Cancer....Divorce....What To Do?

YoureMyHero
YoureMyHero Member Posts: 1
edited March 2014 in Caregivers #1
My mom is going through chemotherapy currently and they're discussing the possibility of surgery when her platelettes jump. I am currently the oldest of three (my brother is 18 and my sister is 7) as well as my fiance who all live in the house with my parents. Currently, my fiance and I have not moved out due to my parents request that we stay to help out during's treatment (he's 20 and Im 21). Currently, both of my parents have been fighting alot. My dad constantly is taking off work to take my mom to treatment, and his boss is absolutely fine with that. But lately, its a never-ending screaming match between them and the word divorce was thrown around, then they go back to being just fine. What do I do to relieve some tension? And, how do I keep my siblings from freaking out?

Comments

  • zinniemay
    zinniemay Member Posts: 522
    #2
    Fear
    I am not anyway a expert but I think , Your parents are scared. They are not sure what is going on , they are watching their world crumble. I think maybe just be there for them ask how you can help or your fiance. Maybe take your siblings to a movie or out for a while let your parents have a little time . I would not want to talk about my fears in froont of my babies age 31 and 29. I would want to talk to them but not about that. So maybe they need a little time to talk but don't know how to ask for it.
    They are as I am sure you are too scared.
    I wish I could say it better.
  • grandmafay
    grandmafay Member Posts: 1,633 Member
    #3
    Not responsible
    First, let me say that I am sorry that your family is going through this. Cancer tends to affect every member of the family. Please remember, though, that you are not responsible for your parents' marriage. Arguing may be a way that they are dealing with the stress cancer brings to a marriage. Depending on your relationship with one or both of them, you might mention to them that you find the arguing disturbing. If that isn't something you find comfortable doing, that is ok, too. Ultimately, they are the ones who need to deal with problems if there are some. You are also not the parents of your siblings. Let them know that you are there for them if they need to talk. Take them out away from the arguing when and if you can. Otherwise, let your parents deal with them if freaking out happens. It might make them more aware of how their behavior is affecting their children. You might also want to reconsider your current living arrangements. Do what is right for you as well as what is right for your parents. Maybe a little space would be better for all concerned. Best of luck, Fay
  • abrub
    abrub Member Posts: 2,174 Member
    #4
    Look for caregiver's support groups
    Look into caregiver's support groups for your father, thru the American Cancer Society, Gilda's Club, or the oncology office, or else urge him to speak with a religious leader or counselor to vent. Your mom could also use a support group of cancer patients who understand what she is going through.

    It's going to be rough for the family regardless - look for outside help.
  • miccmill
    miccmill Member Posts: 248
    #5
    abrub said:

    Look for caregiver's support groups
    Look into caregiver's support groups for your father, thru the American Cancer Society, Gilda's Club, or the oncology office, or else urge him to speak with a religious leader or counselor to vent. Your mom could also use a support group of cancer patients who understand what she is going through.

    It's going to be rough for the family regardless - look for outside help.

    Agreed
    I can also tell you that cancer puts adds an unexpected dimension to a marriage. There is a real shift in routine, responsibilities and just little things you've been going along taking care of for years (23 in my case). When everyone is healthy, it's not so hard to negotiate your way through changes but when someone is sick, everything changes.

    They are scared and probably not even really fighting about what they seem to be fighting about.

    I agree. Get all the outside help you can find.

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