hope?

arizonajul
arizonajul Member Posts: 1
edited March 2014 in Caregivers #1
Hi. I'm new here and I cannot tell you how amazing it felt when I first got here and read your posts. I am not alone. Wow.
My husband has carcinoid cancer. He has had multiple surgeries including removal of his right lung, 6 other masses removed, 2 stents placed in main arteries and last week a feeding tube was placed. He still has tumors in his spine, lymph nodes and possibly his other lung. Carcinoid is "slow growing". He was first diagnosed in '95, but this last battle, and all procedures other than the 1st 2/3 of his lung, started in 2005.
These are the facts, but then there are the good days inbetween.
I go from despair to hope. I don't know if he is dying and I'm in denial or if this is just cancer and I am overreacting. Do I need to accept the inevitable or keep hoping the cure is around the corner? I know there must be a way to balance this, I just don't have a clue how it's done. How does a person walk through this with some measure of grace when life changes so often and there is always a "new normal" to adjust to?
I hope this makes sense.
Thanks for listening
Julia

Comments

  • ruthelizabeth
    ruthelizabeth Member Posts: 138
    #2
    Umm,
    I don't know if you'd call it balance or not.

    The only thing that consistently kept me going and on a (fairly?) even keel was the knowledge that God would take care of him. I knew it might not be the outcome I wanted, but I did believe that he was God's child and would never be abandoned. Whatever happened, God would look after him and would somehow get us both through everything.

    When people asked how we were, I told them truthfully that we were having good days everyday. Some days were better than others and some days, finding good things was very, very hard.

    Did God take care of him? Yes, He really did. Is it the outcome I would have liked? Not really. Do I believe he's okay? Yes, I know that.

    I don't know if this will help you at all. YOu have had a very long struggle and roller coasters are notoriously hard on your equilibrium. You are suffering with him. Uncertainty has fangs.

    I hope you can keep coming here for support and comfort. We all understand your situation in our own ways. Perhaps that will give you what you need as you go through this.
  • GregStahl
    GregStahl Member Posts: 188
    #3
    Hi Julia
    Sorry to hear about your husbands condition and the emotional roller coaster you are on.

    My wife has Breast cancer (Basal like IDC grade 3 triple negative) and just had first chemo yesterday. My mom had BC in the 70s and passed 7/30/80 so I find myself reflecting back 30 years to the hell she (We all) went thru.

    For me, I am a glass 1/2 empty kind of person....I prepare for the worst, hope for the best...that way I am somewhat prepared if the worst does happen.

    I will tell you to cherish the good times and try to make as many with him as you can, that will help you through (helps me) the bad times.

    Wish I could help more.....good luck and stay in touch. Need to vent or advice or anything, I/we are here to help the best we can.

    Greg
  • hope0310
    hope0310 Member Posts: 320
    #4
    GregStahl said:

    Hi Julia
    Sorry to hear about your husbands condition and the emotional roller coaster you are on.

    My wife has Breast cancer (Basal like IDC grade 3 triple negative) and just had first chemo yesterday. My mom had BC in the 70s and passed 7/30/80 so I find myself reflecting back 30 years to the hell she (We all) went thru.

    For me, I am a glass 1/2 empty kind of person....I prepare for the worst, hope for the best...that way I am somewhat prepared if the worst does happen.

    I will tell you to cherish the good times and try to make as many with him as you can, that will help you through (helps me) the bad times.

    Wish I could help more.....good luck and stay in touch. Need to vent or advice or anything, I/we are here to help the best we can.

    Greg

    long journey
    You have been on a very long journey!! Even with the emotions and ups and downs, be thankful for all the time you have gotten through this battle.

    Please take care of yourself while caring for your husband....my best to you both!
  • grandmafay
    grandmafay Member Posts: 1,633 Member
    #5
    Hope
    My husband fought colon cancer for six years before losing his battle in Oct., 2009. The ups and downs, the recurrences, the uncertainty were difficult to say the least. Yet, my husband wore a bracelet he had gotten at his first Relay for Life until the day he died. It said hope. He knew that he probably wasn't going to win his battle, but he still had hope. He hoped for a cure for others as well as more time for himself. He hoped for peace and he hoped for a release from pain. I think hope is a good and natural thing. I also believe that there is always hope. That doesn't mean denial. It means we are human. We are constantly trying to make sense of our lives, and cancer can really throw us for a loop. It sounds to me like you are coping with your roller coaster ride the best you can. We like to have certainty in our lives, but that just isn't possible when you are dealing with this. Just hang in there and know that you are not alone. Take care, Fay

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