Liver

I had a really good day today as far as my mental clarity and mood goes. These are moments I hope to have plenty more of. I spent the day preparing myself for what I think is about to come. I don't by any means want to borrow trouble buti am seeing the doctor tomorrow about my liver pain. My mother is taking me to my appoint ment in the morning and I told her to be prepared to have the doctor tell us that he is going to stop treatments. I cannot imagine with the amount of liver pain I am having that he will continue. I am sure my liver is a ticking time bomb right now. This does not mean that I am giving up or that that is what will happen but that is what I am prepared for and it may not be as bad as I think but once you start having that amount of liver pain it is not good. It's crazy because I am having all this pain and some symptoms of severe liver disease but then again i am not having any major symptoms. I am not having any confusion except every day ordinary type stuff. I do not have grey or light colored stool. No blood in urine as far as I know, no jaundice ( knock on wood) no diarrhea, and no fever or night sweats.
I am a researcher and sometimes it gets me into troube. Sometimes ignorance is bliss. Anyway, after doing research I found out that severe liver pain is an end stage symptom of liver failure so unless the doctor comes up with a plan to control this that I don't know about then things are not looking good for me. I am not concentrating, obsessing, or have major panic about it. Strangely, I am feeling pretty good and pretty peaceful and I have my well being back against all odds. I am going to turn my energies toward preparing myself for whatever comes, prayer and alternative treatment because I think I'm down to a wing and prayer. A miracle from god or an alternative treatment if my liver is not too damaged. I am still able to eat even though I have no appetite and so far no nausea or vomiting so that is good. I hope that I am mistaken about this but I do not think I am. Fortunately, God has helped me to get a hold of my depression and I am actually feeling pretty good. Am I posting this on the board because I have given up or I feel like I am going to die? - NO. I don't know if it is a defense mechanism or denial or what but they say that a lot people know when it is their time. I don't know if that is true or not but if it is I don't feel like I only have a short time to live nor do I see a future for myself so I guess it all works out in gods time. As of now though, other than the pain I do not feel like my green mile ends any day. For now, I will pray and eat things that are good for the liver. I am going to be really nice to my poor little liver that never did anything to anyone. All it did is try to remove the toxins from my polluted body and In return I abused it. There was a year in my life that was probably a blur for my liver. Come on Buddy - hold on long enough for me to attempt a rescue.

Love you guys,
Eric