The one month date

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  • closs86
    closs86 Member Posts: 85
    #22
    grandmafay said:

    Anger
    I am told that anger is a part of the grief process. Gee, doesn't that make you feel better, not! I haven't had a lot of it, but it does come now and then. I just find that I overreact to a lot of the little things. That's when I hear Doug saying, "let it go dear; just let it go," in my head. That helps me. He rarely got angry. In fact, I used to get mad at him sometimes for not being angry. How stupid was that?!I am still struggling with my single state. I am sure I will for a long time. As I think I have said before, I have the advantage of knowing many widows. It is reassuring to have them tell me that they also went through many of the same things I have. It doesn't make it easier, but it does make me feel a bit normal, whatever that is. Many of them have been widows for many years, some for a short time. They all say that there will continue to be bad days for quite a while.

    I am currently getting ready for a family cruise. All 9 of us, my sons, daughters-in-law, granddaughters and I are going to cruise around the Hawaiian Islands. We are all looking forward to it. I think it will be good. One of the nice things is that everyone in the family is comfortable talking about Doug. We all share our good memories. He would have loved this trip. It makes me sad that he won't be there in person, but I know he will be there in spirit. He really loved his family and adored his granddaughters. For awhile, I will not be alone which will be nice. I am finding ways forward. I have another trip planned in July in our motor home with three friends and our two older granddaughters. I was just elected moderator for our church. Our older son has invited me to join his family next summer for a trip to Europe. I am also.considering some volunteer things. So I am filling up my time. One step at a time, one day at a time, one hour at a time. We can do this, gals. Just hang in there. That's all we can do. Fay

    The trip
    Hi Fay
    I think it is great that you are going on a cruise with your family, that will be helpful I am sure, and he will be with you in spirit, as Johnny is with me all the time. Keeping your mind very busy is so important, and being with your grandchildren is the best, when I am with my grandchildren, I can smile, they are so sweet and innocent. I hope that you have a good time on your cruise, you are pushing forward, and it is good that you have friends who have been through this so that you can ask them about your feelings, I don't have that, I am the only one that has lost her husband out of our friends, so I have to seek out people who have gone through this for support.
    God Bless
    Karen
  • halsons
    halsons Member Posts: 76
    #23
    closs86 said:

    The trip
    Hi Fay
    I think it is great that you are going on a cruise with your family, that will be helpful I am sure, and he will be with you in spirit, as Johnny is with me all the time. Keeping your mind very busy is so important, and being with your grandchildren is the best, when I am with my grandchildren, I can smile, they are so sweet and innocent. I hope that you have a good time on your cruise, you are pushing forward, and it is good that you have friends who have been through this so that you can ask them about your feelings, I don't have that, I am the only one that has lost her husband out of our friends, so I have to seek out people who have gone through this for support.
    God Bless
    Karen

    support group
    Karen I think you said you are going to grief counseling. Is there anyone in there that you could talk with outside the class? I found I clicked with one person in our grief suppport group and we went to lunch today and talked for 4 hours. Man did that help. I didn't have to explain why I was the feeling the way I was because she already knew. We both talked about our husbands and shared things I know I would tell my friends that still have their spouses. It was better than I ever thought and look forward to visiting again with her. I have started to think of things I have wanted to do for a long time and found I have a couple of things I would like to do again like racquet ball. I loved playing this years ago and want to get back into that. I also want to go back to showing dogs more this year so I am trying to work on that also. Like Grandmafaye I think said " one step at a time." Haley
  • halsons
    halsons Member Posts: 76
    #24
    grandmafay said:

    Anger
    I am told that anger is a part of the grief process. Gee, doesn't that make you feel better, not! I haven't had a lot of it, but it does come now and then. I just find that I overreact to a lot of the little things. That's when I hear Doug saying, "let it go dear; just let it go," in my head. That helps me. He rarely got angry. In fact, I used to get mad at him sometimes for not being angry. How stupid was that?!I am still struggling with my single state. I am sure I will for a long time. As I think I have said before, I have the advantage of knowing many widows. It is reassuring to have them tell me that they also went through many of the same things I have. It doesn't make it easier, but it does make me feel a bit normal, whatever that is. Many of them have been widows for many years, some for a short time. They all say that there will continue to be bad days for quite a while.

    I am currently getting ready for a family cruise. All 9 of us, my sons, daughters-in-law, granddaughters and I are going to cruise around the Hawaiian Islands. We are all looking forward to it. I think it will be good. One of the nice things is that everyone in the family is comfortable talking about Doug. We all share our good memories. He would have loved this trip. It makes me sad that he won't be there in person, but I know he will be there in spirit. He really loved his family and adored his granddaughters. For awhile, I will not be alone which will be nice. I am finding ways forward. I have another trip planned in July in our motor home with three friends and our two older granddaughters. I was just elected moderator for our church. Our older son has invited me to join his family next summer for a trip to Europe. I am also.considering some volunteer things. So I am filling up my time. One step at a time, one day at a time, one hour at a time. We can do this, gals. Just hang in there. That's all we can do. Fay

    family cruise
    Faye,
    Family cruise sounds like fun. I think one of these days I will try that but I will have to wait due to work. We took Montanna my 10 year old out of school yesterday and the whole family went to Knottsberry farm for the day. We all I think had a great time but Montanna tired us out. She had a ball and slept the whole way home. It was kind of sad off and on for me because Sonny wasn't with us but we made the best and talked about him the whole day. The kids really miss him and I think talking about him like we did helped everyone!! Not a cruise but the whole day was family day and we did it and even had a good time. I hear you Fay when you said " we can do this." I will hang in there and thanks for the encouragement. Haley
  • closs86
    closs86 Member Posts: 85
    #25
    halsons said:

    family cruise
    Faye,
    Family cruise sounds like fun. I think one of these days I will try that but I will have to wait due to work. We took Montanna my 10 year old out of school yesterday and the whole family went to Knottsberry farm for the day. We all I think had a great time but Montanna tired us out. She had a ball and slept the whole way home. It was kind of sad off and on for me because Sonny wasn't with us but we made the best and talked about him the whole day. The kids really miss him and I think talking about him like we did helped everyone!! Not a cruise but the whole day was family day and we did it and even had a good time. I hear you Fay when you said " we can do this." I will hang in there and thanks for the encouragement. Haley

    family day
    Hi Haley
    I am happy to hear that Montanna had a good time and tuckered you all out, that is a good thing. I was going to grief counseling, but every time I found one there was a reason it wasen't for me. There is one that I will go back to, it is next Thurs. and it is once a month, but there are some people there that I felt a connection with. It is great that you found someone to talk to., I am anticipating Johnny's bithday on Sunday the 13th, and it is making me very anxious, I will be with my family, but I hope that I don't upset my grandchildren, I don't want to do that. I miss him so much today, I know that his birthday coming is making it all worse, I am feeling very bad today, even though I worked today, it didn't help. I pray for peace for all of us.
    God Bless
    Karen
  • halsons
    halsons Member Posts: 76
    #26
    closs86 said:

    family day
    Hi Haley
    I am happy to hear that Montanna had a good time and tuckered you all out, that is a good thing. I was going to grief counseling, but every time I found one there was a reason it wasen't for me. There is one that I will go back to, it is next Thurs. and it is once a month, but there are some people there that I felt a connection with. It is great that you found someone to talk to., I am anticipating Johnny's bithday on Sunday the 13th, and it is making me very anxious, I will be with my family, but I hope that I don't upset my grandchildren, I don't want to do that. I miss him so much today, I know that his birthday coming is making it all worse, I am feeling very bad today, even though I worked today, it didn't help. I pray for peace for all of us.
    God Bless
    Karen

    Birthdays
    Karen, I was in the same boat in March when Sonny's birthday came around. I made up my mind to do something different and I ended up going flying for a couple of hours in the morning. It was great. For that couple of hours I could say I had a great time. I knew that day would be hard so I tried to keep myself busy and it helped. Night time was and is still horrible for me but I keep trying to tell myself Sonny would not want me to be this sad and depressed. This kind of helps get me through another night. Take care. Haley
  • closs86
    closs86 Member Posts: 85
    #27
    halsons said:

    Birthdays
    Karen, I was in the same boat in March when Sonny's birthday came around. I made up my mind to do something different and I ended up going flying for a couple of hours in the morning. It was great. For that couple of hours I could say I had a great time. I knew that day would be hard so I tried to keep myself busy and it helped. Night time was and is still horrible for me but I keep trying to tell myself Sonny would not want me to be this sad and depressed. This kind of helps get me through another night. Take care. Haley

    birthday
    Hi Haley
    thanks for the support, I just want the day to be over, last year we celebrated his 60th birthday and had a great time with family and a special celebration, what a difference this year, unbelieveable,
    Take Care,
    Karen
  • halsons
    halsons Member Posts: 76
    #28
    closs86 said:

    birthday
    Hi Haley
    thanks for the support, I just want the day to be over, last year we celebrated his 60th birthday and had a great time with family and a special celebration, what a difference this year, unbelieveable,
    Take Care,
    Karen

    This day
    Karen I hope you survived this day. I kind of wished this day to be over also. This is today 5 months to the day my husband passed away. Man is doesn't seem possible that it has been that long. It to me seems at times like yesterday. Last year we celebrated my husbands 72 birthday and had a huge party. I am glad we did that because we knew he was going to have surgery and knew it would be hard for him we just didn't know he would be gone so quick. We all are dealing with lots of the same things and just knowing I can read and vent a little helps just a little. Take care and keep your chin up. Haley
  • closs86
    closs86 Member Posts: 85
    #29
    halsons said:

    This day
    Karen I hope you survived this day. I kind of wished this day to be over also. This is today 5 months to the day my husband passed away. Man is doesn't seem possible that it has been that long. It to me seems at times like yesterday. Last year we celebrated my husbands 72 birthday and had a huge party. I am glad we did that because we knew he was going to have surgery and knew it would be hard for him we just didn't know he would be gone so quick. We all are dealing with lots of the same things and just knowing I can read and vent a little helps just a little. Take care and keep your chin up. Haley

    Birthday
    Hi Haley
    Well we did get through today, it certainly wasen't easy, we were all at my son;s house and he made Johnnys favorite dinner, ravioli,stuffed artichokes, and good italian bread, we bought some helium balloons and the kids attached notes to them and we let them go, the kids watched in awe, as the balloons went up to grandpa in heaven, very tough today, then my daughter in law made a cake and the kids sang happy birthday and blew the candles out, very hard, I missed him so much today, my insides feel like a pretzel, I hope I feel better tomorrow, I am also happy last year we had a celebration with the family for Johnny;s 60th birthday, so happy we did that. This road ahead is very scary without them, I hope that we can do it.
    Take care
    Karen
  • grandmafay
    grandmafay Member Posts: 1,633 Member
    #30
    closs86 said:

    Birthday
    Hi Haley
    Well we did get through today, it certainly wasen't easy, we were all at my son;s house and he made Johnnys favorite dinner, ravioli,stuffed artichokes, and good italian bread, we bought some helium balloons and the kids attached notes to them and we let them go, the kids watched in awe, as the balloons went up to grandpa in heaven, very tough today, then my daughter in law made a cake and the kids sang happy birthday and blew the candles out, very hard, I missed him so much today, my insides feel like a pretzel, I hope I feel better tomorrow, I am also happy last year we had a celebration with the family for Johnny;s 60th birthday, so happy we did that. This road ahead is very scary without them, I hope that we can do it.
    Take care
    Karen

    Family
    Isn't time with family great. I am actually, in my stateroom near Kona. We spent the whole day on the beach and everyone is pretty worn out. However, we have dinner at 5:30, and I have no doubt the kids will find their second wind. They have really been enjoying the kid's club. Last night they had cookies with the captain. Hawaii is beautiful. I do miss Doug, but we think and talk about him often. We have gotten some great family pictures, too. I know he would have loved this trip. He and I came to Hawaii for a few days after his third reoccurrence. We actually got three more years after that. Amazing! I am glad to hear that Montana enjoyed her day at Knotts Berry Farm. Take care everyone, Fay
  • closs86
    closs86 Member Posts: 85
    #31
    grandmafay said:

    Family
    Isn't time with family great. I am actually, in my stateroom near Kona. We spent the whole day on the beach and everyone is pretty worn out. However, we have dinner at 5:30, and I have no doubt the kids will find their second wind. They have really been enjoying the kid's club. Last night they had cookies with the captain. Hawaii is beautiful. I do miss Doug, but we think and talk about him often. We have gotten some great family pictures, too. I know he would have loved this trip. He and I came to Hawaii for a few days after his third reoccurrence. We actually got three more years after that. Amazing! I am glad to hear that Montana enjoyed her day at Knotts Berry Farm. Take care everyone, Fay

    vacation
    Hi Fay,
    So glad to hear that you are having a good time with your family in Hawaii, it must be beautiful, the grandkids just make you smile no matter how sad you are. I hope you enjoy the rest of your trip, I am sure Doug is with you every minute.
    Take care and enjoy
    Karen
  • halsons
    halsons Member Posts: 76
    #32
    grandmafay said:

    Family
    Isn't time with family great. I am actually, in my stateroom near Kona. We spent the whole day on the beach and everyone is pretty worn out. However, we have dinner at 5:30, and I have no doubt the kids will find their second wind. They have really been enjoying the kid's club. Last night they had cookies with the captain. Hawaii is beautiful. I do miss Doug, but we think and talk about him often. We have gotten some great family pictures, too. I know he would have loved this trip. He and I came to Hawaii for a few days after his third reoccurrence. We actually got three more years after that. Amazing! I am glad to hear that Montana enjoyed her day at Knotts Berry Farm. Take care everyone, Fay

    Having fun
    Fay,
    Good to hear you are having fun. That is what we all need to do. I know we miss our loves and best friends and will always do that but it is important for us to go on and even have fun at times. I am so glad to hear the family is having a good time. I know for me it is good to think of the good times and hold on to that. Have fun. Haley

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