End of life????

lilli1020
lilli1020 Member Posts: 114
edited March 2014 in Caregivers #1
Because of the condition of my husband, there are some days that I feel like I go could in our room and he will be gone. When he is soooo sick with pain, fatigue and confusion it feels like he just may die right then and there. Does any1 know....is there something to look for when some1 is about to die? I have heard that pts fall into comas sometimes...I just don't know and I am terribly scared he will pass and I won't be with him...Please help!

Comments

  • Barbara53
    Barbara53 Member Posts: 652
    #2
    try this
    Oh, dear! Here is a link to the Hospice summary of what is called "actively dying." Hope it proves to be useful information.

    http://www.hospicepatients.org/hospic60.html

    Hospice agencies work 7 days a week, you know. You can call anytime and they can start helping right away. We only got a few days of help with my father because he went down so fast at the end, but I don't know what we would have done without them.
  • Love4Cora
    Love4Cora Member Posts: 7
    #3
    Barbara53 said:

    try this
    Oh, dear! Here is a link to the Hospice summary of what is called "actively dying." Hope it proves to be useful information.

    http://www.hospicepatients.org/hospic60.html

    Hospice agencies work 7 days a week, you know. You can call anytime and they can start helping right away. We only got a few days of help with my father because he went down so fast at the end, but I don't know what we would have done without them.

    I know what you are going through
    I know what you are going through. My mom passed away last February 26, 2010. She was in hospice for less than a month. She battled cervical cancer for 2 years. But her health declined pretty fast in December 2009. I had the same moments when my mom was in so much pain and I was helpless. The pain meds barely worked. She was on liquid morphine, ativan, morphine pills etc. I had moments too when I walked in the room and I thought she passed.

    Barbara53 is right you should go the link above. There was a book called the "Dying Experience" that hospice provided me. I didn't wanna read it at first but when my mom slipped into a coma, I read it. I wish I had earlier so I would've realized what was going on.

    Check this link too

    http://dying.about.com/od/thedyingprocess/a/process.htm

    All I can say is, stay strong....I kissed my mom a million times and told her how much I loved her.
  • lilli1020
    lilli1020 Member Posts: 114
    #4
    Barbara53 said:

    try this
    Oh, dear! Here is a link to the Hospice summary of what is called "actively dying." Hope it proves to be useful information.

    http://www.hospicepatients.org/hospic60.html

    Hospice agencies work 7 days a week, you know. You can call anytime and they can start helping right away. We only got a few days of help with my father because he went down so fast at the end, but I don't know what we would have done without them.

    Thank-you very much. This
    Thank-you very much. This site was very helpful and I think it is probably time to give hospice a call...trouble is, I am afraid he will give up, believing hospice is just for the dying...he can be stubborn even though I have explained it to him, aside from what the meds do to his thinking process.

    Take care, Gayle
  • lilli1020
    lilli1020 Member Posts: 114
    #5
    Love4Cora said:

    I know what you are going through
    I know what you are going through. My mom passed away last February 26, 2010. She was in hospice for less than a month. She battled cervical cancer for 2 years. But her health declined pretty fast in December 2009. I had the same moments when my mom was in so much pain and I was helpless. The pain meds barely worked. She was on liquid morphine, ativan, morphine pills etc. I had moments too when I walked in the room and I thought she passed.

    Barbara53 is right you should go the link above. There was a book called the "Dying Experience" that hospice provided me. I didn't wanna read it at first but when my mom slipped into a coma, I read it. I wish I had earlier so I would've realized what was going on.

    Check this link too

    http://dying.about.com/od/thedyingprocess/a/process.htm

    All I can say is, stay strong....I kissed my mom a million times and told her how much I loved her.

    If you don't mind me asking,
    If you don't mind me asking, how long was your Mom in a coma? Thank you for your comment too!

    Take care, GAyle
  • bingles
    bingles Member Posts: 120 Member
    #6
    lilli1020 said:

    Thank-you very much. This
    Thank-you very much. This site was very helpful and I think it is probably time to give hospice a call...trouble is, I am afraid he will give up, believing hospice is just for the dying...he can be stubborn even though I have explained it to him, aside from what the meds do to his thinking process.

    Take care, Gayle

    I was were you are...
    Hi Lilli,
    I was were you are....difference being that before my husband got to the point where your husband is...I could see the writing on the wall and I had the hospice talk with him and he agreed to it.
    Hospice is not so much about the dieing as it is about quality of life..which includes comfort...they are the masters of providing comfort.
    While the meds did alter his personality some....narcotics cause alot of changes in a person...but he was pain free for the last six weeks of his life...he remained functional and alert...he was just sort of "high" for lack of a better term...which bothered me at first...but I put my feelings aside and focused on him and his needs....the pain I was feeling was mind blowing and purely in my heart....his pain was real and severe..he had Metastatic Lung Cancer which had spread to his spine...the pain was unbearable...but Hospice controlled the pain..actually eliminated it totally.
    The freedom from pain allowed him to enjoy his days...he died 6 wks following diagnosis...and he was home and comfortable for the entire six weeks....he passed in his own bed in total comfort..that was priceless for me.
    When we got him free of pain...we were able to focus on dealing with the inevitable events and it was so helpful.
    I don't know the specifics of your husbands illness..talk with his doctors and see what they say..if they agree that Hospice is warranted...than do make the call...its heartbreaking for sure....I know that all too well....my heart breaks for you.
    Pat
  • Tina Blondek
    Tina Blondek Member Posts: 1,500 Member
    #7
    lilli1020 said:

    Thank-you very much. This
    Thank-you very much. This site was very helpful and I think it is probably time to give hospice a call...trouble is, I am afraid he will give up, believing hospice is just for the dying...he can be stubborn even though I have explained it to him, aside from what the meds do to his thinking process.

    Take care, Gayle

    Hi Gayle and welcome. I
    Hi Gayle and welcome. I agree with the others, it is definitely time to call hospice. They will help both of you understand what is about to happen and how to deal with it. Hospice will prepare you for his death. Hospice makes it make sense. They make it more acceptable. I just went through this with my dad. We were on our way to calling hospice, and he passed away in March. May God's peace be with both of you at this difficult time. Please keep in touch, we will always be here for you.
    Tina

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