i'm scared

GrandmaBubbles
GrandmaBubbles Member Posts: 1
edited March 2014 in Colorectal Cancer #1
i have had colon cancer was fortunate that i only had to have 1/3 of my colon removed and no colostomy bag. it has been 3 years since that and thus far tests have a come back negative .. also back 7 years ago had to have a complete hystorectomy due to cervical cancer and have done well on check ups there.. but for the past 3 months... i have had that total zonked out feeling that i have gotten each time there was cancer... that impeding doom feeling.. there are times that i am so tired i can hardly get up..i make my self get up and go..go to work do all the things that i am suppose to do.. but i feel like a zombie. and this time for the first time i am afraid to go and get checked.. i dont know if i am just depressed...why should i be i have survived the past.. i have been sick more... vomiting etc.. i just am too afraid this time to go back to the doctor...
can anyone tell me if they have gone thru this.(which i am sure it has).. i am not that unique of a person to be the only one... but tell me how you finally made the decision to do something.. i dont know.. i just feel..down...and tired of all of this...know that it is selfish of me to be this way because I have family...and i know that they are looking at me as seeing somethings wrong..but i havent expressed anything and am trying to hide symptoms from them... saying its just a lot more to do at work is why im tired etc etc etc..
just would like some kind of input.. not feeling sorry for myself...just not understanding me if that makes sense..
Nan

Comments

  • Sonia32
    Sonia32 Member Posts: 1,071 Member
    #2
    Nan
    Firstly welcome to the board, you are among a great bunch of people, who are like a second family to me. It's understandable you are scared you have gone through a lot. But if you don't go to the doctors and your symptoms get worser what then? You owe it to yourself and your family to get yourself checked out asap.
    Hugs
    Sonia
  • geotina
    geotina Member Posts: 2,111 Member
    #3
    Nan
    First, Welcome to the Board. Please feel free to post anything. I am a caregiver, hubby the patient.

    You know, what you are feeling could be lots of different things, not only cancer. Instead of wasting time worrying, go to the doctor. Sometimes our plates just get too full with home, family and job and you just get tired, real tired, and just need some rest and relaxation and help. If it is anything, going to the doctor sooner than later can nip it in the bud.

    Take care and go get checked out - Tina
  • msccolon
    msccolon Member Posts: 1,917 Member
    #4
    welcome!
    I have to use my example as something NOT to follow! :) I was originally diagnosed in August of 2004, have had a few recurrences over the last almost 6 years. Recently I have been having issues with my bowels but I had been ignoring them, afraid that my cancer had returned in my rectum and this time it was going to mean a colostomy ( I also have managed to avoid an ostomy with all the surgeries/procedures I have had!). Well, it has finally gotten to the point where I couldn't ignore it so I finally told my doc and got scanned. No activity down there. The consensus is it's fallout from prior surgeries and infections from the HIPEC I had done a year ago; huge amounts of scar tissue. No procedures necessary, just some management that I will have to get used to. What a huge relief, and I probably wouldn't be looking at so much "recovery" if I hadn't been so scared and tried to hide my symptoms from everyone. Not only this, but I have totally been trying to ignore and "get over" the major trauma I experienced during the past year, having had a very rough recovery from my cytorective surgery with HIPEC. I wound up in and out of the hospital for roughly 2 months with lots of infection and the wound wound (hehe, us silly americans) up opening up down to the intestinal brain. It wasn't a pretty sight and I can almost still smell the odor; it was horrible. Anyway, ignoring the trauma has not worked and I am now speaking with a counselor to try and work through all this mess. Again, if I had done this sooner, the recovery time would probably be so much less! I tend to be bull headed and it seems this cancer journey hasn't changed that much at all, although that's probably the ONLY thing about me it hasn't changed :). Anyhow, get thee to a doctor and you will probably find out that it's nothing, or at least nothing as major as what you imagine it is! Big hugs and I look forward to seeing your post after your doctor visit.
    mary
  • tootsie1
    tootsie1 Member Posts: 5,044 Member
    #5
    Hi
    Hey, Nan.

    Welcome to the board. I think it's natural to be occasionally depressed or worried after having cancer. None of us comes out of it completely unscathed. I hope you will see the doctor and find that nothing is wrong!

    *hugs*
    Gail
  • Nana b
    Nana b Member Posts: 3,030 Member
    #6
    tootsie1 said:

    Hi
    Hey, Nan.

    Welcome to the board. I think it's natural to be occasionally depressed or worried after having cancer. None of us comes out of it completely unscathed. I hope you will see the doctor and find that nothing is wrong!

    *hugs*
    Gail

    Welcome XXXX
    Waiting and stressing is not good, if there nothing there, there just might be if you don't go in and get it checked. We need to control our stress. Please go to your ONC.....and please come back and let us know how it went.

    Hugs and courage sent your way.

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