scan results - hat in the creek

Good News/Good News
Hey Roger,

We have never met... I've been away from the boards for awhile and have come back to join in on the support, chat and fun with a great gang of folk who know exactly what we are going through, even if we aren't all going through the same thing. The one thing we all have in common is we are either fighting a battle, or we are caring for someone who is fighting the battle.

Now, it's a given that whenever you get results from a scan/blood work/etc. that aren't what you WANT to hear/see, then disappointment sets in real quick... so quick that for the rest of the appt. you don't really hear what is being said or can read between the lines. That disappointment can appear physically... it feels like someone has kicked you in the gut. As soon as the news is "well, there's more here, and some new ones there, and it's gone to the lungs... so now we are talking lungs and liver and possibly organ X. Prognosis is not good... you are definitely a stage IV which is incurable." Whenever I hear anything similar to that after any of my results I do get the immediate physical feeling that, "Sh*t! This time might be it... this could be the end!" and then that horrible fear sinks in. When my onc goes on to say, "So what we are going to do now is ..." all I hear is "blah, blah, blah". I can't concentrate on the 'what we are going to do' because I'm too busy feeling the fear that I may die soon. It usually takes me awhile to snap out of that fear and start thinking more realistically.

For instance... how do you feel right now? Do you find yourself not able to breathe without the help of oxygen or equipment of some sort? No? Ok, how about your energy level... keeping in mind that it won't be quite up to normal because you had some pretty intensive surgery back in April and you have to give yourself at least a year before you can start expecting to have the energy you had before all of this happened. But if you look at how you are feeling right now, I think you wouldn't be wrong to say your energy is just fine. You can get from point A to point B without shuffling along as if you are about to take your last step. So energy is fine, breathing is fine, your mind is definitely fine, so you are not a likely candidate to pack it in at this point or in the near future

So, what to do? Well, forget about all those tumours... whether you have 5 or whether you have 65... there is evidence that the disease is still in your body, but you already knew that, so that shouldn't come as a surprise. The fact they are growing... well, thank goodness for modern technology that we can even know that there's a problem there before they have gotten so big nothing can be done. It was a sneak attack that you did and found their hiding places.... now you must rally the troops and go in with all guns blazing. Zap them with the chemo big time and while the chemo is killing off these "multiple" tumours, or at least shrinking them down and stopping their growth, the chemo will be systemic and will kill off any solitary cancer cells that are roaming through your blood system, trying to find a place to call a home.

While the chemo does it's thing, your job will be to keep the host site (that would be you) happy, healthy, strong, warm and a good host for the battle that is going on inside. As the cancer shrinks and weakens, if the body remains strong and in good fighting form, the cancer won't stand a chance of surviving the chemo AND a healthy strong body. This also means keeping the immune system in good working order... all of this relying on good nutrition, exercise (however much you can do, even if it just means getting outside in the fresh air and going for a walk), and a positive 'tude that you are on the winning team

Dwelling on how these tumours arrived quickly, are growing quickly and the thought that there are a lot of them and it's just not fair, isn't doing any good... it's giving cancer the upper hand because it weakens the body and the immune system if you live in worry and fear.

Know you are not alone in your battle! We all may be fighting separate battles, but we all are there for each other, even if it is being there "virtually"... and part of the magic of the group is you really can refresh your reservoirs with positive energy that you can get from this support group. Fill 'er up, and you'll be on your way to a win!!

Cheryl