“Sundance Still Alive and Kickin’”

Well, I’ve been home a little over a week now. Hospital stay was 13 very long days. Today, I had to return to the “scene of the crime.” I had an appointment with good ol’ Dr. D. – I love this guy. There he was waiting at the door to the waiting room for me and ushering me in. He took my arm and walked me down to the exam room. Just some extra TLC I suppose. He removed the sutures to my very long scar on my back today and said it’s coming along nicely.

Today, was also Intern day as there were many new faces in the exam room, but I tuned them out and worked with Dr. D. We talked about a good many things. I found out that we did FIVE wedge resections on my lower lobe of my right lung. As I had stated previously, he had to remove 2 of my ribs during surgery as the tumor had grown so big, that it had become embedded in my rib cage and deep into the chest cavity itself.

This had gotten worse over the last few weeks before surgery and was cutting of my breathing and causing tremendous pain. The tumor was so big (6cm) that it forced an open thoracotomy procedure and forced us to abandon the DaVinci robot surgery. So, to get a clear enough margin, he had to do 5 wedge resections on the lung. He also scraped the chest cavity and went as far as he could go.

Today, I found out why. That’s because the tumor was delicately close to my spine and he did not want to risk further injury to me, so he scraped what he could. His recommendation is radiation to that area to clean all of that up and lay waste to the remaining cancer cells that still have the guts to stick around. However, I will be getting an appointment with a radiation oncologist there to discuss the details – I have many questions. But, I’m understanding today, why he elects for the rads – we’re close to the spinal column and both want to stop the advance there.

I’ll also be meeting with my regular oncologist to discuss chemo – we’ll see what comes out of that meeting. Since Folfox destroyed my immune system and platelet counts, I’m sure the decision would be to move to Folfiri. I’ll gather his data as well and make the best decision that I/We can as a medical team.

During our appointment, Dr. D. would reach over and just sort of stroke my arm – in a gentle, caring sort of way. I believe that this man truly cares about me. He told me today, that our first DaVinci surgery and the success we had, convinced St. Paul hospital to give him his very own robot – so, that’s 1.5 million dollars worth of a good deed we did together and the hospital. Truly, very warm and rewarding to know that I was able to make a difference with my life.

I thought back this morning to the rocky start that me and Dr. D. got off to originally back when we started. To see where we are at today warms my heart and reaffirms that sometimes we must give someone the 2nd chance to redeem themselves. He’s one of the very best and is in a select group of 6 surgeons that will periodically tour the country to various hospitals to tout the virtues of the DaVinci robot – so, he’s that good to be in that kind of company.

I have to love this man and trust his judgment implicitly – why? Because, twice now, I’ve had to entrust the most treasured gift that I have on this earth – and that’s my life. He has not disappointed and I’m grateful to have this kind of expertise on my medical team.

And, I’ve got some pretty good news. The path report confirmed that it was metastatic colorectal cancer cells to the lung alright – no mistake there. But, there was NO evidence in my ribs that he removed – or in my chest cavity. Although, we suspect there are a few terrorist pockets there, and thus the radiation recommendation. So, all in all, I continue to count my blessings and am grateful for the news that I’ve received.

The funny thing is I don’t feel angry or bitter about any of this. I have long accepted that I’m at war within my own body and that our cancer is a very formidable enemy. Instead, I have more of a steely resolve than I’ve ever had before – and this from the guy who’s now 2 months into his SEVENTH (7th) year of the battle. That is some pretty select company to still be “actively” battling cancer with surgeries and/or treatments. An accomplishment that I’m proud of.

For those of you in your battles who think you’ve had enough, I use my life and story as an example of what each of us might be able to do, when the circumstances are right.

Am I tired? You bet I am.

Will I quit? Well, you all know the answer to that one – if you know me:)

You see, I haven’t had enough yet – there’s still gas in this ol’ tank and I’ll drive the wheels off of this racecar, if I believe there is a good chance.

And I do believe that – I’m gonna’ walk away from this “train wreck.” It may take me some more time and I’ll probably have to do more, but I want all of you to see one of your own do this – and to also see that I can and will do this – I will win – I will defeat my cancer.

I want to show you that Time and Patience are not just buzzwords that I throw around. They are very important ingredients , just as our heart and soul play a huge role, as well.

Time and Patience are definitely key elements in our arsenal of weapons. I’m just too stubborn to believe that I just won’t outwait or outlive this cancer. You know, as a Stage IV going into 7-years and counting, I’m just beginning to understand how evil the cancer really is.

Biologically and systematically programmed to be a killing machine. I’ve realized that it has shown me no mercy – and therefore, I’ve decided to show it even less mercy than I have so far. We are playing for keeps here.

I’ve let cancer pound on me and now I’m gonna’ pound back harder. Again, I’m not pissed off, merely resolved in my determination to continue fighting. I guess I love a good fight. I didn’t start it up, but I’ll be there to finish it up. I may bend a little here or there, but quitting is not my nature. I learned to be a survivor in my early life and it has served me well in this journey.

Dr. D. and company are simply amazed at my recovery, just 3 weeks removed from surgery. If you looked at me, you’d never know it – I’ve been blessed like that. Lung holding air and improving with a little fluid still in them, but I’m working on it. The incisions are healing, but that sure is a nasty scar –I see a little indentation in my back where my ribs were. Sigh, I just had to trade them in for a shot at going on. I had a nice little body at one time – when I look at the damage inflicted, I just close my eyes and move on – whatcha’ gonna’ do?

They are just flipping out that I can smile and laugh through all of this – I just don’t know any other way. I do what I’m told and am a very cooperative patient – we can do it 2 ways, and I just choose to be nice in my behavior and try to be a joy to my medical team – that seems to work pretty good for me.

So, how do I feel today? One word – Alive.

For all of you that follow me and worry about me…..“Never fear – Sundance is Here”

For all of you that have suffered a recurrence in recent weeks, I just want you to know that I am with you and pulling hard for you. I’ve read the reports when I could log on. Saddens me to see us all floating in the same boat, but I know we can drag this out a lot farther than we thought we could.

I hope you will find some comfort in this update post – I wanted to brighten a corner of the room, especially with all of the bad news as of late. I’m as optimistic as I’ve ever been – more determined to win than ever before – and I’ve thrown in a dash of persistence, patience, and conviction on top of all of that. Finally, I added a heapin’ dose of Texan to finish the recipe.

What’s that spell? Bad News for Cancer, LOL:)

We’ll talk again very soon – love you guys and thanks again for staying with me. This forum is a great sounding board and allows us to gauge our progress, where by ourselves, we were left wondering what was right and what was wrong. I found this place late, but still glad I can come here and share with you all.

-Craig