Advice....
Comments
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your dad
hugs to you all! I just recently began going to see a counselor who specializes in cancer survivors; it is helping me tremendously! This journey just really sucks sometimes and can do a number on the mind! Some here have gone the meds route, and I certainly haven't ruled that out, just prefer to try talking it out first. I've had success with counseling in the past and expect to have good success now as well. No matter how much you guys love your father and want him to get better, this is probably something he needs to do for himself. My daughter, God bless her, did the research for me and found my doctor by checking online and following up with phone calls. Once she narrowed down her search, she called me, gave me his number and name and asked me to call. I was really touched that she noticed I needed help and found it for me. However, I had to be the one to make the appointment and I have to be the one to show up at the appointments and to want to get better! It certainly sounds to me like your father needs some help, so keep at him! Things will get better, and if you don't mind I will pray for him and for you.
mary0 -
Thanks... It is just hardmsccolon said:your dad
hugs to you all! I just recently began going to see a counselor who specializes in cancer survivors; it is helping me tremendously! This journey just really sucks sometimes and can do a number on the mind! Some here have gone the meds route, and I certainly haven't ruled that out, just prefer to try talking it out first. I've had success with counseling in the past and expect to have good success now as well. No matter how much you guys love your father and want him to get better, this is probably something he needs to do for himself. My daughter, God bless her, did the research for me and found my doctor by checking online and following up with phone calls. Once she narrowed down her search, she called me, gave me his number and name and asked me to call. I was really touched that she noticed I needed help and found it for me. However, I had to be the one to make the appointment and I have to be the one to show up at the appointments and to want to get better! It certainly sounds to me like your father needs some help, so keep at him! Things will get better, and if you don't mind I will pray for him and for you.
mary
Thanks... It is just hard for my mom and I to see him like this... I want him to get up and going and beat this beast!!!0 -
Well
Well your father could have depression,fatuige,or both.It has been 2 years since my surgery,and I still get so tired sometimes that I just sit and don't want to get up.I take 4 iron pills a day,that helps.I take medication for the depression,that also helps.I hope this helps.0 -
An opinion?
I'll make it real quick, so you can call it a "second" opinion.
Re:
"He doesn't talk with us as much, very quiet... I just want him to
be back somewhat normal.. Try to do some stuff, just to get some
activity in.. If he is depressed, maybe talk to someone or
meds??? I worry about him and then my mom, she has a lot on her
plate.. Her mom broke her hip last week so she is taking care of
her, my dad and my kids stay with her while I work.. I have asked
if I should find someone else to keep the kids and she said no.."
I read that over about four times, and I can't speak for him.....
But I can tell you that for myself, knowing I have cancer, and knowing
that I may die sooner than I ever imagined, I can feel depressed when
those around me take my existence for granted. But I can feel depressed
when those around me treat me like I'm going to die, as well.
Medicine to thwart depression may work for some, but if I'm
depressed, it's usually for a good reason. Those anti-depressants
are fine for unexplained depression, but if what you're depressed
about is real, and is something that would depress anyone, why
disguise it? Why take a drug that puts you into La-La Land?
And counseling is fine for many, but if the counselor doesn't have
cancer, they won't know what it feels like to be faced with their
own death.
Impending doom can really be a drag. And watching loved ones
go on with their life; acting as if someone else's problems are
more important....... watching them care for someone else, or
someone else's family or kids..... or housework... or shopping...
when you feel like your next doctor's visit is going to be to
let you know that you have a week left to live....
Well, yes. I sit alone at times. And there are time I prefer not
to talk to anyone. There are times I would rather sleep, or just
stare out the window... and not be bothered with anyone, regardless
how much they truly want to help.
Because regardless of how much they care, they do not know
what it's like to have a terminal disease.
They simply cannot comprehend what it feels like to know that
death is around the corner.
Nagging makes things worse, and so does the suggestion that
some "happy pills" will make one feel better.
I don't know for sure about your Pop, but I know what it
feels like to be in his shoes.
And all I need, is caring and attention, and affection. The rest
usually falls into place eventually.
Take care, and let Pop read a printed copy of the forum....
He's not alone; he's not the only one that feels the way he does.
John0 -
Do something completely out of text for you in front of himJohn23 said:An opinion?
I'll make it real quick, so you can call it a "second" opinion.
Re:
"He doesn't talk with us as much, very quiet... I just want him to
be back somewhat normal.. Try to do some stuff, just to get some
activity in.. If he is depressed, maybe talk to someone or
meds??? I worry about him and then my mom, she has a lot on her
plate.. Her mom broke her hip last week so she is taking care of
her, my dad and my kids stay with her while I work.. I have asked
if I should find someone else to keep the kids and she said no.."
I read that over about four times, and I can't speak for him.....
But I can tell you that for myself, knowing I have cancer, and knowing
that I may die sooner than I ever imagined, I can feel depressed when
those around me take my existence for granted. But I can feel depressed
when those around me treat me like I'm going to die, as well.
Medicine to thwart depression may work for some, but if I'm
depressed, it's usually for a good reason. Those anti-depressants
are fine for unexplained depression, but if what you're depressed
about is real, and is something that would depress anyone, why
disguise it? Why take a drug that puts you into La-La Land?
And counseling is fine for many, but if the counselor doesn't have
cancer, they won't know what it feels like to be faced with their
own death.
Impending doom can really be a drag. And watching loved ones
go on with their life; acting as if someone else's problems are
more important....... watching them care for someone else, or
someone else's family or kids..... or housework... or shopping...
when you feel like your next doctor's visit is going to be to
let you know that you have a week left to live....
Well, yes. I sit alone at times. And there are time I prefer not
to talk to anyone. There are times I would rather sleep, or just
stare out the window... and not be bothered with anyone, regardless
how much they truly want to help.
Because regardless of how much they care, they do not know
what it's like to have a terminal disease.
They simply cannot comprehend what it feels like to know that
death is around the corner.
Nagging makes things worse, and so does the suggestion that
some "happy pills" will make one feel better.
I don't know for sure about your Pop, but I know what it
feels like to be in his shoes.
And all I need, is caring and attention, and affection. The rest
usually falls into place eventually.
Take care, and let Pop read a printed copy of the forum....
He's not alone; he's not the only one that feels the way he does.
John
Like fart...It may get him to smile one time and if he does then you have created an opening in him which to work with...it may sound a little rude or absurd, but no one I mean no one can ignore a fart....and if by chance you get a smile then embellish it. tell him until he starts living again you will do it every time you walk into the room...trust me, it will work....you have to as John says treat him like he has always been treated. If you enable him by babying him then he will not try to come out of his funk.....try the fart, you may be delightfully surprised by what it will accomplish....and if its to no avail, at least you'll feel better..........Love and Hope, Buzz0 -
Now I know why they call you BUZZBuzzard said:Do something completely out of text for you in front of him
Like fart...It may get him to smile one time and if he does then you have created an opening in him which to work with...it may sound a little rude or absurd, but no one I mean no one can ignore a fart....and if by chance you get a smile then embellish it. tell him until he starts living again you will do it every time you walk into the room...trust me, it will work....you have to as John says treat him like he has always been treated. If you enable him by babying him then he will not try to come out of his funk.....try the fart, you may be delightfully surprised by what it will accomplish....and if its to no avail, at least you'll feel better..........Love and Hope, Buzz
You're a gas, man.0 -
Have him Read "Tuesdays with Morrie" by Mitch Albom
"The truth is, once you learn how to die, you learn how to live."
It's a great quote (my opinion) for the book. The man (a college professor) in this true story is dying of Lou Gehrig's Disease. He talks about all sorts of things with one of his former students. I just find that coming to terms with death, which by the way we all will do regardless of cancer or ALS or whatever, has helped me to enjoy my time here a hell of a lot more than it could be without addressing the possibility of dying from cancer.
That being said, he certainly sounds depressed to me which is a very normal thing for people with cancer to experience. Not everyone goes through it, but very many do. It can be good to talk with someone who has dealt with people who have had to face some sort of illness but I do not feel it is required. You can learn a lot about yourself and what's bugging you by just talking with someone who is a good therapist. The meds may or may not help, I see that as being secondary. The primary thing (again, my opinion) is that he does not want to do anything and that is not helping him get out of his funk. Will he ever be "normal"? Normals change with cancer I've found. You feel normal one day then something happens of you have an operation and all of a sudden you have a new normal.
Your Mom certainly has a lot on her plate too. I would encourage her to speak with someone too.
I wish you the best0
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