My mom was just diagnosed. Should I move in to help her?

I think it would depend on
I think it would depend on your relationship with each other. I agree you should talk to her. Think of the worse thing that could happen and decide if you could live with that. Make a list of pros and cons. Then talk to your mom about it.

I can only speak for myself
I can only speak for myself but as long as Hubby is deployed and it's do-able, I'd be with my Mom.
When Mom was towards the end - she was anerotic - no cancer (but had been for so many years before Dr's even had a clue that basically nothing worked in her body) the boys (27 adn 16 months when we lost her) went down home a lot. Hubby was stationed 300 miles from 'home' so it was just a 6 hr drive so at least once a month and anytime he deployed home, I went home with the boys and the all the pets. Yes the boys did tire her some but they also gave her so much. Me/Us being there also gave Daddy some relief from handling everything.

Now for how I would have felt - Taxol was hard on me last winter (also have SAD problems) - I would loved to been able to have had G-daughter around all the time. While I'm sure that she would have tired me out some - the joy that she brings would have given me SOOO MUCH more.

I guess I'd say - IF you could go (drive/fly) down to visit your Mom - you and just you for a few days/weekend and talk to her personally and see 'where she is', what she feels she needs, talk to her Dr's/friend's/clergy/etc. Listen to her and observe her reaction to what you are saying. Don't look for what you want to see but what she feels/wants.

She may want you guys there but not want to say COME - Mothers can do that - because she doesn't want to 'inconvience' (for lack of a better word) YOU! She may want no one there - don't that that as a downer IF she does especially if she's been 'on her own' for a long time- we are all so different. Listen to waht she says AND observe her reactions (they tell so much) and go from there.

Thoughts and prayers are with you!

Susan

I'm sorry to hear about your Mom
Personally, I think that would be a great idea. Maybe set it up when she needs to rest, she can just go to her room and close the door. But for the most part, having the help is most welcomed.

Depeneding on your relationship with your Mom (and it sounds close), this experience together will bond your relationship deeper. I know for me, my sister was my care "helper" and it brought us so much closer.

I pray whatever decision you make benefits you both.

Blessings,
Sylvia

Hi Buckye
Yes first ask your mom what she would like the most, I know if it were me and my mom I would be right there taking care of my mom. Speaking as the breast cancer patient now I would definitely want my daughter near me, kids, dog and all!!!

You are a good daughter to even consider doing this, God Bless you, Love Ronda

2Floridiansisters said:

Hi Buckye
Yes first ask your mom what she would like the most, I know if it were me and my mom I would be right there taking care of my mom. Speaking as the breast cancer patient now I would definitely want my daughter near me, kids, dog and all!!!

You are a good daughter to even consider doing this, God Bless you, Love Ronda

I only echo what the others
I only echo what the others say. Have a heart to heart talk with your Mom and ask her what SHE wants and what she would be comfortable with also.

I would want to be with my Mom too, but, only if she wanted me there. If she didn't want me there full time, I would do whatever else I could to help her. Cook meals, do her laundry, take her to the doctor, talk and laugh with her, go to lunch, just whatever makes her feel good and happy.

You are a great daughter and everything will work out!


Sue

MyTurnNow said:

Buckye, what a lovely and
Buckye, what a lovely and caring daughter. I have to agree with the other replies and that would be to let your mom make the decision. I see that you wrote "she likes the idea" but is not sure how she will react to treatments. We all react differently to chemo and radiation but I think I can say with certainty that it is no where near as bad as it was years ago. Nowadays, there are several pre-meds given to alleviate the nausea, etc. If nothing else, perhaps you can be with her at the beginning when all the unknown and fear is present. It really does take more than one person to go to the appointments to take notes and have the information to make that final decision on treatments. Plus, the distraction of a beautiful granddaughter would be a good thing!! Let us know what you both decide and we'll be here to support and encourage. Take care.

I agree with everyone else
I agree with everyone else here. Talk to her and see what she would like. I am sure she will need and want some help, just maybe not all of the time.


Good luck!

Buckye said:

Thank you so much for the
Thank you so much for the comments everyone. After talking more with my mom and thinking about it more, I'm not sure why I hesitated. We're very close, and she came to live with me for 5 months the last time my husband was deployed and my baby was a newborn. I agree that although my little girl might be loud and rambunctious, she will probably be a welcome distraction. My mom can shut the door when she gets tired of us, or we can pack up and stay with other family when we need to. When I think about it, we're pretty fortunate that this is the time my husband will be deployed, or else I would have to feel torn between both of them.

There are silver linnings to even the darkest clouds
I hope this makes sense to those who haven't dealt with deployments (even those who have), but they can sometimes be at the right 'time'. His second cruise, I was pregnant and wound up having a lot of problems with pre-eclampsia and stomach bleeding. I could have gone home to Mom and Daddy but it turned out that squadron had 2 too many PRs (Air Crew Survival Equiptmentman aka Parachute Rigger) and had to leave 2 back at AIMD and he was 1 of them. A few months before I loost Daddy, he was able to go on the Tiger Cruise with Hubby (sons were too young) and it was a great time for them. Daddy was USA and USAF and this was the first time he'd been on a UNS boat since the start of WWII. His last cruise (Desert Storm), the boys had been very sick from Measles while he was gone and shortly after they were healthy again they were able to fly to Hawaii and make that Tiger Cruise back with him.

Sorry for getting so far off track - sometimes there are silver linnings to deployments IF we look for them.

Prayers

Susan

roseann4 said:

I think a busy house with a child would be great medicine!
I agree with the others that you should speak with your Mom, but if she says no it may be because she doesn't want to put you through it. When I went through my treatment I had good and bad days but I was always happy when my husband came home at the end of the day. I know many go through this alone but usually not by choice. You sound like a wonderful daughter.

Roseann

I'm so glad that you've
I'm so glad that you've talked to your mom and decided that it's the right thing to do. I think that it will be great for her to have you and your daughter with her, and it will give her two very good reasons to fight this battle. Since you asked the question, I'm sure that you will be extra-sensitive about when she needs a break and some alone time. I wish all three of you well, and I pray for safety for your husband.

Joyce