Sometimes its the oddest thing that derails me...

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Comments

  • jat123
    jat123 Member Posts: 6
    #22
    bingles said:

    Hi Karen
    Glad your finding your way....it is rough !
    Yesterday was a funky day for me...been having some issues with Bill's daughter and its wearing me down....and with dealing with her...it keeps Bill upper most in my mind...I want to be able to talk with him about the problems and I can't.....the girl is a trainwreck and nothing I do or say seems to really get though and I see major heartache for her down the road.
    I was supposed to see her last night and I bailed out...I just couldn't handle it...I had two days off and spent most of those two days with her so I got zero mental rest....now today I am due back to work and I don't even feel like I had time off.
    Another reason for my funk...is fatique...working some long hours...the counselor believes I am putting in the long hours deliberatly (sp)....to avoid going home and I think she is right to a point...yeah there is alot to do..but I think I am drawing it out...that worries me.
    The furniture thing did help...you should try it...it seems so simple yet its so effective...
    We just need to keep moving on....but I agree that this is a lifelong process....
    Pat

    Pat and Karen
    Thanks for your advice. My brother and sister in law are coming next weekend to help me move some furniture around and to help me get some things done that Frank didn't get to finish.
    I wanted to ask if you ever feel angry that this happened to your husbands. I'm not sure if I'm mad at God or Frank. To tell you the truth, I never treated him like he was dying until the the last couple of weeks. He had some symptoms like the horrible itch and fatigue and later the jaundice but he was only really sick for less than a month. I thought I could make him better. I just couldn't accept that he was dying. I guess I'm also mad at myself. We never had any closure, never talked about what was happening. I still can't believe he is gone. It's like a tidal wave came in and swept him out of my life. I feel sick trying to keep my grief in when I'm out or around people and when I get home I start sobbing. Is that feeling ever going to go away?
    Jill
  • closs86
    closs86 Member Posts: 85
    #23
    jat123 said:

    Pat and Karen
    Thanks for your advice. My brother and sister in law are coming next weekend to help me move some furniture around and to help me get some things done that Frank didn't get to finish.
    I wanted to ask if you ever feel angry that this happened to your husbands. I'm not sure if I'm mad at God or Frank. To tell you the truth, I never treated him like he was dying until the the last couple of weeks. He had some symptoms like the horrible itch and fatigue and later the jaundice but he was only really sick for less than a month. I thought I could make him better. I just couldn't accept that he was dying. I guess I'm also mad at myself. We never had any closure, never talked about what was happening. I still can't believe he is gone. It's like a tidal wave came in and swept him out of my life. I feel sick trying to keep my grief in when I'm out or around people and when I get home I start sobbing. Is that feeling ever going to go away?
    Jill

    Hi Pat and Jill
    Pat, you are right, you are working so that you don't have to go home, but you will wear yourself out if you keep it up, I am sorry that you have your hands full with Bill's daughter, is she depressed over the loss of her father, or is there other problems?
    I worked today, long and boring day, felt like it would never end, was happy to come home.
    Have been going to yoga class, think it is good for me, mentally, it helps you to relax your mind, that is something we need to do.,
    Jill, I am very very angry that this happened to Johnny and me, and I am angry at everybody sometimes, it comes and goes. I also never treated Johnny like he was going to die, he also didn't beleive it, even though they told us in the hospital there was no hope, it just didn't sink into our minds. We never actually said goodbye, we never talked about him dying even when we knew, I don't know why, we just were acting like it wasn't happening. I can't explain it. maybe the counselor can. I wish I could give you some hope but I don't really know what is going to happen to us. All we can do is try, and try, and push ourselves.
    God Bless
    Hugs
    Karen
  • bingles
    bingles Member Posts: 120 Member
    #24
    closs86 said:

    Hi Pat and Jill
    Pat, you are right, you are working so that you don't have to go home, but you will wear yourself out if you keep it up, I am sorry that you have your hands full with Bill's daughter, is she depressed over the loss of her father, or is there other problems?
    I worked today, long and boring day, felt like it would never end, was happy to come home.
    Have been going to yoga class, think it is good for me, mentally, it helps you to relax your mind, that is something we need to do.,
    Jill, I am very very angry that this happened to Johnny and me, and I am angry at everybody sometimes, it comes and goes. I also never treated Johnny like he was going to die, he also didn't beleive it, even though they told us in the hospital there was no hope, it just didn't sink into our minds. We never actually said goodbye, we never talked about him dying even when we knew, I don't know why, we just were acting like it wasn't happening. I can't explain it. maybe the counselor can. I wish I could give you some hope but I don't really know what is going to happen to us. All we can do is try, and try, and push ourselves.
    God Bless
    Hugs
    Karen

    Hey Jill
    When we found out that Bill was terminal...we both sank...but than Bill being Bill started with the idea that no one has a time card tied to them and no one can say when someone is going to die....yes we both saw the writing on the wall....but we chose....ok..he chose to just keep it in the background of our lives.
    The doctor told me that we only had a couple of months max....this I never told Bill...but he knew....we talked alot in generalities about my future....money and all and he was happy that I would be ok.
    We never actually said good-bye...not the words...but the feelings were felt...he even mention about what he wanted me to do....to go on and be happy...so he knew...so I guess we had closure.
    But I think that anybody who gets the diagnosis..knows the deal even if they don't express it..when Bill came home from the hospital he sat and ordered bulbs for next season..which I thought at the time was the saddest thing I ever saw....but he also drew a sort of map in the book...telling me where to put them....so he knew he was not going to be here to plant them...they know !! Maybe its just easier to not have the painful conversation....talking about it does not make it go away....time better spent being happy and content.
    Although I never thought I could save him...I did everything I could to extend the time we had.
    This whole thing is gut wrenching.....but I have to say that minus a few meltdowns I think I am handling things well....
    Last night was tough...a new patient on hospice....family sitting with him....the roxanol....the 02...the whole scenerio was playing out right before my eyes....but the one thing that I was focused in on was making sure that the man got the roxanol.....I kept him comfortable....because I know how important that was to me....that Bill stayed comfortable....but the night was rough...but its all part of my job...and I didn't breakdown.
    Karen....yes Bill's daughter is my biggest issue....her problems started two years ago and continue to this day....it was easier when Bill was here if for no other reason than I had someone to vent too...I don't think she is depressed about her dad's death....sad for sure...but her life issues are swallowing her up...I am sorting it out and I am finding that I think that...albeit painfull I am going to have to cut the cord...she is draining me both emotionally and financially with no end in sight...and in her quiet way...everytime she comes to my home she makes mention of the changes I have made...with the undertone of "would Dad like it? "....thats getting old fast..because this is now my life I am living....its a work in progress!
    Ok enough rambling....lets just keep moving forward ladies...what other choices to we have?
    Pat
  • closs86
    closs86 Member Posts: 85
    #25
    bingles said:

    Hey Jill
    When we found out that Bill was terminal...we both sank...but than Bill being Bill started with the idea that no one has a time card tied to them and no one can say when someone is going to die....yes we both saw the writing on the wall....but we chose....ok..he chose to just keep it in the background of our lives.
    The doctor told me that we only had a couple of months max....this I never told Bill...but he knew....we talked alot in generalities about my future....money and all and he was happy that I would be ok.
    We never actually said good-bye...not the words...but the feelings were felt...he even mention about what he wanted me to do....to go on and be happy...so he knew...so I guess we had closure.
    But I think that anybody who gets the diagnosis..knows the deal even if they don't express it..when Bill came home from the hospital he sat and ordered bulbs for next season..which I thought at the time was the saddest thing I ever saw....but he also drew a sort of map in the book...telling me where to put them....so he knew he was not going to be here to plant them...they know !! Maybe its just easier to not have the painful conversation....talking about it does not make it go away....time better spent being happy and content.
    Although I never thought I could save him...I did everything I could to extend the time we had.
    This whole thing is gut wrenching.....but I have to say that minus a few meltdowns I think I am handling things well....
    Last night was tough...a new patient on hospice....family sitting with him....the roxanol....the 02...the whole scenerio was playing out right before my eyes....but the one thing that I was focused in on was making sure that the man got the roxanol.....I kept him comfortable....because I know how important that was to me....that Bill stayed comfortable....but the night was rough...but its all part of my job...and I didn't breakdown.
    Karen....yes Bill's daughter is my biggest issue....her problems started two years ago and continue to this day....it was easier when Bill was here if for no other reason than I had someone to vent too...I don't think she is depressed about her dad's death....sad for sure...but her life issues are swallowing her up...I am sorting it out and I am finding that I think that...albeit painfull I am going to have to cut the cord...she is draining me both emotionally and financially with no end in sight...and in her quiet way...everytime she comes to my home she makes mention of the changes I have made...with the undertone of "would Dad like it? "....thats getting old fast..because this is now my life I am living....its a work in progress!
    Ok enough rambling....lets just keep moving forward ladies...what other choices to we have?
    Pat

    Hi Everyone
    Just want to say hi to everyone tonight, I worked today, and am very tired, after work 7;00 i went to a yoga class didn;t eat dinner until 9;00, so now i am wiped out, have to work again tomorrow, so i am going to try to go to bed soon, hope that i sleep as i haven't been sleeping all night lately.
    Good night
    Karen
  • closs86
    closs86 Member Posts: 85
    #26
    bingles said:

    Hey Jill
    When we found out that Bill was terminal...we both sank...but than Bill being Bill started with the idea that no one has a time card tied to them and no one can say when someone is going to die....yes we both saw the writing on the wall....but we chose....ok..he chose to just keep it in the background of our lives.
    The doctor told me that we only had a couple of months max....this I never told Bill...but he knew....we talked alot in generalities about my future....money and all and he was happy that I would be ok.
    We never actually said good-bye...not the words...but the feelings were felt...he even mention about what he wanted me to do....to go on and be happy...so he knew...so I guess we had closure.
    But I think that anybody who gets the diagnosis..knows the deal even if they don't express it..when Bill came home from the hospital he sat and ordered bulbs for next season..which I thought at the time was the saddest thing I ever saw....but he also drew a sort of map in the book...telling me where to put them....so he knew he was not going to be here to plant them...they know !! Maybe its just easier to not have the painful conversation....talking about it does not make it go away....time better spent being happy and content.
    Although I never thought I could save him...I did everything I could to extend the time we had.
    This whole thing is gut wrenching.....but I have to say that minus a few meltdowns I think I am handling things well....
    Last night was tough...a new patient on hospice....family sitting with him....the roxanol....the 02...the whole scenerio was playing out right before my eyes....but the one thing that I was focused in on was making sure that the man got the roxanol.....I kept him comfortable....because I know how important that was to me....that Bill stayed comfortable....but the night was rough...but its all part of my job...and I didn't breakdown.
    Karen....yes Bill's daughter is my biggest issue....her problems started two years ago and continue to this day....it was easier when Bill was here if for no other reason than I had someone to vent too...I don't think she is depressed about her dad's death....sad for sure...but her life issues are swallowing her up...I am sorting it out and I am finding that I think that...albeit painfull I am going to have to cut the cord...she is draining me both emotionally and financially with no end in sight...and in her quiet way...everytime she comes to my home she makes mention of the changes I have made...with the undertone of "would Dad like it? "....thats getting old fast..because this is now my life I am living....its a work in progress!
    Ok enough rambling....lets just keep moving forward ladies...what other choices to we have?
    Pat

    Hi Everyone
    Just want to say hi to everyone tonight, I worked today, and am very tired, after work 7;00 i went to a yoga class didn;t eat dinner until 9;00, so now i am wiped out, have to work again tomorrow, so i am going to try to go to bed soon, hope that i sleep as i haven't been sleeping all night lately.
    Good night
    Karen
  • halsons
    halsons Member Posts: 76
    #27
    bingles said:

    Hey Jill
    When we found out that Bill was terminal...we both sank...but than Bill being Bill started with the idea that no one has a time card tied to them and no one can say when someone is going to die....yes we both saw the writing on the wall....but we chose....ok..he chose to just keep it in the background of our lives.
    The doctor told me that we only had a couple of months max....this I never told Bill...but he knew....we talked alot in generalities about my future....money and all and he was happy that I would be ok.
    We never actually said good-bye...not the words...but the feelings were felt...he even mention about what he wanted me to do....to go on and be happy...so he knew...so I guess we had closure.
    But I think that anybody who gets the diagnosis..knows the deal even if they don't express it..when Bill came home from the hospital he sat and ordered bulbs for next season..which I thought at the time was the saddest thing I ever saw....but he also drew a sort of map in the book...telling me where to put them....so he knew he was not going to be here to plant them...they know !! Maybe its just easier to not have the painful conversation....talking about it does not make it go away....time better spent being happy and content.
    Although I never thought I could save him...I did everything I could to extend the time we had.
    This whole thing is gut wrenching.....but I have to say that minus a few meltdowns I think I am handling things well....
    Last night was tough...a new patient on hospice....family sitting with him....the roxanol....the 02...the whole scenerio was playing out right before my eyes....but the one thing that I was focused in on was making sure that the man got the roxanol.....I kept him comfortable....because I know how important that was to me....that Bill stayed comfortable....but the night was rough...but its all part of my job...and I didn't breakdown.
    Karen....yes Bill's daughter is my biggest issue....her problems started two years ago and continue to this day....it was easier when Bill was here if for no other reason than I had someone to vent too...I don't think she is depressed about her dad's death....sad for sure...but her life issues are swallowing her up...I am sorting it out and I am finding that I think that...albeit painfull I am going to have to cut the cord...she is draining me both emotionally and financially with no end in sight...and in her quiet way...everytime she comes to my home she makes mention of the changes I have made...with the undertone of "would Dad like it? "....thats getting old fast..because this is now my life I am living....its a work in progress!
    Ok enough rambling....lets just keep moving forward ladies...what other choices to we have?
    Pat

    Pat I hear you with the whole hospice thing and how clients can remind us of what we went through with our husbands. I told another staff that I just hired that yes sometimes it gets hard because I feel the pain over and over again but I know that I am helping others and with that its helping me. Is it very hard sometimes YES IT IS but I think I need to focus my energy on others to take the pain away from me even if it is for just a little bit. Hey stand your ground with that step daughter. You are the boss not her and if you have to remind her that she is an adult and cut that cord. You need to make sure you take care of yourself. Take care Haley
  • halsons
    halsons Member Posts: 76
    #28
    bingles said:

    Hey Jill
    When we found out that Bill was terminal...we both sank...but than Bill being Bill started with the idea that no one has a time card tied to them and no one can say when someone is going to die....yes we both saw the writing on the wall....but we chose....ok..he chose to just keep it in the background of our lives.
    The doctor told me that we only had a couple of months max....this I never told Bill...but he knew....we talked alot in generalities about my future....money and all and he was happy that I would be ok.
    We never actually said good-bye...not the words...but the feelings were felt...he even mention about what he wanted me to do....to go on and be happy...so he knew...so I guess we had closure.
    But I think that anybody who gets the diagnosis..knows the deal even if they don't express it..when Bill came home from the hospital he sat and ordered bulbs for next season..which I thought at the time was the saddest thing I ever saw....but he also drew a sort of map in the book...telling me where to put them....so he knew he was not going to be here to plant them...they know !! Maybe its just easier to not have the painful conversation....talking about it does not make it go away....time better spent being happy and content.
    Although I never thought I could save him...I did everything I could to extend the time we had.
    This whole thing is gut wrenching.....but I have to say that minus a few meltdowns I think I am handling things well....
    Last night was tough...a new patient on hospice....family sitting with him....the roxanol....the 02...the whole scenerio was playing out right before my eyes....but the one thing that I was focused in on was making sure that the man got the roxanol.....I kept him comfortable....because I know how important that was to me....that Bill stayed comfortable....but the night was rough...but its all part of my job...and I didn't breakdown.
    Karen....yes Bill's daughter is my biggest issue....her problems started two years ago and continue to this day....it was easier when Bill was here if for no other reason than I had someone to vent too...I don't think she is depressed about her dad's death....sad for sure...but her life issues are swallowing her up...I am sorting it out and I am finding that I think that...albeit painfull I am going to have to cut the cord...she is draining me both emotionally and financially with no end in sight...and in her quiet way...everytime she comes to my home she makes mention of the changes I have made...with the undertone of "would Dad like it? "....thats getting old fast..because this is now my life I am living....its a work in progress!
    Ok enough rambling....lets just keep moving forward ladies...what other choices to we have?
    Pat

    Pat I hear you with the whole hospice thing and how clients can remind us of what we went through with our husbands. I told another staff that I just hired that yes sometimes it gets hard because I feel the pain over and over again but I know that I am helping others and with that its helping me. Is it very hard sometimes YES IT IS but I think I need to focus my energy on others to take the pain away from me even if it is for just a little bit. Hey stand your ground with that step daughter. You are the boss not her and if you have to remind her that she is an adult and cut that cord. You need to make sure you take care of yourself. Take care Haley
  • bingles
    bingles Member Posts: 120 Member
    #29
    halsons said:

    Pat I hear you with the whole hospice thing and how clients can remind us of what we went through with our husbands. I told another staff that I just hired that yes sometimes it gets hard because I feel the pain over and over again but I know that I am helping others and with that its helping me. Is it very hard sometimes YES IT IS but I think I need to focus my energy on others to take the pain away from me even if it is for just a little bit. Hey stand your ground with that step daughter. You are the boss not her and if you have to remind her that she is an adult and cut that cord. You need to make sure you take care of yourself. Take care Haley

    Hey Gals....
    Karen....hope you got some sleep...its vital to us..you know ?
    I am going to check out that yoga thing...it might work for me....work tonight totally rocked and I was able to get it all wrapped up and out the door by 11:15 pm...I was floating with happiness...when I went in to today I had a chat with the boss and let it be known that I was unhappy/frustrated with not being able to get in a groove...and low and behold tonight felt like I had been there for years...thinking that Bill had some thing to do with it...setting my mind at ease....its about time :)
    On the way home it occurred to me that the 21st had come and gone and I had not had a meltdown....its been over 3 months now....but it seems like yesterday...lord I miss him !
    Haley...your so right about the step-daughter....she is playing me like a cheap fiddle and I am about done...she seems to feel that I am working now so I have more surplus of funds...maybe I do...but its mine to do with as I please and Bill always said I was high maintainence....its time to get out the scissors I reckon and cut her loose...hey..how are things with your little girl? haven't seen you write much about her...thinking that things are falling into place for her.
    Haley...if you don't mind my asking...are you in the health field too ?
    Ok...off to bed....today totally rocked
    Pat
  • Caregiver1963
    Caregiver1963 Member Posts: 46
    #30
    bingles said:

    Hey Gals....
    Karen....hope you got some sleep...its vital to us..you know ?
    I am going to check out that yoga thing...it might work for me....work tonight totally rocked and I was able to get it all wrapped up and out the door by 11:15 pm...I was floating with happiness...when I went in to today I had a chat with the boss and let it be known that I was unhappy/frustrated with not being able to get in a groove...and low and behold tonight felt like I had been there for years...thinking that Bill had some thing to do with it...setting my mind at ease....its about time :)
    On the way home it occurred to me that the 21st had come and gone and I had not had a meltdown....its been over 3 months now....but it seems like yesterday...lord I miss him !
    Haley...your so right about the step-daughter....she is playing me like a cheap fiddle and I am about done...she seems to feel that I am working now so I have more surplus of funds...maybe I do...but its mine to do with as I please and Bill always said I was high maintainence....its time to get out the scissors I reckon and cut her loose...hey..how are things with your little girl? haven't seen you write much about her...thinking that things are falling into place for her.
    Haley...if you don't mind my asking...are you in the health field too ?
    Ok...off to bed....today totally rocked
    Pat

    Hello to Haley , Pat , Karen and Jill
    As a new widow ( my husband passed away July 11 at the age of 49 brain cancer)your comments give me hope that I will start to feel better and that the feelings I am experiencing now are normal in the grieving process. My mother and step father have been staying with me the past 2 weeks so I have been busy and distracted for most of the time. Today after they left it seems to really have hit me that I am alone. Even though for the past few months I have been alone at home since my husband had been in a nursing home- it feels different now. We knew that there was no cure for my husband's cancer- but didn't know until this spring how much time he had left. And when we learned that he had 6 months or less it was at the same time he lost his ability to speak. I feel like there were so many things left unsaid by my husband. He also lost the use of his dominate hand. And that he couldn't communicate to anyone what he was feeling still to this day is probably the most painful thing that I observed and I can only imagine how more painful it was for him.
    But I made sure to tell him everyday that I loved him , missed him not being at home and was so happy to be his wife. I only hope that he felt that I did the best for him over the 18 months of his illness.
    I am a nurse as well and work at the facility where my husband received his care. So when I return next week to work I know I will be flooded with reminders of the Dr visits for my husband and I will for sure run into the staff who took care of him.
    Thanks for letting me share today
    Mary
  • bingles
    bingles Member Posts: 120 Member
    #31
    Caregiver1963 said:

    Hello to Haley , Pat , Karen and Jill
    As a new widow ( my husband passed away July 11 at the age of 49 brain cancer)your comments give me hope that I will start to feel better and that the feelings I am experiencing now are normal in the grieving process. My mother and step father have been staying with me the past 2 weeks so I have been busy and distracted for most of the time. Today after they left it seems to really have hit me that I am alone. Even though for the past few months I have been alone at home since my husband had been in a nursing home- it feels different now. We knew that there was no cure for my husband's cancer- but didn't know until this spring how much time he had left. And when we learned that he had 6 months or less it was at the same time he lost his ability to speak. I feel like there were so many things left unsaid by my husband. He also lost the use of his dominate hand. And that he couldn't communicate to anyone what he was feeling still to this day is probably the most painful thing that I observed and I can only imagine how more painful it was for him.
    But I made sure to tell him everyday that I loved him , missed him not being at home and was so happy to be his wife. I only hope that he felt that I did the best for him over the 18 months of his illness.
    I am a nurse as well and work at the facility where my husband received his care. So when I return next week to work I know I will be flooded with reminders of the Dr visits for my husband and I will for sure run into the staff who took care of him.
    Thanks for letting me share today
    Mary

    Oh Mary...my heart is with you...
    I cannot imagine your grief....especially since you work in the same facility...you will need the support of your fellow nurses...and I am sure you will get it...we nurses are a great bunch..aren't we ?
    My husband passed on April 12 of this year...Metastatic Lung...with mets to the bone...he was six weeks from diagnosis to passing it was a rollercoaster ride that I wish on no one.
    Your husband was so young...cancer is such a demon!
    I am sure your husband knew you loved him and knew you cared totally about him and what he was going though..our spouses just know these things....and most times words are not needed...its a heart thing!
    Going back to work was hard for me....all the associative triggers.....02..hospice patients...hospice meds...even something so benign as name brands of wheelchairs...everything set me off the first few days...but it got better.
    The big thing I have noticed is that I have a very different view point now of family members....more compassion...I know what they are going though.
    Its been three months now and I am finding it easier to cope on a daily basis...it will never be the same...just a new normal...allow yourself time to heal and don't try to rush the process to avoid the pain....just allow it to be what it wants to be....the pain is part of the process.
    It "alone" part of it really bites....its painful to come home to an empty house...but you will find ways to work around that too...in time!
    I am going to a berevement group run by the hospice that took care of my husband it helps to sit in a room with others going though the same thing you are..guessing there is just strenght in numbers.
    Be carefull not to isolate yourself...be among people as much as you can...I found that journaling helped me.
    Keep in touch with us here on the boards....Haley....Karen and all the rest here know exactly what your going though....we are all members of the worst club known to man...but we are all strong...loving women !
    Blessings...
    Pat
  • jat123
    jat123 Member Posts: 6
    #32
    bingles said:

    Oh Mary...my heart is with you...
    I cannot imagine your grief....especially since you work in the same facility...you will need the support of your fellow nurses...and I am sure you will get it...we nurses are a great bunch..aren't we ?
    My husband passed on April 12 of this year...Metastatic Lung...with mets to the bone...he was six weeks from diagnosis to passing it was a rollercoaster ride that I wish on no one.
    Your husband was so young...cancer is such a demon!
    I am sure your husband knew you loved him and knew you cared totally about him and what he was going though..our spouses just know these things....and most times words are not needed...its a heart thing!
    Going back to work was hard for me....all the associative triggers.....02..hospice patients...hospice meds...even something so benign as name brands of wheelchairs...everything set me off the first few days...but it got better.
    The big thing I have noticed is that I have a very different view point now of family members....more compassion...I know what they are going though.
    Its been three months now and I am finding it easier to cope on a daily basis...it will never be the same...just a new normal...allow yourself time to heal and don't try to rush the process to avoid the pain....just allow it to be what it wants to be....the pain is part of the process.
    It "alone" part of it really bites....its painful to come home to an empty house...but you will find ways to work around that too...in time!
    I am going to a berevement group run by the hospice that took care of my husband it helps to sit in a room with others going though the same thing you are..guessing there is just strenght in numbers.
    Be carefull not to isolate yourself...be among people as much as you can...I found that journaling helped me.
    Keep in touch with us here on the boards....Haley....Karen and all the rest here know exactly what your going though....we are all members of the worst club known to man...but we are all strong...loving women !
    Blessings...
    Pat

    Hello All
    Pat, Karen, Haley - I hope someday I will be able to comfort others like you do instead of drowning in my own grief. I never had any nursing abilities until I had to take care of Frank and then found I could do things I thought I never would be able to. It is such a tough job and I commend anyone working in that field.
    Mary - I know how you feel. When everyone left after Frank died I was terrified to be alone. The silence and emptiness is unbearable still. It is almost a month that he is gone and I am still terrified. It does help keeping in touch on these boards. Everyone is very compassionate and understanding because we have all been there. Take care...Jill
  • closs86
    closs86 Member Posts: 85
    #33
    jat123 said:

    Hello All
    Pat, Karen, Haley - I hope someday I will be able to comfort others like you do instead of drowning in my own grief. I never had any nursing abilities until I had to take care of Frank and then found I could do things I thought I never would be able to. It is such a tough job and I commend anyone working in that field.
    Mary - I know how you feel. When everyone left after Frank died I was terrified to be alone. The silence and emptiness is unbearable still. It is almost a month that he is gone and I am still terrified. It does help keeping in touch on these boards. Everyone is very compassionate and understanding because we have all been there. Take care...Jill

    Hi Pat, Haley Jill, and Mary
    Hi everyone,
    Mary I am so sorry for your loss, he was so young, my husband also passed from cancer pancreatic April 6, I am sure that your husband knew exactly what you were doing for him, like pat said sometimes words are not needed, my husband and I also didn't discuss him dying, it was like it was not happening, it was a nightmare, bad dream ours only lasted 6 weeks, 3 in the hospital,
    It is good to go back to work, but in your case it might be a little more difficult, you will have to be strong, but it will be the best thing to do,
    I want to thank all you nurses for all the good you do, the nurses were so wonderful with Johnny and me, you are special people.
    I wish that i could make everyone's pain just go away, but we have to go through the emotions, Mary it is like a roller coaster, some days are better than others, for sure. and unpredictable, but I also journal, and it does help, I write to Johnny every night about my day, and it makes me feel like he is right next to me.
    See Pat, they hear everything, and help us as best they can, i believe that, your husband helped you, they are a breath away, a thin curtain seperating them from us.
    It is very hard to be alone, I have the TV on or the radio all the time, backround noise i can't stand the silence. Try to be with people even if you have to push yourself, I always have to push myself but i do, or else i would always be alone. Alone to much is not good. I go to yoga, it is good for your mind, meditating and quieting your thoughts, all we can do is try to help ourselves,
    God Bless
    Hugs
    Karen
  • bingles
    bingles Member Posts: 120 Member
    #34
    closs86 said:

    Hi Pat, Haley Jill, and Mary
    Hi everyone,
    Mary I am so sorry for your loss, he was so young, my husband also passed from cancer pancreatic April 6, I am sure that your husband knew exactly what you were doing for him, like pat said sometimes words are not needed, my husband and I also didn't discuss him dying, it was like it was not happening, it was a nightmare, bad dream ours only lasted 6 weeks, 3 in the hospital,
    It is good to go back to work, but in your case it might be a little more difficult, you will have to be strong, but it will be the best thing to do,
    I want to thank all you nurses for all the good you do, the nurses were so wonderful with Johnny and me, you are special people.
    I wish that i could make everyone's pain just go away, but we have to go through the emotions, Mary it is like a roller coaster, some days are better than others, for sure. and unpredictable, but I also journal, and it does help, I write to Johnny every night about my day, and it makes me feel like he is right next to me.
    See Pat, they hear everything, and help us as best they can, i believe that, your husband helped you, they are a breath away, a thin curtain seperating them from us.
    It is very hard to be alone, I have the TV on or the radio all the time, backround noise i can't stand the silence. Try to be with people even if you have to push yourself, I always have to push myself but i do, or else i would always be alone. Alone to much is not good. I go to yoga, it is good for your mind, meditating and quieting your thoughts, all we can do is try to help ourselves,
    God Bless
    Hugs
    Karen

    Wow....this thread has taken on a life of its own...
    Hey ladies....just home from work....late night again...oh well...my hospice patient is still hanging on...his family stays with him 24hrs....so sad....I did take a leap of faith and let them know that I have real recent experiences with what they are going though...they seemed to feel a bit more comfortable..knowing that I come from where they are...
    This thread is really taken on a life of its own and thats so neat....bunch of loving strong women facing the biggest hurdle of our lives....but proving to ourselves and the world that having had those guys in our lives made us really strong....
    We will face off with loneliness....grief....core rocking sorrow....but we will all come out the other side....ready to face the next chapter of our lives.
    Well bedtime for me...before my head hits the keyboard ;)
    Keep the faith..gals...
    Blessings To All..
    Pat
  • Caregiver1963
    Caregiver1963 Member Posts: 46
    #35
    bingles said:

    Wow....this thread has taken on a life of its own...
    Hey ladies....just home from work....late night again...oh well...my hospice patient is still hanging on...his family stays with him 24hrs....so sad....I did take a leap of faith and let them know that I have real recent experiences with what they are going though...they seemed to feel a bit more comfortable..knowing that I come from where they are...
    This thread is really taken on a life of its own and thats so neat....bunch of loving strong women facing the biggest hurdle of our lives....but proving to ourselves and the world that having had those guys in our lives made us really strong....
    We will face off with loneliness....grief....core rocking sorrow....but we will all come out the other side....ready to face the next chapter of our lives.
    Well bedtime for me...before my head hits the keyboard ;)
    Keep the faith..gals...
    Blessings To All..
    Pat

    Thank you to you all
    for your support and advice- I felt so much better after posting and then reading your reponses. You have all given me strength by your comments. I am waiting for a call from hospice to see what sort of bereavement support they can provide. I also am fortunate that I was connected with our employee assistance program person at work when my husband became ill and he counselor has been communicating with me via email since I have been out on leave. I met a friend for coffee this morning which was nice. Tomorrow will be the second week anniversary of my husband's death~ 2 of my aunts are coming to visit me for the day and we will go out to lunch. I actually had the concentration to watch a movie on TV last night- which is progress for me!
    Everyone stay cool and keep the faith
    Mary
  • closs86
    closs86 Member Posts: 85
    #36
    Caregiver1963 said:

    Thank you to you all
    for your support and advice- I felt so much better after posting and then reading your reponses. You have all given me strength by your comments. I am waiting for a call from hospice to see what sort of bereavement support they can provide. I also am fortunate that I was connected with our employee assistance program person at work when my husband became ill and he counselor has been communicating with me via email since I have been out on leave. I met a friend for coffee this morning which was nice. Tomorrow will be the second week anniversary of my husband's death~ 2 of my aunts are coming to visit me for the day and we will go out to lunch. I actually had the concentration to watch a movie on TV last night- which is progress for me!
    Everyone stay cool and keep the faith
    Mary

    Hi
    Hi everyone,
    Just want to see how everyone is, today was so hot, it is terrible, This is a good thread, we are a good bunch, we have to try to be here for each other, I kind of feel like I know everyone personally, Mary I am glad that you were able to watch a t v movie, a little at a time, try to keep busy, but it is hard with this heat, it kind of keeps us grounded to the house and air conditioner.
    Pat you must be a wonderful hospice nurse, you sound like a very strong soul, people need someone like that when they are falling apart, Johnny had wonderful hospice nurses, they are special kinds of people.
    Well I have to go walk these dogs, I was thinking of volunteering in an animal shelter a few days a week, but my sons are saying that i will bring all the animals home and they are probably right, I will have to think about it, and find one that is near me,
    Well have a cool day tomorrow
    Hugs
    Karen
  • grandmafay
    grandmafay Member Posts: 1,633 Member
    #37
    Caregiver1963 said:

    Thank you to you all
    for your support and advice- I felt so much better after posting and then reading your reponses. You have all given me strength by your comments. I am waiting for a call from hospice to see what sort of bereavement support they can provide. I also am fortunate that I was connected with our employee assistance program person at work when my husband became ill and he counselor has been communicating with me via email since I have been out on leave. I met a friend for coffee this morning which was nice. Tomorrow will be the second week anniversary of my husband's death~ 2 of my aunts are coming to visit me for the day and we will go out to lunch. I actually had the concentration to watch a movie on TV last night- which is progress for me!
    Everyone stay cool and keep the faith
    Mary

    It is good to see that those
    It is good to see that those I have talked with before are still hanging in there. I am sorry that several new ladies have joined our group. Hello all. I am back home after a road trip across the country. I had never driven that far before and I drove our 26 ft. Motorhome all the way from CA to Pa. A friend led the way in her car. It was a good trip and I feel good about the accomplishment. It has been 9 months since I lost my husband. Coming home to this empty house still hurts. Not being able to share my accomplishment and adventures is the hardest part. My mother has now been diagnosed with endometrial cancer. Due to her age (almost 92) and her dementia, treatment is not recommended. My sister is caring for her which I very much appreciate. Cancer truly does bite! Yet, I have these four beautiful granddaughters, two of whom made the trip with me. They are amazing. Life really does throw us both cherries and the pits. Take care everyone, Fay
  • bingles
    bingles Member Posts: 120 Member
    #38
    grandmafay said:

    It is good to see that those
    It is good to see that those I have talked with before are still hanging in there. I am sorry that several new ladies have joined our group. Hello all. I am back home after a road trip across the country. I had never driven that far before and I drove our 26 ft. Motorhome all the way from CA to Pa. A friend led the way in her car. It was a good trip and I feel good about the accomplishment. It has been 9 months since I lost my husband. Coming home to this empty house still hurts. Not being able to share my accomplishment and adventures is the hardest part. My mother has now been diagnosed with endometrial cancer. Due to her age (almost 92) and her dementia, treatment is not recommended. My sister is caring for her which I very much appreciate. Cancer truly does bite! Yet, I have these four beautiful granddaughters, two of whom made the trip with me. They are amazing. Life really does throw us both cherries and the pits. Take care everyone, Fay

    Fay I am so very sorry for your Mom
    Just wanted to tell you that your in my thoughts...after dealing with Don's death and now walking though it again with your Mom....
    But you have a good support system and they will be there with you....she is 92? bless her heart.
    Sometimes I wonder why HE puts so much on our plates...but than its not our place to question I guess....at the end of the day we just seem to be able to weather the storms and move on to the next hurricane...the human spirit is amazing.
    Blessings.
    pat
  • Tina Blondek
    Tina Blondek Member Posts: 1,500 Member
    #39
    Thank you Ladies!
    Hello Ladies
    I just wanted to thank all of you for posting all of your stories, experiences, and knowledge. We lost my dad to ec this past March, mom is having the most difficult time with this. I have been printing your posts for her, and she loves them! You all help realize that she is just like all of you, that she is not alone in this grieving process. You also all help me. Thanks again, and I look forward to reading more of your posts!
    Tina
  • closs86
    closs86 Member Posts: 85
    #40
    bingles said:

    Fay I am so very sorry for your Mom
    Just wanted to tell you that your in my thoughts...after dealing with Don's death and now walking though it again with your Mom....
    But you have a good support system and they will be there with you....she is 92? bless her heart.
    Sometimes I wonder why HE puts so much on our plates...but than its not our place to question I guess....at the end of the day we just seem to be able to weather the storms and move on to the next hurricane...the human spirit is amazing.
    Blessings.
    pat

    so sorry fay
    I am so sorry fay for your added problems, you would think we had enough to deal with and then something else, I don;t understand,I went to a tibetan museum today which was wonderful, then we went to a nice italian restaurant, and while we were waiting for our dinner what do you think happened, mine and Johnny's song came on the radio, I thought i would die, it was so strange, I almost couldn't stand it.
    Take care
    karen

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