Back to the crying thing - why?
Now it seems like the emotional part is hitting me hard again and I'm trying to figure out why. I'm on Arimidex - have been on it for just over 2 weeks now - do you think that could be part of this? I'm also scheduled to see my medical oncologist and my surgeon this month, so I'm getting questions together for those appts. It's been about 4 months since I've seen either of these doctors, and I think that is also getting to me - especially my surgeon - when I think about going back to see him, it just brings back memories of all the times I sat in that waiting room back in Feb - and all the emotions that hit me so hard while talking with him about my diagnoses, path reports, surgeries, etc. I tell myself that I need to look ahead, not back, but it seems hard to do. Maybe just getting past these appointments will help.
My son is getting married in about four weeks - and he just called yesterday and told me to pick out a song for him & me to dance to at the dance after the wedding. I have two songs that I'm going to choose from . . . the one I'd really like to go with makes me cry every time I listen to it - and I certainly don't want to end up crying when I'm dancing with him at his wedding! Maybe it's just today - maybe I'll be in a different frame of mind at the wedding. I want to be able to have a couple of drinks at the reception/dance, so I don't want to ask my onc for anti-depressants (or doesn't that matter?) (maybe the drinks will help – or maybe they’ll make me more emotional - I don’t know!!). And, how do you know if it's really "depression" that should be addressed, or just something you'll get through if you just give it some time? (I will plan to ask my onc about that, too.)
Am I going crazy? It's been just over 6 months since I was diagnosed - is it okay for me to still be feeling this way? Does anyone else feel this way at this time in their journey? What kind of things help you get past this, and focus on the future, not think so much about the past? I do know, that for me, it does help when I have my family around - they keep my mind on other things.
Thanks for listening! My prayers are with all of you as we're all going through this journey in our own way - yet together.
♥ Lynn ♥
Comments
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Not crazy, just overwhelmed
Any and all of these things are certainly enough to make anyone blue, Lynn!! You haven't been on the Arimidex very long. It has powerful emotional effect on many women, especially early on. It likely is a big factor in your emotions now. My understanding is that it can improve considerably with time. (I haven't started it yet -- someone with direct experience will respond, I hope.)
Seeing your doctors again --yes it dredges up the memories, emotions and fears! It's been ONLY 6 months since your diagnoses. Not very long at all. It's not only okay to feel the way you do, it's totally understandable and expected.
Son getting married -- another major life event. Major events -- bad OR good -- are stressful. I'm going to give you my opinion here -- go for the song that won't make you cry, which is just too much to worry about. Do NOT drink while taking anti-depressants! Dangerous. You don't want to get sick, out-of-control, or do anything that prevents you from keeping steady and in control physically and emotionally that day.
You know what helps -- you mention focusing on the future and being with loved ones. It seems to me that an anti-depressant would help you cut through the overwhelming emotions that are keeping you from comfortably being who you really are -- a strong survivor who can handle your full and exciting life. I am so glad you will talk to your onc soon. Best, best wishes, Lynn.0 -
It's absolutely OK...
to feel all that you feel.
Damn it, we try to hold it together for everybody don't we?
If ever I wanted to hug and comfort a cancer sister, Lynn...it's you!
...and I'm a slugger, not a hugger. See, you bring out the better in me!
Please be gracious with yourself.0 -
Check the side effects for Arimidex
Lynn, I'm so sorry you're going through this. For me, when I was on Arimidex, I was weepy. I'd also wake up in the morning already feeling desponent. I had other side effects so my doctor switched me.
I felt better once I stopped taking it. I can't say it's like that for everyone but for me, I couldn't tolerate that drug.
And of course, much of it is because this is one of the hardest things a person can endure. You're not going crazy.
What helps me, Much prayer and focus on God's promises, upbeat movies, walks, family and friends, Christian music and on occassion, a good cry!!
I'm praying for you Lynn. I hope you feel better real soon. Do talk to your doctor about Arimidex or research the side effects.
Blessings and warm hugs,
Sylvia0 -
Ditto on Sylvia's responsesea60 said:Check the side effects for Arimidex
Lynn, I'm so sorry you're going through this. For me, when I was on Arimidex, I was weepy. I'd also wake up in the morning already feeling desponent. I had other side effects so my doctor switched me.
I felt better once I stopped taking it. I can't say it's like that for everyone but for me, I couldn't tolerate that drug.
And of course, much of it is because this is one of the hardest things a person can endure. You're not going crazy.
What helps me, Much prayer and focus on God's promises, upbeat movies, walks, family and friends, Christian music and on occassion, a good cry!!
I'm praying for you Lynn. I hope you feel better real soon. Do talk to your doctor about Arimidex or research the side effects.
Blessings and warm hugs,
Sylvia
We all go through these same emotions on and off that you are now experiencing. Do all you can and leave the rest to God. You cannot worry about the things you cannot control but DO be proactive and perform the things that you CAN control. I am battling decisions about my care right now also. I do my own research, talk to my doctors and ask questions....then I pray and ask God to direct my steps and then I stop worrying about it and know that God is in control. Remember this....that our greatest need is not to know why or how but to KNOW THAT GOD IS IN CONTROL! Be blessed and let God be magnified!
Lorrie0 -
Lynn, the wedding song thingBalentine said:Ditto on Sylvia's response
We all go through these same emotions on and off that you are now experiencing. Do all you can and leave the rest to God. You cannot worry about the things you cannot control but DO be proactive and perform the things that you CAN control. I am battling decisions about my care right now also. I do my own research, talk to my doctors and ask questions....then I pray and ask God to direct my steps and then I stop worrying about it and know that God is in control. Remember this....that our greatest need is not to know why or how but to KNOW THAT GOD IS IN CONTROL! Be blessed and let God be magnified!
Lorrie
Lynn, the wedding song thing would've probably had you sobbing like a baby even without the other stuff going on. My son got married last year and I had to listen to the song on my 'puter oh, maybe 50-60 times before I could get through the whole thing with dry eyes.
Congrats on the son getting married; it will be a happy day.
Cindy0 -
songs . . .sea60 said:Check the side effects for Arimidex
Lynn, I'm so sorry you're going through this. For me, when I was on Arimidex, I was weepy. I'd also wake up in the morning already feeling desponent. I had other side effects so my doctor switched me.
I felt better once I stopped taking it. I can't say it's like that for everyone but for me, I couldn't tolerate that drug.
And of course, much of it is because this is one of the hardest things a person can endure. You're not going crazy.
What helps me, Much prayer and focus on God's promises, upbeat movies, walks, family and friends, Christian music and on occassion, a good cry!!
I'm praying for you Lynn. I hope you feel better real soon. Do talk to your doctor about Arimidex or research the side effects.
Blessings and warm hugs,
Sylvia
Sylvia,
Just wanted to say thanks for posting the song, "I Know", on a different thread . . . I did just what you suggested - closed my eyes and just listened to that . . . wonderful song!!
♥ Lynn ♥0 -
thanks everyone . . .
for your replies and encouragement . . . I knew I could bounce all these feelings off those of you who, in fact, are walking in these same shoes. One thing I'm going to do is get my Christian music CD's together and bring them to work to listen to - I am always encouraged by that music. One thing that was hard for me to do when I was at home and dealing with the surgeries and waiting for path & other test results - was to really figure out HOW I could hand all of this over to God - I'm not sure I was ever successful at that until things started to calm down. But, I'm reminded of a song by Natalie Grant - "Held" - kind of talks about something different, but says that, when everything falls apart in our lives, He holds us - thank heavens!!
I did talk to my son today - we're going with the song that, so far, is the one that seems to make me cry each time I hear it. But - chicken that I am - I figured that I would try to come to terms with that instead of confessing to him that I feel like I'm a basket case right now. I think if I do as you've suggested, Cindy, (listen to it over & over again before the wedding), I should hopefully be able to make it through without tears. I figure that's do-able!
And I figure maybe I can focus on something I can laugh at - like . . . since I have to wear a compression sleeve on my right arm now, will I have one white arm and one tan arm at the wedding? There are, thank heavens, things that do bring laughter and smiles into my life! When one of my radiation oncs asked me how I was doing emotionally (in March), I told him, "I cry, and I laugh, and I cry, and I laugh". I think if I can keep positive thoughts, it will help a lot to get me through all of this.
I'm so glad I found this site . . . you are just the support that I need right now! Thanks so much!
♥ Lynn ♥0 -
been away from this siteMNLynn said:thanks everyone . . .
for your replies and encouragement . . . I knew I could bounce all these feelings off those of you who, in fact, are walking in these same shoes. One thing I'm going to do is get my Christian music CD's together and bring them to work to listen to - I am always encouraged by that music. One thing that was hard for me to do when I was at home and dealing with the surgeries and waiting for path & other test results - was to really figure out HOW I could hand all of this over to God - I'm not sure I was ever successful at that until things started to calm down. But, I'm reminded of a song by Natalie Grant - "Held" - kind of talks about something different, but says that, when everything falls apart in our lives, He holds us - thank heavens!!
I did talk to my son today - we're going with the song that, so far, is the one that seems to make me cry each time I hear it. But - chicken that I am - I figured that I would try to come to terms with that instead of confessing to him that I feel like I'm a basket case right now. I think if I do as you've suggested, Cindy, (listen to it over & over again before the wedding), I should hopefully be able to make it through without tears. I figure that's do-able!
And I figure maybe I can focus on something I can laugh at - like . . . since I have to wear a compression sleeve on my right arm now, will I have one white arm and one tan arm at the wedding? There are, thank heavens, things that do bring laughter and smiles into my life! When one of my radiation oncs asked me how I was doing emotionally (in March), I told him, "I cry, and I laugh, and I cry, and I laugh". I think if I can keep positive thoughts, it will help a lot to get me through all of this.
I'm so glad I found this site . . . you are just the support that I need right now! Thanks so much!
♥ Lynn ♥
I was diagnosed in April and right away I looked for support groups and such but now after 3 months, surgery and now waiting to find out if I will get Chemo along with my Radiation.
I haven't cried much at all since April and I think that it will all blow up soon enough but I wondered if that was how it was for you Lynn. Maybe we hold it all back until the journey is nearly over but then again is it ever really over.
The thing I am trying to understand is why it is so hard to get through this disease and why so many emotions, today I am so angry, angry at everyone around me who it healthy, I know it's selfish to think that, sad for my loss of health and control that seems to be gone, and depression, not even sure why, my life is great otherwise but I just can't get past the saddness.
Sorry, Lynn, didn't mean to make this about me, I truly am grateful for this message board so we can share our stories and maybe help each other by just listening.
Ro0 -
Lynn Congratulationsroseyposey333 said:been away from this site
I was diagnosed in April and right away I looked for support groups and such but now after 3 months, surgery and now waiting to find out if I will get Chemo along with my Radiation.
I haven't cried much at all since April and I think that it will all blow up soon enough but I wondered if that was how it was for you Lynn. Maybe we hold it all back until the journey is nearly over but then again is it ever really over.
The thing I am trying to understand is why it is so hard to get through this disease and why so many emotions, today I am so angry, angry at everyone around me who it healthy, I know it's selfish to think that, sad for my loss of health and control that seems to be gone, and depression, not even sure why, my life is great otherwise but I just can't get past the saddness.
Sorry, Lynn, didn't mean to make this about me, I truly am grateful for this message board so we can share our stories and maybe help each other by just listening.
Ro
you have received such wonderful news- your son is getting married and you can attend his wedding! I agree you do not want to cry at reception. So pick a different song, or ask your son to help you.
Lack of estrogen from Arimidex can cause your emotional problems. Talk to your oncologist and ask specific questions.
Sorry that you have a such bad memories about your surgery and associations with your surgeon. Think about him as being your friend who save your life and who will help you to be healthy and alert.
Wishing you the best,
New Flower0 -
Ro - waiting to find out about chemo?roseyposey333 said:been away from this site
I was diagnosed in April and right away I looked for support groups and such but now after 3 months, surgery and now waiting to find out if I will get Chemo along with my Radiation.
I haven't cried much at all since April and I think that it will all blow up soon enough but I wondered if that was how it was for you Lynn. Maybe we hold it all back until the journey is nearly over but then again is it ever really over.
The thing I am trying to understand is why it is so hard to get through this disease and why so many emotions, today I am so angry, angry at everyone around me who it healthy, I know it's selfish to think that, sad for my loss of health and control that seems to be gone, and depression, not even sure why, my life is great otherwise but I just can't get past the saddness.
Sorry, Lynn, didn't mean to make this about me, I truly am grateful for this message board so we can share our stories and maybe help each other by just listening.
Ro
Are you waiting for test results to find out about chemo?
I remember thinking, while I was home after surgeries, that my world had just turned black & white - I felt like there would never be color in my world again. I wasn't excited about going back to work, but, for me, I'm sure that's one of the things that helped me get through those first months. That's why I really don't understand why it seems like I'm going backwards . . . but, maybe it's just part of the process for me . . . and maybe the Arimidex is not helping with that part of my life . . . I don't know.
Please keep posting and let us know how things go for you . . . what treatments you end up having, etc.
With thanks, thoughts & prayers,
♥ Lynn ♥0 -
I am so tiredIt's absolutely OK...
to feel all that you feel.
Damn it, we try to hold it together for everybody don't we?
If ever I wanted to hug and comfort a cancer sister, Lynn...it's you!
...and I'm a slugger, not a hugger. See, you bring out the better in me!
Please be gracious with yourself.
I am just getting started, and I feel so defeated...0 -
I'm with you
Lynn,
It has been a year since my diagnosis and I am a basket case. I tear up at the drop of a hat and for no apparent reason. There are things that are going on in my life that I think may be the underlying cause: stress from my job and the fact that my son moved out and is in the Army now have caused some emotions.
You are not going crazy. Talk to your doctor and if you are on anti-depressants PLEASE be careful about drinking - mixing medication with alcohol can be very dangerous. I wouldn't worry too much about crying during the song you like for your mother/son dance - your baby is getting married. Anyone with kids will understand if you cry during the dance. I say go for it and pick the song you like best. Planning a wedding will keep you busy and may keep your mind off your bc.
Take care.0 -
MN Lynn .. We are all entitled to cry, feel sorry forWolfi said:I'm with you
Lynn,
It has been a year since my diagnosis and I am a basket case. I tear up at the drop of a hat and for no apparent reason. There are things that are going on in my life that I think may be the underlying cause: stress from my job and the fact that my son moved out and is in the Army now have caused some emotions.
You are not going crazy. Talk to your doctor and if you are on anti-depressants PLEASE be careful about drinking - mixing medication with alcohol can be very dangerous. I wouldn't worry too much about crying during the song you like for your mother/son dance - your baby is getting married. Anyone with kids will understand if you cry during the dance. I say go for it and pick the song you like best. Planning a wedding will keep you busy and may keep your mind off your bc.
Take care.
ourself's and hate life in general. The word Cancer can make any grown women, cry. I would caution the mixing of alcohol and drugs.. Please speak to your Onc or general doctor about getting you on another anti- dep - before your son's wedding .. if that is not an option .. please take 5 mins for yourself daily .. and write down all the wonderful things life has shown or given to you.
Keep your listing posted on your bathroom mirrow, or in your car.
Vicki Sam0 -
thanks
Thanks for the encouragement, understanding and suggestions.
I promise that I will NOT be having any drinks at the wedding if I do end up on an anti-depressant before that. I will occassionally have a wine cooler (in the summer especially) or a margarita if we go to a mexican restaurant, but it makes no difference to me if I have that or not - that has never been anything that I need to enjoy life.
And . . . I am probably one of those moms who would cry at my son's wedding even without all that has been going on this year . . . so even if that happens, it will probably just look "normal" for me . . .
As for returning for follow-up appts . . . I absolutely love my surgeon (you know what I mean) he was such a wonderful support for me for almost 2 months straight - so caring & understanding . . . what I want to tell him when I see him later this month is . . . "I love coming back here to see you, but I hate all the memories that this place brings with it".
I know that all of us here have so many things that we are trying to deal with - I mean, our lives were full before all of this bc stuff happened - and we probably all had wonderful things along with stressful things - happening . . . work, kids, parents, other family, finances, just all of the things that life brings. And, like you've mentioned, even the good events in our lives bring us some kind of stress. Then we have our worlds turned upside down with bc . . . I am just so glad that I can come here - this is my "safe place" where we share the things that concern us - where we celebrate good news and comfort one another when we're feeling the weight of all of this.
Like I said earlier, even though I want to hand this over to God and rest in His promises, sometimes I can't even comprehend how to make that happen. It's like my mind won't even slow down enough to let me pray . . . but, even then, I know He hears me!
Think I'll get my notepad out now and get some questions written down for my med onc - have that appt on Thursday - and you have given me some new things to write down and ask about. Oh, yeah - and I think I'll get my "things I'm thankful for" list started too . . .
Again, with thanks, thoughts & prayers
♥ Lynn ♥0
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