Cancer or not, post-lumpectomy?

MichPro
MichPro Member Posts: 19
edited March 2014 in Breast Cancer #1
My son, 24, tells me that I DO NOT HAVE cancer because I had a lumpectomy. The chemo, starting tomorrow, is preventative in the the event a tiny tidbit of a cell escaped. Now, his dad, who is fighting Chronic Lymphocytic Leukemia, has cancer. Me, no cancer. I yelled at him yesterday for minimalizing me, like IDC is no big deal and I should just get over it.
Question - if lumpectomy and clear margins, does one consider one cancer free? Pre-chemo/rads?

I'm not looking to be in a competition with my exhusband.

Comments

  • heidijez
    heidijez Member Posts: 441
    #2
    Sheesh!
    My niece, who is my also my goddaughter, does not believe I have cancer even tho I had 18 weeks of chemo, lost all my hair, was scheduled for a mastectomy only to find that the cancer had spread so I had to start chemo again last week.

    I don't expect a pity party, but being told I am lying to my mom about having cancer is more than unacceptable!!
  • TraciInLA
    TraciInLA Member Posts: 1,994 Member
    #3
    "Cancer-free"
    I think our loved ones just really want to believe that the surgeon went in and took all the cancer away, and now we're fine. I had many friends and co-workers who looked at my experience that way, and I just let most of them think whatever made them feel better, because, sadly, many of them seemed more concerned with how *they* felt than how *I* felt.

    For me personally, after my lumpectomies, I couldn't think of myself as being "cancer-free." If that were the case, then why was I putting myself through chemo and radiation? Of course, both chemo and radiation may have been preventive, there may or may not have been any microscopic cancer cells left to kill, but there's no way to know that. Breast cancer doesn't work like that, and most people can't understand that -- or it's too difficult for them to think about.

    I didn't finally start using the word "cancer-free" until after my first post-treatment mammogram, 3 months after finishing treatment.

    Traci
  • Rague
    Rague Member Posts: 3,653 Member
    #4
    Prayers for your Son, Hubby and you!
    Once diagnosed with C one can never be considered "cured". We can 'dance with' (becsuse I'm a horsewoman I prefer to say 'ride') NED (No Evidence of Disease)

    I can't even begin to fathom what you and your family is going through now! Prayers!

    Susan
  • TawnyS
    TawnyS Member Posts: 144 Member
    #5
    I had my bilateral less than
    I had my bilateral less than two weeks after I was dx. Then I had 5 months of preventative chemo. I am now 13 weeks and 5 days (yes I am counting) post chemo. I still say I have cancer. I am getting used to saying I did have cancer, or I was dx or I am a cancer survivor....but it is hard to change gears. I still have the mindset. Just as a funny side note, my girl friends and family still say I have cancer and use MY cancer card whenever possible. So funny! Whether we are shopping and need to the front of the line, or the movies, or getting drinks bought for us on girl's night out. They use it everywhere! It doesn't always work, but we do get a good laugh! I tell them that card is closing in on the expiration date because I am getting my hair back and I now have new boobies. The cancer card is getting harder to sell. :)
  • Kat11
    Kat11 Member Posts: 1,931 Member
    #6
    Michpro
    I wish he was right, that this was not a real cancer. I also have IDC and had a lumpectomy, chemo, rads and Tamoxifen for 5 years. It would be a nice dream. I only feel cancer free,after my every 6 month mammy. When they say all clear, I feel free. Then there is always that one thought, What if it's somewhere else.
  • Eil4186
    Eil4186 Member Posts: 949
    #7
    It's hard when others
    It's hard when others minimize what we have gone through. For me it is a strange emotional state to be. The whole cancer diagnosis and treatment journey was frightening, unpleasant, exhausting, and confusing. One never knows if cancer will come back. No matter how good my diagnosis is, I can never be truly sure that I won't have to wage battle again. And despite how terrible this all was, somehow I can't or don't want to let go of it. I think that when we go through something so horrifying over an extended period of time, it becomes part of our lives. It becomes part of who we are. It gains importance and when others insinuate that it is not and that we should just get over it, it is hurtful.

    Cancer is life changing. Only others who have experienced it can understand where we are coming from. Try and ignore the comments. Your feelings are important. Period. It doesn't matter what others say or think.
  • carkris
    carkris Member Posts: 4,553 Member
    #8
    Kat11 said:

    Michpro
    I wish he was right, that this was not a real cancer. I also have IDC and had a lumpectomy, chemo, rads and Tamoxifen for 5 years. It would be a nice dream. I only feel cancer free,after my every 6 month mammy. When they say all clear, I feel free. Then there is always that one thought, What if it's somewhere else.

    it can become a mind game,
    it can become a mind game, you may very well be totally cancer free there is no way to tell for sure. Someday I hope they figure it out and save people the need for needless treatment. but as for today, medical science has not advanced that far. Its amindset and whatever gets you through. I didnt think I had cancer and I did. I certainly have less than I did before. I just say to myself, "all I know is today I am ok" this works well most of the time. since I have nothing to mammo, when do I consider myself dancing with NED?
    It is frustrating, when people just dont get what we have been through, and are going through. thats why we support each other. Nobody wants to live worrying that the other shoe will drop.and unless you live like that nobody gets it.
    I have started seeing people who do not get how very ill I was. (chemo was bad) Someone made fun of me because I dropped a fork and I didnt want to make a mess so I asked my husband to get it. Like I was treating him like my lackey. They have no idea, how artritic I feel, how my balance is off, and I get lightheaded easily. and frankly cant move that fast. It hurt my feelings, because I am proud and never would ask someone to do something I could do myself. I dont play games.
    On the other hand Tawny I am with you , being so sick, and having a scarf did get to the head of the voting line, (I really couldnt stand that long) and now with my hair growing its not getting me to far. LOL I noticed no matter what, people were still animals in the grocery store. Something about food brings out the worst in people!!!!LOL
  • survivorbc09
    survivorbc09 Member Posts: 4,374 Member
    #9
    Rague said:

    Prayers for your Son, Hubby and you!
    Once diagnosed with C one can never be considered "cured". We can 'dance with' (becsuse I'm a horsewoman I prefer to say 'ride') NED (No Evidence of Disease)

    I can't even begin to fathom what you and your family is going through now! Prayers!

    Susan

    Some oncologist's say we are
    Some oncologist's say we are cancer free, some say we are clean, some just say everything is fine with you now. I am not for sure what is exactly right to say. I think once the surgery is over and your other treatments are done, it is considered cancer free.

    Sending hugs and prayers to your family.
  • dottie68
    dottie68 Member Posts: 31
    #10
    Eil4186 said:

    It's hard when others
    It's hard when others minimize what we have gone through. For me it is a strange emotional state to be. The whole cancer diagnosis and treatment journey was frightening, unpleasant, exhausting, and confusing. One never knows if cancer will come back. No matter how good my diagnosis is, I can never be truly sure that I won't have to wage battle again. And despite how terrible this all was, somehow I can't or don't want to let go of it. I think that when we go through something so horrifying over an extended period of time, it becomes part of our lives. It becomes part of who we are. It gains importance and when others insinuate that it is not and that we should just get over it, it is hurtful.

    Cancer is life changing. Only others who have experienced it can understand where we are coming from. Try and ignore the comments. Your feelings are important. Period. It doesn't matter what others say or think.

    I have some that think I am
    I have some that think I am cancer free, know I am not. Had a lumpectomy and a mastectomy, oncologist put me on femara, because my numbers are so low didn't have to have chemo or rad. He said I had a 2.5% change of getting it in the other breast. Key words numbers are low, and 2.5% chance. I also wish people would not assume.
  • Chrispea
    Chrispea Member Posts: 123 Member
    #11
    I've often asked myself
    I've often asked myself that, since my chemo and mastectomy... is it gone?

    My oncologist said that all the cancer is gone. She's just giving me Xeloda (chemo pill) in case there is a tiny cell wanting to set up shop some where.

    Then after Xeloda, I'll be on Tamofaxin for 5 years. That surprised me seeing that I was a triple negative.

    And I still will need rads...

    Personally, I probably won't feel cancer free until I'm all done with everything and have clear scans.

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