anxiety

nancy591
nancy591 Member Posts: 1,027 Member
edited March 2014 in Ovarian Cancer #1
Linda Dorian's passing really has sent me into an emotional tailspin. I am so scared. I feel like nobody in my family understands. Family get to go on with their normal lives while I am stuck in my nightmare. I've been on chemo since January and nothing has made my cancer regress. I've only more advancement. My ca125 in unreliable so the only way to truly monitor is by PET/CT. I will be having another scan next month. Avastin may be added. If nothing works I know it is only a matter of time before I start having symptoms. I have been symptom free and living an active life.

Does everyone fret over stomach pain? Do you guys feel the same way?

Comments

  • Tina Brown
    Tina Brown Member Posts: 1,036 Member
    #2
    I understand
    Yes Linda I fret each time I feel a little bloated or I have diarrohea. I had fluid around my lungs and I am worrying at the moment because I am breathless and I don't know if it is because I have put on weight which is making me breathless or is the fluid back????

    I think it is a natural knee jerk reaction when you hear such sad news about someone with our cancer dying. It forces us to confront our own situation, sometimes like a slap in the face. I don't know about you but the way I get through each day is by pushing my cancer to the back of my mind and often pretending I am well and free of disease. I am actually very good at it - to the point where I forget I have very short hair & I go to pull it over my ears to keep me warm!!!!!

    No one knows what is in store for us. You might remain symptom free for a long time yet, so will I. Tomorrow is another day and maybe you will push these thoughts to the back of your mind and find something to give you joy again.

    Much love Tina xx
  • pambakercity
    pambakercity Member Posts: 15
    #3
    I am at a lose for words
    I am at a lose for words over Linda and Meghan. I do have and had worse stomach pain.... do to all the fluid build up in my abdomen. I have had two treatments of avastin and taxol stuff and my belly pain is way down but still there. I am not near as bloated as I was, so its getting better. ca 5300 down to 4050 with first treatment.

    Lady jogger and Linda brings me to uncertainty and uneasiness. Makes me wonder how long I have and what is in store for the future.
    You will be missed fellow warriors......
  • beth1465
    beth1465 Member Posts: 63 Member
    #4
    I feel ya...
    This is one scary disease! It was really upsetting to hear that Linda passed, although I don't know her. It just makes you think, am I next? I honestly just try not to think about it and trust God to take care of things for me. That's the only way I get through. As for stomach pain, I really haven't had any. I guess I'm lucky. Once I had my surgery and the bloating was gone, I've been symptom free.

    Nancy, I do think of you often and you are in my prayers. Never give up!

    Beth
  • Hissy_Fitz
    Hissy_Fitz Member Posts: 1,834
    #5
    Yep...every headache is a
    Yep...every headache is a brain tumor, every bellyache is cancer. I developed pain in my stomach and a big old blob, a week before I was due for my monthly CA 125 and while my gyn/onc was out of town. I was absolutely terror-stricken. Turns out I have an incisional hernai and my CA 125 came back 4.8, so I guess that was another false alarm.

    Because we don't look sick, our families tend to forget we still have Cancer. All my family heard was "remission". Yay! Mom's cured! I hate bringing them back to reality.

    There is a lot to be said for living in the moment. I just haven't figured out how to do that yet.

    Carlene
  • Angelasmom2
    Angelasmom2 Member Posts: 146
    #6
    anxiety
    Nancy, my thoughts and prayers are with you. I am praying for you. Angela is still in intensive care. Physically everything is going great. She is having extreme anxiety and even fainted from it. She does not want to hear anything about cancer or treatment. Please pray for her. I am adding you to our many many prayer chains. Linda
  • Angelasmom2
    Angelasmom2 Member Posts: 146
    #7
    Hissy_Fitz said:

    Yep...every headache is a
    Yep...every headache is a brain tumor, every bellyache is cancer. I developed pain in my stomach and a big old blob, a week before I was due for my monthly CA 125 and while my gyn/onc was out of town. I was absolutely terror-stricken. Turns out I have an incisional hernai and my CA 125 came back 4.8, so I guess that was another false alarm.

    Because we don't look sick, our families tend to forget we still have Cancer. All my family heard was "remission". Yay! Mom's cured! I hate bringing them back to reality.

    There is a lot to be said for living in the moment. I just haven't figured out how to do that yet.

    Carlene

    Prayer
    My prayers go out to all of you. I am adding you all to the hundreds of churches i am in contact with. We have a mutitude of prayer worrier praying. I wake up every night praying for my daughter, angela, her mother-in-law, Mary and all of you. Linda
  • mopar
    mopar Member Posts: 1,972 Member
    #8
    YOU ARE NOT ALONE
    Yes, Nancy, we've all been there. I have been through this twice. And even though I am currently NED, I wait for every blood test, every CT scan, every doctor appointment as if the bomb could drop at any time. I am so sad about Linda. It's times like these that remind us of our own immortality. All the more, when it hits so close to home and our own situations.

    Continue your activity - it's the best thing for you! If you're doing something positive and constructive for yourself, there's no time to think of anything else. Those fears may try to creep in from time to time, but know that you can vent here anytime. It's hard sometimes to share these emotions with family. They have a tough time processing it, and sometimes it can be overwhelming. As many have said, often-times you don't 'look' sick, so people tend to forget. And maybe that's their way of coping.

    Find your way, what works for you. I'll be praying that you find some peace during this difficult time. And also that your PET/CT will show much positive progress. Please let us know. And I will be getting my CT this week and seeing my doctor next week. So maybe both of us will have good news to share. Lord knows we all need it.

    (((HUGS)))
    Monika
  • Unknown
    Unknown
    #9
    mopar said:

    YOU ARE NOT ALONE
    Yes, Nancy, we've all been there. I have been through this twice. And even though I am currently NED, I wait for every blood test, every CT scan, every doctor appointment as if the bomb could drop at any time. I am so sad about Linda. It's times like these that remind us of our own immortality. All the more, when it hits so close to home and our own situations.

    Continue your activity - it's the best thing for you! If you're doing something positive and constructive for yourself, there's no time to think of anything else. Those fears may try to creep in from time to time, but know that you can vent here anytime. It's hard sometimes to share these emotions with family. They have a tough time processing it, and sometimes it can be overwhelming. As many have said, often-times you don't 'look' sick, so people tend to forget. And maybe that's their way of coping.

    Find your way, what works for you. I'll be praying that you find some peace during this difficult time. And also that your PET/CT will show much positive progress. Please let us know. And I will be getting my CT this week and seeing my doctor next week. So maybe both of us will have good news to share. Lord knows we all need it.

    (((HUGS)))
    Monika

    This comment has been removed by the Moderator
  • kikiz
    kikiz Member Posts: 94
    #10
    unknown said:

    This comment has been removed by the Moderator

    I started coming on here
    I started coming on here about a month ago. Nancy, your posts have inspired me to face my cancer rather than hide from it. Wanted you to know that I am scared almost everyday but coming on this site has been the best thing I have done in a while. Hearing about the loss of people I have never met but suffered from the same disease I have is tough but at least I can come here and express myself. All you ladies that are so supportive of each other for so long is just what I needed.
    Kiki z
  • leesag
    leesag Member Posts: 621 Member
    #11
    High Anxiety
    Nancy,

    I had very long answer typed. But the short answer to your question, that covers everything is.....


    Yes.

    My prayers are with you daily,especially that this next PET/CT scan will show improvement not advancement.

    HUGS

    Leesa
  • lindaprocopio
    lindaprocopio Member Posts: 1,980 Member
    #12
    leesag said:

    High Anxiety
    Nancy,

    I had very long answer typed. But the short answer to your question, that covers everything is.....


    Yes.

    My prayers are with you daily,especially that this next PET/CT scan will show improvement not advancement.

    HUGS

    Leesa

    When I cried so hard at the news, I wondered if I cried for ME.
    I had chemo Monday and the steroids had me up all night, so some of my hard sobbing at the news may have been the exhaustion. And a LOT of it was that Linda Dorian was one of my favorite ladies here, always such a crack up; she made me think of the "Sassy, Classy, and a Little Bad-Assy" t-shirt my granddaughter got me that Dorian could have pulled off better than I do. I just loved her and looked forward to reading what outrageous and hysterical thing she'd post next.

    But in my heart of hearts, I know some of those tears I shed after I got Meghan's cryptic 3:30am message, were for myself. I hate to admit that. But that kind of news in the dark of night allows all the fears I push back down deep to well up to the surface, and bleed like a freshly picked scab. In the light of day, I can rearrange my psyche and work my way back to a better state of grace. But I join you in admitting the anxiety.

    ((((Meghan)))). We will now all put aside our temporary personal worries and focus on you, honey. Feel free to lay it down here and we'll all do our best to help you get through this sad time. You know that your Mom can see you always, for it wouldn't be heaven if she couldn't see you. She'll watch you from heaven as you grow into a young woman and one day into an old woman. Love never dies and you will feel her love everywhere always.
  • Linn1
    Linn1 Member Posts: 47
    #13
    scared too
    My CA keeps going up, I've just started a third form of chemo in 2.4 years and am really struggling. Feel very isolated. Family and friends (w/the exception of my son, partner and sister) are disappearing. I hate the way people look at me...with that fear of what to say. Or worse, when people feel the need to say, "hey, we could all die tomorrow - I could get hit by a bus!" If they were actually looking death in the face, I wonder if they could be so glib. Sorry for sounding so negative, just blue I guess. Pain and little progress are dampening my spirits. Wish I was symptom free, but am not. I can feel the one tumor and it hurts. The others are within the abdomen and liver so I can't touch them. Sooooooooooooo hoping Doxcil may help. Yes, every little pain makes me wonder if it is sprouting somewhere else. Losing people on this website is difficult.I'm trying to find a metastatic cancer support group in Chicago, but having a difficult time. Just looking to connect with others in person that understand. I was in a support group but everyone is in remission or healed so we are no longer on the same planet.
    THanks for listening.
  • azgrandma
    azgrandma Member Posts: 609 Member
    #14
    Linn1 said:

    scared too
    My CA keeps going up, I've just started a third form of chemo in 2.4 years and am really struggling. Feel very isolated. Family and friends (w/the exception of my son, partner and sister) are disappearing. I hate the way people look at me...with that fear of what to say. Or worse, when people feel the need to say, "hey, we could all die tomorrow - I could get hit by a bus!" If they were actually looking death in the face, I wonder if they could be so glib. Sorry for sounding so negative, just blue I guess. Pain and little progress are dampening my spirits. Wish I was symptom free, but am not. I can feel the one tumor and it hurts. The others are within the abdomen and liver so I can't touch them. Sooooooooooooo hoping Doxcil may help. Yes, every little pain makes me wonder if it is sprouting somewhere else. Losing people on this website is difficult.I'm trying to find a metastatic cancer support group in Chicago, but having a difficult time. Just looking to connect with others in person that understand. I was in a support group but everyone is in remission or healed so we are no longer on the same planet.
    THanks for listening.

    My heart aches for you
    My heart aches for you honey. I too get anxious, but then I start reading the bible and it helps so much. I will pray for you and have prayer warriors pray foryou also
  • Unknown
    Unknown
    #15
    Linn1 said:

    scared too
    My CA keeps going up, I've just started a third form of chemo in 2.4 years and am really struggling. Feel very isolated. Family and friends (w/the exception of my son, partner and sister) are disappearing. I hate the way people look at me...with that fear of what to say. Or worse, when people feel the need to say, "hey, we could all die tomorrow - I could get hit by a bus!" If they were actually looking death in the face, I wonder if they could be so glib. Sorry for sounding so negative, just blue I guess. Pain and little progress are dampening my spirits. Wish I was symptom free, but am not. I can feel the one tumor and it hurts. The others are within the abdomen and liver so I can't touch them. Sooooooooooooo hoping Doxcil may help. Yes, every little pain makes me wonder if it is sprouting somewhere else. Losing people on this website is difficult.I'm trying to find a metastatic cancer support group in Chicago, but having a difficult time. Just looking to connect with others in person that understand. I was in a support group but everyone is in remission or healed so we are no longer on the same planet.
    THanks for listening.

    This comment has been removed by the Moderator
  • leesag
    leesag Member Posts: 621 Member
    #16
    unknown said:

    This comment has been removed by the Moderator

    Gilda's club
    Not nearly nationwide enough. None in Maryland ;(
  • MK_4Dani
    MK_4Dani Member Posts: 314
    #17
    We all have a common thread.
    Nancy,
    I too am feeling very down about Linda's passing. Since I have been on this board, about one year, Linda is the first board friend to receive angel wings. It is a sobering reminder of seriousness of our cancer. You are not alone in your feelings and thoughts. I turn my prayer and thoughts for Meghan and for all of us....just for peace of mind, quiet of the mind...and rest..and the courage to continue our battle even though we are scared.
    Mary
  • Lisa13Q
    Lisa13Q Member Posts: 677
    #18
    Dear Nancy
    I completely understand your feelings of anxiety. In fact everyone's anxiety. Linda's wings is a sobering reminder of what might be or could be. I can assure you that us family members don't get to go along with our lives as our loved one has this disease. My life will never ever be the same. It hasn't since the day of my mother's diagnosis. I am certain your family cares deeply about you as well and live their own nightmare. I can't tell you what it's like to watch someone you love struggle and suffer with this disease, never really knowing what to say or what to do. I would gladly take the chemo for my mother it would help. I feel for Meghan right now and pray that her father and she have a great relationship. It's normal to be anxious. I wish I could take that anxiety away from you. I am so sorry you have to be experiencing this. Hang in there, tomorrow is a new day, which may bring new hope.
  • South Jersey
    South Jersey Member Posts: 89
    #19
    YES!
    Nancy,
    I totally understand your feelings. Although I have been cancer free since December, I think about it constantly. I have had some stomach pains and worry that the cancer has come back. My CA125 went from 13 to 15.3, but because it was a slight rise and is still negative, my oncologist is not concerned. What makes me crazy, is that she said as long as my CA125 does not continue to rise, and I do not have symptoms, she will not order a CT scan until December (one year since my last treatment). I can't stand the thought of going another five months without a scan. I am due for another CA125 at the end of August (every two months).
    Hang in there and please know that you are not alone on this journey...
    Take care,
    South Jersey
  • Linn1
    Linn1 Member Posts: 47
    #20
    unknown said:

    This comment has been removed by the Moderator

    Gilda's
    Yes, I'm aware of Gilda's, currently a member and have done some public speaking engagements for them on behalf of public awareness of ovarian cancer. Unfortunatley, the groups have dwindled down and now there is no ovarian cancer group or metastatic, just specific groups for other cancers. I meet my psychologist Thursday, she's from Northwestern and am hoping she might be able to give me some direction. I'll keep searching, need to find something.
    I used to live 4 blocks from Gilda's, yes - great restaurants around the River North area:)
    Lynn

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