Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr
Comments
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Thank you for this, Megan
As you can see by the number of posts--we all needed this. It's pretty much how we all feel at one time or another. After reading all the posts, I feel as if I've just been to a therapy session. Thank you my pink sisters. There are so many times when well-meaning friends make a senseless (to me) comment and I just want to smack them. I want to say, "I'm going through @%$# here, and no, it's not almost over--it'll never be over--so don't minimize my crappy situation!" Like most of you other ladies, I'm upbeat, positive, hopeful and prayerful, but there will be bad days--we're all human.
I have a "support group" here that meets once a month, but I get FAR more comfort and support right here. Thank you all!
Many hugs to each one of you, Renee0 -
You are welcome!2Floridiansisters said:Hi Megan
Thanks for bumping this thread up, I just got on the computer so I'm going to read this now, I appreciate your doing so. Looks like I am not the only one who feels as I do.
Love Ronda
No Ronda you aren't! Glad you liked this thread and I hope it helped.
Hugs, Megan0 -
This was always a greatWolfi said:The new normal
Megan,
I know how you feel. A lot of my co-workers don't know about my bc. All they know is that I was gone on medical leave and now I'm back - I didn't tell them why.
One thing that I like to do is sit in meetings and think about how certain people would react if they knew all the stuff I'd gone through in the past ten months. Would they cry, get grossed out, run out of the room screaming, sit and stare at me with their mouth open? I also wonder how many people I meet on the street have had surgeries or other cancer treatments that people don't know about. With all the different types of cancer and other diseases there may be MANY people we see every day that have gone through similar things.
Even though I don't let it bother me most of the time, I think about my bc every day because every day I wake up and get dressed. I am still developing the new me and I think I will be a work in progress for a while. There are days when I cry because I think about how things were before, but then I think about all the wonderful people (including all of you) that I've met only because of my bc. The doctors, nurses, radiation technicians, and other survivors would not have come into my life if I had never gotten cancer.
Your friend will have to deal with the fact she will never get the old you back. She'll just have to get to know the new you and her life will be better for it.
Take care.
Wolfi
This was always a great post. Glad to see it again!
Leeza0 -
2 lives
I read from the many books and articles on breast cancer (and it might have been reiterated here) something so true.
You have 2 lives, one before breast cancer and one after. I might not have worded it exactly but, you get the picture.
Who can be the same after this? As was mentioned, only God knows and all of us who are living through it.
Pray your doing well,
Syl0 -
Thank you Renee for such amissrenee said:Thank you for this, Megan
As you can see by the number of posts--we all needed this. It's pretty much how we all feel at one time or another. After reading all the posts, I feel as if I've just been to a therapy session. Thank you my pink sisters. There are so many times when well-meaning friends make a senseless (to me) comment and I just want to smack them. I want to say, "I'm going through @%$# here, and no, it's not almost over--it'll never be over--so don't minimize my crappy situation!" Like most of you other ladies, I'm upbeat, positive, hopeful and prayerful, but there will be bad days--we're all human.
I have a "support group" here that meets once a month, but I get FAR more comfort and support right here. Thank you all!
Many hugs to each one of you, Renee
Thank you Renee for such a great post too! I love where you said it was like a therapy session! How true!0 -
I thought this post mightLovingLife55 said:Had to Join In
I just happened upon this from an email and when I read your notes, I knew I had to join in. I am now almost three years out from my original surgery date and I have not really ever talked about this part of the cancer journey with anyone other than my husband. My husband was an incredible caregiver during my treatment, but has brought up several times how I have changed since breast cancer.
One day I finally was able to put into words for him what I was feeling and was so glad to see that many of you feel the same. It was something like this: I think all the time about insect bites, cuts, scrapes or the occasional friend that likes to smack your arm when they say hello. I am a horrible passenger in a car because I don't want the airbag to pop this foreign thing in my chest and the seatbelt, when I am driving, sometimes hurts. I still don't want to watch movies that have death and killing in them. I would love to use my hot tub again and fly without a sleeve on my arm reminding me that I am missing a breast. I don't want to think about that next mammogram. I would love to eat again without a thought in the back of my head that that food gave me cancer.
I totally understand where you are coming. I don't walk around depressed or negative, but I am changed.
I also wanted to share that about three months ago was the first time, since treatment, that I started to feel more clear headed. I was in a study and had 23 weeks of chemo and 6 and a half weeks of radiation. I always felt in a cloud, even after treatment, however now I have actually felt better and seemed more energetic. I have lost weight due to a healthier diet and am embracing the new me.
Megan, Hang in there because you will hit the day that you don't feel so lost.
I thought this post might help some of the newbies that are going through this very thing, and, if not, I hope they can take something good out of all of these wonderful sisters in pink comments and wise words!
Hugs, Megan0 -
I thought this post mightLovingLife55 said:Had to Join In
I just happened upon this from an email and when I read your notes, I knew I had to join in. I am now almost three years out from my original surgery date and I have not really ever talked about this part of the cancer journey with anyone other than my husband. My husband was an incredible caregiver during my treatment, but has brought up several times how I have changed since breast cancer.
One day I finally was able to put into words for him what I was feeling and was so glad to see that many of you feel the same. It was something like this: I think all the time about insect bites, cuts, scrapes or the occasional friend that likes to smack your arm when they say hello. I am a horrible passenger in a car because I don't want the airbag to pop this foreign thing in my chest and the seatbelt, when I am driving, sometimes hurts. I still don't want to watch movies that have death and killing in them. I would love to use my hot tub again and fly without a sleeve on my arm reminding me that I am missing a breast. I don't want to think about that next mammogram. I would love to eat again without a thought in the back of my head that that food gave me cancer.
I totally understand where you are coming. I don't walk around depressed or negative, but I am changed.
I also wanted to share that about three months ago was the first time, since treatment, that I started to feel more clear headed. I was in a study and had 23 weeks of chemo and 6 and a half weeks of radiation. I always felt in a cloud, even after treatment, however now I have actually felt better and seemed more energetic. I have lost weight due to a healthier diet and am embracing the new me.
Megan, Hang in there because you will hit the day that you don't feel so lost.
I thought this post might help some of the newbies that are going through this very thing, and, if not, I hope they can take something good out of all of these wonderful sisters in pink comments and wise words!
Hugs, Megan0 -
I thought this post mightLovingLife55 said:Had to Join In
I just happened upon this from an email and when I read your notes, I knew I had to join in. I am now almost three years out from my original surgery date and I have not really ever talked about this part of the cancer journey with anyone other than my husband. My husband was an incredible caregiver during my treatment, but has brought up several times how I have changed since breast cancer.
One day I finally was able to put into words for him what I was feeling and was so glad to see that many of you feel the same. It was something like this: I think all the time about insect bites, cuts, scrapes or the occasional friend that likes to smack your arm when they say hello. I am a horrible passenger in a car because I don't want the airbag to pop this foreign thing in my chest and the seatbelt, when I am driving, sometimes hurts. I still don't want to watch movies that have death and killing in them. I would love to use my hot tub again and fly without a sleeve on my arm reminding me that I am missing a breast. I don't want to think about that next mammogram. I would love to eat again without a thought in the back of my head that that food gave me cancer.
I totally understand where you are coming. I don't walk around depressed or negative, but I am changed.
I also wanted to share that about three months ago was the first time, since treatment, that I started to feel more clear headed. I was in a study and had 23 weeks of chemo and 6 and a half weeks of radiation. I always felt in a cloud, even after treatment, however now I have actually felt better and seemed more energetic. I have lost weight due to a healthier diet and am embracing the new me.
Megan, Hang in there because you will hit the day that you don't feel so lost.
I thought this post might help some of the newbies that are going through this very thing, and, if not, I hope they can take something good out of all of these wonderful sisters in pink comments and wise words!
Hugs, Megan0 -
I thought this post mightLovingLife55 said:Had to Join In
I just happened upon this from an email and when I read your notes, I knew I had to join in. I am now almost three years out from my original surgery date and I have not really ever talked about this part of the cancer journey with anyone other than my husband. My husband was an incredible caregiver during my treatment, but has brought up several times how I have changed since breast cancer.
One day I finally was able to put into words for him what I was feeling and was so glad to see that many of you feel the same. It was something like this: I think all the time about insect bites, cuts, scrapes or the occasional friend that likes to smack your arm when they say hello. I am a horrible passenger in a car because I don't want the airbag to pop this foreign thing in my chest and the seatbelt, when I am driving, sometimes hurts. I still don't want to watch movies that have death and killing in them. I would love to use my hot tub again and fly without a sleeve on my arm reminding me that I am missing a breast. I don't want to think about that next mammogram. I would love to eat again without a thought in the back of my head that that food gave me cancer.
I totally understand where you are coming. I don't walk around depressed or negative, but I am changed.
I also wanted to share that about three months ago was the first time, since treatment, that I started to feel more clear headed. I was in a study and had 23 weeks of chemo and 6 and a half weeks of radiation. I always felt in a cloud, even after treatment, however now I have actually felt better and seemed more energetic. I have lost weight due to a healthier diet and am embracing the new me.
Megan, Hang in there because you will hit the day that you don't feel so lost.
I thought this post might help some of the newbies that are going through this very thing, and, if not, I hope they can take something good out of all of these wonderful sisters in pink comments and wise words!
Hugs, Megan0 -
I always loved this postMyTurnNow said:I don't believe that we'll
I don't believe that we'll ever be our "old self" again and until you walk in our shoes I don't think you can understand that either. I can say that I've had my mortality brought before my eyes and I just don't look at life the same way anymore. I certainly don't take it for granted and try to live each day to the fullest. I try not to put off until tomorrow anything that I can do today...tomorrow is not a given, anymore. So, yes, things are different but not necessarily in a bad way. Life is precious and I intend to live it that way!!
I always loved this post Megan. I think we all can relate to it! Thank you!
Lex0 -
I Hear Ya Too!
It's totally OK to have a bad day. Or in the case of dealing with BC several bad days!
Just know that there will come a time that you won't be all consumed with BC. That the scare of recurrence will lesson over time. You just have to give yourself a little time.
As far as your girlfriend is concerned, try to cut her some slack. The poor girls know NOTHING of what you've experienced. I'm sure she means well, but unless you've traveled our road, you can't possibly ever understand. When people say things like that, I just say to
myself "poor thing, you just don't understand. It's ok. I'll give you some grace" and then I just move forward.
It's easy to slip into the "why me" mode, and it's OK for a while. But you can't live in it! It's just not productive or helpful in anyway. When I use to go there I'd just try to stop and readjust my thinking. I'd tell myself "why not me?". For whatever reason, it happened and I can chose to learn from it and move on, or dwell in the misery of it all. I don't know...I use to talk to myself a lot! LOL.
You will work through it. It just takes time. And KNOW that there will be a day where life will not always be about having BC!!
Blessings,
Sally
P.S.- A very wise friend once told me "it's OK to go visit the past. But it's NOT OK to live there"! Boy...is that ever true. I've always remember that when I start to "live" in the past and it's helped me so much! 0 -
Thank you Sally for yoursal314 said:I Hear Ya Too!
It's totally OK to have a bad day. Or in the case of dealing with BC several bad days!
Just know that there will come a time that you won't be all consumed with BC. That the scare of recurrence will lesson over time. You just have to give yourself a little time.
As far as your girlfriend is concerned, try to cut her some slack. The poor girls know NOTHING of what you've experienced. I'm sure she means well, but unless you've traveled our road, you can't possibly ever understand. When people say things like that, I just say to
myself "poor thing, you just don't understand. It's ok. I'll give you some grace" and then I just move forward.
It's easy to slip into the "why me" mode, and it's OK for a while. But you can't live in it! It's just not productive or helpful in anyway. When I use to go there I'd just try to stop and readjust my thinking. I'd tell myself "why not me?". For whatever reason, it happened and I can chose to learn from it and move on, or dwell in the misery of it all. I don't know...I use to talk to myself a lot! LOL.
You will work through it. It just takes time. And KNOW that there will be a day where life will not always be about having BC!!
Blessings,
Sally
P.S.- A very wise friend once told me "it's OK to go visit the past. But it's NOT OK to live there"! Boy...is that ever true. I've always remember that when I start to "live" in the past and it's helped me so much!
Thank you Sally for your words of wisdom! I loved what you wrote and I will certainly use what you say.
I love what your friend told you!
Thank you so very much!
Hugs, Megan0 -
I really miss you Lorrie andBalentine said:God is my strength and my hope
I am overwhelmed by this one post how many have flocked here and this one post of Grrrrrrrrrrrr! is why we are all here......for comfort, strength, support and most of all UNDERSTANDING....no one and I mean no one who has not walked this road with us can fathom in their minds or hearts what this feels like....no one but God. He understands us and it altogether and is aquainted with all of our infirmities. It seems like most days now all I can do is go from my bible to this network and then back to my bible because my heart and mind and my health need a constant source of replenishing healing flow. That flow can only come from the sources of strength that only begin with having the experience themselves or someone who is omnipotent...all knowing which is God. Remember that God's word says that even the hairs on our head are numbered...He knows every single hair that everyone of us has lost and knows our deepest sorrows throughout our journeys. He has promised to carry us through this and bring us to a stronger place in our lives...a place where we can help the next victim of this horrible disease. So here we are....her for one another and I thank God for every one of you. May God bless each of you with His peace...a peace that passes all understanding. Speaking of source of replenishing healing flow...I extend to you the scripture from Revelations 21:6...I will give of the fountain of the water of life freely to him who thirsts. He who overcomes shall inherit all things and I will be his God and he shall be My son.
Love and hugs,
Lorrie Balentine
I really miss you Lorrie and your scriptures! Praying that you are doing well.
Hugs,Megan0 -
I really miss you Lorrie andBalentine said:God is my strength and my hope
I am overwhelmed by this one post how many have flocked here and this one post of Grrrrrrrrrrrr! is why we are all here......for comfort, strength, support and most of all UNDERSTANDING....no one and I mean no one who has not walked this road with us can fathom in their minds or hearts what this feels like....no one but God. He understands us and it altogether and is aquainted with all of our infirmities. It seems like most days now all I can do is go from my bible to this network and then back to my bible because my heart and mind and my health need a constant source of replenishing healing flow. That flow can only come from the sources of strength that only begin with having the experience themselves or someone who is omnipotent...all knowing which is God. Remember that God's word says that even the hairs on our head are numbered...He knows every single hair that everyone of us has lost and knows our deepest sorrows throughout our journeys. He has promised to carry us through this and bring us to a stronger place in our lives...a place where we can help the next victim of this horrible disease. So here we are....her for one another and I thank God for every one of you. May God bless each of you with His peace...a peace that passes all understanding. Speaking of source of replenishing healing flow...I extend to you the scripture from Revelations 21:6...I will give of the fountain of the water of life freely to him who thirsts. He who overcomes shall inherit all things and I will be his God and he shall be My son.
Love and hugs,
Lorrie Balentine
I really miss you Lorrie and your scriptures! Praying that you are doing well.
Hugs,Megan0 -
yes Sally that is a greatMegan M said:Thank you Sally for your
Thank you Sally for your words of wisdom! I loved what you wrote and I will certainly use what you say.
I love what your friend told you!
Thank you so very much!
Hugs, Megan
yes Sally that is a great thought to keep in my head! thanks!0 -
Love what you wrote tooMegan M said:Thank you Sally for your
Thank you Sally for your words of wisdom! I loved what you wrote and I will certainly use what you say.
I love what your friend told you!
Thank you so very much!
Hugs, Megan
Love what you wrote too Sally! I will remember that always!0 -
Since there seem to be a lotAngie2U said:Love what you wrote too
Love what you wrote too Sally! I will remember that always!
Since there seem to be a lot of newbies on here, and, some have expressed exactly what this original post was about, I thought it would be great for them to read it too and to add any comments they might have.
All of you pink sisters really helped me in dealing with my girlfriends.
Love you all,
Megan0 -
I know there are a lot ofJillyB said:Grrrrrrr
Megan,
I personally think ppl saying things like that is more for them. They don't or most likely didn't really know what to say while you were going thru treatment and now that it is over, it is for them too. It's kind of like, maybe they can relax more, and not have to worry so much about you. Make any sense? My advice would be to choose those closest to you who you really care about, and care about you, and if They are saying these things, sit them down and really talk to them about what you are still going through. Have like a heart to heart....hope that helped at all...
jilly
I know there are a lot of new grrrrrrrrrrr's out there that might like this thread.
I know it taught me something. Like how to stand up and tell people exactly how I feel.0 -
my mom is an excellent
my mom is an excellent Certified Nursing Assistant, very caring, very understanding with her elderly patients. her best friend and i got cancer at the same time. she was talking to me about her friend, commenting that shes not the same person,doesnt talk like she used to (not physically, but what she says.) i dont think if you have had cancer and cant emphathize with it, its very difficult to relate. i had to explain to my mom that she might not be the same person, cancer i think changes some people. she didnt realize how tired and fatigued her friends radiation can make her. the stress of having cancer, etc. she started to understand a little but dont think she quite gets it but at least she tried. my boyfriends mom was great. after my lumpectomy i went to visit. she said she was sorry for not calling but didnt know what to say. i thought, wow, i like that response. i am a litle more bold and would have simply as i could and politely explained a little that cancer changes you. not sure how much i am changed yet, except for having a deeper distrust of people in the medical field and sick of dr. appts. my case is a little different, i have had numerous incompetent, unprofessional medical personnel, but i am pretty happy with what i have now.0 -
Thanks for bumping this up!
This is SO timely for me; I'm 4 months post-treatment and some days I'm still finding my way--and that frustrates and surprises me. As someone who was already comfortable and confident in who she was, getting breast cancer was a bit of a wrench in that department. I just had a convo this week that gave me a lot of insight...a friend who has been in recovery for 20+ years said "Sometimes you just need to be in a room of other people who totally get it--without explanation." He then suggested that although I feel that I have insight via this board that I find a support group that's a good fit for me and see what it's like to literally walk in to a room full of folks who understand. I know we don't all have that option and that's where these boards are incredibly helpful, but I'm going to give it a shot.
No matter how close and wonderful our family and friends may be, they just can't fully understand--and WE have to recognize that.
Thank you all for sharing--it really does help!
Curlz0
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