DCIS and depression

New Flower said:

Betsy
I am really sorry that you do not have support. The good news that you find us -thais site. We completely understand your situation. I am surprised that your oncologist has not been helpful. Still ask for clinical social worker, who will navigate you to social services. When you are in treatment such as radiation you are entitled to be on medical leave and you should not feel guilty about it. Fatigue is a very common side effect of radiation and normal recovery period could last up to 12 months
Ask your doctor for antidepressants, medication will be helpful And if your family is not interested in helping around the house it does not mean that you need to do everything for them. I am sorry, but let it go, they should see results and you need to take care of yourself.
please stay in tough,
Hugs,
New Flower

New Flower
Hi,

I'm glad I found this site, too. I am in touch weekly with my onc. and she knows exactly what is going on. Unfortunately, I have been in contact with the social worker and there is no support for me in this organization. The closest support group is 45 minutes away and that is overwhelming. I've let my house go since March...haven't heard from my family-in-law and they live in town. Don't know if you can see the answer I posted to Vicki Sam, but pretty much the same info. I know I am entitld to medical leave, but when your boss says that you can't take any more time off, you don't take any more time off. I'm a teacher and need my job and health insurance. Radiation is terrible because you don't look sick. No one can see the redness and they can't feel your fatigue. I'm tryiing to let it go. It is just so difficult.

Thank you for your support,
Betsy

mimivac said:

Welcome, Betsy
And I'm really sorry for all you are going through. I can understand the depression and exhaustion that comes from the side effects and the lack of support from your loved ones. I think you should take stock of everything right now. Make a list of all your symptoms -- what you feel, how much energy you have, as well as what you feel you are able to do around the house. Discuss these concerns with your medical team (I know you said you already have, but bring your list and ask for suggestions on how to tackle each complaint). Take notes on everything. Then call your family for a meeting. It doesn't have to be long, just give them the blow by blow of what's happening, how you are taking steps to deal with it, and what will happen from here on out. Tell them you are going through the side effects of a serious illness right now and that you need their help. Give them tasks that they will take over. Tell them you know you can pull together as a family and get through this. Be appreciative when they help out, but don't stress when they don't. As someone else pointed out, if they don't have clean clothes, they'll learn how to do laundry pretty quickly. Just be specific, non-punitive, and firm. I hope you can get the support you need to begin to heal.

Hugs

Mimi

Thanks, Mimi. I will do as
Thanks, Mimi. I will do as you are suggesting. Betsy

faith_trust_and_a_little_bit_of_chemotherapy said:

Dearest Betsy,
I too am a teacher, a widow, and the parent of a high school sophomore. I do understand your frustration.

Allow me to chime in, you are more aware of the state of your home than anyone else. Anyone that might come to see you could careless, and those that care about the finger prints on the walls near the switch plates have their priorities skewed. You need to think about you now the house can wait.

When I was diagnosed in late January and was off work 7 weeks I had the sick leave to cover it. I wrote lesson plans for the sub, went in on weekends to change bulletin boards, I even sent Valentines to my students at home. I don't know how your district works, but you may want to find out if you are eligible for disability while you go through this.

Also, what about neighbors or perhaps you belong to a church, many people are willing to lend a hand. It may impress upon your teens that mom is not milking it if outsiders come in. Someone mentioned contacting the ACS and asking about resources available to you. I also know that there are volunteer groups looking to assist as well.

You don't need the stress, you need to say something once and be heard. Speaking for myself this diagnosis knocked me off my game. I am eternally grateful for a couple of sister survivors that came along side me when I was first diagnosed they helped me when I felt stunned and dazed and empowered me. Assert yourself, and remember that you have this safe forum 24/7 in which you can retreat.

By the way, in the midst of my chemotherapy my principal told me I was going to have to pack up my classroom and move for his convenience. I told him that if I had to pack up my classroom I would be moving campuses and not across the blacktop. I didn't have to pack.

Hang in there.

I am all alone. I have had
I am all alone. I have had ONE person from work contact me this summer. No one has come to see me except the one person from work. She doesn't care. Church knows. There are no resources available to me. Believe me, I have checked. So, I am starting my own.

My principal told me I couldn't miss any more work because I had 14 days out of the classroom. 2 days were for surgery, 1/2 for surgeon appt. and 1 because I was actually sick. Everything else is because my principal made me go to the professional developments. Once I had cancer, she told me to do what I needed to do. Do you think I received mixed messages?

I did fill out FMLA paperwork. I missed 5 days. On all my leave forms, I wrote cancer, radiation therapy, doctor ordered. Pretty sad that I had to CMA (cover my a*%) like that. 2 more years and I am SO outta there. That gives me 5 years in an urban school teaching math/science and I will get $$$ off my student loan.

I agree, I need to say something once and be heard. Unfortunately, no one is listening. As I stated, I am alone.

Actually, thinking about getting a divorce when everything is said and done. Since I am so alone going through this, I may as well be alone. Maybe I can meet someone who WILL listen to me. I'm done.

I went to doc this past week and am on anti-depressants. All I've done for the past few days is sob. I am invisible. Yes, I am seeing a therapist. Not the one from the cancer center. One that I found. One from the cancer center didn't comprehend that I could not make a 3:15 appointment. After the 4th time, with my rad. onc. stepping in 3 times, I came to my rad. treatment sobbing. Thank goodness for my rad. tech. She's the only person who helped me through. Although, I do have to tell you that my rad. onc. was not very happy. She had a one-on-one conversation with the cancer center therapist before the 4th appt. was scheduled. When she found out what happened...I don't know...

Betsy13 said:

Thanks, Mimi. I will do as
Thanks, Mimi. I will do as you are suggesting. Betsy

I've spent a few days
I've spent a few days sobbing my heart out. Had a family meeting the other night. Assigned tasks. My son will only get it done if I hound him. Husband is doing better. Daughter is the lifesaver. I just ignore it now. It is just not worth the stress. I figure when my son wants money, I'll get stuff done. Oh well, life goes on...