Resentment

ms.sunshine
ms.sunshine Member Posts: 707 Member
edited March 2014 in Breast Cancer #1
I'm married to a big jerk. He's selfish, self-centered, insensitive, incapable of giving emotional support. I'm feeling resentment starting to grow.I don't want to feel this way, but I don't know how to stop it. How do you stop resentment? I have talked with him several times, but got nothing but attitude. Each time I try to talk with him, and I get nowhere it leads to more resentment. Here recently he has pulled some low down crap. I seriously believe he is a narcissist. He has alot of the signs. I was going to address this with him 9 months ago, but that's when I was dx with cancer, so I pushed it to the back burner.

Comments

  • MNLynn
    MNLynn Member Posts: 224
    #2
    Definitely NOT what you need, especially now . . .
    I'm so sorry to hear that you don't have the support that you need - and especially now. I'm really glad that you can come here, though, and know that you do have a lot of people who do care so much about you. What other support do you have - do you have close friends or family who you can talk to? Do you work away from home - where you can at least be around others - even if you don't talk about this with them?

    Please know that you have lots of love & support coming from me . . . I know that, at times, I feel like I don't have that support (just in general) from my husband, either, but it never stays that way - after our "cold shoulder" time, we end up mending fences. It's hard, and especially now when you have bc to deal with.

    When you're feeling that resentment, remember that you have lots of sisters here who are fighting the bc fight with you and who care about how things are going even apart from that . . . I hope that gives you strength.


    Hoping things get better - and that you find the support that you need!

    Sending hugs, thoughts & prayers,

    ♥ Lynn ♥
  • KathiM
    KathiM Member Posts: 8,028 Member
    #3
    If this was already the case...I'm sorry to say....
    "I was going to address this with him 9 months ago..."

    ...a traumatic experience such as fighting cancer won't make it better...

    We are here for you, dear soul...

    Hugs, Kathi
  • VickiSam
    VickiSam Member Posts: 9,079 Member
    #4
    KathiM said:

    If this was already the case...I'm sorry to say....
    "I was going to address this with him 9 months ago..."

    ...a traumatic experience such as fighting cancer won't make it better...

    We are here for you, dear soul...

    Hugs, Kathi

    None of my business, but I tend to agree with KathiM
    If this was this issue before - Breast Cancer, during your bc fight .. it will be an issue after.

    Here hoping that you find the courage to fight this disease, staying strong and finding a solution.


    Regards,

    Vicki Sam
  • Sally5
    Sally5 Member Posts: 87
    #5
    VickiSam said:

    None of my business, but I tend to agree with KathiM
    If this was this issue before - Breast Cancer, during your bc fight .. it will be an issue after.

    Here hoping that you find the courage to fight this disease, staying strong and finding a solution.


    Regards,

    Vicki Sam

    Sending you some sunshine
    Ms. Sunshine,

    Your name implies a lot. Just focus on yourself and be "Ms. Sunshine".

    Sorry about your situation. You probably need to address the situation.
    Good luck and stay strong.

    Take care.
  • aysemari
    aysemari Member Posts: 1,596 Member
    #6
    Clear your plate ms. sunshine
    cancer dishes out a lot. And it sounds like you already have stuff on your plate.
    It is too much to take in for you. It's time to be selfish. If the people in your life
    are not part of your healing posse it's time to cut them loose. No aggravation
    allowed my dear, be good to yourself. Take a cancer break from your marriage
    and decide later if need to.

    Ayse
  • aisling8
    aisling8 Member Posts: 1,627 Member
    #7
    aysemari said:

    Clear your plate ms. sunshine
    cancer dishes out a lot. And it sounds like you already have stuff on your plate.
    It is too much to take in for you. It's time to be selfish. If the people in your life
    are not part of your healing posse it's time to cut them loose. No aggravation
    allowed my dear, be good to yourself. Take a cancer break from your marriage
    and decide later if need to.

    Ayse

    sending you moral support
    and positive energy and a great big cyber hug.

    xo,
    Victoria
  • Lighthouse_7
    Lighthouse_7 Member Posts: 1,566 Member
    #8
    ms. sunshine
    Cancer is mind numbing as we all know and I'm so sorry for the marriage problems. I don't begin to have the answer but I do know that I agree with some other girls that this is a time to be good to yourself. It doesn't even matter if you stay with him, you can still try and be good to yourself. Girlfriends or in my case, my daughters, have been a great source of fun and release for me.
    I wish you the best and wish that you didn't have to go through this!
    Hugs and Hope
  • jo jo
    jo jo Member Posts: 1,175
    #9
    Oh ms sunshine everytime i
    Oh ms sunshine everytime i hear about your husband i get a fire burnin under my butt....men like this just piss me off!
    Not to put all our business out there for everyone to see but i know how it is...you cant take it anymore and with everythng going on with the cancer and that @#@$$%$%%^!**%$ you call a man is a coward in my eyes. I grew up being physically, mentally and yes spiritually abused and it wasnt until about ten years ago that i finally broke that cycle of how the men in my life treat me.
    I went to a phyciatrist (oops) once cuz i thought i needed help...she asked me to tell her what is a normal relationship like to me...i told her my experiences and never really thought much of it...meanwhile her mouth is wide open...jaw is dropped and she said and you think this is normal? I was raised with abuse being the "NORMAL" i didnt know anything else but you can also let them become a "NORMAL" way of life.
    Ms sunshine dont let your husband make you feel this way...dont let this become your normal way of life, dont be miserable...it can get better you just have to be brave enough to take that stand...even if it means loosing him.
    Sorry i didnt mean to get carried away with this...it just brings up old feeelings and i hate seeing other women going through it.
    But please keep us posted with the JERK!
  • Pinkpower
    Pinkpower Member Posts: 437
    #10
    jo jo said:

    Oh ms sunshine everytime i
    Oh ms sunshine everytime i hear about your husband i get a fire burnin under my butt....men like this just piss me off!
    Not to put all our business out there for everyone to see but i know how it is...you cant take it anymore and with everythng going on with the cancer and that @#@$$%$%%^!**%$ you call a man is a coward in my eyes. I grew up being physically, mentally and yes spiritually abused and it wasnt until about ten years ago that i finally broke that cycle of how the men in my life treat me.
    I went to a phyciatrist (oops) once cuz i thought i needed help...she asked me to tell her what is a normal relationship like to me...i told her my experiences and never really thought much of it...meanwhile her mouth is wide open...jaw is dropped and she said and you think this is normal? I was raised with abuse being the "NORMAL" i didnt know anything else but you can also let them become a "NORMAL" way of life.
    Ms sunshine dont let your husband make you feel this way...dont let this become your normal way of life, dont be miserable...it can get better you just have to be brave enough to take that stand...even if it means loosing him.
    Sorry i didnt mean to get carried away with this...it just brings up old feeelings and i hate seeing other women going through it.
    But please keep us posted with the JERK!

    Ms. sunshine
    I totally agree with jo jo on this one. and others have also said it. You are fighting for your life now. If there is ever a time for a woman to be selfish and put herself first, this is it! We may not be a good substitution for a husband, but we are here for you, supporting you, praising you and sending you our love. I sure hope there are others closer to you that can also help you battle the beast, cancer... not the husband. Though I'm sure there are plenty of us who if we could we would be there to beat the husband, lol. Stay strong, stay focus, do what is best for you, and we will support you 100%
    Lupe
  • lolad
    lolad Member Posts: 670
    #11
    Pinkpower said:

    Ms. sunshine
    I totally agree with jo jo on this one. and others have also said it. You are fighting for your life now. If there is ever a time for a woman to be selfish and put herself first, this is it! We may not be a good substitution for a husband, but we are here for you, supporting you, praising you and sending you our love. I sure hope there are others closer to you that can also help you battle the beast, cancer... not the husband. Though I'm sure there are plenty of us who if we could we would be there to beat the husband, lol. Stay strong, stay focus, do what is best for you, and we will support you 100%
    Lupe

    I know what you are feeling
    I just broke up with an abusive man. It took him hurting me physically and jepordizing my health to do it and im ashamed and mad at myself i didnt do it sooner. He hurt me many times not only physically, but mentally. He always was the one who was right and he always was the one who had to come first. I dont have family support or many friends, so i think thats why i stayed with him as long as i did. I was abused physically and mentally growing up as well. I have had numerous surgeries and he never came to the hospital to see me. I had no visitors for any of my surgeries. Its lonely not having someone, but lonelier when you do have someone who is a self centered bast**d!! I dont know if you have outside support or not. I dont have much and that is why i come here. You need to take care of yourself now. And no you are not wrong for feeling resentment. You asked how to get rid of the resentment. Get rid of him, thats how. Love yourself and start sticking up for yourself. I didnt know how to love myself and am still learning how to. This break up for me is very new. You need only supportive people in your life. Not negative ones. You keep your head up and love yourself. Keep us posted and let us know how you are.

    Take care
    Laura

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