mom diagnosed with IIIC need help

ketziah35
ketziah35 Member Posts: 1,145
edited March 2014 in Colorectal Cancer #1
My mom is 70 and was recently diagnosed with stage IIIC. She has had her first chemo treatment, but she is very weak. WE don't know how to help her psychologically or physically. Her spirit seems good, but the rest of us are depressed. Although she is the one that is sick, the rest of us are depressed. My siseter and i start crying everywhere and at anything.

Her first chemo treatment went well. Does it get worst as the treatments continue? Does it get any better? All i see is metast metast metast everyone on line.

Comments

  • Michelle Hopes
    Michelle Hopes Member Posts: 6
    #2
    Stay positive
    Hello Ketziah,

    Welcome. My mom is 76 and has had chemo for breast cancer 5yrs ago and colon cancer 2 yrs ago. Chemo will make her tired, some days will be better than others. Chemo treatments have come a long way and are improving every day.

    One of the best things you can do is to stay positive. Yesterday, I had to take my mom to the doctors, and she will be having surgery again(3rd time) and then chemo for six months. I asked the Dr how did he think she will respond to the surgery; and he told us if she has a positive attitude, and she wants to fight, she could do well. I don't let her see how scared I really am but I have other people I can talk with including this site. Having a good support system will help.

    Cancer is scary of not knowing what might happen, and we don't have control.

    I will put you and your family in my prayers, and I hope that your mom makes good progress. It will take time.
  • Patteee
    Patteee Member Posts: 945
    #3
    when was your Mom dx'd, did
    when was your Mom dx'd, did she have surgery

    I think what you are going through is very common- the initial shock and upset of hearing cancer is a tough one to get through.

    My treatments got worse- it is as though for some of us we start to get toxic on the meds and the symptoms of chemo stay with us longer and more intense. By my 6th one I was phsically a mess- truly what one thinks in terms of being ill from chemo. And then one of the chemo drugs was cut totally. It was months then before I felt well. But I did get through it! I would recommend thinking in terms of viewing ahead on the path only in small chunks. One chemo treatment at a time. One day or week at a time. It helped me to focus on the here and now and prepare myself for the battle ahead.

    Take a deep breath! Your mom is getting care- she is with you and she is fine. Let tomorrow take care of itself. What I got from this whole experience? The worse part was hearing I had cancer and dealing with the shock of it- the rest wasn't easy, but none of it compared with that initial shock and time at the beginning.
  • ketziah35
    ketziah35 Member Posts: 1,145
    #4
    Patteee said:

    when was your Mom dx'd, did
    when was your Mom dx'd, did she have surgery

    I think what you are going through is very common- the initial shock and upset of hearing cancer is a tough one to get through.

    My treatments got worse- it is as though for some of us we start to get toxic on the meds and the symptoms of chemo stay with us longer and more intense. By my 6th one I was phsically a mess- truly what one thinks in terms of being ill from chemo. And then one of the chemo drugs was cut totally. It was months then before I felt well. But I did get through it! I would recommend thinking in terms of viewing ahead on the path only in small chunks. One chemo treatment at a time. One day or week at a time. It helped me to focus on the here and now and prepare myself for the battle ahead.

    Take a deep breath! Your mom is getting care- she is with you and she is fine. Let tomorrow take care of itself. What I got from this whole experience? The worse part was hearing I had cancer and dealing with the shock of it- the rest wasn't easy, but none of it compared with that initial shock and time at the beginning.

    My mom was diagnosed on May
    My mom was diagnosed on May 24th of this year. She had surgery and resection on May 27th. She started chemo yesterday.
  • Patteee
    Patteee Member Posts: 945
    #5
    ketziah35 said:

    My mom was diagnosed on May
    My mom was diagnosed on May 24th of this year. She had surgery and resection on May 27th. She started chemo yesterday.

    Mine was almost the same,
    Mine was almost the same, only it was 2 years ago. I remember the horror of my surgery- I knew it was coming at Mayo on Monday June 9, 2008- but then my bowel obstructed in the middle of the night on June 7 in Mpls- I was pumped full of morphine and transported to Mayo, 90 miles away. It was pretty horrific. To me it was like a night and day difference, before cancer and after- I was "shell shocked" for a long time. What helped me, and I continue to share with you in the hopes it will help you, is to have a routine down, familiar comforting things around, focus on the positives- laugh, have other non-cancer things around me (my mother and I got into watching "Desperate Housewives"- I would get 1-2 seasons right before chemo and we would binge on them, to this day I can't stand the damn show, lol). I would feel my best for 2-3 days after chemo, so my Mom would always take me out for lunch right after chemo. Yes, when the chemo hit, it was bad- but you know, I kept working- I am a teacher and burned through my sick leave. I know what you are going through is HARD, I really know that. I don't want to say it will get easier- cause not sure that is helpful to hear right now, even though in many ways it will get easier :)
  • geotina
    geotina Member Posts: 2,111 Member
    #6
    Ket:
    Welcome to the Semi-Colon family. My hubby is the one with cancer. Do the treatments get worse as time goes on, well, it seems everyone is different. My hubby did not have too much trouble, fatigue was a big enemy, let mom rest when she needs it. Metal taste may may her appetite go downhill so feed her whatever appeals. George only had the metal taste on the tip of his tongue so didn't interfere much with eating. Forget cold drinks, touching cold things, etc. the sensitivity to cold can be tough. George is Stage IV with mets to the liver and lungs.

    That being said, George continued to work full time through treatments but for infusions. The next person, they are wiped out so you just have to wait to see how it affects her.

    As far as your depression, go have a good cry, heck, have a full blown freak out then get yourself together for mom. She simply can't see you crying and being depressed all the time, you need to keep her as upbeat as possible. Easier said than done, as a caregiver I know this but it does need to be done. Once the news is not so much of a shock, things will ease up.

    Take care - Tina
  • christinecarl
    christinecarl Member Posts: 543 Member
    #7
    the intial shock of it is intense
    It is completely normal to feel very depressed and in shock. It is hard to hear you mom has cancer, so scary. In time you will learn to adjust to the shock of it and will find a new normal. Some things get worse as the treatments go on, cold sensitivity, numb fingers and toes, and fatigue. Your mom is lucky to have such a supportive and loving family to surround her, that is a wonderful thing. I am fortunate to be done with chemo for 1 year and still be cancer free, I pray your mom will be the same.
  • sheri22
    sheri22 Member Posts: 273
    #8
    STAY POSITIVE
    Yep cancer is scary, if she is run down could she be anemic maybe ask her DR he can give you answers on why she feels run down it is normal to be depressed but try to stay positive do fun things with her. Also try to remember cancer is a part of her life now not her whole life also welcome to this site thouh sorry your mom has cancer take care

    Sheri22
  • tootsie1
    tootsie1 Member Posts: 5,044 Member
    #9
    Hi
    Hi, dear.

    I'm sure you're very worried about your mom. I think it's harder on the families a lot of times than it is the patients.

    I pray that your mom will respond well to her treatment. That DOES happen sometimes!

    *hugs*

    Gail
  • drookID
    drookID Member Posts: 20
    #10
    It gets easier
    When my dad was first diagnosed (almost 7 years ago), I was very depressed and cried at the drop of a hat. It was so overwhelming and changed everything. I kept imagining the worst. He's still here and still fighting. And we've had some amazing time together. Some of the memories we probably wouldn't have made without the cancer.

    After he started chemo, I felt a little better. I knew "we" were doing what we needed to and there was something to focus on....like helping him when he was sick or tired. I let him know I was sad, but didn't let it be all consuming.

    Hang in there and try to remain positive. I truly am thankful that my dad had a disease he could fight instead of being gone in an instant or shortly after he was diagnosed.

    Danialle
  • Nana b
    Nana b Member Posts: 3,030 Member
    #11
    drookID said:

    It gets easier
    When my dad was first diagnosed (almost 7 years ago), I was very depressed and cried at the drop of a hat. It was so overwhelming and changed everything. I kept imagining the worst. He's still here and still fighting. And we've had some amazing time together. Some of the memories we probably wouldn't have made without the cancer.

    After he started chemo, I felt a little better. I knew "we" were doing what we needed to and there was something to focus on....like helping him when he was sick or tired. I let him know I was sad, but didn't let it be all consuming.

    Hang in there and try to remain positive. I truly am thankful that my dad had a disease he could fight instead of being gone in an instant or shortly after he was diagnosed.

    Danialle

    Hugs!
    it's scary huh! My daughters felt the same. Hang in there. you have gotten some good advice here. Just help her when you can. We tend to want to be strong but sometimes we just want to get in bed and rest...

    Blessings
  • abmb
    abmb Member Posts: 311
    #12
    Can't say
    I can't say it gets easier, because each person handles chemo differently. My husband got tired, when we would get home from his treatment with his little pouch, he would fall asleep right after dinner (5:00)and sleep most of the evening and night. Next morning he would wake not willingly, but so I could make sure he ate something before I went to work. I think what bothered him the most was nausea, which you could get meds for, and his hands and toes would get numb. At one of the treatments some of the patients were talking about chemo brain, I asked what, they told me when they can't remember things they blame it on the chemo. You get to know a lot of people, you see how strong these people are because they want to beat this beast. I use to take crackers along incase of nausea, but our onc. office had treats and drinks for the patients. Take care and try to relax. it took me a while and here we are 9 mos out of chemo and I still worry everytime he has an ache or coughs. He was also diagnosed Stage IIIC. He looks great today. The people on this board are a great support system. God Bless. Margaret

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