a letter never written to be read....

To sweet Sharpy...
I can only imagine how hard this must be for you...maybe this can give you a little peace. My mom survived so she could let other's know what it is like...just know you will always stay in my prayers.

My mom's testimony.

I remember praying the night mom was in the hospital. I had just turned 14 years old (2004). Mom had stage 4 tonsil cancer that had metastasized to her left lymph nodes and reached to her carotid artery. They had given her 22 treatments of radiation and 2 types of chemo...which almost killed her. That night I had seen mom in the most severe pain I have ever seen anyone experience; no meds could touch it. She was burnt from the inside out (esophagus all the way up to her lips were sores) and she was on TPN through a port. She was deaf in one ear and her immune system was completely compromised. They prepared us for the worst. She was only 40 at the time. My dad was in total emotional shock...understandable. But there was something so disturbing about that pain...I could not stand it. I went home and begged God for His help. I just begged for her to have a peace that passes ALL peace...a peace like the sound of angels singing...a peace only HE could give her. I prayed for Jesus to hold her...to take her pain away. That night I gave it to Him. I found this letter from mom to a friend who had just lost someone to cancer. Here is mom's version the story and her miracle:
_____________________________________________________
My dear friend,
I did not know (and still do not know who) that you recently lost someone so dear to you. I needed to send you a special message.

We have known each other for so very long and I believe with all I am that our Father is so faithful he puts people into our lives even if it is momentary to remind us that He is carrying us through our pain. I know death. I was so close to death in May 2004. I will tell you that I had people praying for me I did not know. I was in the hospital and had been septic and in so much pain for 4 days. Now, I want you to read what I am telling you and know for certain of God's comfort for His children at death.

I could not see very well and had lost almost all of my hearing due to an overload of chemo and radiation. Nothing was helping and I was being treated for severe burns. I drifted off and woke up to music in the next room over. I was so surprised to actually hear music playing. It was Christian music and I figured I couldn't place the songs due to the level of drugs being forced into me. Each song was so familiar and beautiful, Brad. It did not stop all night. People came into my room and I didn't even care. I was so comforted by the songs being sung and the music of my neighbor. I couldn't see one person from the other because they had to dress in scrubs anyway. I rested all night into the next day feeling less pain than I had in days. I was so glad that the Dr.'s finally found a combination of meds to help me. When Dani and Van insisted I open my eyes to listen to them, I was a little annoyed because I was resting so well. I had lost my voice due to vocal cord burns, but whispered to each of them that I could hear the beautiful songs. I asked what the names of the songs were beause they were so familiar and I knew they would know them. I could not hear them try to talk to me, but remember wondering why they looked so sad when I was obviously feeling better and more rested. For the next 4 days I rested and listened to the beautiful choir sing and the melodies flowed through the room and quieted my thoughts and pain. Time was not important and I was able to focus on the love of my family without having to struggle with words. I thanked God for my neighbor in the hospital and prayed the person would get better, but also secretly wanted them to stay since I could hear music for the first time in so long.

On the 8th morning, I awoke in tremendous pain with no more music. Doctors were in my room with Dani and Van. Nurses were poking and moving me. I hurt so badly and was upset I couldn't hear. I whispered to Dani and Van who were very very happy (which made me confused)...... did my neighbor leave? I miss the music I told them. I need better pain medicine again I explained tears streaming down my face. They were making arrangements for home health care so I could be transported home. I thought to myself that they were crazy! I was worse!

Brad, I was better.......there was no neighbor. There was no music from another room. I had been barely responsive and my medicine had not been changed or lessened.

I was given the chance to hear just a little of the sweet sounds of Heaven. Death does not hurt Brad. To everyone around me, it looked very painful and upsetting. To me, I felt better than I had in months and rested wonderfully to the songs of angels and saints singing. It was as clear as an ipod with headphones. Beautiful and clear. Comforting and soft. The melodies were as familiar as my husband and child. When God let me stay, the pain of life returned. I am so blessed to be here and felt The Holy Spirit telling me to explain death to you. I listen when Christ moves in me. I owe Him!

You can count on prayers of your friends and the Love of your Holy Father. Death, although it seems bad to those around us, does not hurt.

Love,
Alison
___________________________________________________

I hope to all who get the chance to read this understand: my prayer was answered. The next day after asking for mom to have peace, I walked in the room to her smiling. It was a strange smile and she could only whisper what she was hearing...beautiful music. The angels were singing. My Jesus is the Prince of Peace. Our heavenly Father is with you every second...even on death's door. My mom lived. She survived. I truly believe she was meant to share her miracle and help others who are going through such difficult times. God is with you. As you walk through this valley, do not be afraid. He is with you.

Dani