Feeling down

tmc576
tmc576 Member Posts: 60 Member
edited March 2014 in Caregivers #1
I wonder why am feeling so down, even though my mom is doing really well now, both physically and mentally.

Just wanted to touch base with other caregivers. I am thinking of all of you.

Tracey

Comments

  • ruthelizabeth
    ruthelizabeth Member Posts: 138
    #2
    Might just be...
    You could just be having a physical and emotional reaction. When things aren't going well, you were braced for it and you needed to put on a positive attitude for your mom. There were a lot of things to think about and deal with. Now that things are better, all the submerged emotions are crowding back into your mind and you're also probably still very tired.
  • onhold
    onhold Member Posts: 23
    #3
    feeling down also
    I think it is a normal reaction. I was already a somewhat depressed person before all this. Some days anything will set me off to tears, even on better days for my husband. He is not suffering severe chemo, so by a lot of standards he is doing well. But the long term prognosis is unknown, so I know that there will always be an edge to my emotions.

    Do you have a local cancer support group in your area? I recently went to a meeting where the folks were just so supportive and could understand all we had been going through, and many folks did say "If only I had started coming here at the start!". It might be a good outlet for your emotions.

    Hang in there, try to take care of yourself, and try stay away from negative influences (sad or angry movies, aquaintances who complain, things that upset you). And tell the people in your life that you love them!
  • grandmafay
    grandmafay Member Posts: 1,633 Member
    #4
    Ups and Downs
    Expect the ups and downs, and they don't always mirror the ups and downs of the care receivers illness. Your life has changed. You may be mourning the life you had without your mom's illness. Cancer changes our lives. It makes us more aware of the mortality of our loved ones and ourselves. Just don't let the downs take over your life. Fay
  • Barbara53
    Barbara53 Member Posts: 652
    #5
    my theory
    I have thought there was something evil and wrong with me for feeling so great when my patient is down, and downright irritable when she's up. But I think it's mostly the changing. We just get used to things one way, in which we are soooo important, and then we're not needed, just like that. I've also wondered if I keep a lot of feelings "stuffed" when she's down, and they come bubbling out when she's up. You know, things like wanting your life back, wishing you could make plans for the coming months, and wondering where last month went.
  • caribou
    caribou Member Posts: 6 Member
    #6
    Me, too
    Sorry you're feeling down. Hugs, and here's hoping the feeling passes soon.

    -NG
  • Lisa13Q
    Lisa13Q Member Posts: 677
    #7
    caribou said:

    Me, too
    Sorry you're feeling down. Hugs, and here's hoping the feeling passes soon.

    -NG

    Me too
    I have to say I have been in an absolutely foul mood lately. I got C-Diff which is an awful bacteria that one picks up in hospitals. Since I lived in the hospital with my mother for awhile, I am guessing that's where I got it...another side effect of cancer. I won't tell you the cure. That has also zapped my energy. Then my mother got the results of her PET scan after going through absolutely horrible chemo and of course it's back...the oncologist is so calm and it irritates me...she should be running around and trying to "do something" for my mother.....right....my mother has advanced ovarian cancer....there are two women on the OVCA board who are doing very badly...that bums me out....generally I am in a rotten mood...yet my mother is very optimistic and positive, doesn't want help right now and I am just plain irritable. I hate it....the whole purpose of the past year for me was to help "cure" my mother.....that's not going to happen...I also feel like I am more ready for her to "move on" and I won't be completely lost and then I feel guilty about that....I lost my new watch which I paid a boatload for (it was my 50th b-day present to myself) and I can't seem to let go of that. basically I just feel "completely out of sorts".......I have no idea whether I am coming or going....Boy can I step up to the plate under pressure, but ..... man....I am struggling these days.......I FEEL LOST LOST LOST>>>>....and angry angry angry...I got mad at the dentist office today and someone else...I'm sick of sucking up...blah blah blah....my husband of course isn't sympathetic enough either...AAAAGHHHHHHHH....I think I'm struggling......thanks for listening to my pitiful self....will i get back to normal? I hate being this way....
  • onhold
    onhold Member Posts: 23
    #8
    Lisa13Q said:

    Me too
    I have to say I have been in an absolutely foul mood lately. I got C-Diff which is an awful bacteria that one picks up in hospitals. Since I lived in the hospital with my mother for awhile, I am guessing that's where I got it...another side effect of cancer. I won't tell you the cure. That has also zapped my energy. Then my mother got the results of her PET scan after going through absolutely horrible chemo and of course it's back...the oncologist is so calm and it irritates me...she should be running around and trying to "do something" for my mother.....right....my mother has advanced ovarian cancer....there are two women on the OVCA board who are doing very badly...that bums me out....generally I am in a rotten mood...yet my mother is very optimistic and positive, doesn't want help right now and I am just plain irritable. I hate it....the whole purpose of the past year for me was to help "cure" my mother.....that's not going to happen...I also feel like I am more ready for her to "move on" and I won't be completely lost and then I feel guilty about that....I lost my new watch which I paid a boatload for (it was my 50th b-day present to myself) and I can't seem to let go of that. basically I just feel "completely out of sorts".......I have no idea whether I am coming or going....Boy can I step up to the plate under pressure, but ..... man....I am struggling these days.......I FEEL LOST LOST LOST>>>>....and angry angry angry...I got mad at the dentist office today and someone else...I'm sick of sucking up...blah blah blah....my husband of course isn't sympathetic enough either...AAAAGHHHHHHHH....I think I'm struggling......thanks for listening to my pitiful self....will i get back to normal? I hate being this way....

    mad mad world
    Lisa,

    I can't say I am in a bad mood & angry all the time, but sometimes when I do act out it surprises me. And I recognize my reaction is unrelated to the situation, but it is too late, the words were out of my mounth already.

    And I can relate about thinking "enough already, just give up" then feeling guilty. It seems like all the energy and expense and everything else goes into "curing" the patient. Then I watch my patient doing something I feel is counterproductive and think "why do we bother with all the rest if you are going to do this?". Followed closely by "If you only have so much time left I guess you should do what you want". I just know when this round of chemo is over there will be another tumor will pop up like it did last time. And then what?

    I also know what you mean about being there for the big stuff then not being able to think about the small stuff. I guess one of the things that upsets me is the breadth of the unknowns and the fiscal uncertainty. I just can't plan to do anything for myself, so am planning nothing. Comments from friends about what I am planning for vacation, when are we going to finish that big project, etc, when I can't think of spending money or time on anything but cancer care. And I loose patience with the repeated questions. I have missed so much work that of course there is no money for vacation or projects. And I don't want the pressure of having to make a non-cancer related decision, it is just one thing too many to think about. Even getting out of the house & going to the store is difficult.

    I hope you find your watch, and I hope that time helps with the feelings. I can't answer your questions about getting back to normal, but maybe it helps to know that you are not alone.
  • jk3271
    jk3271 Member Posts: 8
    #9
    onhold said:

    mad mad world
    Lisa,

    I can't say I am in a bad mood & angry all the time, but sometimes when I do act out it surprises me. And I recognize my reaction is unrelated to the situation, but it is too late, the words were out of my mounth already.

    And I can relate about thinking "enough already, just give up" then feeling guilty. It seems like all the energy and expense and everything else goes into "curing" the patient. Then I watch my patient doing something I feel is counterproductive and think "why do we bother with all the rest if you are going to do this?". Followed closely by "If you only have so much time left I guess you should do what you want". I just know when this round of chemo is over there will be another tumor will pop up like it did last time. And then what?

    I also know what you mean about being there for the big stuff then not being able to think about the small stuff. I guess one of the things that upsets me is the breadth of the unknowns and the fiscal uncertainty. I just can't plan to do anything for myself, so am planning nothing. Comments from friends about what I am planning for vacation, when are we going to finish that big project, etc, when I can't think of spending money or time on anything but cancer care. And I loose patience with the repeated questions. I have missed so much work that of course there is no money for vacation or projects. And I don't want the pressure of having to make a non-cancer related decision, it is just one thing too many to think about. Even getting out of the house & going to the store is difficult.

    I hope you find your watch, and I hope that time helps with the feelings. I can't answer your questions about getting back to normal, but maybe it helps to know that you are not alone.

    I feel exactly the same way....
    Tracey.

    I could not have said it better....

    My mom is about to begin her 4th round of chemo for invasive breast cancer. She is responding to treatment really well..she is working, continuing her social engagements and just has a few days after a treatment where she feels out of it. It's been a very emotional journey for our whole family, but I think as a daughter, there is a different feeling when you watch your mom go through something like this. It's tough to see them sickly, vulnerable, tired, emotional, especially if they are used to being the backbone of the family, like my mom. I am trying to focus on all the happiness I have in my life- great husband, job, friends, it's summertime, etc. and put up a good front., but inside I am so emotionally exhausted and effected by what is going on with my mom. Just last night, she went to the ER with some complications (she's fine) and I've spent the whole day crying. I keep wondering when it will get easier?????

    All of you & your families are in my thoughts and prayers

    xoxoxo,
    JK
  • eward
    eward Member Posts: 210
    #10
    jk3271 said:

    I feel exactly the same way....
    Tracey.

    I could not have said it better....

    My mom is about to begin her 4th round of chemo for invasive breast cancer. She is responding to treatment really well..she is working, continuing her social engagements and just has a few days after a treatment where she feels out of it. It's been a very emotional journey for our whole family, but I think as a daughter, there is a different feeling when you watch your mom go through something like this. It's tough to see them sickly, vulnerable, tired, emotional, especially if they are used to being the backbone of the family, like my mom. I am trying to focus on all the happiness I have in my life- great husband, job, friends, it's summertime, etc. and put up a good front., but inside I am so emotionally exhausted and effected by what is going on with my mom. Just last night, she went to the ER with some complications (she's fine) and I've spent the whole day crying. I keep wondering when it will get easier?????

    All of you & your families are in my thoughts and prayers

    xoxoxo,
    JK

    ditto
    Ditto. Emotional exhaustion despite all of the other good things in life. It is so difficult to be the daughter of a mom with advanced cancer. Sad, sad, sad.

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