about to have a meltdown

Sometimes when it rains it pours. I posted here before about being a caregiven, then patient, then caregiver again. My mom died from cancer almost 7 years ago after fighting it for 20 years. Dad had melanomas last year and now was diagnosed with adenocarcinoma April 1. His arm was broken by the tumor. He received radiation after the surgery since that was the only place causing problems. He has 3 other small spots. Two weeks ago, the one in the liver was definitely diagnosed as cancer and it's causing his abdomen to back up with fluid. they plan on "nuking" that spot once the surgeon gets back from vacation. He's been complaining of L side chest pain on and off for about a month. now they decide his rib is broken by most likely another tumor. he's currently in the hospital and doing ok. It seems like the cancer is trying to take him out a piece at a time. I haven't told anybody yet because the NP just told me and she was going to have his regular doc call me.

In the meantime, I went for a routine mammo last week. I had a scare over 6 years ago with biopsy that was nothing. A few months after that, I was diagnosed with endometrial cancer and had surgery. I've been ok since then. Anyway, the mammo center calls and says I need to go back for a diagnostic mammo. I'm doing it this afternoon since it about kills me to wait. I feel like no one understands and there's nobody I can talk to. None of my siblings get the fear I have while I watch dad there in the hospital knowing that one day it can be me. i have no children so I imagine myself withering away in a nursing home somewhere with no one to look after me. I just don't understand why so many bad things have to happen. I'll be going to my repeat mammo in about 2 hours and they will let me know the results while I'm there.

Thanks for listening, I just didn't know who to talk to since I really don't know anything definite.