A daughter looking for helps

abrub said:

If the doctors agree that
If the doctors agree that treatment is probably futile, then I would recommend doing everything to ensure that your mom is comfortable, and not pursuing chemo or radiation.

Having been through some horrendous treatments, I've learned that there are fates worse than death. Yes, I'm doing very well now, but if there hadn't been a great likelihood of success from the treatments, then doing them just to prolong my life wouldn't have been worth it.

I know that this isn't what you want to hear, but from someone who has been through hell in chemo treatment, I know how painful it is. You are probably about the age of my kids, and I know that I'm glad I'm here for them, and that they want me here indefinitely. However, my family understands that if/when the cancer comes back, and is likely untreatable, my choice is to be made comfortable.

Is your mother able to express preferences? Do you know if she wants every effort made to survive? Don't answer for her, her choices may not be the same as yours. I know that I thought I'd want every effort made to keep me alive; I no longer feel that way.

You're in a very difficult situation - please discuss thoroughly with your family and your mom's drs the options and decisions made. Please don't hang on to her because you're afraid to let go, but support her in her life.

Wishing you strength,

abrub said:

I have had Avastin
Avastin stops the blood supply to the tumors, and can be very helpful. Side effects are minimal.

I'm glad that the drs feel that there is hope and benefit to treatments, and also that your mother is going into this with an open mind. Treatment is aggressive, and is unpleasant (to say the least). However, your mother's faith will help her through.

I wish her a wonderful outcome, and I send you big hugs. I know how hard it is to watch your mother go through all of this, and as a mother, I appreciate what I and my decisions have meant to my children.

Hug yourself. Hug your father. Hug your mother. And continue with your head held high.

abrub said:

A different cancer, but equally rare
I had Appendix Cancer (Stage 4) - also extremely rare (maybe 300 cases in the US/year).

I am done with my chemo and treatments at this point. I was scheduled for 12 Avastin/Folfox treatments, but got through only 7 - my side effects from the Folfox were unbearable, and they didn't feel that Avastin alone was worthwhile in my case. Appendix cancer tumors don't have much of a direct oxygen supply. The rule of thumb was to give the chemo for stage 4 colon cancer, since appendix cancer, while very different, falls under the colo-rectal umbrella.

You are a wonderful daughter. This is a heavy burden, and not easy to deal with. Continue to be supportive of your mother, just remembering that she wants to make the decisions that are the best for everyone.

Sending you a big hug,

Alice

abrub said:

I am doing very well
Dear Liz,

Thank you for your concern. I am very fortunate in that the drs think I may be done with my cancer, even tho I couldn't finish treatments. I feel good, and have been living a more "normal" life again, tho I just had surgery for some post-op repairs, and a chance for my dr to look around, and reassure me that he sees no more cancer.

I am proud of my children, and they are proud of me. They understand a bit of what I've been through.

Continue to take care of yourself - it's the best thing you can do for your mother. It shows her that she has done a good job raising you to be a fine adult. Knowing our children can be independent is a great joy to mothers - we know we've done something very right!

And I'll keep you posted on how I'm doing. I've reached the point of annual scans.

All the best,
Alice