Now i know that god has given me this chance at a new life and he had to show me somehow what my family really was like. I will always love them, but i dont have to listen to them when they are cruel. Im excited that i finally have realized this. Im happy my kids wont have to hear it anymore either once we can be gone and on our own. I know that the way my kids show me how much they love me every day with either a hug or words or cards or whatever it may be, that i have not been a terrible parent. I finally am proud and should be proud. I just wanted to let you all know that i finally accepted the truth and realized that i cant change it and am not worried about changing it anymore. Im only here for my kids and myself and to work on moving on and will never look back. Thats just exciting for me. I will soon be free and i know i will be ok. I am so blessed that i did love my kids the way i did and that they love me back the same. Maybe one day she will see that it wasnt me, but if she doesnt, ive made my peace. Everything was just building on me more and more and she knew it was. I think she wanted me to break. I cant wait to show her that she will no longer break me. And i refuse to argue anymore about it. I just have to find a way around it all while im still here. I will. I know it.

Take care
Laura