Lindas' Passing Knocked the Wind Out of Me./Counseling Session Brought Me Back

msfanciful
msfanciful Member Posts: 559
edited March 2014 in Ovarian Cancer #1
Hi everyone,

After my dear friend Linda Dorian passed, I just stopped thinking for a while about anything.

The last time I spoke with her, I was happy to hear she was back home. Us having our early morning a.m. chats with each other because of the steriods in our meds...

But afterwards; I had to take a break from obligations, friends, this board. After much insistance from my daughter I went to my first group counseling session in which I came out of feeling renewed and being able to voice my angst and pain with other cancer patients and their caregivers who completely understood.

It felt really great to speak with individuals who knew of the heartbreak as well as the fear cancer hovers over our heads rather than our friends, family who just kind of look at you in awe.

This counseling group is one of the many programs Texas Oncology offers to its' patients and their caregivers and I am so grateful it was there.

The experience was refreshing as well as new for me.

So I am so happy to get back to this wonderful board of ladies and strongly suggest to all, that counseling is another possible vehicle in learning how to live with this devastating illness.

God bless you all.

God bless Linda.



Sharon

Comments

  • cancer survivor x 4
    cancer survivor x 4 Member Posts: 177
    #2
    Linda
    Sharon,
    I just want you to know that when I talked to her on the phone before I left on vacation, she did mention what a great friend you were and if you were doing okay. I said you were doing fine. She sounded so normal. I could not believe she was gone 1 week later. It made me sad and then it made me want to live more. Thank-You, Paula
  • saundra
    saundra Member Posts: 1,370 Member
    #3
    My feelings too...
    You express the feelings so well. We all live in that area of thought at times. It takes work to not stay in that place for too long of a time. Take care, and Hugs Saundra
  • Lisa13Q
    Lisa13Q Member Posts: 677
    #4
    Thanks Sharon
    For me, my mother's PET scan knocked the wind out of me. I haven't been able to respond to others whose mothers/sisters have been diagnosed. That was partially why I was coming here..to provide encouragement especially to other daughters. I looked up Gilda's club last night and thought of going to a support group...Your post has reinforced that idea for me. I just haven't been right since Mom's recurrance. I have no hope and haven't been able to provide support to others' either, which makes me really sad. I've been really hesitant to share here either as I feel like who am I to complain, I don't have the disease. I do go to the caregivers board at times, but this board, just knows this disease so well. Thanks for your post. Thanks, it was exactly what I needed to take my next step.
  • MK_4Dani
    MK_4Dani Member Posts: 314
    #5
    Dear Sharon and every one,
    I
    Dear Sharon and every one,
    I asked myself as I cried for a woman and child I have never met: why do I feel so emotional about this. Sure sad that it happen but the overwhelming feeling of hopelessness. Why? My conclusion: although I have never met anyone on this board I feel a strong connection to my cancer friends. There is no one but you all who know how I feel emotionally or physically EVERY day. The up days the down days...all of us are feeling the same emotions. Lucky for us we are all on different UP/DOWN/NED/TREATMENT cycles. We can gather encouragement, survivor stories and strength from each other as we go through this rollar coaster ride. The passing of our friend put us all on the same DOWN cycle with no one in the UP position for the much needed support. It is good you reached out for support, I am thinking about looking for a support group but I do like this board. Short and sweet, no visiable tears, (I cry at Hallmark commercials) and a certain degree of separation between our lives and cancer.
    I appreciate all of you, you helped me more than I can say. Every one of Linda's posts made me laugh out loud...even when she was posting from the hospital not feeling well.
    Sharon: your exuberance shines through your posts...welcome back.
    Love and prayers to all,
    Mary
  • Hissy_Fitz
    Hissy_Fitz Member Posts: 1,834
    #6
    MK_4Dani said:

    Dear Sharon and every one,
    I
    Dear Sharon and every one,
    I asked myself as I cried for a woman and child I have never met: why do I feel so emotional about this. Sure sad that it happen but the overwhelming feeling of hopelessness. Why? My conclusion: although I have never met anyone on this board I feel a strong connection to my cancer friends. There is no one but you all who know how I feel emotionally or physically EVERY day. The up days the down days...all of us are feeling the same emotions. Lucky for us we are all on different UP/DOWN/NED/TREATMENT cycles. We can gather encouragement, survivor stories and strength from each other as we go through this rollar coaster ride. The passing of our friend put us all on the same DOWN cycle with no one in the UP position for the much needed support. It is good you reached out for support, I am thinking about looking for a support group but I do like this board. Short and sweet, no visiable tears, (I cry at Hallmark commercials) and a certain degree of separation between our lives and cancer.
    I appreciate all of you, you helped me more than I can say. Every one of Linda's posts made me laugh out loud...even when she was posting from the hospital not feeling well.
    Sharon: your exuberance shines through your posts...welcome back.
    Love and prayers to all,
    Mary

    I never had a sister. All
    I never had a sister. All of you have been my sisters these last 10 months. And like the rest, Linda's passing just sent me over the edge. I cried for days. I cried in my doctor's office last Wednesday while I told him about her. He was very sympathetic. He understands. He has lost many women in his career - too many. And this is a man who genuinely loves women. You can just tell. Last week, as he and I and my husband were leaving the exam room, he said to Bob, "Tuck the tag back inside her shirt. Don't let her walk around with the tag sticking out like that."

    Part of it, of course, is that we all see ourselves in Linda, and our children in Meghan. Our own mortality, up close and very ugly. But none of us are going to die tomorrow. So tomorrow, lt's all meet back here, thankful for our families and each other, and maybe we can get back to the business of living, even though we are living with cancer. It beats the alternative all to hell.

    Carlene
  • LPack
    LPack Member Posts: 645
    #7
    Thanks
    Sharon,

    Thanks for expressing what probably many of us felt!

    Love,
    Libby
  • kayandok
    kayandok Member Posts: 1,202 Member
    #8
    Sharon,
    thanks for sharing. And so glad you found a good support group. I do long for something like that. I have lost too many frineds to cancer, and it just doesn't get easier.
    kathleen
  • saundra
    saundra Member Posts: 1,370 Member
    #9
    Hissy_Fitz said:

    I never had a sister. All
    I never had a sister. All of you have been my sisters these last 10 months. And like the rest, Linda's passing just sent me over the edge. I cried for days. I cried in my doctor's office last Wednesday while I told him about her. He was very sympathetic. He understands. He has lost many women in his career - too many. And this is a man who genuinely loves women. You can just tell. Last week, as he and I and my husband were leaving the exam room, he said to Bob, "Tuck the tag back inside her shirt. Don't let her walk around with the tag sticking out like that."

    Part of it, of course, is that we all see ourselves in Linda, and our children in Meghan. Our own mortality, up close and very ugly. But none of us are going to die tomorrow. So tomorrow, lt's all meet back here, thankful for our families and each other, and maybe we can get back to the business of living, even though we are living with cancer. It beats the alternative all to hell.

    Carlene

    Linda
    She kept us laughing through the tears and shared it all. Bless this sister of mine... Saundra
  • Susan523
    Susan523 Member Posts: 231 Member
    #10
    Thank you, Sharon~
    I also have been off this site for a while... and I am so upset and saddened, hearing about Linda. I didn't know.

    The tears are streaming down my face.

    Thank you for your post about the support group. I was diagnosed 4 years ago, and I felt "out of place" at the "Look Better Feel Better" thing (all breast cancer ladies but me). I hadn't started chemo at that point, and I had no idea what I was in for. I got freaked out.

    I called once, our local cancer center to inquire about a support group. A man answered, and when I told him "ovarian"; you know what he said? He said "You may as well face it. The rest of your life will be chemo and surgeries".
    Needless to say, I had no desire to go there.

    Your post is encouraging. This board is the only 'support group' I have. After that idiot man on the phone, I was afraid to go. Maybe I'll give it a chance after all~

    You and all of the other ladies are in my prayers daily.

    Does anyone know how Meghan is doing? I sent her a note via FB.

    Love,
    ~Susan xoxo
  • Tina Brown
    Tina Brown Member Posts: 1,036 Member
    #11
    I think I am kinda blocking
    I think I am kinda blocking everything out. I lived through my cancer diagnosis as if I was in my own nightmare. Yes, it was like a kick in the stomach to be told "I'm afraid its not good news, we found cancer cells etc................" But ever since I have been the proverbial ostrich and have distanced myself from the reality of it all.

    When I heard to very sad news of Linda I was really sad but I thought to myself "that won't happen to me" BUT in reality it WILL...one day.

    I am ashamed to say that I too have not been on this site for a while as I think sub-consciously I am trying to pretend I don't have cancer. What a strange storm I feel I am living in at the moment. I have been diagnosed, completed treatment and am quite well but I am actually finding it harder now than I did before???? How weird. I have an upset stomach and a cough and am petrified that my cancer is growing again. This is probably all in my mind but how on earth do we ever become free of the fear???

    I too am going to start counselling. I spoke to a really nice lady yesterday and will begin next week. I have missed all of you here and am glad to be back.

    Love Tina xxx

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