Lost and Confused

moanamcara
moanamcara Member Posts: 6
edited March 2014 in Ovarian Cancer #1
Where to start. I am still in shock mode, hasn't really sunk in yet. My first oncology appt is July 6th. I went in to change birthcontrol and talk about pain management for my endometriosis and ended up getting surgery. Second one for that disease, as it keeps coming back, spreading, causing adhesions and scar tissue, and masses here and there. They found ovarian cancer. I guess you could say that surgery saved my life. They say it's going to be okay. Im young, and healthy, and they have caught it alot earlier then what they usually do. The silent cancer. No one knows but im scared shitless. I tell everyone its going to be okay, and i tell everyone we just have to stand together and support and love and get through this long hard road together. What do I believe? I feel alone, yet in some kind of club I didnt want to join. I am scared. Scared to have surgery again, scared to go through menopause at 26, scared to lose my womanhood, scared for chemo, scared to lose my hair, scared they might fine more, or it might come back, and that i will have to deal with this for the rest of my life. All of it. Cancer, endometriosis, never having children, never feeling like a whole woman again. I just needed to write, and for someone or no one to listen. If i cry, im afraid i wont stop so i havent. This is all starting to seem to real, i keep expecting to wake up from a bad dream. How can this be. No one ever thinks this can happen to them until it happens to them. Im in a whole new world and i am completely lost.

Comments

  • Tasgirl
    Tasgirl Member Posts: 85
    #2
    I am sooo sorry about your
    I am sooo sorry about your diagnosis. I am fairly new to this board also but I know there are a LOT of women on this board who will be able to give you support.
    My heart goes out to you. Jenny
  • BonnieR
    BonnieR Member Posts: 1,526 Member
    #3
    Hugs from MN
    I am so sorry you have to be a part of this board but soooo sooo glad you found your way here. So many emotions, a kind of roller coaster not one of us wish we had to ride. I know there are other women who are young survivors of this disease, who are dealing or have dealt with each of the issues you face. For me, even though crying feels like it may not stop, it cleanses my soul so the joy of the day can have room to find its way in.

    Yes even amongst all the anguish there is and will continue to be joy in life. Know we are here for you, post as often as you need. You will find lots of support, empathy, encouragement and strength from all the amazing teal warriors that come here. sending many prayers ♥ hugs your way. Bonnie
  • mopar
    mopar Member Posts: 1,972 Member
    #4
    YOU'VE COME TO THE RIGHT PLACE
    I agree - a club no one wants to join. But in time, you're going to find lots of peace, information, inspiration, and shoulders to cry on. And, you'll making many new friends!

    I also suffered from severe endometriosis. At 25 I was scheduled for a partial hysterectomy, but they had to send me home - found out I was pregnant! And I was told I would never have children. I ended up having three beautiful girls. I was so grateful that I was able to have them. So for the next 20+ years I really didn't have any endo problems. But one day, 2 weeks before my annual gyno check-up I felt a lump in my tummy. It turned out to be a uterine fibroid. My doctor said it needed to be removed, but sent me to an oncologist 'just to be sure' it wasn't anything else, as my CA125 was elevated. I had never heard about CA125, and didn't know that endo can cause it to elevate. Well, my surgery ended up being a full hysterectomy, omentum removal, lymph node removal - they disovered ovarian cancer. I am eternally grateful to my doctor to have sent me to someone who would be thorough and not leave anything to chance.

    After surgery, 6 rounds of chemo in 2000, a recurrance in 2006, more surgery and more chemo, I am here to tell you that while it is not an easy journey, you WILL get through it. Lean on your family, your friends, find your strength, your faith, your resolve. We are here to help, every step of the way. There are so many inspiring stories here, so much strength. And yes, you are young and strong. There are many positives here, even in the midst of all the negatives. Don't despair. All of your fears and concerns are legitimate, but in time you will find a way to deal with all of this. Hopefully, you will come here often to let us help.

    Sending prayers, hugs and God's blessings to you.

    Monika
  • beth1465
    beth1465 Member Posts: 63 Member
    #5
    I totally get how you're feeling...
    I was diagnosed last Dec, right before Christmas. Had my big surgery Dec. 21st. When they were preping me for surgery, they kept telling me my pulse was racing. Well DUH!!! I was so scared, but I just thought about Jesus being right there with me, guiding the Drs hands. Don't be afraid of chemo or losing your hair. It's not as bad as you think! I know how it feels to put on a brave face for everyone, but stand in your bathroom and cry your eyes out. Sometimes you just have to do that. If I get through a day without crying it's a victory. It's gonna be ok! Your family, friends and faith will pull you through!
  • leesag
    leesag Member Posts: 621 Member
    #6
    Where to start?
    I understand how you are feeling to some extent. I was diagnosed in January, however, I am 45 not 26. I can't begin to imagine how I would have felt facing this at age 26. You already know that early stages means good things (at least your brain knows it, you're probably still trying to glue your heart back together). It's okay to cry. We've all cried enough tears to fill olympic sized swimming pools. At some point, you'll begin to get sick of the tears and begin to think about the "stuff" that has to be done.

    I can't make the cancer go away, but I can offer you some of the stuff I've learned on my journey with OVCA:

    **FIRST AND FOREMOST: DO NOT READ EVERYTHING ON EVERY BOARD ABOUT OVCA! With an early stage diagnosis, most of it won't apply to you! If you MUST research....research SURVIVORS!

    **www.hystersisters.com is a great resource for women of all ages who are facing a hysterectomy.

    **Ask your doctor about medications to help you through this. Ativan is both anti anxiety and anti nausea, and when I started Celexa, it seemed to help the symptoms of menopause (Hot flashes, mood changes etc). I've hardly noticed that I'm in menopause since my doctor prescribed that.

    **Losing your hair: I was scared too. My husband used to tell me that he fell in love with me when he met me at a party and I kept hiding behind a curtain of long red hair. I decided to take control of when and how, we had a Mohawk for a Minute party. Lots of wine and chocolate, and my best friends shaved and styled my head. I have 2 wigs that I've worn 3 times total. I love soft silky scarves! (www.headcovers.com has extra large scarves.)

    **Chemo: Chemo is different for everyone. Mine was ridiculously easy, yours may be as well. Docs have lots of meds to help with the side effects of chemo. Plan to eat lots of protein and veggies for the next few months, to help your body heal!


    It takes a while to get to a place that feels normal and "sane" for want of a better word. I can tell you that I don't feel like I did before my diagnosis, but I do feel healthy now, both in body and spirit. Contact the social worker at your hospital's cancer center, and see if she can put you in touch with other resources, such as a support group. You can also check out this organization: http://www.cancerhopenetwork.org/

    You are in my thoughts and prayers.

    Hugs,

    Leesa
  • lazurda56
    lazurda56 Member Posts: 3
    #7
    Leesag is saying it
    Leesag is saying it best...good advice. You remind me of all the worries I had when I got diagnosed at 53 Ovarian Caner in an "earlier" stage. Those almost exact same things would run through my mind, and yes once you start crying it's hard to stop. But focus on the good stuff, you caught it early, you are alive. Chemo is not your "grandma's" chemo anymore, truly it's not. Your hair will grow back, I look good bald and so will you.

    Educate yourself, but read Positive things, like survivor stories...concentrate on getting healthy and being disease free. Contact a Social Worker, let whomever wants to reach out, reach out. It helps. Yes it's a club so to speak, but we are all fighters. Your chemo nurses will be angels from heaven...
  • kayandok
    kayandok Member Posts: 1,202 Member
    #8
    Dear moanamcara,
    you have had some incredible women share some very heart felt support and advice, and I just wanted to add my support to you today. I can tell you are still in shock and very afraid. and that is ok.

    Just wanted to say that I had endometriosis for years (the reason I never got pregnant) and they told me it would not lead to cancer. It did though, when I was 51. I am so glad for you that they are catching it early, but so sorry you are only 26!

    Come back anytime and let us know what we can do to support you.

    Praying for you today,
    kathleen



    I
  • msfanciful
    msfanciful Member Posts: 559
    #9
    Hi moanamcara,
    You have
    Hi moanamcara,

    You have found the best board to come to for advice and compassion.

    The majority of us are stage IV ovca survivors although we are still battling this challenge.

    First of all count your blessings sister that you did catch it at an early stage (did they say what stage?) The last thing you don't want to hear is stage IV! Because it usually means you are going to have to fight to survive; with your mind body and spirit.

    It's okay to be afraid.. I'm still afraid everyday (after 3 years).

    I just have to say leesag said it best. Go ahead and cry until you can't cry anymore or until you decide I'm not letting this situation direct my life anymore, but is going to take time for you to get there.

    It is a whole new world, but we want you to know; you will not be alone in it.

    I hope you find strength to get through this.


    Sharon
  • moanamcara
    moanamcara Member Posts: 6
    #10
    msfanciful said:

    Hi moanamcara,
    You have
    Hi moanamcara,

    You have found the best board to come to for advice and compassion.

    The majority of us are stage IV ovca survivors although we are still battling this challenge.

    First of all count your blessings sister that you did catch it at an early stage (did they say what stage?) The last thing you don't want to hear is stage IV! Because it usually means you are going to have to fight to survive; with your mind body and spirit.

    It's okay to be afraid.. I'm still afraid everyday (after 3 years).

    I just have to say leesag said it best. Go ahead and cry until you can't cry anymore or until you decide I'm not letting this situation direct my life anymore, but is going to take time for you to get there.

    It is a whole new world, but we want you to know; you will not be alone in it.

    I hope you find strength to get through this.


    Sharon

    Thanks guys so mmuch for all
    Thanks guys so mmuch for all of your support. I cant wait till tuesday to find out what is going on, i will keep you guys updated and let you know what all happens. Im not sure if everyone can see this post as im not familiar with this site. so hopefully everyone can.

Discussion Boards